Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

26 responses to “Are You Cut Out to Be Submissive?”

  1. Kat

    Well, i just came across this article..i was curious and read it.. I don’t know what to feel though.. I mean, I am selfish but when my bf gets to the point and makes me realize that my selfishness is not good it just diminishes. And well, i’m not manipulative also,nor bratty. My bf is strict, he’s a control freak. it even suffocates me sometimes but still i stay. Though sometimes i deliberately disobey him,he gets mad but sometimes has the decency to not punish me. Its hard to explain but i do like it when someone is taking control. I feel safe and its comfortable. So does this means i’m or i am cut to be a sibmissive?

  2. Ayalin

    I truly love this opinion. thank you for putting the most precise words out there. you helped me tweak my traits to tailor make to my Master and Im very thankful. the rewards are amazing for giving yourself completely

  3. John

    As a gay man I identify as an exclusive bottom meaning I never top. I understand that being a fucking bottom is completely different to being a personality Sub but I want to make the transition but I’m afraid because I was in a very abusive relationship with a guy for 5 years who was an exclusive Top. He was violent & he would hurt me at times sexually, physically, mentally, & emotionally. I’ve leant a lot of lessons throughout my life but there is one major lesson I need to learn. I want a Dom that will respect me. I’m not talking about monogamy just a Dom that will look after my mind, body & soul. A Dom that will tie me up, fuck me, spank me, & set out a list of duties for me so I can learn PATIENCE. I’m not selfish & I’m not bratty. I just want to be good human being for myself & for others.

  4. Kyle

    I liked how you wrote about “the gift”.
    My Dominance fulfills a need like your submission fulfills, but the goal for each is the giving.
    Well said!


  5. slave princess

    I believe this article could go deeper. Many subs often glorify the act of submission, hence the title of the article – are you ‘cut out’ to be a submissive. Submitting is much easier if its something you truly want, but sometimes identifying the difference between a part of your attraction to this lifestyle – which includes more than just being a kinky bottom – but less than a 100% lifetime commitment- there is a lot in the middle. Quite frankly we never know exactly how we will react in any given situation until we experience it. Extreme situations will bring out the very best and the very worst in all of us. This is what I was looking for. Selfishness is really an underlying trait of fear and lack of confidence. This doesn’t work in ANY relationship. I believe in order to to submit you first need know that it is something you really want, know yourself really well, and understand why. Isn’t having a deep need to please and serve – well, having this ‘personal need’ be in fact selfish? I grew up in an abusive household and after many years of therapy discovered my bad habit of playing the role of victim because it was what I was trained to do, and in fact it absolved me of real responsibility. After discovering Master didn’t want to victimize me I began loosing all interest in submitting, go figure! But this was exactly what was needed. I’ve been terribly bratty and unbearably unsubmissive as a result; yet he patiently waits. Does this mean I am just not ‘cut out’ for it or that I am learning a valuable lesson and have gone yet deeper into who I am – and isn’t that the real journey? I find the harsh reality is most people in life are really trying to find an escape – from themselves, from life, from reality – and in doing so also escape joy and success in any endeavors they may hope to have. Unfortunately BDSM is used as tool for fantasy as opposed to going deeper into who we are. I like to veiw BDSM for pleasure AND as a tool to achieve my goals; BDSM is not the goal itself.

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