Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

8 responses to “10 Red Flags of Bad or Abusive Dominants”

  1. patricialynn

    I would also STRONGLY recommend that any submissive, whether a novice or an experienced sub, read the “Acid Test for Doms”.

    You can either read the entire text of the “Acid Test” here:

    …or you can listen to the sultry-voiced Dollie Llama read the “Acid Test” on the “Submission and Coffee” podcast here:

    I would also recommend that Dominates read/listen to the “Acid Test” as well.


  2. lunaKM

    Thank you for providing the acid test, I had been looking for that when I wrote the article and couldn’t find it. I too recommend everyone read it but as with all content online (including mine), take it with a grain of salt. Nothing we write is a BDSM Bible of should do’s and must notice’s.

  3. pet

    i was in an abusive relationship prior to being with Sir now. he was always telling me, that if i dont do this or that you know whats going to happen. i was beaten badly by a doubled over gun belt. i couldn barely walk afterwards and suffered deep tissue bruises. shortly after that i ended it over the phone by voice mail. there is no excuse for abuse, nor can it be called discipline, as it was called by my abuser. i then met Sir, and a total difference. he is as loving as he is strict. he is so supportive of me. every single day he will call me his beautiful pet. he is building me back up slowly. as he has told me on several occassions, he will never have me do something that i cannot do. i am thankful every day that he found me.

  4. lunaKM

    I’m glad to hear you were able to get out of the bad relationship and into a good one; I’m just sorry to hear you had to go through what you did to get there.

  5. Paige

    I was a sub for a couple and they both lived in another state but not together,I got along great with my Master but his bi D was a different story,we hit it off great before i met Master and we seemed to have a good bdsm relationship.Later on i was to report to mistress what i was wearing,when i left the house,when i got to work etc…She reported to Master for the both of us.We met on three occasions and after that I had to continue to report to her if I forgot to report,She got upset with me.She even wanted for me to send pictures of me using the bathroom!!!I dealt with their endless demands for five months.Everytime i wanted to meet with them she acted like she didnt want to but she wanted to control my life.I really got along with Master,her boyfriend.And I enjoyed pleasing him.But i decided not to stay after being pushed to the side.It was truly a bad experience.I know there are better Master/Mistresses out there.

  6. andrew

    Hi, I just wanted to point out that one of the resources you link to is really very bad. The one entitled “Do You Know The Red Flags by Dangers of Internet Dating”

    If you read it, its self contradictory in places. It seems like the author had a bad relationship and is just venting their anger at their previous s.o. If you read through it from the perspective of the other person, the author actually sounds quite abusive themselves! e.g. “Refuse to follow family or religious customs.” well, that to me sounds like the author may be forcing their religion on the “abusive” partner. “Are scornful of the government or the “system.”", this could apply to any political debate. “Insinuate that whatever you think of feel always “affects them” and therefore you should not make a decision and that it must always be a “joint” decision.” really (BTW, its supposed to apply to vanilla)?
    “Is adamant about talking to you while you are busy – while you are trying to watch television or trying to read.”, perhaps, turn it off and talk to your s.o. “Insist they are trying to keep things together but that you are undermining the relationship.” um, possibly, the author is.

    The article reeks of victim blaming!

    The other articles seem helpful, thanks for posting them.

  7. Helpme

    Please I need help. My Dominant recently ended our relationship after he hacked into my Facebook account and read my personal conversations from before we met without my permission. He went psycho. He posted horrible things about me on Facebook. I reported the comments and his profile. I do not know if Facebook did anything even though I begged them too. I deactivated my Facebook account. He continues to harass me, bully me and stalk me through something called KIK Messanger. I have spoken to the police three times. I do not know what else to do. He has NO RIGHT to be angry with me when I did nothing wrong. Not only that, he is very popular on Facebook. He has almost 5 000 friends who just believe him. No one has asked me for my side of the story. He just says the most awful things to me every single time he messages me. He has demonized me. I did nothing wrong. It breaks my heart. I actually was falling in love with him. How could he do this to me? Was he always on the brink of insanity? Is that why he is acting so insane now. HELP ME!!

  8. joe new

    i have concerns about afriend who is a submissive, i keep being told that i dont understand the dom/sub relationship.Ive noticed that they have completely changed with what they wear what they drink everythung, they recently went on a night out and there dom made them wear something that clearly didnt suit them, there whole personality has changed they dont go out anymore, its broke our friendship because they just cant see what everyone else does. This domis ocd and has a gambling problem, the only time they go out is when he takes here on a so called business trip away from the home. i do understand it to a point the don/sub thing but surely it shouldnt control there whole life? I no for a fact they are restricted to go out as well

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