i have been reading the submissives guide pages and i think of myself as Master's slave, but maybe you could clarify the differences between being a sub, a slave and a bottom. my master has always called me slave, but we aren't in a 24/7 relationship (he has a girlfriend, but doesn't live with either of us) and we don't have any kind of formal contract. Here lately Master has been using the phrase "you are owned". i'm a little confused and even though Master and i have been playing together as M/s for about three years i'm still not quite sure of my role. Thanks for your help. Kinkykitty


Greetings Kinky Kitty,

This is a tough one because when it comes to someone being either a sub or a slave it is very subjective. There are those who go by certain standards of slaves in which they have read in books such as Gorean, and some which is called old school. Some say that a slave is someone who does not have a choice, whereas a submissive does. You can see where this could get sticky. All in all, you are what you choose to be, and however you and your Dominant agree to be in your relationship. Titles can be fancy, but it is the actions and mindset that set the stage.

As far as the use of “you are owned.” Unless it has been negotiated, and not assumed, then you are not owned. I would suggest that you ask to have a long conversation about what exactly your relationship is so that there are no assumptions being made.

As far as a bottom is concerned, a bottom is someone who offers him or herself to be the one the receiving end of the actions or needs of the Top. This can either be in an S&M scene like being flogged, or in service, but such is temporary.

Thank you for the question Kinky Kitty.  Happy Submitting.