The more I research BDSM the more I feel at home in the community – I realize that aspects of myself that I always thought were weird and unacceptable are permissive and actually quite normal here. The more I research the more I realize that I epitomize some of these roles without trying. When I learn new roles I listen, I read, I research, and then I discuss with my Master. I think that I have found my niche, and while new experiences and dynamics may arise in the future, in the last few months I have really accepted who I am: An Alpha BabyGirl.
Obviously, my identity has two parts – which I think are important to share with you because (1) there is very little information on the internet about what an Alpha Sub is and (2)I want you to see those seemingly opposing roles may actually work hand-in-hand and are worth exploring.
When I first heard the term “alpha sub” I spent days trying to research what it was. While there were lots of porn links that appeared on Google, there were few websites that gave me genuine information. Here is my summary of days and days of research:
An Alpha Sub can be one of two things, the most powerful submissive in a poly group (the person who has the most power, responsibility, etc in a polyhierarchy) or a submissive who is very dominant in the realm outside of their relationship.
This is where many BDSM-ers freeze and freak out and become very angry that someone who is a full-time submissive can possibly be dominant in some facets of their life. I have been screamed at by many people when I tried to discuss this in a BDSM Facebook group – I must not be a real submissive they say.
Actually, I am a real submissive. I am a 24/7 submissive, I serve my Master, I follow his rules, I accept punishments (occasionally begrudgingly), but I do all the things that people associate with being a submissive. Now there is no ONE way to be a submissive – my service is not your service. I keep the house clean, the laundry done, I use my ben waa balls daily, and follow all the other components of my contract – this makes me no less Alpha.
I am a dominant person outside of what I do with Master. Though he is always my Master and I always follow his orders and cater to his needs (thus still being submissive to him ALWAYS), I like the feeling of power and control. I am a top student at my university. I always lead group projects in the classroom and at work. I am applying to Ph.D. programs and the only student at my research attempting to obtain an academic publication. I am always a dominant personality in my friend group. I take control in these situations – this makes me no less submissive.
I thrive on power, but I also thrive on submission – I consider it a yin-yang kind of a situation. It balances me to be dominant in so much of my life, and yet completely and irrevocably submissive to my Master and to no one but my Master. This leads into the second half of my identity – BabyGirl. I not only am submissive to my Master but, I am his BabyGirl.
A BabyGirl or Little is someone who acts “childish”, often as a means of relaxation. While often depicted as individuals wearing silly socks, holding stuffed animals, or watching cartoons, littles are not irresponsible. Littles can hold jobs and be parents, but they relax best by partaking in activities typically associated with children. The power exchange between Littles and Dominants (often referred to as Daddys) is often one of extreme protection and care, though they are still a Dominant, not just a caretaker.
I do not refer to my dominant as Daddy – he is my Master and my Chief, but I still identify as a Little. When I become very stressed I love being able to have Little Time where Master takes care of me, where I can be cutesy and use baby talk. Where I can wear silly socks and lay on the floor with the Princess coloring book and crayons Master bought me, to decompress.
After a long day at work, sometimes I don’t want to mix a drink with my friends, I want to be silly and have my Little Time with my Master. He understands this. For me, every night is not Little Night – I do not always need to color or hold a stuffed animal, but when I do, my Master makes sure that we can set aside time for those needs to be met.
In order to make sure that my dominance does not transfer over to Master and to ensure that my needs are met in terms of Little Time, my Master and I need to talk. He needs to tell me when I am being aggressive with him (usually a sign that I am overly stressed and in need of Little Time!) and I need to adjust my tone and attitude. Similarly, sometimes I need to tell Master that I cannot be yelled at that day for whatever reason, so if he could speak softly to me and use his baby voice, that would be best. In communicating, we balance these two distinct pieces of myself.
While you may not feel that YOU are an Alpha BabyGirl, I think that it is important to discuss what your needs are and who you are with your Master. I played these roles in our relationship before I even knew the terminology, but the terminology certainly helped me to explain certain situations to my Master. Do the research, ask questions, and if you cannot find an answer reach out to us – we will do our best to find you and answer!