Dear SehAnru,

i am a novice sub, in fact, i've only been actively interested in BDSM for the last three months. To my utter joy, every step seemed to come to me effortlessly. At first i found great stories about BDSM on literotica, and when i decided i wanted to learn more about real life BDSM i found a lot of great sites, yours among them. Then, when i became curious about what it would be like to have online contact with a Dom, i only had to log in to literotica chat, and was immediately contacted by a Dom who was looking for a sub to train. We agreed to a trail time, for me to find out whether this really is what i want, but he has become my Dom a few days ago, when i asked him to cut the trail short, since i thought i was ready to submit completely to him. Our sessions are wonderfull, i love following his orders, both online and offline, and could not be happier when he praises me for doing something the way he likes it.

i know this all sounds wonderfull, but right now i feel like i'm in over my head, i'm drowning. i'm that kid that got unlimited acces to her favourite candy and is now permanently nauseous, because she ate to much of it.

What i really want to know is, how can i tell my Dom that i am in over my head, that i need to relax and breath, that i need to do some more research, not only about this lifestyle, but also about the consequences this choice will have on my regular life before i can fully submit to him as i do truly want to?


I know exactly what you are feeling and most subs just getting involved go through this. I did. The most important thing to remember is that even though He is your Dom, he is still a person. What I would suggest is take some time and write down what you feel is overwhelming to you. Re-evaluate if this is something that you may be overreacting on or is it something that he is unaware of that he has encouraged you to do since you did tell Him that this is what you wanted.

Then be respectful and ask Him if you can speak freely, and then voice your concerns. It sounds as though there is not an issue with His guidance personally and you need to let Him know that as He will need reassurance too that He didn’t do something wrong to offend or scare you.

Again, the most important thing is not to overreact as that can cause a lot of problems. Then write out a list of things that you want to explore aka your wants and needs. These will change over time, and starting out small is always a good idea. Give this to Him, and renegotiate. I am sure He would rather work with you instead of lose you all together; and He took a chance on you, don’t you think He deserves the chance to make it work too?

I know that things will work out, especially if you slow down and re-evaluate your wants and needs. It’s hard to slow down, but it is worth it in the long run.

Happy Submitting,