This chat was held April 20, 2010.
Alright, so are we all ready to talk about Masochism? Yes yes yes of corse yes course* stupid "U" key is acting a fool Great, so, what was your first exposure to the term masochism? I think I was 13 ok, sephani. What did you learn it was at that age? that it applied to someone who enjoyed pain for pleasure, though not always a sexual pleasure Nice, I didn't have such a good exposure my first time out. It was considered naughty and dirty and not something people did. Like how in the world could someone enjoy pain? I was totally baffled. Master introduced me to everything I know about this lifestyle :) I had a great teacher I knew from a very young age I enjoyed pain, just didn't have a name for it I have always read romance novels and they sometimes mention it and when my mother found out I was reading them she said the same thing as luna , that they where dirty and bad I knew enough to hide it that's for sure, neither of my parents know to this day Did you always know you would be interested in masochism behavior? Or was this a learn as you go? so I guess I always thought it was "wrong" or "not normal" here is what psychology today describes it or defines it..lol. Sexual masochism falls under the psychiatric sexual disorders category of paraphilias, meaning "abnormal or unnatural attraction." Sexual masochism refers to engaging in or frequently fantasizing about being beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer, resulting in sexual satisfaction. Blindfolding, spanking and humiliation in the form of defecation, urination Thanks for the dictionary Justin, we are well familiar with the term. on and on.. Can I ask a question Was aware of the concept since my youth, but it was "strange" and never seemed like something for me ... until relatively recently Sure Soleil25 I had dabbled in pain in terms of BDSM but nothing big, but I want more of what I had and almost would say I crave it , so that OK, or normal in this lifestyle to crave pain yes! most definitely I know I do yes it's okay Ok, because at first the wanting pain and craving harsh stimulus really kind of freaked me out it's like sex, you can crave sex and if pain is connected to your sexual desire you'll crave that as well. you found something you enjoy, its only natural for your body and mind to want more of it Makes sense, I never thought about that, Great , thanks all Just checking and making sure I don't need to get professional help ot anything Trying to keep a safe balence lol no, its perfectly normal heh the only professional help that will help you is at the end of a paddle ;) So, can anyone determine the difference between a pain slut and a masochist? just try to keep tabs on the level of pain you have inflicted, sometimes when you crave yo can go overboard when you finally get some and its been a while That is true, luna, Thanks :) now this, I am very interested in. I have always identified as a pain slut.... Interesting Is it a matter of degrees? what is the difference luna This could be a personal definition but I believe that a pain slut is someone who gets off on the fact that it hurts and a masochist turns the pain into pleasure, so that they don't feel the pain anymore... it's just a good feeling. I agree. I fear the pain and I get off on the fear of the pain...but I love that it hurts. can they be one and the same? Can you be both, depending on what is being hurt, how, and how severely? Well, not in my definition they can't, but again... it's probably a personal decision to define them thusly. Yes you can be both, that I know. But I don't know if you can be both at the same time. I just may not have ever experienced it so I can't alter my definition. no, not at the same time...but definitely at different moments Makes sense, that was my impression its like the difference between "Hurts so good" and "hurt me more" Anyone have any questions they'd like to ask? No need to wait for a lull in conversation (just FYI) sure does sephani from the definitiion , i wouldnt see how..they are two seperate means of pleasure or that the pain slut enjoys pain itself and the masochist turns the pain into pleasure?? yeah, that's what I was getting at Justin Here's a question, subspace: do you think you can reach it easier as a masochist (per my definition) or a pain slut? personally? for me its easier as a pain slut. not transforming it into pleasure makes it more intense, quicker and I slide right into subspace I can't comment on that because I have never been there (subspace), I know the definition but I am still waiting to go - lol I can also take more pain once I'm in subspace Only got there once, but it was definatly as a masochist, per your definition heh, that's alright Soleil25 , we've all been where you are. Thanks, that makes me feel better sometimes I think I am the only one and I will be waiting forever its hard to maintain subspace as a masochist because I have to work to transform the pain to pleasure...kinda ruins it for me having to use any part of my brain seems more automatic for me - no effort or concentration involved Was a masochistic event your first activity into BDSM? no no No It was for me, a solid paddling from a one time partner. no - simple bondage being required to address Him as Master was mine Well, I have to say I was kinky first and then submissive later on so I got off on the physical stuff way ahead of the mental aspects. Yes, that was me as well, Physical first and then mental and submissive later me also How does masochism fit into your life/relationship right now? Is it a frequent thing? Elaborate. I was just framing that questions lol I was going to ask how you deal with a lack of masochistic release when you can't be around your Domly one? Or don't have a Dom that too good questions, both of them!\ I get tattoo's lmao That takes the edge off and I love ink oh don't I wish I could do that Soleil25 lol I love tattoos Visits to Domina are too rare, I have to satisfy urges by my lonesome. I've heard tattoos for that several times. i thought i was alone with that! unfortunately a lack of funds prevents me from using that method I know that people can get their play done at a party, in a local group Yeah, I am up to four now and the effect for me can last for a good month or so and I started when I was 20 and I am now 24 There are always ways to relieve that desire. I'm not allowed to play with others though I am not in the local scene right now, but hope to be in the near future as that is a good idea and didn't think of that it Ah, well.... I think I used to subconciously walk into doorknobs, chair arms, desk corners, etc :P it's been over 2 months now and my skin is starting to ache What about self-inflicted pain play? Anyone spanked themselves? Done that - it took a long time to be able to not "pull my punches" Never thought of that either, You guys are going to save me a buddle on ink, lol never quite got the thrill in it... I've thought about it, just haven't ...yet not quite the same...or the same results It takes some immagination - convince yourself that "she who must be obeyed" is doing it to you Thats what I was thinking Man I have to start think out of the box more, well, I guess you learn as you go on true, it might not be the same results but does it take the edge off? I've never done it myself. I need to be able to not focus on the act...just the pain. Can't do that if I have to self inflict to frustrating...not the same affect or as i said results. edge off? no, not really, actually in my case only seems to make matters worse. exactly Justin! It seems like it only deepens the need bingo....!!!! I find that it does take the edge off - a sort of a quick fix Alright so does the need overpower any sexual urges you have? hand in hand I've been celibate for just as long...and right now I'd take pain over sex Ultimately the need will ALWAYS be there - so I'd rather have "something" instead of "nothing" sex satisfies my body but pain satisfies something deeper Oh that's a good way to put it sephani , I agree me too, but am i alone after, yearning for the sex as well?? I always feel content, at peace and totally languid after a good bout of pain What do you do if you find a Dom that is not as into pain as you But, you click on every other level I have a sadist for a Master so I can't answer that one Ah, well that's a challenge, but not impossible. During negotiation you make sure that they are willing to oblige you for your pleasure sake even if it doesn't work muchf or them. Same answer as stephani, sorry I think most masochists or pain sluts gravitate towards sadists for tops Just as you'd do things for them that might not hit those love buttons, they have to be able to work with you to get what you need. I agree, I was just wondering as I am also prone to the Daddy/Little Girl relationship as well Makes sense And, I have found some Daddy Doms are not as into pain as I am then its likely that whatever is most important to you, is who you will gravitate to. If pain is high on your list of needs, you'll seek out a more sadistic top if its compromisable, they you'll find one that matches those needs as well then* Makes sense, Thanks all Do you feel that your Masochism evolves over time - liking things that you wouldn't have thought possible before? Oh definitely gods yes Yes, indeed But I don't ascribe the the notion that once you taste edgier play you can't do a simple pain session and enjoy it. Even being new, I noticed I like things that I didn't just 6 months ago sometimes the simplest is the most effective ;) Interesting... I'd consider myself to be a fairly light-weight masochist, and I see stuff that i'd consider extreme and think "never" - but then I find myself thinking "maybe" I seem to be unable to find my pain limit, does anyone else have this problem or are the boundries of "too much" well defined? I have a limit, but it's different each and every time I play. I think everyone has their own limits and there is no one right or wrong one limit for pain true...but I have never reached a point of "too much" and have been at this for nearly 14 years... Maybe you don't have one or just have not reached it yet yikes...that's frightening :P I know I have heard about people not haveing a pain threshold I know, it was kind of odd and I am not saying that is you , but I have no other anwser and this seemed like a good one Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you lol its ok, just a quick thought of "Crap, Master should never hear that!" can you imagine the things He'd come up with to test that theory!? Yeah, no kidding ROFL Hide the computer the man is a sadist AND has a good imagination! heh, so when I ask if this can be posted on the site you might say no? :P my poor hide... ROFL aw what the hell, I'm brave... 2 parts brave mixed with one part stupid, go ahead and post it :P Kewl ;) something tells me I might regret it later but as I'm pretty certain Master doesn't read your site, I should be relatively safe Just tell him it was all a newbie's fault, Damn Newbie's lol Anyone have any other questions? Topic related or not? bloody newbs :P Has your masochism ever taken you down dangerous paths before? No I don't think so. question on that note..does anyone want it to??? it has for me...but maybe that's because I'm more of a pain slut? sometimes