Our first chat was a great success. Everyone gave permission to post the transcript and continue the conversation here. I loved every minute of interesting conversation. Read and enjoy!

<~luna> Alright, let's get started. If you haven't figured out, I'm luna. I started the site in January after I got tired of not finding what I wanted in all the sites online. I didn't need the how to's, but the whys. <~luna> My goal with these chat nights is to share knowledge and information with each other to develop and grow in our submission. <~luna> Tonight we are going to talk about BDSM and sex; if they are integral to our sexuality or if they can be separated as well as the whole perception in the community. <~luna> In the reading for today we saw some people's opinions as to whether sex and BDSM were separate things. What do you feel is the right way to explain it for yourself? it seemed to me that the gist of the articles--taken as a whole--was that sex is integral to a bdsm relationship....however, most bdsm relationships contain many other dimensions in addition to the sexual <~luna> For me, in the beginning sex and BDSM were not the same, I was exploring and playing outside of a committed relationship, casually and did not want sex to be a part of it. I wanted the sensation and not the sexuality of it. <~luna> Now that I'm in a relationship, I can not separate the two. BDSM is my sex and so much more. i would have to agree with you luna most of our relationships probably involve the spiritual, psychological, emotional realms (should i include practical also?), in addition to sexual.  well, as luna has pointed out in some of her articles, there may be differences between solely online relationships and in-person relationships... <~luna> Laura Goodwin (the first essay) said that it was absurd to think that sex and BDSM are separate things, that the whole reason we invite BDSM into our lives is for the sex. Now, most of what she is referring is the tactile play aspects of BDSM, but do you agree? <~luna> Is BDSM sexual? to me its one of many things <~luna> You bring up a good point hisowned1. Can you really have a sexual experience online and consider it a BDSM sexual act? <~luna> The critics will say that no, you can't have a BDSM sex act online - that it's just masochistic fantasy and masturbation. i think pet has something to contribute here.  pet, what are the 'many things' you refer to? ...if i may ask... would say for myself personally,  the service, the emotional aspect is also important to me yes, me too <~luna> pet, do you feel that there is too much focus on the sexuality of BDSM when people talk about BDSM? sometimes yes to me personally there is so much to our lifestyle <~luna> There are a lot of levels to the lifestyle, I would like to focus tonight on the physical act of play and it's association with sex. <~luna> When I talk with others that may not be as familiar with BDSM as they can be, I always get the perception that they think BDSM is just kinky sex. <~luna> But when we as lifestyle and active participants get together, I see more of a separation between play and sex at this point in my relationship with my Master all aspects interact at different levels.  Depending on the situation will depend on how deeply they react to the different aspects from sex to emotion etc <~luna> So, can you play without sexual contact? right, by what i have read, some definitely separate play and sex. <~luna> sexual contact being genital touching oh of course I think so i think so also yes my Master can play with me because he lives in my head my submission is in me <~luna> Ok, so if the sensation receptors in your brain say that you are turned on, is it still sex or somehow it's play? <~luna> And if it is different, how do you discern the difference? Wow when you put it that way. how are we defining what 'play' means? okay, for me......... sex means a lot of different things and even though we have sex (phone sex, webcam sex) its in my mind <~luna> play would be a set moment in time where two or more people are scening for the intent to experience sensations. This can be impact play, bondage or other forms of non-contact play. play......... is.. teasing Ok my Master and I can have sex...touching in whatever way...but we can have no contact or "play" time from as far away as a phone or email where direction are given and yet I still feel the intensity as if it were physical.  He still controls me even far away oh yes <~luna> If BDSM is considered part of the sexual arena, why is it not included in more vanilla ideas of sex? ? <~luna> If we go on the assumption the BDSM and sex are not separate, why don't we see more mainstream sexual encounters echo what we do? People are afraid of stereotype...beating abuse dominance have a very negative opinion in the world It is lack of knowledge that keep people from understanding the deep strong positive connection yes it does im afraid.  though i do have a friend who is very understanding and supportive. media puts those words in prison/court/negative from an abusive husband/spouse and people stop looking farther...past the end of their nose <~luna> So, can we say that BDSM is sensual more than sexual? Since we can have sex without BDSM and have discussed earlier that people can have BDSM without sex? <~luna> It is unfortunate that the media has trouble accepting us, but the media is still working through homosexual acceptance, I fear that kink acceptance is further down the list. BDSM is sensual for me.  Very much so.  to be so deeply controlled by someone who wants so desperately to control me...is sensual and loving.. i feel it is very sensual,  because of the close connection between Dom and sub. I would agree...media has come a long way but they have a long way to go <~luna> how about you radiogirl2009? is what you've experienced more sensual or sexual? yes they do. The Master watches out for you...when he decides on something he has already through for you...he knows you better than you do...how is that for sensual.. * ~luna smiles. It's a good analogy asweetpea123 yes Sir reads me like a book.  sometimes i think he knows me better than i know myself sometimes well it greatly depends on my perception I guess Playing (not actually touching)  for me is mainly mental.... and that is extremely sensual however, when he gets the flogger out...... its pure SEXUAL again it is a mental sensation...even in flogging...anyone can hit you...but a Master who incites this is thinking of you when he does the flogging or allows the flogging to take place...that becomes sensual It is no different than the circle of life or ebb and flow.  one creates the other...without one the other is nto not <~luna> Great points all of them. <~luna> You can mix sensual and sexual into BDSM, like a cocktail. asweetpea, that was beautifully put above---your post about the circle of life and ebb and flow.  lovely.  and true Thank you hisowned1 <~luna> Now, I've been to a few parties and one party I've been too, doesn't allow penetration of any kind. Others do, how does that change the way we could view sex and BDSM? I feel that again if no penetration is allowed that does not matter.  The Master controls the Sensual/Sexual intensity of the situation... <~luna> For Master and myself, we prefer to keep our sex private, but we are okay sharing the SM play at parties. your sexual satisfaction is directed by Master no surroundings <~luna> It makes for a rather interesting argument when we say that BDSM and sex are the same thing and yet we can fracture it like that for play parties. His Sexual Satisfaction is directed by him LOL yes it does...but a duck is a duck i would feel the same way, i would much prefer to keep our sex private