Stop Sub Shaming: It’s Not Cool to be Judgy

It’s not cool to sub shame. But, in this world of kink, it’s a very real concern. Here’s how you can identify it and what you should do when your own thoughts lean towards being judgemental instead of open and accepting.

The Real Meaning Behind Service and Serving as a Submissive

Service is any activity or function that you fill to make your dominant partner's life easier. This could be as simple as preparing their coffee, laying out their clothes for them or performing domestic chores. Yes, it does include the play and sex aspects of some relationships, but not all of them are wired this way.

What is Positional Service?

Positional service is probably the most prevalent in non-D/s settings. This is essentially customer service; you are in a position to serve and so you serve. The service is defined by a set of itemized expectations.

The Gift of Submission, Or Is It?

When I first started exploring submission I heard and read numerous times that submission is a gift to the Dominant that accepts it. For a long time, I subscribed to this way of thinking and there is nothing wrong with thinking about your submission this way. I'm not here to tell you that you are wrong. I am hoping that I can give you a different perspective about your submission that you may not have thought about.

5 Types of Power Exchange Relationships

We can however, put every relationship into 5 different relationship types. I'm sure there are more, but for the purpose of this essay, I will be covering the 5 types that I can see in this life. This is not the only way to look at and describe relationships, but it is a good beginning. I am not a relationship expert and what I am writing about is my own observations. If you feel that another definition fits your idea of each relationship type, then by all means, please use your own.

Some Thoughts on Domestic Service from a Male Submissive

When luna indicated that she was going to emphasize domestic service at the Sub Guide this month, it reminded me that when I tell people I am primarily a service submissive I am frequently asked: “What is that?”. The follow-up question is often, “What do you get out of that?” It seemed an opportune time to tackle these questions. (Sometimes the follow-up question is “What are you secondarily, then?” To which I always reply, “Whatever She needs me to be, of course.”)

So what is a service submissive? Simply put, it’s a sub (male or female) that takes care of household chores and similar tasks. Cooking, cleaning and other domestic duties might be performed by a service submissive. We essentially take the role of butler, maid, chauffeur, gardener or cook.

Let’s Party! Finding Local Play Parties

Parties are a ‘rite of passage’ for some in the BDSM community. How do you find one? What can you expect? And most importantly (for me) what on earth can you wear?

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner: Part 3- My Partner is Interested!

Your partner has reacted to the revelation of your BDSM desires in a positive way or at least is willing to participate. Congratulations! This is a huge first step.

What Should I Try Next: Like Service-based Play? Try Serving Others

If it pleases you like it pleases me to serve your Partner, consider adding service based play that involves other consenting parties. Adding things like hosting parties, formal tea parties or D/s dinners can make you feel good about offering your service.