This is a guest post by fuzzyP, a male submissive in a relationship with his Goddess and a regular participant of the Submissive Guide chatroom.
When luna indicated that she was going to emphasize domestic service at the Sub Guide this month, it reminded me that when I tell people I am primarily a service submissive I am frequently asked: “What is that?”. The follow-up question is often, “What do you get out of that?” It seemed an opportune time to tackle these questions. (Sometimes the follow-up question is “What are you secondarily, then?” To which I always reply, “Whatever She needs me to be, of course.”)
So what is a service submissive? Simply put, it’s a sub (male or female) that takes care of household chores and similar tasks. Cooking, cleaning and other domestic duties might be performed by a service submissive. We essentially take the role of butler, maid, chauffeur, gardener or cook.
In some cases, the submissive may actually reside with the Dominant, other times they do not. I do not live with my Domina, which means that on those occasions that I’m there (1-2 times per week), I usually have a list of chores that need to be done. I often joke that my raison d’être is keeping Goddess’s litter boxes clean, but of course, there’s more to it than that. In addition to the usual sort of work that must be performed in any household, there are often lifestyle-specific tasks that need to be taken care of. For example, toys used for bondage, impact or penetrative play need to be kept clean, and in some cases sterile. Also, specialty garments, such as latex or leather, need to be cared for. In my case, being in service to a professional Domme means cleaning up after sessions in two play spaces.
The more skills you possess, the more desirable you make yourself to a Dominant. I’ve had the occasion to do construction, painting, plumbing and electrical work.
If this seems like a lot of work, you’re right, it is. So it’s only logical to ask what the service submissive gets out of the relationship. For some, there is a profound sense of satisfaction derived from a job well-done and the knowledge that you have made your Dominant happy. After about a year of service I still turn to mush when she calls me a “good boy,” and I can’t imagine ever tiring of hearing it. I’d even go as far as to suggest that for some there is an almost sexual gratification derived from performing well and being praised for it (or put another, slightly crasser, way: I get turned on cleaning those litter boxes). If this was the extent of the relationship, I’d still be a very happy subbie. (We can keep that just between us, can’t we? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.)
For many service submissives (myself included), the rewards are a bit more substantial, often taking the form of some sort of play time. Bear in mind that where there exists the potential for reward, there is just as likely the possibility of negative consequences for inadequately-performed tasks. It’s not too hard to imagine service extending into the realm of play. If a Dominant wishes to practice their rope skills or work on their single-tail technique, who better to serve as “crash test dummy” than a service submissive. I’ve even had the opportunity to bottom for other Dominants who wished to practice their skills – nothing says “I trust and value you” like being loaned out, and it’s a service that I take very seriously.
“But wait! But wait! That’s not what I was thinking of,” I hear a few of you saying (you know who you are). When you say “service” some have an image of being tied up and forced to orally pleasure her for hours on end, or maybe wearing a frilly French maid’s outfit and shackles while pretending to use a feather duster, or something involving your Mistress’s strap-on. Don’t misunderstand me. These are all a lot of fun, but they’re not what is meant by service. Service submission involves doing real work so your Dominant won’t have to. It’s about making her life easier, without necessarily expecting something in return.
It’s not at all unusual to incorporate other aspects of kink into the service. For example, those who have forced feminization or sissification as part of their submission may indeed wear that frilly French maid outfit while doing their work (in my case, the dress only comes out on special occasions like parties). For some in chastity, the domestic service may be the way release from chastity is earned. I’m sure any number of examples come to mind.
Out of curiosity, I went to one of the major kink lifestyle social networking sites and investigated the largest group dedicated to domestic service. The group’s membership included both D- and s-types. Looking at specifically the s-types, there was a roughly 80/20 female/male split. This seemed to support my impression that more women gravitate toward domestic service than men. (I realize that this hardly constitutes statistical proof, but I’m really just trying to stimulate a little thought here.)
I wondered why the discrepancy; if perhaps the male submissives, on large, don’t gravitate toward the domestic side of submission. A friend of mine – with her tongue firmly planted in cheek – suggested that it was because men are slobs that would starve to death naked and dirty were it not for the women in their lives. As amusing as that may be, I don’t think it’s the real answer. It seems to me that there is a preponderance of examples of female domesticity, from the “50’s housewife” (a fetish in and of itself) to Martha Stewart (although I doubt anyone would suggest that she’s submissive), and considerably fewer examples from the male side of things. In the song “Somewhere that’s Green” (from Little Shop of Horrors), the heroine pictures herself the consummate homemaker, whereupon she “cooks like Betty Crocker, and looks like Donna Reed”. I suppose a guy might strive to cook like Gordon Ramsay and look like George Clooney, but neither of these examples triggers thoughts of submission.
I suppose the reasons why make for an interesting academic discussion, but the fact of the matter is that I don’t need to know why I just serve. And I’m far from alone in this. Domestic service isn’t for everyone, admittedly, but knowing that the work I do makes the life of my Dominant easier (dare I say better?) provides me with a sense of satisfaction that few other activities do. This satisfaction makes it easy to provide service with a smile.
How about you? Are you a domestic submissive? What are your thoughts on it?
fuzzyP a relative newcomer to active participation in the D/s lifestyle, and has been in service since January 2010. Like most things he does, he’s really thrown myself into it, including a great deal of reading and research that predates his entry into the lifestyle. fuzzyP doesn’t claim to be an expert on anything, and it is his goal to stimulate some thought, discussion or debate. You can contact fuzzyP through the Submissive Guide Community or email him at firstname.lastname@example.org