Consent and Negotiation are probably something that we think about but don’t really acknowledge daily. It is important none the less to think about and address in a Dominant/submissive relationship. Why? There are many reasons but the most important one is being safe not only with your partner but more importantly with yourself.
Consent is important because, without it, you are not playing safe. How can you give of yourself and not consent to what is done to you? You can’t, or perhaps shouldn’t is the better word. It is important to have a talk with your Dominant about the things you will allow to be done to you and what you won’t. This is commonly referred to as "the limits talk".
Limits are important to talk about because it establishes the safety net that every submissive should have with their Dominant. I am sure that there are things that you might not consider at first but might be open to trying, depending on how it is presented. Sometimes we don’t think of everything until the moment it is brought up.
It is important to sit down before doing what I call the fun stuff because you need to know the boundaries of what is going to take place. I’m not talking 100% specifics per say but rather a negotiation of what might take place. Negotiations are important so the boundaries of the scene are defined. A scene can be anything from an agreed upon spanking to perhaps an agreed upon forced action such as giving a blow job, if that’s something you don’t really care to do.
I do know that some Dominants don’t like to do things such as negotiation but it is important to do so. Why? It goes back to the whole thing of consent. There may be things that take place during a scene that you would like to consent to before hand. Having the option to use a safe word is all fine and dandy but some submissives find it hard to use it for a variety of reasons.
Reasons such as: • Not wanting to disappoint their Dominant. • Not wanting to seem like a child for using it. • Not being in the right mental capacity at the time due to being in sub space. • Not knowing how to properly use a safe word to begin with. • Not knowing how to properly express what you are feeling at the time.
Consenting to what happens to your body is vital to a safe relationship with a Dominant. Without consent, it is in my mind, bordering on rape in the sense that it can be something against your will. You don’t want someone to force you to do something you really don’t want to do. Consent is vital because it establishes what you will allow and won’t allow.
Consent can be approving the actions done to you by the other person asking your permission to do it. That is generally how one gives and asks for consent – by asking. It can be something as simple as “Can I kiss you?” just for example. How you respond to such a question gives your consent or non consent to it.