Your personal responsibility is one of the most important tools in a single submissive’s arsenal. It keeps you safe and protected from the most common predators, it will help you learn and grow while waiting and often has a positive result if maintained once you are no longer single. Personal responsibility is all about empowering yourself to create the life you want, but also being 100% responsible for the results of your efforts.

That’s because responsibility is a beautiful thing and unlike the stereotypes of a helpless and weak submissive, a submissive that can take care of themselves and protects themselves from harm is attractive to many Dominants. There are many different forms of personal responsibility and how it can manifest in a submissive. Some of these forms are strength, pride, confidence, caution, and trust.

Responsibility for Yourself

Knowing how to keep yourself safe and guard your vulnerability until you can expose it to the one you trust is a valuable trait.  Several things will challenge you to remain strong. A few of these are frenzy, disregard for safety and lack of personal growth. Accepting that you have the responsibility for what happens, and how your life develops can give you a better direction for your submissive life.

Sub Frenzy

If you’ve been around the kink neighborhood for awhile you probably know what frenzy is, but for those who don’t frenzy is a loss of common sense and a disregard for safety. It’s a dizzying drive to play, to be owned to experience submission and kink. You can appear desperate, throw caution to the wind and not listen to your gut instinct. Frenzy is most common in novice submissives but can be felt keenly with submissives who are in between relationships.

The way you handle frenzy may depend on what the root cause is. If play is what you really need right now, the BDSM community can help you in the form of play parties. Often the host(s) will know of safe players that may be able to help quell those desires back into a manageable state.

If you have a driving need to serve, you could get a similar sense of resolution by volunteering in some way. There are so many ways to volunteer yourself and feel good about serving the needs of others and it doesn’t even have to be kink related.

Safety Net

When you are single you may forget that you have to set up your own safety net for all things, even dating. So when you want to set up a play date, find a safe call person that will look out for you. Make sure you know who you are playing with very well and never let your guard down just because you are submissive. There is always time to be vulnerable when you are in a relationship. You are the only one who can keep you from harm.

Research what a safe call is and how to set one up. Some BDSM communities even have volunteers for safe call service. In the very least have someone you trust know where you are and to call and check on you during and after the date. And make sure the date knows you have someone calling to check on you.

Another form of a safety net is knowing as much as you can about the play in which you want to engage in. Be it bondage or flogging, wax play or needles a submissive should have an understanding of what happens, the safety regarding play and what to watch for afterward. Learn your basic anatomy and know what places on your body are safe for certain kinds of play and what isn't.

Know how to negotiate play and stick to it. You have a right as a single submissive to decide what will be done during play and what things are limits. Just because someone is a Dominant does not make them a god.

Ultimately, your responsibility to yourself should not waver but be ever stronger while single.  Learn and grow in submission, take the time to reflect and absorb information about who you are and who you want to be in a relationship.

Thoughts to Ponder

  1. What other tools does a single submissive need to have in their arsenal?
  2. Why do single submissives appear so vulnerable?
  3. Do you know everything you an about the play activities you love? Should a submissive know such things? Why or why not?

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