Negotiating play is vital for new players or for those who have never played together. Once you get to know someone it is likely that unless you have something you'd really like to experience you can forego some negotiation for spontaneity.
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The core of BDSM is consent. No one will disagree with this. We are all aware, hopefully, that abuse is not consensual. If you feel that what is going on is ‘not right’ then you certainly should investigate if it is abuse or not. Some of what you may feel could not be abuse at all, but it’s good to know for sure. Learn how you can see the differences for yourself.
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Safety comes in many forms and at any level of risk awareness. One of the very first things you learn when you encounter BDSM is the use of safewords. But now, I feel it’s time to gather everything together and really dig deep into safewords; from their use, the safety implied and some of the problems safewords cause.
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BDSM play can be risky, does bring about the potential for uncomfortable situations, raises physical limitations or triggers mental or emotional walls to come crashing down. In any of these instances, it would be very helpful to have a way to alert the dominant. Safewords are a verbal security blanket.
Read The Article | Find SimilarApplying mentoring to a BDSM context a mentor is someone that guides and advises a newbie on what to expect, things they might want learn and other items. I believe a mentor should be on the same level as you. There are many opinions out there, but common sense advice can be found in the following series of articles about mentors.
Read The Series | Find SimilarIf you’ve just started out in BDSM and have asked a few questions, it is very likely that you have been directed to use a checklist to become familiar with what you may or may not like in play and roles and fetishes.A checklist can be very helpful for you when you are first starting out. You can learn what you might like to try and get answers to things you don’t know about. Some of the more detailed checklists can seem overwhelming but please realize that you don’t have to like everything. Pick and choose and be honest.
Read The Series | Find SimilarTo me there is quite a difference between being submissive and a slave. A submissive retains the power over themselves and their body. Many are not going to agree with me on this. I don't feel that discipline, true discipline should be put in place with a sub. If a submissive still has power over themselves then how can they really mess up to the point of punishment outside of play. Slaves on the other hand, particularly those who live it 24/7 sometimes need punishment just for the sake of training, being kept in line and as a reminder of their place.
Read The Article | Find SimilarA Dominant has limits just like submissives do. There are things that don’t interest them, or that they have a moral or ethical standing that will prevent them from exploring something. Over the years I have heard many times that Dominants should have a checklist also and I agree.
Read The Article | Find SimilarThe only true limitations are those fundamental values that you carry at your core. The inviolate lines that you will not cross for to do so you believe would compromise who you believe yourself to be. That final line in the sand.
Read The Article | Find SimilarWhen you are looking for a Dominant for the first, or last, time, you have a few reasons to wonder if the person you see is compatible with you. After all, you don’t want to spend a lot of time getting to know someone if they are not going to be your perfect, or almost perfect, partner. Right? I’ve put together a few signs to help you tell if someone might be a good match for you.
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