This is another guest post by Christian, a switch male in a D/s relationship.
(If you would like to submit a guest post to Submissive Guide, please read the guidelines before contacting me, thanks!)
It seems there is a lot of interest in switches on the Internet, and being a switch myself I can speak on that a fair amount. But allow me to say I am only one switch in a world of switches. Switches are completely different the world around. So what I say here will certainly not apply to other switches.
When I was introduced to this lifestyle officially by the local D/s group where I live I was told there were “dominants” and “submissives”. That was it. Nothing about switches. Later on once I learned a few things and met some other people in the group I learned there was also something called “switches” and what that meant to be a switch. I immediately knew that was me.
Like most people in this life growing up was incredibly difficult dealing with my strange thoughts. One moment I was thinking about making a girl do things for me, and the next in my thoughts I was being ordered to do them for her. It was confusing to have these conflicting thoughts and going from one extreme to the other in a matter of moments did not help.
When I was finally more aware of the community, there was a lot of negative attitudes toward switches. It was thought they had no clear idea about if they wanted to be, submissive or dominant. And “Why can’t they make up their mind?” sort of an attitude. There is still quite a negative stigma about this and no one in my local group of D/s people will admit to being a switch (including me). Hopefully, my online persona is never realized by anyone locally. I am not sure if this is just a local thing or if it extends worldwide? I would like to hear from other people on different parts of this world to know…
To be sure there is only one side of my switchiness at a time. I am either submissive or dominant. Never both at the same time! That is just me and maybe some others will feel different?
To clarify my own thoughts on the different variety of switches, here is how I see it. First, there are the D/s only switches. These switches either don’t include BDSM in their lives or are only dominant or submissive in the bedroom. Then there are the BDSM switches which are just the opposite of what I just described. Then there are the D/s and BDSM switches (I am sorry I can’t think of another way to describe this. Perhaps someone may enlighten me if there is some “official” way to describe the switch varieties). This last variety is me, however, my owner does not allow switching in D/s for me. This is a big sacrifice for a switch believe me.
Something I get asked at times is how the actual “switch” (the verb, not the noun) occurs and what that feels like. Well, the switch happens one of two ways for me. Again I am only one switch. Others experiences will vary. But the switch happens either with a sudden rapidness that really can take one's breath away! Or it happens gradually over a period of time. Most of the time it occurs for me in a gradual way and this is for certain preferable for a number of reasons, not the least of which is it makes it easier for my owner to recognize. This is also preferable as the sudden changes are enough to give one “mental whiplash” at times! As for what it feels like, it is strictly a mental process. It is just one moment I am my usual submissive self, and the next I am thinking about how good it would be to have a submissive at my whim.
When my owner or I recognizes I am “switched” it is often an inconvenience for both of us. For her, it is like she is denied use of me for the moment (as I am no longer submissive). For me, it is a big inconvenience as well since it is a break in my level of service that is intolerable (because it is intolerable to her). Like I said I am not allowed switching in D/s. But at such times I have to relieve it in some way or things get worse. This is where my wife’s live-in female submissive comes in handy. At one time before she had her, my wife filled the role of submissive to me in BDSM only. I applaud her efforts but as one who is strictly dominant, it was hard for her to be that way. Just like with me as a switch. There are just times that I am completely NOT submissive (when “switched” specifically). That is a large portion of the reason for the acquisition of this other submissive along with the fact that my owner just wished for a female submissive anyway.
My thoughts are a switch actually does not make the ideal full-time submissive. This is not a case of self-pity or something like that. It is just fact. If you are even remotely like me (a switch of the ways) than you will never be 100% of the time at service. You will have to spend a small portion of the time “switched” to the dominant side, and inconvenience your owner like me. It is disappointing but it is something I am used to and so is my owner. It is a heart-wrenching experience when one would just as soon be at service all the time if possible. Something I should be clear on is when I switch I don’t think about how unsatisfactory it is with my owner. The only thing I am thinking about is having one at my feet. At my will. There are no thoughts about service. Or pleasing my owner at all. That is awash with my new found dominance. The submissive me is completely wiped from the slate only to return once I have that side of me satisfied (or it just fades after a really long while). So at the time it is not heart wrenching as I say. Only afterward when the fire is gone and I am back to “me” that I feel disappointed.
Sometimes I get asked what percentage submissive or dominant I am. This is a strange and confusing question for me and impossible to answer. When I switch I am 100% dominant. And the other way I am 100% submissive. Not one bit the other way, and never will be. This is actually a bit of a sensitive subject since my switchability is so hard to explain anyway. Those that are fully submissive or fully dominant (I envy you by the way) have a hard time wrapping their heads about the mindset of a switch. I don’t blame you, as often I am as perplexed as you! But this is the best way I can describe such things and if it is still unclear then I am not doing well at explaining a thing that at times is very complex. It is no easy task by any means.
I welcome any questions either through this site or in private and will answer them the best I know how.
P.S. Yes I know I used a few words like “switchiness” and “switchability” that are in fact not words in the English language, but that is the best words I could use to say those things.
I am a switch male of the D/s lifestyle for the past 14 years. I was introduced to the lifestyle and the society that at that time was extremely underground at 18 years of age. I was raised (unbeknownst to me until just recently) in a D/s household as well. In addition my grandparents also were of the lifestyle. I am currently collared to my owner of 10 years who is bi-sexual and also has another female submissive. You can contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org