from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 1-9-16
Maybe you've been asked to learn about anal training or perhaps you are interested in exploring anal sex yourself. Maybe you are really nervous and want to learn more before taking the plunge. Or maybe anal sex is already a part of your sex routine and you want to learn some tips to make it hotter. Or maybe you are just curious what all the interest is, to begin with. Whether you are an anal virgin or a die-hard fan, you'll want to keep reading to get answers to all your butt sex questions.
Anal sex and anal play are one of the more common requests of submissives by Dominants. I'm not surprised at the number of requests for help and information about how to proceed. But have no fear, anal play doesn't have to be scary!
What is anal sex?
- Anal Intercourse - Anal intercourse is the sexual activity that involves insertion of the penis or a sex toy into the anus.
- Rimming - “Rimming” is a slang expression that refers to oral stimulation of the anus. The official term for this is analingus.
- Manual Stimulation - Manual stimulation can include rubbing the anus externally or insertion of a finger(s) - one’s own or a partner’s - into the anal opening and gently rotated.
- Fisting - “Fisting” is a form of anal sex in which several fingers or even the entire hand and forearm are inserted into the rectum and sometimes into the lower colon.
Is it gross?
One of the biggest misconceptions about anal sex is that it's messy, smelly and painful. Sure, it's possible that for some of you, it may be true. But you should know that anal sex can be erotic, exciting and a path to fantastic orgasms. If you prepare ahead of time, it's not more gross or messy than any other form of sex.
Isn't there poop in there?
The main function of the rectum is to act as a passageway for feces. But feces are not stored in the rectum normally except just prior to a bowel movement. Small amounts may remain, especially if it is not well-formed. Eating enough fiber and avoiding anal play just after spicy foods and foods that cause gas can help prevent possible embarrassment. If the possibility makes you uncomfortable, you can do an anal douche to clean yourself out a few hours before sex occurs.
Does it hurt?
Pain is common, especially in the beginning but it definitely doesn't have to hurt. There are ways to make it feel good and not painful. Relaxation and arousal will help reduce the pain and feel good for both parties. Most women who enjoy anal play report uncomfortable pressure instead of pain at the start of anal sex and then the pressure subsides into a sense of fullness. If you feel penetration is painful the back up and go back to foreplay. Then once you are excited you can return to anal play. Try initiating anal play after you've edged to orgasm at least once, it will help your body relax and you'll feel the nerve bundles in the anus ignite when touched.
Is it clean?
Proper hygiene should be taken into account of course. With daily hygiene, the anus is as clean as other parts of the body. Slipping a soapy finger inside while you shower is another good way to cleanse the area. Just go light on the soap as it can be irritating to your insides. Men who are into anal sex know there's a chance that traces of poop may be involved and it's not deterring them. Don't let a case of the what-if's stop you from a good time.
Can I get an STI? Can I get pregnant?
Yes, men and women can contract an Sexually Transmitted Infection from anal sex. That's why condoms are necessary to reduce the risk of infection. Also, do not insert the penis or sex toy into your mouth or vagina that has been in the anus until it has had the condom replaced or clean the toy in between.
You can also get pregnant from anal sex. Any semen that leaks from the anus can make its way into the vagina.
Related: The 6 Most Common STDs
Try Solo Play First
Your sphincter muscles are the key to anal health and also to pleasure. You need to become familiar with their functioning and learn to exercise control over them. When your showering or masturbating, try touching the anal ring and sliding a lubed finger inside. Allow your sphincter muscles to clench and release. This will help you discover what it feels like back there.
The rectum does not produce its own lube like your vagina does. So you need to bring your own to the party. Thicker lubes are recommended; a lot of people swear by silicone based ones for anal play. Just keep in mind that silicone doesn't play well with latex, like in condoms and many cheap toys. Always use more lube than you think you need. Sex is meant to be messy, have a good time now and clean up later.
Choose the Position
Some positions work better for anal sex than others. Any time you put yourself in a bent position it tightens your sphincter muscles and can make it harder to relax. A couple of the best positions are missionary position and girl on top. If you are nervous about anal play then take control and get in a position where you control the depth and speed of penetration.
Find the Right Toys
Anal toys look different from vaginal toys for a reason. The biggest reason is that it's very easy to lose something in your rectum. The night shouldn't turn to an embarrassing visit to the ER. Anal toys are flared at the base or have a retrieval string/ring. To keep things cleaner, put a condom on your toys, so when you're done you can just remove the condom and move on to other things.
Related: Anal Play: Beginner to Stretch in No Time by Rayne Millaray
One Last Thing...
If you're not into anal sex, that's okay. You don't have to cross everything off your sex bucket list in order to enjoy your sex life. If you aren't into it now, you might be into it later. Just keep the communication lines open with your Dominant as your pleasure pathways change and grow.
Thoughts to Ponder
- What do you think about anal sex? Do you do any preparation?
- What tips would you give a novice to anal play that aren't mentioned here?
- Handout on Anal Sex
- Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples