If the idea of putting something in your butt or enjoying anal sex makes you hesitate, you aren't alone. Even though anal sex has made huge steps toward acceptance, it remains an underrated, almost taboo activity. Exploring anal training is often filled with discomfort, both mental and physical, but despite what porn or movies would have you believe, anal sex really shouldn't be painful. With the right information and an open mind, you can make anal training an enjoyable, intimate activity that can add something special to your sex life.
I've been doing anal training for years and am quite an enthusiast. Let me teach you how to prepare for and enjoy anal training - either by yourself or with a partner! Anal training can also be incorporated into BDSM or even as a part of a power exchange dynamic for control or discipline.
What is Anal Training?
Anal training is the practice of training your anus and the muscles around the anal canal to relax and get accustomed to feelings of fullness and movement during anal penetration or anal sex. It's like physical therapy for your ass.
Your anus is full of sensitive nerve endings that can make anal play feel amazing. But like other muscles, your anal sphincter is only accustomed to stretching so far. It's not optimal or realistic to jump into anal sex without doing some prep first. It will require some prep work if you want to loosen it up. And we're not talking short-term; empty your bowels, apply lots of lube and go to town for prep work. You'll be setting aside a few weeks or even months to work your anus toward being relaxed and accustomed to the sensations.
Anal training covers a wide range of fun activities, from anilingus (oral sex on the anus), fingering, fisting, stretching, gaping, and using toys such as butt plugs, anal wands, anal beads, vibrators, dilators, and prostate massagers. Before you bend over and spread 'em, you'll want to prepare yourself mentally and physically. If you are in a relationship, it’s time to get your partner in on the sexy fun and talk to them.
The Benefits of Anal Training
Engaging in anal play without training is risky and can lead to painful and sometimes permanent injuries. But by taking the proper first steps with anal training, you reduce or eliminate the risks associated with anal penetration.
There are many great things about anal training that can take pleasure to a whole new level. Anal training makes anal sex far more enjoyable and reduces the chances of being painful for the receiving partner, so it is a MUST. Once you're more relaxed and accustomed to the sensations going on down there, you're more likely to feel pleasure and the potential to achieve orgasm. That's right; you can have an orgasm through anal stimulation. While it's not something everyone can do, anal orgasms are more likely because of the thousands of nerve endings in and around your anus that can give pleasure.
Talking About Anal Training With Your Partner
Talking about your interest in anal play and training with your partner can be uncomfortable. Anal play activities are commonly considered messy, unnatural, and painful. It can be a sensitive and taboo topic simply because of how you were raised, your religion, personal beliefs, or the fact that it's new for you. You need to be comfortable talking about your body, sex, and anal hygiene to have this conversation.
Being nervous is okay, but you're about to embark on a fun and exciting journey together. First, you'll want to understand what you and your partner want from exploring anal training. Do you want to do it because it is taboo, or maybe because it'll be fun and pleasurable? Does either of you have a fetish related to anal that you want to explore? Or perhaps you'd like it to add an element of control and power exchange into your dynamic.
Then, talk about how comfortable you are about touching your anus, potentially coming into contact with feces, and any possible discomfort around natural body processes. I get it, poop isn't pleasant, but we don't have to foster an aversion to it. If either of you can't handle the "ick" factor, then it's going to make it difficult to relax and enjoy exploring anal training. While there are many ways to help keep the area clean, there is always the potential for things to get messy. Discuss how you might respond to seeing poop on toys or shafts. How will you address tactfully cleaning up? Will you continue immediately, or do you need to move on to something else?
If anal training is to be a part of your overall dynamic, you will want to discuss how that will look. How frequently you are expected to do anal training is essential to cover. You could be expected to train on your own, on a set schedule, or perhaps have play sessions devoted to anal training. The goal of anal training should be discussed and agreed on, even if it is simply for more pleasure and a variety of fun activities. You want to be sure that both of you have the same vision when discussing how anal training fits into your power exchange.
For KnyghtMare and I, anal has always been a key component of our sex, play, and dynamic. I started wearing a small butt plug for as long as I could a few times a week. Now I wear a plug every night to bed and for afternoon naps. Our goals are for huge, giant toys, fisting, and stretching to my maximum limits. We both love anal sex, and it's a regular part of our sex life. My directive as his submissive is to continue to stretch and play with my ass whenever possible to keep it ready for whatever fun he wants. I thoroughly enjoy butt stuff and am happy I can submit to him this way.
Addressing Your Fears and Concerns About Anal Training
Being mentally relaxed and well-informed is essential to anal training and anal sex. When you're not mentally prepared, all the doubts and uncertainties can make exploring anal difficult, even painful. Think about the times you are stressed out; how are your muscles? Do they get tense? So does your anus. We don't want that; we want it relaxed and ready for fun!
We'll review a few of the more common fears and concerns surrounding anal play so that you have the facts before starting.
Is it safe?
Yes, anal training is safe if you take it slow, use lots of lube, and practice safer sex. The anus isn't self-lubricating like the vagina; the tissues are thinner and more sensitive.
If you don't prepare and use enough lube, you can cause microtears and fissures. If you notice a small amount of blood, that's likely what happened, and these often will heal on their own. Just be gentle with your ass for a few days to let it recover. But if you have bleeding for more than a few minutes, it's dark red, or it is accompanied by acute pain; you should see your doctor.
Anal play does not cause conditions like constipation, diarrhea, or hemorrhoids, but if you already have these health issues, you may want to avoid playing until your butt feels better.
Is it messy?
You may have heard horror stories that anal sex is messy, but you can rest assured that poop only moves down into the anal canal just before you have a bowel movement. If you don't feel like you have to go imminently, there's likely no poop.
But since it is your anal canal, there is a small potential that a bit of fecal matter wasn't completely expelled the last time you went. If that's going to be an issue for you, there are several ways to ensure you will have a cleaner experience. Try to go to the bathroom before play, use enemas or anal douches, wear gloves on your hands, and put condoms on toys.
Will it hurt?
Yes, anal can hurt, but it shouldn't! It's certainly possible to feel discomfort, especially if you are new to anal or are trying a new toy or technique. Discomfort should not be painful. At the anal sphincters, you can have a lot of stretching, burning sensations, tension, and cramping since most of the nerve endings are all packed right there. There can be pressure in the anal canal, the feeling that you need to push and expel, and fullness. Sharp, sudden pain is a sign something isn't working quite right, and you need to back off a bit.
The biggest reasons that anal training can hurt are:
- Not using enough lube. Your ass does not lubricate as the vagina does, so don't be skimpy on the lube. The more lube you use, the easier penetration will be. If you remove a toy or body part, re-apply lube before reinserting.
- You are not relaxed enough. If you are tense, your anal sphincter muscles will be too. A great way to relax is to have a lot of foreplay and warm-up. Pro tip: An orgasm also helps your anus relax.
- Penetrating too fast or too hard. It may go without saying, but porn does not mirror real sex. You'll want to go slower and be more gentle with anal sex, at least in the beginning. The giver must go with the pace the receiver is comfortable.
Is it permanent?
Stretching your ass open isn't permanent. Your sphincter's number one priority is to contract and hold your poop in your rectum and then flex and let it out when you're ready. So, it will bounce back into shape because that's its job. No matter how big you go, your ass will return to the "closed" state. It's a set of muscles. What do muscles do when you train them? They get stronger, and you're able to control your movements better! Anal penetration gets more comfortable because you develop better control, not because you've got a bigger butthole.
Can I lose something in there?
If you don't want to end up on an episode of "Sex Sent Me To The ER," then make sure you are using the right toys for anal play. Your anal cavity isn't a dead-end like a vagina. Toys should have a flared base or handle to keep slippery fingers from letting go and being unable to pull something back out.
If you have a missing toy, immediately try to bear down and expel it. If it's been more than a few minutes and no amount of pushing is doing the trick, you can try giving yourself an enema. If that doesn't work, you should go to the emergency room.
Let's Stretch That Ass!
Now that I've blasted the common myths out of the water, let's get ready to have a good stretch session! Your Dominant will want to know how good your ass feels as you progress and any discomfort you may have, even if they are an active part of the sessions. You'll want to keep the communication lines open with your partner as you train your ass.
Setting up the area can be a moment of anticipation before stretching. Lay a towel on the bed, glove up if you prefer, and have some baby wipes. Make sure you have lots of lube, a few anal toys, and plenty of time. Go to the bathroom and make sure you are empty. If you would feel more comfortable about cleanliness, perform an anal douche or enema.
There is a really great comic by Blindjaw that does a fantastic job explaining anal cleaning in a funny, friendly, visual way. I recommend you check it out and download the PDF for your own reference.
How to Clean Your Ass Before Anal Sex - https://howtocleanyourass.wordpress.com/
During your first few sessions, you'll learn what anal penetration feels like and how to relax your muscles to accept something inside your butt. Using whatever you will start with, your finger or a small plug, press it against your anus and apply steady pressure. Feel how your anus responds to your breathing. Either your inhale or exhale will feel like your sphincter is relaxing; this is the perfect moment to advance the object a tiny amount. Don't rush it. If you feel pain or cramping, slow down. Hold it in place until it feels comfortable, and then you can either twist it or pull it out and push it back in.
If at any point you feel uncomfortable about what you're doing, stop and talk about it. There can be a lot of back and forth with uncertainty and surprise. You might be surprised at how easily anal training comes to you, and it's making you nervous, or you're frustrated that you seem to be going really slowly at tolerating the current plug or toy. This is all part of the experience, and sharing it with your Dominant will help you grow.
The point is to get used to all the sensations you want to feel for the experience to build. As we learned, the sensations become more pleasurable once you're relaxed and enjoying it without pain. Sharing the experience with your Dominant helps make a connection between you, and doing something fun, and intimate brings you closer together. No matter what your goals were when you started the anal training journey, seeing them happen as you get closer and closer is exciting! Start stretching your butt and enjoy the pleasure it gives you.
This article is just the beginning. We'd love to help you explore anal training and its many sexy, fun activities. Let us know what to cover next! Send us a Tweet @subguide and ask us your anal training questions!
Dr. Carlton talks about enemas, hemorrhoids, stretching, prostates, fisting & more on The American Sex Podcast!