First date jitters are perfectly normal, but it’s a good idea to calm your nerves prior to meeting your date. Before any first date, avoid thinking about the countless “what if” scenarios and simply go without any expectations. Unfortunately, the nervous energy attached to meeting a Dominant for the first time doesn’t go away for everyone. If you know a few tips and ways to calm your nerves before the big date, you’ll feel relaxed and ready to put your best foot forward.
1. Write down your concerns. Once you see your thoughts in writing you may realize just how silly they actually are. It will also help you stop the thoughts that are bouncing around in your head causing unneeded anxiety.
2. What makes you special? Make a list of all the qualities you and others love about you. When you have a concrete list it will help you present your very best side and represent what a great person you are!
3. Get perspective. The person you are going to meet either asked you out or agreed to meet you in the first place, so you are doing something right. If you were asked out, then they want to be with you. If they accepted your invitation, they decided to spend time with you. Keep that in mind so that you won’t be as nervous.
Also, they are likely just as nervous as you are and it might dispel some of your anxiety if you admit that to them. You don’t have to say it blatantly but, “I don’t know why but I get a bit nervous on first dates!” It might open the door to comfort or mutual agreement and you won’t sound so desperate or afraid.
4. Be prepared. Plan what you are going to wear in advance. Make sure you take a shower and take care of your hair and skin long before the date. Dress nicely and smell nice. It doesn’t matter what you wear, you can always look your best.
Also, make sure you have enough money for your date. Have some cash on hand. Don’t get in a situation where you have to worry about money.
If you are unfamiliar with the location of the date, call to inquire about things like dress code and parking. You can look up things on Yelp.com also for useful information. Have directions so you do not have to fumble with navigation in your car.
5. Distract yourself. In the time leading up to the date keep yourself busy. Do some chores, listen to music, read or go for a walk. Sitting around doing nothing will only amplify your nervousness.
6. Keep it short and sweet. Set a time frame for the date and stick to it. That way you don’t have to try and figure out how to ditch them if things are not going well (The emergency phone call from a friend is old and well known). Only commit to going for coffee or a cocktail or perhaps lunch. This keeps your date shorter without extended time where things could drag on.
7. Have questions in mind. Having set questions in mind will calm any nervous energy you may normally experience. Avoid all cliche topics like what’s your sign. Find out about your date’s last relationship, but avoid asking specifics. To avoid appearing like an interrogator - allow your date to ask plenty of questions too.
8. Work up a sweat. Work out first. You’ll have a positive feeling from the endorphins running through your body and y9ou’ll feel more confident about your appearance. You’ll also have released some tension on your muscles.
9. Breathe deeply. It may sound overly simple or corny, but breathing slowly in and out of your nose actually calms your nervous system. Remember - it’s dating - it’s supposed to be fun so try not to take it too seriously!
10. Concentrate on the present. When you get nervous, put your concentration in the present moment, not the outcome. Every time you start to think of the future - like “will they ask me out on another date?” force yourself to focus on the conversation at hand. You’ll stand a better chance at getting a second date if you can show them what type of person you really are and not distracted by the potential future.
Just remember that people are just people - they are insecure, nervous, happy and hopeful just like you. Enjoy dating for what it is...meeting someone new.
Thoughts to Ponder
- Are there any ideas listed here that you didn't know about? Would you use them if/when you meet someone for the first time?
- Are you more nervous about meeting a person when you know they are a Dominant than if you were just meeting anyone else for the first time? Why is that?
- How do you prepare for a first date?