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The Importance of Safety, Risk-Awareness and Consent in Pre-Scene BDSM Negotiation

Negotiation and consent are the primary ways BDSM is distinguished from abuse - they are essential parts of kinky play. But far too many people gloss over how important it is to be really good at negotiating so that you can have great kinky fun. And you want to have kinky fun, right?

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What's In a Name? Selecting a Scene Name You Can Live With

Choosing a scene name is one thing if it is only ever going to be used online, but it takes a bit more thinking about if you are going to refer to yourself as it in real life as well or use it as an introduction point at a munch or something like 'I'm ********* on FetLife'

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What's That Sound? Discreet BDSM Play and Hiding Toys from Children

Taking precautions when it comes to the noises that can come from play when you have kids in the home.

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What's The Big Deal With BDSM Checklists?

For a novice submissive exploring SM, a checklist can open up a world of fantasies or scare you right back into your light kink and rough sex. Checklists are not meant to scare you or overwhelm you, but I've seen lists that are more like lists of all sorts of rare fetishes and extreme play that only a few ever explore. Why you would want or need that on a novice checklist is beyond me.

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What's With All These BDSM Checklists?

A checklist can be very helpful for you when you are first starting out. You can learn what you might like to try and get answers to things you don't know about. Some of the more detailed checklists can seem overwhelming but please realize that you don't have to like everything. Pick and choose and be honest.

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What to Do When Punishment Starts to Feel Good

I should be accepting punishment for misbehavior and yet I'm getting turned on by the spanking or the evil stick that used to spell doom for my punishment and it starts to feel good. Now, what do I do?

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What To Do When You Encounter Limits Mid Scene

I'd like you to understand that it is okay to find limits you didn't know where there. They could be play activities that you never experienced before that you found you don't like or it could be a pain or sensation edge. Either way, it does not make you any less of a person or a submissive or a masochist. It actually makes you that much more unique and special.

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What to Expect When Attending a Munch

Why should you attend a munch? This is often the first step in exploring the BDSM lifestyle in real life, rather than online. You can meet people, make contacts, ask questions, and just enjoy your time out without worrying about keeping your secret desires secret any longer. This is most often the place where cross dressers can ‘come out’, so to speak, and appear in make up and outfits that reflect their lifestyle, without negative comments.

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What Traditional Submissives can Learn from Hypnosis Fetishists

The hypnosis fetish, however, is relatively new. And because of its newness, traditional submissives sometimes dismiss hypnosis as unnecessary or a cheat. But hypnofetishists have learned a lot about sex and relationships in the past twenty years. And traditionalists could learn something from us: the importance of rapport.

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What Would YOU Change To Make Submissive Guide Better?

The survey is totally anonymous, and you can fill it out right here on the blog.

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When Fantasy Collides with Reality: Weighing Expectations when Exploring Kink Fantasies

Unrealistic expectations and desires are some of the most difficult challenges faced by those who are experienced in the lifestyle when dealing with those just entering the lifestyle. In many ways we each buy into a particular ‘aspect’ of the fantasy. Yet over and over people try to implement the impossible.

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