As a novice looking for a relationship it is a good thing to know if discipline and punishment are something you are looking for. The punishment I'm talking about today is the correction for infractions, or getting into trouble. It's not about the playtime activities which can be called punishment also. So, thinking about your current situation and how you manage your life right now, do you think you would benefit from a punishment dynamic?
What is a punishment dynamic?
A punishment dynamic is a consensual agreement between partners that the Dominant one will watch and correct poor behavior in the submissive. This can be from following rules and particular instructions or it can be used to break bad habits and develop healthy ones. Often, people have a hard time with motivation, self-discipline or have habits they'd like to kick will work well with a punishment dynamic to help them with these things.
In a punishment dynamic, a negative action will have consequences. If you forget to do as instructed or you talk back to your Dominant then you are going to be punished for that. The route that punishment takes is different for each person and can vary from verbal warnings to severe caning or grounding. The punishment usually fits the crime.
The majority of punishment dynamics use corporal punishment in some form. This can be spanking, flogging, caning or some other form of physical pain to get the correction transmitted. There are other punishments that work equally well on submissives such as writing lines, essays or journal entries. Also, don't forget what our parents used; time outs, grounding and having things taken away for a time period can hold the same impact as a spanking. It's especially useful if you are a masochist and enjoy physical pain.
I just love it when he punishes me!
This leads me into the next serious issue with punishment dynamics and the wrong sort of attention. It is often misrepresented in erotic fiction these days that the way to get punished, the only way is to instigate the Dominant and intentionally break a rule or two. The thought here isn't to have an actual punishment, but for play instead. Punishment is fun for novices in this way and is used to great effect on novice Dominants who too may need a reason to administer a spanking or other play.
Why this is a negative thing in my book is that the understanding of what a punishment dynamic is gets mixed up in this idea that punishment should be fun and rewarding. It's not. It's correction, it's not fun for either person but it's supposed to be productive in changing the bad behavior of a submissive. Punishment is not "funishment". If you want to play then learn how to ask for it.
What about rewards?
Yes, that's right, if you have punishment then shouldn't you have rewards? Well, the simple answer is... maybe. Just because you've agreed to have your bad habit squashed and to follow the rules or face the consequences doesn't mean that your Dominant has to reward you for good behavior also. Now, I don't know any Dominants personally who don't dote upon the one's they care for anyway and I know I'm spoiled silly. So having an extra "excuse" to be rewarded seems like a gimme. You are an adult. Being successful in your relationship and life, in general, should be reward enough don't you think?
Other Essays on the Site about Punishment
- A Lesson in Control with Self-Punishment
- Are Discipline and Punishment the Same?
- Carte Blanche - Repeating Misbehavior Patterns
- Ask lunaKM - Humiliation as Punishment - Is it healthy?
- Ask SehAnru | Taking Punishment with Grace
- Handling Guilt from Mistakes and Punishment
- When Does Punishment Go Too Far?