This is a response to the following request for advice:
I have a Dom, and He loves me. But the things is, sometimes he act as my “boyfriend” then he acts as my Master. I am having trouble dealing with the fact that he wants that Master and sub relationship as my utmost and foremost priority in terms of my relationship status. I’ve always thought of the relationship being a normal one but more “kinky” I guess. I really want him to be both, but i don’t know how to deal with it.
He also wants me to trust him blindly, without asking any questions and just doing whatever he says, I want to do that too. And I understand that trust is the most important thing in this kind of relationship. I just really want to be the best for him.
Also, I know that Doms have “criteria” that they follow, and we’re both new in this field. I always feel that he’s changing me, and gradually, the people that I see every day are also noticing the difference, and their comments are not good.
I am really at a loss of what I want to do. Please help?
Being a novice and having a novice Dominant is a challenge. You are both learning not only from each other but of yourselves. I always recommend talking to the other partner in the relationship as your first course of understanding any challenges you both have.
You say he's acting like a boyfriend sometimes and a Master the other times but you are struggling with accepting him as both. Even when he is in 'boyfriend' mode he is still your Master. You can have both, it really is possible that you have a different definition of what a Master is to you. Within this lies your problem. If he doesn't fit one mold or the other then you need to identify why you have to have him act a certain way. Why is being a boyfriend that much different than being a Master? Perhaps he wants more of the power exchange than you are willing to submit to? You have to have a serious talk about this before things get to a point where both of you are unhappy.
Blind faith comes from total submission and trust. I don't like novices going into a situation blind, but I myself have had to learn to not question my Dominant's requests. He does have my best interests at heart. It's not an easy process and I still question my Dominant occasionally. The deeper you get in your relationship the less you may question what he asks of you.
Dominant's don't have criteria; that's a myth. Each and every Dominant is different and expects different things from their submissives. How they go about changing their property is also different. What is it about your changes in behavior that the people around you don't like? Is it something that they find to be different but not alarming or is there possible harm there? Are these changes making you feel good about yourself and improving your submission?
Overall you have a lot to think about and you should sit down with him in a moment where roles are set aside and talk about your concerns and thoughts. Growing together requires communication. I wish you the best of luck.