I remember it was about ten years ago when I was first introduced to the Sleeping Beauty trilogy by Anne Rice. I had stumbled across the series by accident while browsing the erotica section of a local bookstore. I had no idea what they were about but had read a lot of Anne Rice’s works before and loved what I had read, so I figured I would enjoy this series. I was not disappointed! Throughout reading the entire series, there were so many passages that spoke to me about being submissive and the more I grew in my submission and re-read the series, more passages started popping out to me. Through this post and future posts, I want to share with the readers here how I have been moved by this series and hope I can share something meaningful to me with all of you.
“...she felt desperate to belong to someone again, to be punished for someone, to be possessed as well as chastised. It was worth any humiliation, that, to be possessed by another. In retrospect, it seemed she had only been a flower in full bloom when she was thoroughly violated by the will of another, that in suffering for the will of another she had discovered her true self.” --Beauty’s Release by Anne Rice.
There have been several times throughout my journey that I have been without an owner. I am sure that I’m not alone in saying that those periods when I was without an owner were the worst. During those times I felt lost and had no idea in which direction to turn. My first taste of the lifestyle was a long distance relationship and most of our contact was limited to emails and chatting online with the occasional phone call. He and I did meet once in person and that was...one of the most amazing times in my life. It was the first time I had ever been scened with and realized how much power and emotion there was in spankings and being tied up. After the one time meeting, communication went back to emails and online chatting, but shortly after our visit, something kicked in. I realized that I wasn’t okay with just having an online D/s relationship. I needed more structure, I needed more of the pain and humiliation that I had felt during that very short two days, I needed what I had felt during that time in my life all the time and if I couldn’t have that, then I knew my life would be wasted. I remember one night I was talking with the Dominant on the phone and I admitted that I needed to be a full-time slave. I told him that he had opened something up inside of me I didn’t know had even existed and what we were doing online wasn’t enough for me. He told me that he understood how I felt but couldn’t provide me with that, not only because of the distance but also because he wasn’t interested in having a full-time submissive. Hearing that hurt, but because of His honesty, I was able to look for what I needed.
Even though things didn’t go as I had planned with the master I was with, the few months I was with him and his collared slave, I learned a lot, but the most important thing I did learn was that I was only my true self when I was serving and kneeling at the feet of the one I belonged to. I noticed that when I wasn’t with someone, something inside of me didn’t feel right, that there was a huge chunk of me missing, but when I was with someone, I felt more complete. Every time I was between partners, all it seemed that I could think about was being with someone, getting back to feeling whole, craving to be used and humiliated. Even though I went through a string of dominants before meeting Daddy, and didn’t have the intense emotional connection that I have now, I still felt at peace, felt that I had a purpose in life.
While re-reading Beauty’s Release for the umpteenth million time a few months ago, I stumbled across this passage and found myself having to read over it several times. It was one of those moments like in the cartoons where a light bulb appears in a thought bubble above a character’s head. Ever since I have moved to be with Daddy and when Daddy placed the collar around my neck and locked it, I knew for the first time ever in my life, I was, and still am truly free to be who I really am and what I am meant to be.
To me, I think realizing your true calling with the one you want to serve is one of the greatest feelings any slave or submissive can feel. I know whenever I read something like this, it makes me take a moment to stop and reflect on why it is that I do what I do. Despite all the difficulties and trials that come with being a slave or submissive, there are some extremely wonderful and beautiful heartwarming moments as well. There are times we get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life that we forget these times and it is wonderful to know that we can be reminded of such beauty in pieces of fiction.