Every time we have to face our family as a kink couple, Master and I have had to tone it down and disguise how we normally live our lives. Our family does not know how we live and they really don't have any business knowing. I'm not going to ask my father what he does in the bedroom so I am not going to volunteer that information to my father. It just goes without saying. So, with a crowded house of family, how do we manage to stay Dominant and submissive?

Explanations of your behavior can very simply be that you like the 50's household style of living, or if they catch something that seems odd to them just say that you just do things differently than they do. For example, sitting on the floor. Perhaps you can explain that you feel more comfortable on the floor. Some people honestly do.

Now I know there is a small minority of people that feel that changing your behavior for others is offensive and that you should be able to parade around in leather collar and leash where ever you go. To those of you who feel this way, this newsletter isn't for you. I strongly believe in consent and the people you meet in a shopping mall for example just didn't sign up to see you groping your partner

Hopefully, by the time you are done reading this newsletter, you will have a few tips that will work for you when you begin your holiday parties.


Learning to keep your submission under wraps without going crazy from not being yourself can be difficult and will require practice. Get together with your partner before you have to meet family for the holidays and set up ways to do things while in the presence of family. Don't wait till 30 mins before the bell rings!

Go through your rules and behaviors one by one and decide if that is something that would be okay to do around family. I know one couple that had to put the bathroom door back on its hinges when the family was expected. The no privacy rule went out the window. Things like calling your Dominant Sir may not raise such a stir, but then again, it just might.

Make sure you know what's acceptable behavior and what is punishable behavior before the first person enters the home. Keeping some semblance of rules and control is very important to maintaining your dynamic. So please plan your holidays first. There is no reason to dump your dynamic or your role within it just because you are not out to your family.


One way you can keep the dynamic fully in effect is developing a holiday protocol or one that would be initiated during moments of public crowds like shopping or conventions. Anything is possible if you put your mind to it.

Hand Signals - Asking permission for things could very easily become hand signals. I know a slave that puts two fingers to her lips in the cigarette fashion when she would like to ask her Master for a smoke. It's silent, it can be hidden and while this example is obvious as to what they were asking for, it doesn't have to be.

Non-Verbals - On top of hand signals are non-verbals of other sorts. Body language and facial expressions can transmit a lot of information. What could a wink mean? How about tipping your head right or left?

Waived Rules - Sometimes certain things just have to be waived when you enter a situation around non-kink persons. Talking in 3rd person is certainly one that will have to go away during non-kink activities. Setting up new acceptable behaviors can replace the rules you've had to lift.


It's so very important to find time to connect intimately during the hectic holiday season. Schedule that play time! Make sure that you stay sexually aware. There is no reason to get demure just because the family is around. You are a couple, so be one. If you are lucky enough to have people staying in your home, then you just have to find more quiet ways to play. Gags are always welcome, soft and quiet toys like needles, tens units and sensation play are aways fun things to do while being quiet.

Okay, so the reason I say you need play time is that it will help you destress; and trust me I know you will want to destress. No matter how much you love your family and spending time with them it can do a number on your patience and mental state. Find a way back to yourself with a bit of sexy kinky play.


Lastly, when the holidays are over, find the time to de-stress. Take the time to find something that you can do to relax, even if that means doing nothing at all.

Thoughts to Ponder

  1. Do you change things a bit when it comes to being around family and friends? What do you do?
  2. Did you come up with any ideas you'd like to share with me?
  3. Was there a moment that your family asked about something you were doing that was part of your dynamic?

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