As a woman, wife, and sub I often times feel like the weight of the world rest with me. In every relationship, there is give and take and a D/s relationship is no different. Who bears the brunt of the responsibility?

As a submissive, our existence is solely to please our master, although often passed as a singular goal it is comprised of many smaller tasks. Submissive duties can be placed in two general categories: Domestic and sexual duties. Domestic duties often include cooking, cleaning, child care and grooming of the dominant. The sexual duties of a submissive are often varied and numerous. These categories can be broken down even further to include the appropriate tasks. Individually all of these duties are time-consuming and take great planning. It seems like quite a good deal of work, doesn't it?

Dominants are often thought to have the easier 'job' in D/s relationships and this is not so. Just as the submissive, the dominant has very important duties that he or she must tend to. Dominants have the responsibility of creating all the rules for the D/s relationship. The dominant also has the task of enforcing these rules and doling out consequences once they're broken. Dominants also make important decisions for themselves as well as their submissive. Doms must constantly think of the safety of their submissive. This task alone is a very strenuous task not to mention the dominants duties to understand and take care of the submissive's wants and needs.

Comparatively the duties of the Dominant and submissive are similar in importance.  Each role has their own personalized responsibilities and liabilities. How do we decide on who carries the heavier load?

I feel as if the dominant holds the most responsibility if not solely for the fact that they directly deal with the well-being of another living being.  Some s/m practices can be dangerous and without a well researched dominant these dangers can be realized. That fact in its self is a large stressor and something our Masters must deal with every time we play. Beyond our physical safety, our Master must uphold our mental safety as well. If not cushioned and pampered during the right times it's very easy for a sub to feel neglected and lessened in this lifestyle. Dominants have to know their slave in ways that other relationship partners do not. Our Masters have to push our limits, ease our concerns and test our commitment all without necessarily having our verbal input. I would definitely venture to say that doms have to know their slaves better than they know themselves. If that isn't a momentous responsibility then I'm not quite sure what is.

With all BDSM relationships varying so dramatically, it's hard to make a general assumption on who bears the burden of responsibility. It's important to embrace the responsibilities you do have and to act with great diligence when performing those duties.