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Wants and Needs

Wants and needs are very important to any relationship. When you start to understand who you are as a submissive, it’s time to figure out what you are looking for in a relationship. The difference between wants and needs can be answered in one basic question. Is this something you can live without?

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Lessons in Submissive Speech

Not long after my first step into the real world of BDSM I learned of a phrase that to this day has no real definition that I can pin to it. That phrase is “speaking submissively.” To me, there is no way to speak submissively that isn’t also speaking respectfully and with deference. Many other people speak the same way in situations that call for it, like in front of a judge or to the president for instance.But I still get questions about how a submissive is supposed to say x, y and z so I thought that I’d do my best to convey what I think would work in a variety of circumstances so that if the occasion arises that you need to “speak submissively” you’ll have something you can say.

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What Should You Do When Your Wants or Needs Aren't Met?

Unfortunately, there are times where needs or wants can't be filled by the person you are with.

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How to Learn What You Want and Need in a D/s Relationship

Submissives all over seem to know what they want out of a relationship; it's always present in their minds. The play, the sex, the love or strictness of dominance. Wants are very valid to the happiness in your life, but more important are the needs. When you think of needs, the list seems to come harder and people struggle more with defining what they really need.

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What Everybody Ought To Know About Basic Needs and Need Deficits

The next time you take a look at your needs list, make a note of how important that need is. You can always scale them so that you can make sure your base needs are being met. Never settle for less than what you require. Submissives have needs too, make sure yours get met.

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How To Talk About Your Wants and Needs With Your Dominant

Once you have your list worked out and are satisfied with how important it is for you to have these needs met, it's time to express them. Not only will it keep your submissive transparent, but it will provide you with information on your partner's wants and needs. Needs lists are not negotiable. You shouldn't settle and you should never have someone convince you that your needs aren't important.

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Know Thyself, Don't Rush Into a Relationship Until You Know These Six Things

Being a single submissive preparing for a relationship is just about as much work as those of us in relationships. Personal development should be your main focus. I have six very important tasks that should help you prepare for a happy future.

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Why Identifying Your Wants and Needs is So Important as a Novice Submissive

Understanding your needs and how important certain ones in your life is a key component to finally reaching happiness and fulfillment.

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Solo-Coaching: Identifying Unmet Needs and How to Reprioritize Them In Your Life

When you start doing your own self-work, or self-coaching, you may be surprised how your priorities reorganize themselves when you start focusing on your needs instead of your wants. Your needs are healthy and have a right to be met.

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An Exercise to Help You Distinguish Between Wants and Needs

When we discuss basics, the needs are food, clothing and shelter, but what about relationships? When you enter into a relationship you have needs to be fulfilled also. These could be love, attention, and affection. In a D/s relationship these could also be rules, structure, discipline and many others.

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