As a novice submissive, I believed that asking for anything was not appropriate for a submissive. I rarely requested a favorite restaurant, something at the store or anything else I wanted. My Master often asked me why I constantly deferred to him for everything. Of course, I responded with what I thought to be right, "Because you are Master."

Wrong answer.

As a part of my development Master trained me to be transparent with my feelings and wants and needs. This included the very things that I wanted or needed that I thought he should be deciding on. If I wanted to go to the store for something I had to learn to ask him for it. If I wanted a kiss or attention, or if I wanted sex; I had to learn to ask for it. There are ways to ask for something that doesn't seem demanding or controlling and I had to work on learning these traits to a request.

What is an acceptable request?

A request that is appropriate is still submissive in nature. Words that don't insist or command that the want is done are correct. You should choose your words wisely. Turn your commands or requests into questions. Make sure you use your Dominant's name if that is the correct way for you to address them.

No
  • I need to go to the store.
  • Give me a hug.
  • Stop that and pay attention to me.
  • Help me with the dishes.
 Yes
  • Can (I or we) go to the store for x,y, and z, Master?
  • May I have a hug Master?
  • I'd like to spend some time with you, when will you be finished there Master?
  • Would you mind helping me with the dishes, Master?

We've talked about our wants and needs previously and now we can focus on how we say that we want immediate concerns addressed. No matter how badly you want or need these things, they need to be brought up respectfully. Part of being an obedient submissive is to know how to ask for things that we need so that our immediate needs are addressed.

This does not mean that the dominant has to give us what we want. But it does then give them the opportunity to decide for us. Each relationship is different in how requests are handled, but if you know a respectful and honest way to address them with your dominant will appreciate it.

Now I encourage you to let me know in the comments how you ask for things you want. Is there a special time that you can bring your requests to your Dominant's attention? How transparent are you with your thoughts and requests?