Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

Ask Anything

The many anonymous questions I get in my mailbox each month get answered in special posts in this section by a Contributing Writer. It’s like a Dear Abby column for the submissive mind.

Articles

What Do I Call My Dominant?

What Do I Call My Dominant?

Dear Submissive Guide, I told my fiance today that I was interested in being submissive, But I wanted to start of slowly. He agreed to it, said we could give it a shot. I’m wondering now, what I should call him. I personally don’t like Master or Sir. He definitely doesn’t like Master. Only other [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Feeling Like a Parrot: Saying What He Wants to Hear Instead of a Sincere Response

Feeling Like a Parrot: Saying What He Wants to Hear Instead of a Sincere Response

Dear Submissive Guide I hit the jackpot with my first (and quite likely only) Dom. He is kind and considerate and well, treats me like a queen. He makes being submissive to him so wonderful. But, in the rare times, we don’t see eye to eye and he tells me what he wants, he will [...]

1 comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
How To Express Submissiveness as a Little

How To Express Submissiveness as a Little

Dear Submissive Guide, I am a little girl and have a wonderful Daddy Dom. How else can I show my submissiveness in a little girl way without falling into total servitude and then becoming more like a slave? Thank you,His Little Girl Dear LG, I think your question is one that crosses plenty of submissive’s [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Relationships
How to Approach a Couple into Kink and Polyamory when You are New

How to Approach a Couple into Kink and Polyamory when You are New

Dear lunaKM, I am new to the lifestyle, and have never had a true Dom. However, now there is a Dom that has shown interest in me, alongside his current submissive/fiancee. While it would be a long distance relationship (LDR), I am interested in the offer, but unsure as how to pursue. To give a [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Teased With No Relief: How to Address Orgasm Denial Because Dominant Gets Too Busy and Forgets

Teased With No Relief: How to Address Orgasm Denial Because Dominant Gets Too Busy and Forgets

Dear SG, My Dominant has a habit of teasing me without any following ‘relief’. He will get my motor running and then leave me all riled up. He gets busy with something else. Sometimes this teasing can go on for weeks, even months because of his busy lifestyle. How can I cope with the frustration?! [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Relationships
Am I Too Clingy for Submission? Emotional Attachment and Vulnerability

Am I Too Clingy for Submission? Emotional Attachment and Vulnerability

Dear Submissive Guide, I’m feeling confused about service, sub drop, and my emotions. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now. He is my first Master and I am his first sub but we did explore these sides of ourselves very early on into our relationship. Right away I felt that [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
How Do I Let Him Know I’m Committed to Him?

How Do I Let Him Know I’m Committed to Him?

Dear Submissive Guide, I am finally at ease with my Daddy Dom, ready to move on in our relationship, giving him my trust which has been hard for me, because of past abuses. Even thinking of myself as ‘little” for him was hard at first. But I so enjoy the simple nature of the relationship. [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Beginner Basics
What Should I Expect from My Dominant?

What Should I Expect from My Dominant?

Luna, what is reasonable to expect from a dominant in exchange for submission and service? I realize everyone is different, but when a sub is not being financially supported and is doing household care and management, handling the everyday paperwork of bill paying, handling home repair calls, etc.; assuming her Dom is loving, caring, what else [...]

Leave a comment Posted by lunaKM | Posted in: Ask Anything
How To Navigate Public BDSM Play as a Transgender Person

How To Navigate Public BDSM Play as a Transgender Person

Dear Submissive Guide, I’m new to the scene and realizing I’m very interested in submission and masochism. I’m also gay and transgender (an FtM who is attracted to men). I’m gearing up the courage to go to a play party, and while I might not play at my first one I will want to play [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Play and Sex
How Do I Find a Dominant?

How Do I Find a Dominant?

Dear Submissive Guide, How do I find a Dom? I know I want to be a sub but I’m lost, I don’t know how to find a Dom and live the way I want to. Sincerely,Looking for a Dom  Hey there! You’ve asked a question that every single submissive asks themselves at some point: Where [...]

3 comments Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Relationships
Regaining Trust – He Cheated and I’m Not Over It Yet

Regaining Trust – He Cheated and I’m Not Over It Yet

Hello SG, I’m struggling with a problem that has been following me for quite some time now. My Dominant and I have been through hell and high water, involving ‘light’ cheating (sexting each other, meeting up, but did not have sex) while I was away on holiday with family. This was almost a year ago. [...]

2 comments Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Relationships
Help! My Dominant Says and Does Things I Didn’t Agree To

Help! My Dominant Says and Does Things I Didn’t Agree To

Dear Submissive Guide, In May I met a wonderful Dom online. We talked on the phone every night and I was over the moon for him. He was the first to say I love you and my self-protect wall started to melt. In my dating profile, I was explicit about not wanting to relocate because [...]

1 comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Things Have Changed and I Feel Insecure In My Relationship

Things Have Changed and I Feel Insecure In My Relationship

Dear Submissive Guide, I am a sub and I have an amazing Master. He is loving, caring, respectful and just everything a sub could ask for. He collared me 6 months ago and we moved in together 2 months ago. We get along great in every area so far. The problem is this, lately, I’ve [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
How Do I Help My Dom Give Me What I Need

How Do I Help My Dom Give Me What I Need

Hi SG, I’m relatively experienced when it comes to submission. I’ve submitted in play to a number of delightful Dommes and pushed my boundaries nicely over the years.  I’ve never had a long term D’s relationship, though. I’m just entering into a relationship with a lady who is highly sexed and thoroughly enjoying the power. [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Relationships
How To Get Over Being Angry When Punished

How To Get Over Being Angry When Punished

Hello, I have a question. I’m having a hard time getting past just being angry when my Dom punishes me. Specifically corporal punishment. I understand what I do wrong but it is so hard to just lay there and take it as they say. I don’t want to start a conflict with Sir, I just [...]

3 comments Posted by Mrs. Darling | Posted in: Ask Anything, BDSM Fundamentals
Create a Transition: Moving Between D/s and Vanilla Lives

Create a Transition: Moving Between D/s and Vanilla Lives

Dear Submissive Guide, So, I am totally a newbie. I do have a Master but due to our personal/vanilla lives, it is limited & very part-time. My Master has not participated in the lifestyle for 12 years. My question is do you have any info on transitioning from submissive side back to my vanilla? We [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Ask lunaKM – Quickies: Dog Collars,  Task Lists and Con-artist Doms

Ask lunaKM – Quickies: Dog Collars, Task Lists and Con-artist Doms

It’s time for another round of quick answers for questions you have sent in! Dear SG, I’m wondering if a dog prong collar would be safe to use for a collar? I’m intrigued by the sharpness of it but don’t want to use one if it’d be too dangerous. You gave me a vision of [...]

Leave a comment Posted by lunaKM | Posted in: Ask Anything
My Master Wants to Have Sex With Other People

My Master Wants to Have Sex With Other People

Dear Submissive Guide, Is it normal for your Master to want to play and have sex with others? Sincerely,Curious Dear Curious, I could give you the glib answer and say, “There’s no such thing as normal” but that doesn’t help you much, does it? Do some people, Dominant or submissive, want to have open relationships [...]

1 comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Sexual Injury From Fisting – Should We Try Again?

Sexual Injury From Fisting – Should We Try Again?

Dear Submissive Guide, I have recently entered into a D/s relationship with a man that I’ve had an on/off sexual relationship with for 10 years. I would describe or sexual encounters up to now as vanilla, but intense and occasionally mildly aggressive. But we both have an interest in D/s, he has experience, I don’t. [...]

1 comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
How Do I Manage a Long Distance D/s Relationship Due to Deployment?

How Do I Manage a Long Distance D/s Relationship Due to Deployment?

Dear SG, Me and my boyfriend have been talking about this. He’s convincing me into it. We haven’t experienced anything yet. I’m new at this, he’s a dominant. But he’s leaving for 9 months deployment and I don’t know how to do this long distance relationship. Sincerely,New to D/s Dear New to D/s, I’m sorry [...]

8 comments Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
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