Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

Ask Anything

The many anonymous questions I get in my mailbox each month get answered in special posts in this section by a Contributing Writer. It’s like a Dear Abby column for the submissive mind.

Ask a question!

Do you have a question for me? I'm your submissive 'Dear Annie' columnist!

This submission is anonymous. Your name and email are never collected so you can feel safe that your identity is protected. No question is too silly or too personal.

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Articles

Ask Submissive Guide – Being Transgender and Public BDSM Play

Ask Submissive Guide – Being Transgender and Public BDSM Play

Dear Submissive Guide, I’m new to the scene and realizing I’m very interested in submission and masochism. I’m also gay and transgender (an FtM who is attracted to men). I’m gearing up the courage to go to a play party, and while I might not play at my first one I will want to play [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Play and Sex
Ask Submissive Guide – Finding a Dominant

Ask Submissive Guide – Finding a Dominant

Dear Submissive Guide, How do I find a Dom? I know I want to be a sub but I’m lost, I don’t know how to find a Dom and live the way I want to. Sincerely,Looking for a Dom  Hey there! You’ve asked a question that every single submissive asks themselves at some point: Where [...]

2 comments Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Relationships
Ask Submissive Guide – He Cheated and I’m Not Over It Yet

Ask Submissive Guide – He Cheated and I’m Not Over It Yet

Hello SG, I’m struggling with a problem that has been following me for quite some time now. My Dominant and I have been through hell and high water, involving ‘light’ cheating (sexting each other, meeting up, but did not have sex) while I was away on holiday with family. This was almost a year ago. [...]

2 comments Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Relationships
Ask Submissive Guide – My Dominant Says and Does Things I Didn’t Agree To

Ask Submissive Guide – My Dominant Says and Does Things I Didn’t Agree To

Dear Submissive Guide, In May I met a wonderful Dom online. We talked on the phone every night and I was over the moon for him. He was the first to say I love you and my self-protect wall started to melt. In my dating profile, I was explicit about not wanting to relocate because [...]

1 comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Ask Anything – Feeling Insecure

Ask Anything – Feeling Insecure

Dear Submissive Guide, I am a sub and I have an amazing Master. He is loving, caring, respectful and just everything a sub could ask for. He collared me 6 months ago and we moved in together 2 months ago. We get along great in every area so far. The problem is this, lately, I’ve [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Ask Submissive Guide: How Do I Help My Dom Give Me What I Need

Ask Submissive Guide: How Do I Help My Dom Give Me What I Need

Hi SG, I’m relatively experienced when it comes to submission. I’ve submitted in play to a number of delightful Dommes and pushed my boundaries nicely over the years.  I’ve never had a long term D’s relationship, though. I’m just entering into a relationship with a lady who is highly sexed and thoroughly enjoying the power. [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Relationships
Ask Submissive Guide: Getting Angry Over Punishment

Ask Submissive Guide: Getting Angry Over Punishment

Hello, I have a question. I’m having a hard time getting past just being angry when my Dom punishes me. Specifically corporal punishment. I understand what I do wrong but it is so hard to just lay there and take it as they say. I don’t want to start a conflict with Sir, I just [...]

3 comments Posted by Mrs. Darling | Posted in: Ask Anything, BDSM Fundamentals
Ask Anything: Handling the Vanilla Side of Things

Ask Anything: Handling the Vanilla Side of Things

Dear Submissive Guide, So, I am totally a newbie. I do have a Master but due to our personal/vanilla lives, it is limited & very part-time. My Master has not participated in the lifestyle for 12 years. My question is do you have any info on transitioning from submissive side back to my vanilla? We [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Ask lunaKM – Quickies: Dog Collars,  Task Lists and Con-artist Doms

Ask lunaKM – Quickies: Dog Collars, Task Lists and Con-artist Doms

It’s time for another round of quick answers for questions you have sent in! Dear SG, I’m wondering if a dog prong collar would be safe to use for a collar? I’m intrigued by the sharpness of it but don’t want to use one if it’d be too dangerous. You gave me a vision of [...]

Leave a comment Posted by lunaKM | Posted in: Ask Anything
Ask Anything: My Master Wants to Have Sex With Other People

Ask Anything: My Master Wants to Have Sex With Other People

Dear Submissive Guide, Is it normal for your Master to want to play and have sex with others? Sincerely,Curious Dear Curious, I could give you the glib answer and say, “There’s no such thing as normal” but that doesn’t help you much, does it? Do some people, Dominant or submissive, want to have open relationships [...]

1 comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Ask Submissive Guide: Fisting Fail and Sexual Injury

Ask Submissive Guide: Fisting Fail and Sexual Injury

Dear Submissive Guide, I have recently entered into a D/s relationship with a man that I’ve had an on/off sexual relationship with for 10 years. I would describe or sexual encounters up to now as vanilla, but intense and occasionally mildly aggressive. But we both have an interest in D/s, he has experience, I don’t. [...]

1 comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Ask Submissive Guide: New to D/s and LDR

Ask Submissive Guide: New to D/s and LDR

Dear SG, Me and my boyfriend have been talking about this. He’s convincing me into it. We haven’t experienced anything yet. I’m new at this, he’s a dominant. But he’s leaving for 9 months deployment and I don’t know how to do this long distance relationship. Sincerely,New to D/s Dear New to D/s, I’m sorry [...]

8 comments Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Ask lunaKM – Afraid of Long Distance Dom

Ask lunaKM – Afraid of Long Distance Dom

Dear Annie, I am in a dom/sub relationship long distance, One that has become very stressful for me. I am punished it seems like every day to stay in favor and because of the distance, it is monetary payment. It is breaking me down financially and mentally, it seems I get nothing from this relationship. [...]

3 comments Posted by lunaKM | Posted in: Ask Anything, Relationships, Safety
Ask Subguide – Worried I’m Not Enough

Ask Subguide – Worried I’m Not Enough

Dear SG,I’m in love with my Master. That’s natural right? Over a decade with this man. He’s in love with me as well but I’m not so sure that I’m what he needs anymore. His need for his sadistic ways to flourish are being held back by me. Is that fair? That because of his [...]

1 comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Ask the Readers – In Poly, do all partners have other partners?

Ask the Readers – In Poly, do all partners have other partners?

Dear lunaKM, I am researching the poly lifestyle. I am looking for opinions on whether or not poly means both sides of the slash should be able to have other partners. Is there any iron clad rule about that? Thank you. There is no iron clad rule about any relationship style. If the partners all [...]

5 comments Posted by lunaKM | Posted in: Ask Anything, Relationships
Ask Submissive Guide: Grieving for Her Master

Ask Submissive Guide: Grieving for Her Master

Dear LunaKM, I lost my Master to cancer two weeks ago, and I’m not sure how to grieve,  He was not only my master he was my best friend. While there are moments of deep sadness I don’t feel I’m grieving  enough.  Shortly after his passing I had to clean out his home and  it [...]

1 comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Ask lunaKM – Can’t Wear My Collar at Work

Ask lunaKM – Can’t Wear My Collar at Work

Dear lunaKM, So…i am a collared submissive & wear my Ring of Steel collar 24/7, proudly. Problem is: i work in a food service position, where jewelry is prohibited & my supervisor is threatening to take disciplinary action should i wear my collar during my next shift (despite my working while wearing it for nearly [...]

6 comments Posted by lunaKM | Posted in: Ask Anything
Ask Submissive Guide: Trying to Make a Poly Relationship Work

Ask Submissive Guide: Trying to Make a Poly Relationship Work

Dear Submissive Guide, My Dom and I are basically in a LDR. We have been together for about 8 months. His job requirements are such that he travels consistently. In our relationship he identified as poly and I have great interest as well. We decided that it would be in our best interest to become [...]

1 comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Ask Submissive Guide: Trying Again

Ask Submissive Guide: Trying Again

Hi Submissive Guide My Dominant and I are trying to get our relationship going in the right direction again. We have been married for 23 years and in an M/s relationship for the past 4 years. In the beginning he read everything and was involved and it was everything I dreamed it would be but [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Relationships
Ask Submissive Guide: He Wants Me to Send Money as a Sign of Commitment

Ask Submissive Guide: He Wants Me to Send Money as a Sign of Commitment

I have met someone online and he has asked me to be his submissive. After much talk etc… I agreed he then asked for money as a gift to show commitment to him and to show I was serious about this ? This has made me wary I have done everything else he has asked [...]

4 comments Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
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