Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

Views & More…

A broad mish-mash of opinions, views and thoughts that don’t fit in any one category.

Ask Anything View All

What Do I Call My Dominant?

Dear Submissive Guide, I told my fiance today that I was interested in being submissive, But I wanted to start of slowly. He agreed to it, said we could give it a shot. I’m wondering now, what I should call him. I personally don’t like Master or Sir. He definitely doesn’t like Master. Only other [...]

19, April | Leave a comment

Feeling Like a Parrot: Saying What He Wants to Hear Instead of a Sincere Response

Dear Submissive Guide I hit the jackpot with my first (and quite likely only) Dom. He is kind and considerate and well, treats me like a queen. He makes being submissive to him so wonderful. But, in the rare times, we don’t see eye to eye and he tells me what he wants, he will [...]

5, April | 1 comment

How To Express Submissiveness as a Little

Dear Submissive Guide, I am a little girl and have a wonderful Daddy Dom. How else can I show my submissiveness in a little girl way without falling into total servitude and then becoming more like a slave? Thank you,His Little Girl Dear LG, I think your question is one that crosses plenty of submissive’s [...]

15, March | Leave a comment

Newsletter Archive View All

New to D/s Relationships? Here’s Your Foolproof Guide to Starting Out – Part 1

Exploring the physical aspects of BDSM, such as flogging, spanking and bondage are a lot simpler in terms of finding information that will help you on your way but when you crave a D/s relationship the shared knowledge folds into personal stories and “you’ll learn as you go” sentiments. It’s just not an easy road [...]

20, March | 4 comments

An Open Letter to Everyone Who Wants to Know What a D/s Relationship is Supposed to Look Like

from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 10/29/16 A D/s (or M/s) relationship, for most of you reading this, you either have one or want one. For those of you who have never been in a D/s relationship before it comes as no shock that you want to know what it’s like and what to expect from [...]

30, January | 3 comments

Play Nice: Some Notes on Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol (Part 1 of 7) – General Principles

from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 10-9-16 by Ambrosio. This was first published on Ambrosio’s site and has a free to distribute license. Abrosio dedicated this article to Beverly M. in Austin. Good Manners vs. Correct Protocol “Manners are of more importance than laws. Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, [...]

9, January | Leave a comment

Research Pages View All

BDSM How To: Wax Play

I love wax play. It’s so much fun and something that is simple to do and also not extremely expensive, which is awesome because we all know how expensive toys can be. So, it’s always great to find a fun activity that isn’t expensive. Not only that, but the more colorful candles you use, it [...]

7, March | 2 comments

Polyamory Resources From Around the Web

Every once and awhile, I get a message from a friend on Facebook or a reader asking me about polyamory resources since they know I’m in a polyamorous relationship. My usual response is give me a few days and I’ll get back to them after I go through my bookmarks so, I thought it would [...]

5, January | Leave a comment

The Best Resources for Littles, Adult Babies, and Diaper Lovers

About a month ago, I got an email from a reader telling me that she and her dominant are interested in the Daddy/little girl lifestyle and asked me if I knew of any other online resources other than my previous articles that have appeared here on Submissive Guide. Sadly to say, I didn’t have many [...]

3, December | Leave a comment

Reviews View All

Book Review: Broken Toys: Submissives with Mental Illness and Neurological Dysfunction

There are a lot of us in the lifestyle who deal with mental illness or a type of neurological dysfunction. There are numerous groups on Fetlife and articles on the Internet dealing with being in a power exchange relationship when having a mental illness. Unfortunately, there aren’t that many sources about being in a power [...]

10, January | Leave a comment

9 Books on BDSM and D/s I’ve Read More Than Once (They’re THAT Good!)

from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 7/9/16 When I started exploring BDSM and D/s relationships in 2003 there weren’t a lot of resources available. Those that were available were considered bibles of BDSM, essential reading for those who wanted books to read. (Which seems self-serving since they were the only resources, of  course people suggested reading [...]

14, November | 2 comments

Book Review: The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

In my quest to read books that have been sitting at the bottom of my Kindle library for awhile now, I stumbled across The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play, and the Erotic Edge edited by Tristian Taormino. I had even forgotten that I had purchased this book. I feel a bit stupid for [...]

3, November | Leave a comment

Roundtable Discussions View All

Enough to Make You Blush – Subguide Book Club Week 4: Ch 15-End

Welcome to the final week: Today through March 3rd. Read and discuss Chapters 15-End There are a lot of new and interesting activities in this reading section! I admit to enjoying a few of them *blush*. If you’re here, you have read to the end or are currently reading it! Please go ahead and start [...]

26, February | 3 comments

Enough to Make You Blush – Subguide Book Club Week 3: Ch 8-14

Welcome to Week 3: Today through February 25th Read and discuss Chapters 8-14 There are a lot of new and interesting activities in this reading section! I admit to enjoying a few of them *blush*. If you’re here, you have read the 3rd part, or are currently reading it! Please go ahead and start (or [...]

19, February | 6 comments

Enough to Make You Blush: – SubGuide Book Club Week 2: Ch 4-7

Welcome to Week 2: Today through February 18th Read and discuss Chapters 4-7 If you’re here, you have read the second part, or are currently reading it! Please go ahead and start (or continue) the conversation!  Remember to come back to continue to respond to others who comment throughout the week (and month)!  Write as [...]

12, February | 5 comments

Sponsors View All

Who says being on the bottom doesn’t pay? I make $45,000 a year sexting as a sub.

This is a paid advertorial for Arousr.com. Living off of ramen noodles and waiting tables to (barely) afford rent was the norm for my college experience. Although if you had told me at the time that I could make double what I was earning in a fraction of the time, I would not have believed [...]

21, April | Leave a comment

BDSM Relationships: Strings or no-Strings

So what sort of BDSM partner is it you’re looking for? It seems like such a simple question, after all when we think about BDSM we immediately picture a casual encounter where anything goes. However that is simply not the case, much like any situation involving two consenting people the options available to you are [...]

4, September | 3 comments

Vivian’s New Ebook “What He Wants: A Man’s Seven Secret Spanking Desires”

 Vivian has a new book!  Order your copy of “What He Wants” today for $12.95 Order Now BY CLICKING BELOW: Your PayPal transaction is secure, instant and completely confidential. You do not need a PayPal account to purchase the book.

1, October | Leave a comment

SubWise View All

SubWise #9 – Scene Music

Last week I asked you to talk all about favorite music for play time. Here are the submissions I received. There is some excellent thoughts here folks! Check it out. Make sure you leave comments! (Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.) pet’s journey The conversation isn’t over. If you [...]

21, April | 6 comments

SubWise #9: Scene Music – Participation Request

Its time for SubWise! You know what to do by now. I’m going to give you a topic to write about and your task goes like this: Write about the topic in your blog or online journal. You don’t have to have a blog to participate. If you have a FetLife account you can use your [...]

13, April | Leave a comment

SubWise #8 – Submission in Public

Last week I asked you to talk all about submission in public. Make sure you leave comments! (Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.) pet’s journey The conversation isn’t over. If you would like to share your thoughts, please do so in the comments!

19, March | 14 comments

Video Posts View All

[Video Post] Define This! Punishment and Funishment

Welcome to a mini-series here on the channel that I’m going to call Define This! In this series you are welcome to ask me to define terms found in the BDSM and D/s lexicon that you don’t know and I will make a brief video defining it for you. Sounds simple enough, right?  I want [...]

8, February | 1 comment

[Video Post] 3 Challenges of Having Rules in a D/s Relationship

In the previous video about rules I talked about how to set up rules in an D/s or M/s relationship and the incorporating them into your relaxed or structured dynamic. Check out the previous video post if you missed it. Today I want to talk abut after rules are selected and you are practicing them [...]

16, September | 1 comment

[Video Post] Adding Rules in a D/s (or M/s) Relationship

Disclaimer: I’m well aware that some relationships do not have rules for the submissive/slave to follow. This talk will be about the relationships that use rules and task lists for submissive behavior and expectation. Many D/s relationships start by establishing a few ground rules for the submissive to follow. It is one of the more [...]

11, April | 1 comment

Webmaster Notes View All

How to Connect with Submissive Guide

Over the last 5 years Submissive Guide has grown from an idea – into a hobby site where I thought out loud about what I’d learned about BDSM and Dominance and submission – into a thriving community of thousands of readers all contributing to the common pot of knowledge on the topic that we all share [...]

21, January | 3 comments

Privacy and Comments – From an Email

I thought I should address this because if one person thought it, then others did too. In my last post about the Community moving and preparing for big changes I mentioned that the comments and activity in the community is private – search engines can’t get there because you have to be logged in to [...]

9, August | Leave a comment

Donate to Submissive Guide

Submissive Guide is run by your donations, and affiliate purchases. I’m looking ahead into my 2nd year providing quality writing that is meant to help submissives everywhere learn about themselves and the services they wish to provide. I could use your help. If you find Submissive Guide to be a valuable resource, please consider making [...]

14, December | Leave a comment

Other Articles View All

How to Approach a Couple into Kink and Polyamory when You are New

How to Approach a Couple into Kink and Polyamory when You are New

Dear lunaKM, I am new to the lifestyle, and have never had a true Dom. However, now there is a Dom that has shown interest in me, alongside his current submissive/fiancee. While it would be a long distance relationship (LDR), I am interested in the offer, but unsure as how to pursue. To give a [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
Teased With No Relief: How to Address Orgasm Denial Because Dominant Gets Too Busy and Forgets

Teased With No Relief: How to Address Orgasm Denial Because Dominant Gets Too Busy and Forgets

Dear SG, My Dominant has a habit of teasing me without any following ‘relief’. He will get my motor running and then leave me all riled up. He gets busy with something else. Sometimes this teasing can go on for weeks, even months because of his busy lifestyle. How can I cope with the frustration?! [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Relationships
Am I Too Clingy for Submission? Emotional Attachment and Vulnerability

Am I Too Clingy for Submission? Emotional Attachment and Vulnerability

Dear Submissive Guide, I’m feeling confused about service, sub drop, and my emotions. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now. He is my first Master and I am his first sub but we did explore these sides of ourselves very early on into our relationship. Right away I felt that [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything
How Do I Let Him Know I’m Committed to Him?

How Do I Let Him Know I’m Committed to Him?

Dear Submissive Guide, I am finally at ease with my Daddy Dom, ready to move on in our relationship, giving him my trust which has been hard for me, because of past abuses. Even thinking of myself as ‘little” for him was hard at first. But I so enjoy the simple nature of the relationship. [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Beginner Basics
What Should I Expect from My Dominant?

What Should I Expect from My Dominant?

Luna, what is reasonable to expect from a dominant in exchange for submission and service? I realize everyone is different, but when a sub is not being financially supported and is doing household care and management, handling the everyday paperwork of bill paying, handling home repair calls, etc.; assuming her Dom is loving, caring, what else [...]

Leave a comment Posted by lunaKM | Posted in: Ask Anything
How To Navigate Public BDSM Play as a Transgender Person

How To Navigate Public BDSM Play as a Transgender Person

Dear Submissive Guide, I’m new to the scene and realizing I’m very interested in submission and masochism. I’m also gay and transgender (an FtM who is attracted to men). I’m gearing up the courage to go to a play party, and while I might not play at my first one I will want to play [...]

Leave a comment Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Play and Sex
Every Good Conversation Starts with Good Listening

Every Good Conversation Starts with Good Listening

from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 9/24/16 “The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.” Submissive Guide was started not to just share what I know, it is also, at least for me, a way to continue to learn by talking out my struggles and answering the questions presented to [...]

3 comments Posted by lunaKM | Posted in: Newsletter Archive, Relationships
How Do I Find a Dominant?

How Do I Find a Dominant?

Dear Submissive Guide, How do I find a Dom? I know I want to be a sub but I’m lost, I don’t know how to find a Dom and live the way I want to. Sincerely,Looking for a Dom  Hey there! You’ve asked a question that every single submissive asks themselves at some point: Where [...]

3 comments Posted by Kayla Lords | Posted in: Ask Anything, Relationships
Must I Always Wait for My Dominant to Tell me What to Do?

Must I Always Wait for My Dominant to Tell me What to Do?

from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 9-10-16 The topic for this article came to me from a reader survey I did over a year ago where I asked you what was most pressing to your at that moment and this question, “must I always wait for my Dom to tell me what to do?” came up. [...]

1 comment Posted by lunaKM | Posted in: Beginner Basics, Newsletter Archive
Solo-Coaching – Tearing Down Old Defensive Behaviors

Solo-Coaching – Tearing Down Old Defensive Behaviors

from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 8-13-16 We’ve all probably uttered this phrase a time or two when having a heated conversation with a loved one, “you’re becoming defensive.” From the time we are born, we learn defensive mechanisms that are meant to protect us from pain and trauma. A child’s first defense is to cry, [...]

Leave a comment Posted by lunaKM | Posted in: Newsletter Archive, Personal Growth

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