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Up in Flames: The Basics of Fireplay
January 11, 2010 by Guest Author
Filed under BDSM Basics
This is another guest post for the BDSM Play Feature here on SubmissiveGuide. This post about Fire Play is by Gwendolyn. Enjoy!
I have always been a fire bug and am a volunteer fire fighter. So when I became interested in BDSM and heard about fire play it was definitely top of my list of things to try. As soon as I did I was hooked on it. There are many things that can be part of a fire play scene and I will be going over what I have experience in or know a lot about due to research.
Now, there are some things you should know about fire play. Check out the references of the tops offering it. Fire is dangerous. Yea, you may say well.. duh.. But, if you are a submissive like me, you will put all of your trust into your Top/Dom and sometimes not challenge what they doing. I learned that by not asking about every detail of the fire play aka negotiating out your scene, you are asking to be damaged. I have scars to prove this point. So if someone brings out a propane torch, end the scene right there.
One of the questions I tend to get often from people who have not tried fire play yet, are how do I handle the pain? Everyone has different techniques, what I have found to be most effective is focus upon your breathing. This works on any kind of play. Find a focal point and breathe slowly. If part of the safety precaution is to have your head against a support/safety person then close your eyes and still breathe slowly.
If you would like to get in contact with me, please feel free to add me on Fetlife (SehAnru), or email me directly at gwendolynhopping@gmail.com.
Disclaimer: Do Not attempt fire play on yourself, and especially not alone if you are not experienced already. If you do, you are doing so at your own risk, and I, nor Submissive Guide nor anywhere else that this may be posted are to be held responsible for any damages that may occur. Thank you.
Safety Equipment/Precautions: People use varied types of equipment, there are the Nomex hoods used by fire fighters, fire blankets, all the way down to wet wash cloths. As a submissive/bottom don’t be afraid to ask about protective gear. Your safety should always be number one. Make sure your hair is out of the way when doing any kind of flogging or whipping. If you know you will be participating in such a scene, do not use hair spray or perfumes/colognes. Even some lotions have been known to be flammable.
Fire flogging: This is the most common which includes a flogger made out of Kevlar rope/wicks and some have knots at the end of them not only for the stingy factor but also prevents the ropes from coming unraveled. This I have experienced many times both on my back and upon my front. It is a little more sting than a usual flogger made of leather mostly due to the knots, but the heat is incredible as it isn’t constant, but flashes. If you have never tried this before, I would recommend just starting out on your back.
Fire Fleshing: This is where designs are made upon your body with the fuel and then set on fire then quickly blown out, wiped out, or smothered with a fire blanket. The tools used for this vary. Some use drumsticks wrapped in Kevlar, some create pens with a Kevlar wick, and many other creative tools have been made and used. There is more than just Kevlar that can be used, but this is what I am most familiar with. This too I have had experience with both on my back, and front, and even upon my labia. Now, that.. was interesting. Though a note of caution, fire does suck out the moisture in your skin, this includes your sensitive lips, testicles, whatever you may use it on. Have moisturizer with you.. I had shriveled little lips and that was the strangest thing I have ever experienced.
Fire Whipping: Everything with fire is dangerous, but in my opinion this is the most dangerous manner of fire play as it is a single tail whip that is on fire. Some are made with leather and a Kevlar popper at the end, and some also make them completely out of a Kevlar blend then use an aluminum handle, and Kevlar popper. So far I have experienced this once and definitely will be going back for more, but it is not for anyone who does not have a high pain tolerance as it does mark, and can cut the skin.
Fire Cupping: This is an age old medical practice seen most commonly in the Oriental though has been known to pop up all over the world. Some use this as a way of blood letting, while others use it for a manner of reverse acupressure. I have not personally tried this yet, though I have heard many good things about it. Fire cups are relatively inexpensive and can be found in many places online. Always do your research on safety precautions before ever trying something like this.
Flash Paper/cotton: This has had mixed reviews from Fire Master’s and Mistress’s as when it ignites it can cause 3rd degree burns if not placed correctly aka too close together. I would recommend getting: “Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fire Play.” By David Walker and Robert Rubel with a Forward by Jay Wiseman who I have met personally.
Fire Drumming: This is where fire wands are set on fire and they are drummed against the body in rhythmic manner. This is intense as well as relaxing. Odd combination I know, but it’s true. Think of it as a heavy Florentine flogging. So yummy.
Here is a neat little parlor trick which is cheap and easy to try, Alberto V05 mouse is flammable. Do not put this in your hair and get close to fire, we don’t want a Michael Jackson or Richard Pryor re-enactment. Make a spiral design, or any design of interest and light it. It can barely be felt, but has a very cool effect. Wipe and rinse, and repeat if you would like.
Here is a list of websites that I have found very useful for information and products:
http://www.firewhip.com/index.html
http://www.bluemoonhealth.com/cupping.htm
http://www.medicaltoys.com/lib-cupping.htm
Always play safe!!
~Gwendolyn Hopping Aka SehAnru
Gwendolyn is an old fashioned Irish service oriented slave in Oregon who has been involved in the S&M part of BDSM for a little over a year now and have been involved in the DS portion of BDSM since she was 9 (Had a Domme for a mother.)So she know a lot about service. She also am a stay at home wife who works on our poly farm, loves to craft, and is working towards writing my first of many novels. She is quite easy to get along with, and is always open to new friendships so feel free to contact her anytime.
Photo by photos8.com
The Top 30 Posts of 2009
January 5, 2010 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
A year ago I started a small blog project called Submissive Guide. I wanted it to be an organized place where I could voice my opinions about submission, help novices discover who they are and explore BDSM through the written word. Since that time it has grown to so much more, including an e-book, a newsletter and video posts.
To celebrate one year of excellent writing I wanted to showcase the top 30 posts of 2009. I’ve noted in the link if the author was a guest post. Please take a look at what has had the most views since starting out one year ago. You may have missed a few gems!
- What is slave training?
- Rituals that Work
- 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions
- Best Submissive Blogslist
- The Difference Between Bottom, Masochist, Submissive and Slave
- 7 Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Submission
- Discovering Your Submissive Nature
- How to Beg When Asked
- Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
- A Great Example of a Slave’s Rosary
- Learning To Kneel (from 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions)
- The Importance of Rules
- Beginning Your Training Resume
- Dominance as a Slave Training Tool for Better Submission
- Caring For Yourself After a Scene: Self-Aftercare
- The BDSM Checklist That Will Really Help You
- Offering Your Body for Service (from 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions)
- What it Means to be an Owned Kajira by dina
- The Nitty Gritty of the BDSM Lifestyle
- 5 Ways to Recognize Topping from the Bottom
- Another 7 Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Submission
- Your Bathing Regime
- Where to Buy a Collar Online
- The Importance of Journaling Your Submission
- Pet Play and Human Pets Primer by skylerpet
- The Realities of Online Submission
- Two Dominants by Aria
- Submission By Choice: Learned Submission
- Sub Drop’s Emotional Side
- 10 Helpful Websites for the Busy Submissive
Here’s to another year of great content!
Best Submissive Blogs List #2
November 30, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under BDSM Basics
After the impressive response I got from the first list, I decided to make up another list. Besides, there are many many wonderful submissive blogs out there. Here’s more of the cream of the crop, so to speak.
I’d love you to go to each of these websites, leave a comment and tell them Submissive Guide sent you.
- d serves
- Her little girl
- Insatiable Desire
- Laani’s Blog
- Long-distance sub
- Puppy Tales
- The Disciplined Feminist
- The Warren
- Trinity Pup
- Tristan’s Pet
Service With Grace
October 5, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Service, Views on D/s
If you’ve been following Submissive Guide on twitter for any length of time you will notice an interesting blog that I have updates sent to twitter. This blog is one of distinction because it is written to aid the domestic and service oriented submissive with tasks around the house and within themselves. The blog I’m talking about is Service Savoir Faire.
Service Savoir Faire is written by namaste a service slave from Texas with a real ability to express herself. The blog has some wonderful regular features that I’d like to highlight.
Service Book of Days
Every Monday, namaste posts the same 15 questions with personal answers and encourages others to do the same on their blog. It’s a beautiful way to focus your submissive energy and organize your thoughts on what should be done and where your mind is at. I have yet to do this task on my own for my personal blog, but I do intend to get going on it real soon. What a simple way to focus!
Friday Finds
Most Fridays, she shares with us things that might be useful for our service from all over the internet. There have been some spectacular websites recently that have helped me out with organization and cleaning and creative energy.
Menus for the Seasons
There is a numerous amount of menus with recipes for the current season. I’m sure she will be starting on the Fall menus soon and I’m looking forward to some delicious new meals to plan into my cooking repertoire. Summer menus were full of fresh, healthy and light cooking that would bring the joy of summer into any home.
Butler’s Book Series
I’ve always wanted to know what a butler’s book is, and while I was under the assumption that it was a list of guests with their preferences documented so that whenever they showed up you could provide them their favorites and surprise them. In fact it is that and more. It’s a household manual where you document and keep all the home care processes together in one place. You can read all about the Butler’s Book series HERE.
Today’s Mantra
On the sidebar, namaste updates a quote or saying and then her reflection on it in Today’s Mantra. I find it a beautiful testament to her abilities and dedication to service. I’m sure you will enjoy it as well.
I encourage you all to visit and bookmark the site for reading, making sure you visit often. It’s a pearl of a find and one that shouldn’t be left in the deep expanse of the internet. She also runs a Yahoo group on service, which you can find at Service Excellence.
Add Your Reading List to Your Training Resume
August 12, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Training Resume
Since the beginning of Submissive Guide I have been writing essays to help you build your service/submissive/slave resume. This is the living document of your experience and training on different tasks and a variety of relationships. If you are interested in reading the previous posts about the Training Resume I suggest you start at the topic index.
Today we are going to compile a list of the books you have read during your service that are a part of your growth and learning. The importance of this list is not only to show a potential Dominant that you are well read, but that you have a personal desire to work on improving yourself, learning a wide range of viewpoints and opinions and learn about BDSM activities of all sorts.
Gather Your Books
Pull together all the books you’ve read on BDSM, specific service items and other self help resources that you have read completely. These books can be basic relationship self help, etiquette, green cleaning and simple living, How-to books, and so much more. Let your mind explore your entire library and figure out how that could apply to a BDSM service relationship. You might be surprised.
Magazines and Newspapers
Although a bit more rare or pricey, you can find excellent magazines and even newspaper articles that might help you with building a reference library for your service experience and development as a person. Perhaps you have a subscription to a gardening magazine, home repair or fine dining journal. These things can be wonderful resources for your service life. Be creative and look for learning opportunities everywhere you go.
Online Sources
Don’t forget online newsletters and blogs that you are subscribed to! Even SubmissiveGuide.com can be a great resource to list on your reading list if you read it regularly and learn from it. Make note of the posts or articles that you enjoyed the most and the URL if there is one.
General Essay websites are great too, but make sure you keep a list of articles that you have read on each one so that it isn’t assumed that you have read the entire site.
How to Make the List
For books, make a list of the titles, authors, publication dates and a synopsis of the book. Online resources need to have the name of the site, the URL, the date you last accessed it and the site owner with a way to contact them if you can find one. You can also spend time writing personal reviews of the book or essay with what you took from it and made your own.
For example, I just read SlaveCraft and reviewed it on this blog. I can add that book to my service resume in the Reading List area. My entry would look something like this:
SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude, principles, skills and tools by a grateful slave with Guy Baldwin, M.S.
Daedalus Publishing Company (April 2002)
The author writes for the submissive or slave who may already have experience and thus understand the skills and tools that will help deepen their surrender. His four principles that he describes in detail are Identity, Obedience, Transparency and Humility. Each one is artfully discussed so that while you may be walking in his world of surrender you can apply them to your own service quite easily.
Making this list now will help you in the future too when you try to remember where you read that fantastic book or essay that you’d like to refer to, or share with a friend. The importance of a list like this can help you in more ways that just your resume.
What else would you list on your reading list? Would it be beneficial to list books and articles that you want to read in the future or have an interest in?
21 Websites to Help you Start a Meditation Routine
Whether for health or mental well-being; a good meditation routine is important. For submission this can help you focus yourself to your role and embrace whatever tasks you have to do for your Dominant. Here’s a list of websites available to help you develop a meditation routine. No matter what you call it I hope it brings you peace and focus.
I’d love to hear what your routine is like!
- How to Start a Meditation Routine
- How to Start a Meditation Routine
- Meditation Tips: Meditating can be fun!
- 4 Things You Should Do Before Meditating
- The Top 3 Powerful Benefits that Meditating Has to Offer You
- DIY: How to Get the Most out of Meditation
- Meditation Relaxes the Spirit and Mind
- Why Should You Meditate?
- Beginning Meditation
- Why Meditate
- Why Meditate?
- The Amazing Benefits of Meditation
- Benefits of Meditation
- Why I Meditate
- Establishing a Meditation Routine (audio)
- How to Establish a Meditation Routine You Can Live With
- Yoga Meditation Routines
- Meditation with Alpha Brainwaves
- Finding Your Meditation Routine
- A Simple Daily Meditation Routine
- Finding Clarity and Inner Peace with Meditation
Where to Buy a Collar Online
June 30, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under BDSM Basics, Playtime
Places to buy a collar are numerous. Each relationship has a different idea of what the collar should look like. Listed below are a few of the many places you can go online to shop for that perfect collar. I’ve broken them up into types of collars the store offers. If they offer more than one type they are listed in all related categories. Shop around and have fun! Oh and if you have other places that you know of, let me know and I’ll add them to the list in the right categories.
Please note that these sites worked as of the creation of this post, and will be maintained as best as possible.
Leather
- BDSM-Gear
- BDSM Store
- Extreme Restraints
- Kitten’s Toyroom
- Lauralee Leathers
- Leather Etc.
- Leather Masters
- Master’s D/signs
- Mr. S Leather
- PureTNT.com
- Rubert Huse and Son
- Stockroom
- TieMeUp
Chain
- Kitten’s Toyroom
- Leather Masters
- Mr. S Leather
- PureTNT.com
Stainless Steel
- Ax(s)mar
- Dreamstrike Bazaar
- Eternity Collars
- Extreme Restraints
- Halfway Creations
- House of Collars
- Kitten’s Toyroom
- Masters in Steel
- Meo
- Mr. S Leather
- Neosteel
- Ring of Steel
- Rubert Huse and Son
- SM-Factory
- Stockroom
- Wyred Slave
Other Metals
Other Materials
- Extreme Restraints – Rubber
- Chainmail & More – Chainmail
- Meo – Rubber
Jewelry
Unique
Why BDSM is Not D/s
June 29, 2009 by Guest Author
Filed under BDSM Basics
This post is by Skylerpet. She’s written several other posts here for Submissive Guide. You can read more of her work on online submission and pet play here.
BDSM and D/s. Some see it as the same, I seem them as two very different things. Here, I plan on explaining the how’s and why’s of my position. I am not seeking to change anyone’s opinion, as you have a right to your own opinion, as I hope you will remember that I do also.
In my opinion BDSM and D/s, while they often go together, are two entirely separate things with a few similarities. This is my opinion for many reasons. When I recently voiced this opinion someone responded with the question: “Do you not see the D/s in BDSM as standing for Dominance and submission?” and in fact, for the most part, i do not. I see BDSM as generally standing for Bondage, Discipline and SadoMasochism. Yes, the D/s in BDSM can and sometimes does stand for Dominance and submission for those who incorporate all of those things in their relationship. However, i do not think it does all the time, as there are many who are involved only in BDSM or D/s.
The primary reason i see this is that i see BDSM being the physical aspects. Bondage, whipping, suspension, and things of that nature. D/s however is the emotional side. The act of emotionally and/or psychologically submitting or Dominating someone. I do not see BDSM and D/s automatically going together.
Submission is emotional and psychological. While many submissives do also enjoy the physical aspects, i do not believe that the physical act of bondage and discipline is required for submission.. I see this in my relationship right now. My relationship is long distance. I am incredibly submissive to my Master, however I have received no whippings or canings from Him, however W/we both do enjoy it, and as such it will be a part of our relationship when W/we are together.
- BDSM is not only hardcore bondage, whippings, canings and scenes. BDSM also includes kinky couples who like some spankings and light bondage in bed. With the exceptions of those things, many of those couples are not D/s. They have no Dominance and submission in their relationship, thus the BDSM and D/s are separate.
- There are also those who are pure masochists or sadists. They enjoy the purely physical act of tying up or being tied and getting beat or doing the beatings. For them, it is the physical act that draws them.
- Also, there are those who are in Dominance and submission relationships that is solely based upon service and consensual slavery. There are many D/s couples out there who have no BDSM in their relationship at all. Just as not all submissives are masochists, not all Dominants are sadists.
If one were to look on informational websites, in glossaries and encyclopedias and such, the definitions and descriptions given of BDSM and D/s also show this difference. Wikipedia specifically states that “Physical contact is not a necessity and it can even be conducted anonymously over the telephone, email or instant messaging system. In other cases it can be intensely physical…” As Wikipedia states, BDSM and D/s can be both separate and conjoined. Also, the glossary at Domsub Info defines the two as separate items with can be separate or conjoined.
Said quite plainly, in my opinion, just because someone goes to a dungeon to get whipped does not automatically make them a consensual slave or submissive. It simply means that they enjoy being whipped. Similarly, just because someone enjoys delivering the whipping does not automatically make them a Dominant. As such, BDSM and D/s are separate things and do not have to go together. They can be enjoyed together or separately. None of the combinations are better or more “real” than another.
A few last words:
- Being submissive or a masochist does not mean you have to be the other.
- Being a sadist or Dominant does not mean you have to be the other.
- Not being one or the other, or being both or perhaps all four does not make you worse or better than the other. It simply makes you you and unique.
Skylerpet is a 24/7 submissive pup in her late 20’s. She has been into pet play since she discovered the D/s lifestyle and can be reached at: requiemskye@yahoo.com for emails and also YIM chat.
Introducing Kink into an Existing Relationship
June 18, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under BDSM Basics, Relationships
When you discover that you might be kinky there are a lot of questions surrounding how to accept that. One of those may be trying to explore that kink with your existing partner. But how do you bring up the subject and how do you handle what they may say about the ideas you are entertaining? Learning you may have kinky desires is not uncommon but dealing with the emotional repercussions can be difficult. You should try to stay the course and work through your thoughts slowly so that you don’t overwhelm yourself or enter sub frenzy.
Once you deal with your own emotions and feelings surrounded your new found interests, it may be time to talk to your partner about them. This can be a very nerve wrecking time for you but worth the effort you are going to put into it, right? A lot of partners are willing to try new and adventurous new things if asked. Things like light bondage, spanking or Dominant/submissive role play generally are well received for sex play. Other activities will require conversations with your partner.
Talk About It
Plan a moment where there won’t be any distraction and talk about your new feelings and desires. Be honest about it and open for positive and negative responses. If you need help, get a book or find a few websites online to help you with your discussion. Don’t give your partner ultimatums, they will need time to understand what you are asking from them and to find out themselves if they are interested. It’s a change in the relationship they may not have expected, but then it could also be very exciting for them. A good book to maybe have laying on the bedside table is When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton. It comes highly recommended on Amazon and is an appropriate read for anyone new and nervous.
Leave Subtle Clues
Like I mentioned above you can leave a book out for your partner to see, but other things work too. Magazines that talk about kinky sex play, bookmark pictures of ads that show someone tied up or blindfolded, start leaving links to sites online to educational kink resources like The Iron Gate or Leather and Roses. Tell your partner your fantasies that involve some kinky things and see how they react. The goal here is to feel things out and see how they may react before talking to them outright.
After the Big Talk
Once you get someone interested in trying something don’t let the ball drop. Experiment, play around, be adventurous. You may find that you both have interests to explore and fun things to do with each other that you never thought possible. I could bring your relationship closer together and engage a level of intimacy that was not possible before. You relationship dynamic could change for the better. Revel in the changes and enjoy yourself.
If Things Go South
Not every situation turns out for the better. Some people just can’t be kinky and don’t want to entertain your fantasies or relationship desires. You may have to make a choice to never entertain your desires or to find someone that will. The hard decisions in life may be ahead for you. For me personally, that meant divorce. I found what I was looking for and while I know I failed at marriage, I know that my decision was the right one. For you it could mean opening your relationship to make room for a Dominant while keeping the existing relationship. It could mean that you become an online submissive and get your emtional and mental desires fed that way.
Don’t give up. Thing have a tendancy to work themselves out.
Additional Reading
How to make your Vanilla Boyfriend Kink Friendly
If you have suggestions for someone trying to introduce kinky play into their relationship, please leave them in the comments.
photo by captain.orange
Cyber Submission and Exploring D/s Online
May 21, 2009 by Guest Author
Filed under Online Submission
Today’s post comes from Skylerpet, a submissive pet in a D/s relationship with experience in online submission. Thank you Skylerpet!
Online D/s is perhaps one of the most controversial subjects in the Dominance and submission community. The stance i will take on this subject, based on online D/s relationships of my own, is that yes; it can and does work. Is it anything like real time, face-to-face Dominance and submission relationships? No, not at all. That said, it is still very real and intense for those of us in online or Long Distance Relationships (LDR), and often can and will lead to a real-time (RT) relationship.
In my opinion, the most important thing to remember here is safety. There are a few things you can do to keep yourself safer while in an online relationship, or looking for someone to begin a relationship with online:
- First and foremost do not, under any circumstances, give out your home address before you have really gotten to know this person. Wait a few weeks, or even a few months. While in the end you must use your own judgment, if you have any “red flags” about the person you are chatting with do not give out personal information.
- If you and your online partner really want to exchange things via “snail mail” but you still do not want to give out your home address, get a post office box.
- Along the same lines as not giving out your home address, do not give out other important information such as your social social security number, debit/credit card pin numbers and so forth. These things may happen once you are in a stable, secure, full-time real time relationship, but until then keep these things to yourself.
- If the person you are chatting with asks for your home address after a few days and you decline, they should respect that, they should say they respect that, and then they should leave it alone. If they do not, that is a big red flag for you. Reconsider this relationship!
- One other thing you must think hard about is exchanging photos of yourself. This is especially important if the photos are nude, fetish or kinky. Once a photo is on the internet, you no longer have control over who sees it. You must take into consideration what would happen if family, friends and/or co-workers found naked and/or kinky photos of you. And also please keep in mind, while you may simply be emailing the photos, once the recipient has them, s/he may do with them as they please. If you are going to be “free” with your photos, you must be able to accept and cope with other’s seeing them, and the possibility of them being posted online. These also applies to webcam usage. It’s very easy to download a program that can capture what the user is looking at on their computer screen. This can include the webcam video of you doing whatever it is you are doing for your online D/s partner. These can be saved, and then uploaded to many websites.
Alright, safety aside, perhaps the most commonly asked question is “Why online??” “Why LDR??” Well, the answer is different for everybody. I will go over a few of the answers here.
- First many of us enter online and/or ldr’s because we are in a community with a small to no D/s presence. This is the primary reason for me being in an online/ldr right now. The community i live in is quite conservative and the local BDSM community is incredibly small and quite frankly not safe in my opinion. As such, i am choosing to be in a long distance relationship with my Master until i can be closer to Him.
- Secondly, many online D/s’ers do so because they are in other relationships, perhaps even married and use the online D/s relationship to get their Dominance and submission needs fulfilled. And so long as the Dominant or submissive is fully honest with all of their partners, can be quite successful. If this is you, i urge you to be honest with your real time partner. While there often is no sex involved, it is still another relationship and in my opinion, you owe it to your real time partner to be honest about those needs and how you are getting them fulfilled. And you also owe it to your Dom or sub that you have another relationship.
- Another reason is that some use an online D/s relationship to learn more about Dominance and submission. To see if it’s something that they may be interested in for a real time experience. While i do agree that it is nothing like the real time thing, there are many similarities, which i will go into shortly, and can be a good primer to see if something more intense would be a right fit for that individual.
- A fourth reason is that the person simply does not want the real time thing. They want the, for lack of better words, pseudo- or watered-down version of a Dominance and submission relationship that an online relationship can provide. My opinion of this is: whatever makes them happy. If that’s how they get their needs fulfilled, the all the more power to them.
Now that we have the “why’s” aside i am sure you are wondering “HOW??” “How is it done??” Well, there are several ways.
- When it comes to giving tasks, orders and controlling the submissive’s life, orders can be given in many ways. Please remember the safety talk above. Most of these will come after you have established the trust with your partner:
- A favorite of mine is text messages. I love that Master has the ability to text me an order. How does He know i did it though? Well that is…
- Photos. You can take photos of your completed task and picture mail them to your Master. (i must say this is my favorite thing to do for Master…especially when it’s a surprise. This is something you real-timers can do to! Surprise your Master with a photo of you doing something He just loves) You could also take photos with a digital camera and upload them then email them to Him as “proof.”
- Webcam. While you are chatting online you can turn on your webcam and your Master can watch you actually perform the task.
- Simple honesty. There are some things where you will only be able to answer questions about after you have done it. As such, if you are unable to provide an apt description, your partner will know you didn’t do it.
- Online calendars and email reminders. This can be handy if your Dom wants to randomly give you tasks for the week/month. I’m quite fond of Yahoo’s calendar system for this. The tasks can be set into the program and it sends you a reminder email. Another nice thing about it is you can program in your work schedule so your Dom knows when you’re at work and can thus alter the tasks to fit a work environment.
- Daily emails and/or blogs. Master wants me to do daily blogs as a way to “keep up” with how i am doing, etc. This can also be a way for your Dom to know what you do during your day, etc. Another thing this is good for is writing “reports” or “essays” for your Dom that S/He assigns you. I’ve seen both real-time and ldr couples doing this, and i myself quite love it.
- Self bondage and other self-induced bdsm play. For this please keep in mind bdsm safety. But, many things you can do is under-the-clothes bondage, using things such as pleasure (ben-wa) balls, and/or anal beads under your clothes at work and/or simple breast bondage. With this you’re limited to things you can do to yourself, but it’s still fun and it’s getting a little of the “kink” in your life.
Well that’s a pretty basic, partially detailed description of how we do online/ldr D/s relationships. I would like to mention that i’m sure you’ve noticed i used “real time” instead of “real life.” The reason i did this is because for those of us in online/ldr D/s relationships, they are very real to us. They simply are not face to face as live-in relationships are. While i am not living with Master right now and am, in my opinion, way too far away from Him right now, He gives me orders and i follow them as i would if i were living with Him. The orders may be altered a bit, but they are still there. The feelings i have for Him are just as real as if O/our relationship were face to face.
Many times those of us in long distance D/s relationships, we are in them because of circumstances beyond our control. I honestly was not looking when i met Master, but it just sort of took off from there. The emotions, desires and feelings, while different than in real time, are still there and are still incredibly intense. One last word about safety:
- Beware predators. Many people out there use the internet as a tool for their own pleasure, and nothing else. Someone who has contacted you because they truly wish to get to know you better is incredibly unlikely to ‘order’ you to undress on the webcam and perform some bdsm act. This is a huge red flag. As are other ’standard’ bdsm and D/s red flags:
- ‘Ordering’ you to call them Master, Mistress, Sir before the relationship is established and those titles have been “earned.”
- Similarly, calling you “slave” and other submissive pet names before the dynamics have been established.
- Expecting you to immediately act submissive simply on the grounds you are submissive and s/he is Dominant.
- Also, beware those who have other relationships and are not honest about them. If they are unwilling to be honest with their husband/wife/main slave/what-have-you, what are the chances they will be honest with you?
All these safety precautions aside, the internet is a wonderful tool for meeting people. I and many others have met their Masters/slaves on it. If you are safety conscious while being honest and true to yourself, you’d be surprised what can come of it.
Skylerpet is a 24/7 submissive pup in her late 20’s. She has been into pet play since she discovered the D/s lifestyle and can be reached at: requiemskye@yahoo.com for emails and also YIM chat.
Can Online Training Work?
May 19, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Online Submission, Video Posts
This week’s video is about online training and submission.
The world of online Dominance and submission is riddled with skepticism and disbelief that anyone can really live and enjoy a relationship online. The fact of it all is that there are an endless numbers of people experiencing a form of D/s called cyber D/s. Whether it be because they can not live it in real time due to partners that don’t understand, or they are exploring their sexuality safely a cyber relationship with a D/s feel is developed.
Best Submissive Blogslist
May 5, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under BDSM Basics
There are thousands of blogs on the internet by submissives. Some of them are decently written and by all means, worth following. This is not that list. This list is about the best submissive blogs out there; the ones that drive you to want to participate, feel their journey and be a part of their lives.
I’d love you to go to each of these websites, leave a comment and tell them Submissive Guide sent you.
- A subtle slavegirl
- A Submissive’s musings
- Behind the Collar
- Craving His Touch
- danae whispering
- Journey Into Submission
- Kitten’s Pawprints
- MD’s precious treasure
- persephone in love
- Ramblings of a kajira
- slave journal of the kiva
- The Femme Fagette
- The Journey
- This girl’s weblog
- Under His Hand
- View From the Floor
Think you should be on the list? Let me know!
10 Helpful Websites for the Busy Submissive
March 25, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Domestics, Rituals and Routines
Sometimes you just need that extra bit of help out of your day or want to have all the tips and tricks on a certain activity. Well I have pulled together some of the best websites out there that will help you get though your difficult day in a breeze.
1. TipNut.com – This site has all the household tips, craft projects, recipes, kitchen & cooking tips and other neat-o hints that you could ever want when it comes to organizing your home. I’ve just recently come to find this site, and have fallen in love.
2. Lifehacker.com – Full of downloads and tips that you can use to make your life easier. I’ve found a lot of one-click applications that speed up my website work and browsing.
3. The Fresh Loaf – This site contains featured recipes, lessons, book reviews, a community forum and recipe exchange, and baker blogs. So please take some time to look around. It’s made with the amateur in mind.
4. Chore Buster – Organize your chores and household plans and have the calendar emailed to you (or each person gets their own list emailed) weekly or monthly as reminder on what to do. You can split the chores among family members and set the difficulty of chores so that your 6 year old doesn’t get something they aren’t capable of doing!
5. The Dollar Stretcher – Learning how to be frugal and save money in this tight economy! Excellent tips and ideas to keep your money where it belongs. In your pocket.
6. FlyLady.net – This is the first stop for any submissive wanting to organize your life. She’s an online coach to a tidy home and trust me, it works! I made my household binder based on her ideas and I enjoy adding to it every week.
7. Recipezaar – A recipe index with thousands of recipes, the ability to save recipes in your own cookbook for bookmarking purposes and submit your own recipes. I love the quantity adjustment feature so that I can increase and decrease the number or servings without calculation errors!
8. Moms Buzz – Mom’s Buzz keeps you in the loop with useful beauty tips, fun and easy recipes, awesome activities for kids (even the grownup ones) – and a hefty dose of humor to make you smile!
9. To Done! – A regularly updated collection of thoughts, writings, tips, tricks and information on personal productivity, work/life balance and getting things done.
10. Google Calendar – Google’s calendar allows you to make your schedule, receive reminders and alerts, share calendars with other Google users and view it from anywhere with an internet connection. You can even send out invites for parties and other things. It’s great for bills, birthdays and other special events as well as everyday tasks and chores.
Well, that’s a starting list, but I know you all have excellent websites you love to use and would recommend to anyone struggling to find time in their day for everything. What websites do you like?
The Realities of Online Submission
December 20, 2008 by lunaKM
Filed under Defining Submission, Online Submission
Exploring submission online is a growing reality. Chat networks, IRC chat rooms and websites developed for real-time fantasy all have areas where the D/s subculture thrives online. They have developed online protocols, rituals, belief systems and several new words the enhance the fantasy online.
I was once an online submissive. Years ago this was a safe way for me to explore BDSM and my possible role in the Lifestyle. It still remains a relatively safe place for someone to learn about the Lifestyle. There are some precautions I’d like to express regarding that safety though.
Don’t Share Everything
It may go without saying, but if I don’t say it I will feel a responsibility to everyone one of you if something happens. There are predators online; from stalkers to identity thieves and even some plain old creepy people. Do not give out your full real name, address, phone number or any other REAL information about yourself. Even if you think you trust this person completely, you really can’t online. You haven’t a clue who is sitting at the other side of the keyboard; trust yourself with your information.
This also goes with sharing your family history, information about your relatives and friends, your job or anything else that could be used to dig up information about you. It’s called personal information for a reason. Keep it that way.
Keep Your Heart Protected
You can get very attached to someone online, and the feelings are real no matter what others say. The attachment to a possible dominant and yourself could overpower your emotions and you’d be hooked. Keep a sense of reality in mind at all times because online play is a fantasy. Think with your head not your heart when it comes to connections with someone online. It’s amazing how many people fall in love online and then get hurt because the other person shattered the fantasy.
This isn’t to say that you can’t fall in love with someone online in this day and age and then meet each other and be completely happy. Online dating wouldn’t be such a big thing if it didn’t work for some people. Chatting and virtual reality are just extensions of the dating scene for BDSM folks.
Keep in mind that if you intend to move to offline submission, that the people you are talking to may not. For some people it is all about the fantasy, they choose not to live away from the computer for one reason or another. They could explore their fantasies, escape from life’s struggles and pretend to be someone else online.
If you desire to move offline, do not pretend to be someone else. Those that you friend could become confused at your real intentions and may flag you as a pretender and not someone serious with exploration and learning. Know what you want to give as your personal impression.
Online Protocol
There are rules online in the BDSM subculture as there are in realtime groups and relationships. These rules are developed for each chat room or environment. Don’t assume that the rules are the same in every location. There are places that will require submissives to beg entrance, use the S/slash speak or even refer to every dominant as Sir/Ma’am. Your imagination is a vital asset in these places as they tend to require you to pretend you are in a room, lounge, dungeon, bar or another location with all the toys you could pretend to have at your disposal.
Use Other Resources Also
Don’t consider your online experiences as part of your overall experience. You may consider what you type and feel as real, but the realtime community will not. You can use this time to explore online websites, chat with people that are in the lifestyle offline as well and really get to know yourself. Online is a great place for that.
Ask for a mentor or helping hand when you are ready to really learn what it is to be submissive. The offline submissives will help you prepare to move offline and explore your new found lifestyle. It will be scary, but with someone there for you, it can be done. I’ve done it and I’m just fine now.
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