With the Stroke of a Cane: Enjoying Caning

This is a guest post by Nadia West for the BDSM activities series.

I’m fairly new to caning, but I’ve discovered that I like it a lot (even if I can’t take as much as some people can). I was afraid of canes for a long time because I had heard they’re rough pain-wise. While I like pain I’m not truly a pain slut. And it’s true, they are rough – the impact is concentrated along one thin area. But I find that a caning puts me into subspace wonderfully, perhaps better than any other implement.

I don’t have experience with different types of canes. MasterDoc’s (my Dom) are rattan with handmade handles. Rattan is pretty standard cane material. It doesn’t look like the rattan cane with the crook is fundamentally different than a straight rattan cane. I got to watch a sub get beaten with a carbon fiber cane recently – seems harsher than the more flexible rattan. I’ve also read that carbon fiber canes conduct electricity, and therefore can be used creatively with a Violet Wand. Canes come in other materials, including acrylic and aluminum. The less flexible a cane is, the more pain it’s going to produce.

My Dom has always warmed me up first with his hand, and/or a paddle. He gets my ass nice and rosy and my pain tolerance starts to improve with warm up. Then he picks out the thinnest cane we have (we’re working our way up to the thickest of the three someday) and starts with some taps. Light taps aren’t too painful, but the real attraction of the cane is a sharp hit. Angry red stripes left on your ass is definitely a desirable, and kinkily attractive, result. With a sharp hit the pain surges and I have to focus my breathing. I slowly breathe in and out so I can manage the pain. Sometimes my Dom strokes my legs until my tense muscles start to relax. Then he resumes with the cane. It’s quite painful, but unlike paddling it’s a short, sharp pain. Paddling usually goes on with the paddle hitting the same area repeatedly, and that gives me a longer lasting pain. While the cane strokes have to be measured and I need more breaks to process the pain, it feels exhilarating to take it.

It’s intense dealing with the sharp pain, but this makes me feel even more proud about taking it than pain from other implements. I probably cry out more, but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. (I’m sure sadists just love those little cries of pain.) The intensity leads me into subspace fairly quickly. As I enter subspace, I find that strokes of the cane that would ordinarily hurt are somehow manageable. I feel proud of myself for immediately converting the pain into pleasure. Some strikes do hurt though, and it’s not like the caning will ever be negligibly stimulating. I get to float between, “Wow, that should hurt but it really doesn’t feel like much,” to “Holy shit that hurt! I’m holding my breath involuntarily now; I need to take deep breaths.”

At the end of a caning, I’m really wet and in a total subspace buzz. With just a little sexual teasing at that point I’d probably gladly do anything whatsoever that my dominant asked of me (even things that I usually have a hard time with, like piss play). I look forward to working my way up to more intense canes, and I’m glad that I didn’t let my fear keep me from trying them out.

Nadia West blogs about her adventures with her Dom over at Diary of Kinky Librarian (www.diaryofakinkylibrarian.com). While she’s been a kinkster for years, she’s only been in a D/s relationship for two and a half years. Other favorite pastimes include (receiving) wax play, orgasm control, flogging and giving blow jobs. She also twitters at www.twitter.com/nadiawest.

photo by canes4pain.com

Sub v. Slave: A Second Opinion

This is a guest post by Beth, as she will tell you, she’s a 24/7 slave of 2 years and would like to express what she sees as the differences between sub and slave. If you would like to read Rayne’s opinion, you can do so on this post.

First off I would like to introduce myself. I’m Beth, or as some may know of me as jjsslave on fetlife.com. I’m also jajsslave on Twitter. I am a 24/7 collared slave and have lived with my Master for going on 2 years now. Well, by the time this is posted it will be 2 years. Ive been in the lifestyle for 7 years and have came a long way. I  have learned many lessons along the way, all which have shaped me into what I am today. The biggest lesson I learned early on was during my first encounter with my Master. It was the importance of not telling too much online to others and that you should guard yourself against the preditors out there. There are good guys out there. Ive been lucky enough to find one, however there are many scary people out there.

To me there is quite a difference between being submissive and a slave. I think it would be easier for me to start on the submissive side. In my 7 years in the lifestyle I started out as a sub. I really feel that until the past 2 years I remained a sub.  With that being said, I had more options in life, at least in my mind. A submissive retains the power over themselves and their body. Many are not going to agree with me on this. I don’t feel that discipline, true discipline should be put in place with a sub. ”Play” or “scene” discipline is one thing but actually discipline where corporal punishments, writings and corner times for example are put in place, I feel are completely off base. If a submissive still has power over themselves then how can they really mess up to the point of punishment outside of play. Slaves on the other hand, particularly those who live it 24/7 sometimes need punishment just for the sake of training, being kept in line and as a reminder of their place.

I had considered myself a slave before moving in with Master, yet I don’t think it was until he assigned me to look up the terms submissive and slave that I truly realized the differences. Unfortunately Ive lost that writing, but the idea is still in my mind. Hmm, this is consensual slavery right??? Then why is it that even though the door is there I can’t imagine walking out and never coming back? A slave has one option for the most point. Obey or leave!! Do i have the options of telling Master “no”?? Not if i want to continue to stay with Him. This brings me to another point, limits. Submissives often have soft and hard limits and can enforce them or use them at will. Not saying that is a bad thing, it gives the person that little extra protection over their body and mind. On the other side of things I feel a slave doesn’t quite have the same rights when it comes to limits. I feel a slave should take on the limits of their Master. If a slave has a hard limit well.. i guess that could be discussed and taken into consideration but ultimately the decision lays with the Master on if the slave is allowed to have that limit. Communication is a must.

While these are just a few examples of the thoughts floating around in my head, I feel these are the more important ones.  This is a very heated topic where I don’t feel anyone will ever agree. The bottom line is that there is no one way to live the lifestyle and that goes for submissives and slaves alike. One of the most important qualities anyone in this lifestyle can have is respect.  Respect for others and how they enjoy and live in the BDSM lifestyles. The good news is, those who live this lifestyle are generally accepting of everyone else’s choices on how to live this life.

I would like to thank LunaKM for giving me the opportunity to write this. I look forward to possibly doing more writing in the future as i really enjoyed doing this.

Beth is a 24/7 collared slave and have lived with her Master for going on 2 years now and in the lifestyle for 7 years. You can contact her on FetLife or Twitter.

Post photo by Purple Sea Donkey

Submissive and Slave: A Personal View

This post was written by Rayne. You can follow her twitter for active and interesting conversation.

I’m pretty big on book definitions. So for me, the word “submissive” has always been an adjective describing a personality trait. When I got involved in BDSM, it became, for me, a heading, of sorts, describing a group of people.

Under the heading of submissive, there are three main labels I – and others – use to describe the bottom half of the totem pole in BDSM relationships. Generally speaking, each label delineates a level of submission. How much control the person has given to their dominant. Because there is no set standard (How could there be?) of how much or how little submission one must give to be considered submissive, we instead give the different levels of submission names to aid in communication. A way of getting an idea of how much or how little control the submissive is willing to give up without having to get to know them.

In the grand scheme of things, one is not better than the other, except for the person in question. They’re just different.

Generally speaking, we call someone who is only submissive in the bedroom or at play parties and such a bottom. They are not interested in giving up total control. They enjoy being dominated sexually – or sometimes just being bound and hurt without involving sex at all – but really have no interest in being controlled on a regular basis. This group of submissive people leaves their submission at the door of their play space.

A lot of people start out here. Being the bottom of a scene is often a gateway. A place where people discover deeper, more submissive desires. I was a bottom before I was a sub and sub before slave. A lot of submissive people I know followed that progression. Not everyone, though.

People occasionally shorten “submissive” when specifically discussing this next group to avoid confusion. It’s a running joke, in the community, that a “sub” is a sandwich, and you’ll occasionally hear people talking about wanting roast beef and provolone on theirs. But since the first day M dragged me onto IRC, using “sub” has been my way of making it clear I am talking about this particular level of submission and not submissive people as a whole.

So what’s a sub? That’s where it gets tricky. Because the line between sub and slave is rather fine and blurs a lot. People often use “submissive” and “slave” interchangeably. But they are not the same thing.

A sub is someone who still retains some control, but is in service to someone else. They have the right to say no and walk away at any time. They have a safe word. They have limits. They’re not owned.

An article I read recently described it best when it said “A submissive is a volunteer. A slave is not.”

A slave is owned. That’s probably the only constant. Some slaves have safe words. Some do not. Some slaves have negotiated limits. Some do not. Some slaves have submissive personalities. Some are only submissive with the one who owns them. Some slaves have given up their right to leave, or consented to having it taken from them. Some retain the right to walk out the door whenever they choose.

Legally, we all have that right. Some of us just choose not to acknowledge it.

In my perfect world, a slave is someone without limits or safe words. A slave is someone who opens himself or herself completely to his or her owner. Complete transparency. Total power exchange. He or she doesn’t have a choice.

But in my reality, it’s illegal to own another human being. Some states don’t recognize consent. In the interest of keeping the owner out of prison, the submissive is allowed to negotiate the rules. Even I can’t or don’t always live up to my perfect world. So it doesn’t surprise me that others don’t, can’t or aren’t interested.

Some say the difference between a submissive and a slave has nothing whatever to do with how much control one gives up or how submissive one is. That it’s in one’s actions. In the way the slave obeys without question or hesitation. In the respect in the slave’s voice when he or she speaks with his or her owner. In the way the slave knows what the owner needs almost before the owner does. But I’ve known some submissives to show their dominants more respect than some slaves show their owners.

A submissive is someone who submits willingly, sometimes on a case by case basis, to the will of another. A slave is someone who is wholly controlled and owned by another. That’s really the sum of it.

Rayne is a loving slave with sadistic tendencies and masochistic desires. Chaos incarnate. The girl your mother warned you about.  She writes toy reviews and blogs about being a 24/7 medium protocol slave to her husband Melen at Insatiable Desire (http://www.insatiabledesire.com/), along with four other bloggers involved in the lifestyle.  She also guest write a series that is a basic look at M/s at Eden Cafe (http://www.edencafe.com/) with a number of other authors who write about various sex-positive subjects.

photo by BL1961

Scheduled Maintenance 11/8/09 for Redesign

I just wanted to let everyone know that Submissive Guide will be unavailable Sunday 11-8-09 for about 3 hours in the afternoon while I apply a redesign. That’s right, Submissive Guide is getting a new look! I would like to thank those of you who helped me out with reviews of the sneak peak early this month.

During the down time this site will have a splash page with a notice that I am only down for maintenance and an estimate for return to normal. If you’d like up to the minute notice, I will be posting to twitter during the change and will notify twitter first when the new design is live and ready.

Here’s to a more colorful design that is hopefully an improved user experience!

Want To Win $100 Gift Certificate from Stockroom.com?

It’s quite simple really. All you need to do is donate $10 to the National Leather Association-International Domestic Violence Project. The way you do that is go to this page or check out the blue box in on the right side of this site and submit your donation. The money goes directly to the charity; I do not handle it at all.

FOR EVERY $10 YOU SEND THEM, YOU GET ONE ENTRY INTO THE GIVEAWAY!

Once you donate, I use your email address from your donation and place it in a list of contributors. This list will get run through a randomizer and the person at the top on November 4th will win $100. It’s that simple.

Please help me make my goal of $1000. Spread the news about it.

Do you have a blog or website? For every post you make about the charity fundraiser, or if you want to put the widget on your site during the month of October I will submit your name into another drawing for a $25 gift certificate to Amazon.com. Send me an email if you have posted it on your website please (subguide@gmail.com).

I also have banners, if you want to use one of those. You can pick those up on the first post. Please link back to THIS POST.

Do you use Twitter? Every day you tweet about the fundraiser will give you one entrance into the $25 gift certificate giveaway from Amazon.com. Please tweet the following text to be considered.

Donate $10 to NLA-I DVP for chance to win $100 gift certificate to JT’s Stockroom! #nlaidvp http://tinyurl.com/qnu6bf

Service With Grace

If you’ve been following Submissive Guide on twitter for any length of time you will notice an interesting blog that I have updates sent to twitter. This blog is one of distinction because it is written to aid the domestic and service oriented submissive with tasks around the house and within themselves. The blog I’m talking about is Service Savoir Faire.

Service Savoir Faire is written by namaste a service slave from Texas with a real ability to  express herself. The blog has some wonderful regular features that I’d like to highlight.

Service Book of Days

Every Monday, namaste posts the same 15 questions with personal answers and encourages others to do the same on their blog. It’s a beautiful way to focus your submissive energy and organize your thoughts on what should be done and where your mind is at. I have yet to do this task on my own for my personal blog, but I do intend to get going on it real soon. What a simple way to focus!

Friday Finds

Most Fridays, she shares with us things that might be useful for our service from all over the internet. There have been some spectacular websites recently that have helped me out with organization and cleaning and creative energy.

Menus for the Seasons

There is a numerous amount of menus with recipes for the current season. I’m sure she will be starting on the Fall menus soon and I’m looking forward to some delicious new meals to plan into my cooking repertoire.  Summer menus were full of fresh, healthy and light cooking that would bring the joy of summer into any home.

Butler’s Book Series

I’ve always wanted to know what a butler’s book is, and while I was under the assumption that it was a list of guests with their preferences documented so that whenever they showed up you could provide them their favorites and surprise them. In fact it is that and more. It’s a household manual where you document and keep all the home care processes together in one place. You can read all about the Butler’s Book series HERE.

Today’s Mantra

On the sidebar, namaste updates a quote or saying and then her reflection on it in Today’s Mantra. I find it a beautiful testament to her abilities and dedication to service. I’m sure you will enjoy it as well.

I encourage you all to visit and bookmark the site for reading, making sure you visit often. It’s a pearl of a find and one that shouldn’t be left in the deep expanse of the internet. She also runs a Yahoo group on service, which you can find at Service Excellence.

Help Submissive Guide Raise $1000 for NLA-I DVP for National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

It’s important to have a cause you believe in, for me it’s the National Leather Association-International Domestic Violence Project. Their cause to bring awareness of the differences in BDSM and abuse as well to help victims of domestic violence in BDSM-related relationships find assistance and get help really provide a service that you can’t get anywhere else. That’s why I’m setting up this blog as a charity fundraiser for the month of October.

In just a moment I’m going to tell you how you can donate to the NLA-I DVP but let’s first get to know the charity I stand behind and want you to support as well.

• Every year the NLA-I DVP provides workshops for individuals and kink-associated groups on the difference between BDSM and abuse as well as its related topics.
• They provide training, pamphlets, or other NLA-I DVP related materials to domestic violence agencies and services at the state, national, and international levels when it is necessary to improve or educate services and agencies about the BDSM/Kink/Leather communities.
• NLA-I DVP also produces a quarterly newsletter with information on resources, NLA-I DVP updates, and other related domestic violence information.
• Maintains a resource directory for individuals looking for help and assistance as well as agencies that are looking for resources to help them work with the kink community in situations of domestic violence.

Why should you consider donating to NLA-I DVP?

The charity runs on a volunteer basis and without donations by people like you they can not fund the work that they do. If in an unfortunate situation, you have need of their aid, I want to help make sure they can provide that for you.

Now, how can you help me help them?

I’m trying to raise at least $1000 this month for NLA-I DVP. No amount is too small. I will be using ChipIn.com to help manage the money raising. This means that money goes directly to the charity and does not go through me or someone else. I can also track how much money has been raised.

If you want to place a widget on your website like the one below that is connected to the fund raising, click on the COPY tab in the blue widget box to grab the code. Spread the word about this charity event and give to a good cause.

Added Bonuses

If the very cause isn’t enough for you, I’ve got an added bonus. For every $10 donated, I will put your name in a drawing for a $100 gift certificate from JT’s Stockroom. This drawing will take place November 4th. The more you donate, the more chances you have to win.

Can’t Donate but want to help?

Do you have a blog or website? For every post you make about the charity fundraiser, or if you want to put the widget on your site during the month of October I will submit your name into another drawing for a $25 gift certificate to Amazon.com. Send me an email if you have posted it on your website please (subguide@gmail.com).

I also have banners, if you want to use one of those. Please link back to THIS POST.

<a href=”http://www.submissiveguide.com/2009/10/submissive-guide-raise-1000-nlai-dvp-national-domestic-violence-awareness-month/”><img src=”http://www.submissiveguide.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/NLA-I-DVP-Banner-ALTERNATE.jpg” /></a>

<a href=”http://www.submissiveguide.com/2009/10/submissive-guide-raise-1000-nlai-dvp-national-domestic-violence-awareness-month/”><img src=”http://www.submissiveguide.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/NLA-I-DVP-125X125-Banner.jpg” /></a>

Do you use Twitter? Every day you tweet about the fundraiser will give you one entrance into the $25 gift certificate giveaway from Amazon.com. Please tweet the following text to be considered.

Donate $10 to NLA-I DVP for chance to win $100 gift certificate to JT’s Stockroom! #nlaidvp

http://tinyurl.com/qnu6bf

Give to a good cause today!

Donate Now!

Spread The Word about Submissive Guide

Can you do me a favor? I know this is essentially self-promotion, but if you find this site useful and worth keeping going, could you help me out?

First, you could always donate a bit of spare change to keep me buzzing with hot tea and chocolate. You can send it to me via the donate form on the right.

I also have several options for advertising. If you have a site or business you’d like to advertise here on Submissive Guide, please see my Advertising page.

If you don’t have the cash, but would love to help me anyway I would be thrilled!

Please, just take a moment and spread the word. I’m here, I’m willing to mentor and share my experience, give me an hand and let the world know.

Spread the word about it. Here are a few things you can do to help me out.

1. Subscribe to the RSS feed
2. Get updates in your Email
3. Talk about the site on your own site or blog and make sure you link to it!
4. Share a link in your email
5. Tweet This!
6. Follow me on twitter: subguide
7. Follow me on YouTube: subguide
8. Add it to FriendFeed
9. Add it to Facebook
10. Share it on Myspace
11. Write a note in your FetLife profile
12. Subscribe to the blog via Amazon Kindle

Just let everyone know that you’ve found a great new resource that deserves attention.

If you add a link to your site’s blog list , please let me know. I will link back to your site on the Friends page!

Thank you,

–lunaKM

Submissive Guide Town Hall Meeting

Submissive Guide is just over 7 months old now and with a decent number of well received posts I’d like to get your feedback as to where Submissive Guide is going. Let me go through what I’ve seen happen on the site and what I’m working on for the future. I want your input too, so please leave me a comment or drop me an email with your thoughts. I’d love to hear them, good or bad.

Growth

Since Submissive Guide began on the 2nd of January this year I have had over 100,000 visits. This is mostly all organic growth. That means you are finding me through search engines the most. I have a lot of blogs linking to me as well and I’m so grateful for your faith in my writing. I don’t pay for advertising anywhere else right now and don’t see a need to do that for future growth. Just spread the word when you can and I will be happy.

As far as the advertising on this site, all of the current banner ads are affiliates. This means that I get a small kickback when you purchase items from them. I have one paying ad as a text link in the right sidebar. If you are interested in purchasing some ad space I’d be happy to talk to you. You can stop by my advertising page and contact me from there.  I have made a small amount of money from Amazon Affiliates and all the income from there has gone to purchasing the books that I do reviews on the site with. I plan to continue doing this with Amazon income for the foreseeable future.

Submissive Guide is an income venture and I do hope to make money from this site at some point. My hope is to provide you with e-books and workbooks to help you improve your submission in some way. These would be economically priced and I will make sure that they are worth the cost to you. My first workbook currently in the works is an expanded version of the Submissive Positions series I posted at the end of April and into May. I’m working with a Yoga instructor to provide you with stretching exercises and alterations to the positions so that you can work into them and improve your flexibility and stamina. There will also be lovely pictures of the positions! Stay tuned as I work on this throughout the summer.

Coaching in the Works

I am also developing a submissive life coach business to co-live with Submissive Guide, the site. I will be personally coaching you to reach your goals through email, chat sessions and phone conferencing. This could also lead to training courses and group classes to help reach your goals and discover the stumbling blocks keeping you from reaching your goals. This is still quite a ways away, as there is a lot of business red tape and personal planning I have to get through to make sure I do things right. I am very excited about being able to get to know you better though coaching!

Features on this Site

I have a few reoccurring features on this site that I’d like to draw your attention to. Every month I have a Roundtable discussion that is meant as a way to teach me about a topic I don’t know a lot about. The past few have been about polyamory and open relationships, and shaving. I love the information we have collected on these topics and am happy with the participation I get. Do you like the Roundtable Discussions? Let me know!

Every month I also have a book review of a book about submission or BDSM. I try to give an honest review of the book as well as referencing it to submission and what may help you improve and empower yourself. What books would you like to see reviewed? Do you like these? Would you like to see more?

The resources area has a lot of wonderful things to explore. I have a BDSM bookshelf, a link to the Submissive Journal Prompts site, links area, submissive groups around the web and the Simply Service newsletter archive. If you have a resource you think should be included I want to know about it!

The frequency of posts may decline as the demand for my time spreads out to other areas. I do intend to not go below 3 times a week and will post more frenquently if I have guest posts to share with you. I never imagined this site would do so well in such a short amount of time, but I’m finding that to be fulfilling as well.

Share Your Experiences

I am always looking for guest posts on a numerous variety of topics. I’d welcome anyone’s essays to share here on Submissive Guide. I have a page that details what I expect from the essay which you can find here. I’m grateful to those that have donated time and writing for this site so far and look forward to working with many more of you in the future.

Here’s some of what I’m looking for:

• How to reprogram yourself to come once the Come on Command relationship is over.
• When you owner controls all of the money, how to adjust, adapt and live that way.
• BDSM with kids around. Anything and everything to do with this topic.
• Sexual submissive topics (great sex tips for example)
• Exerpertise in BDSM activities from the bottom point of view, select one activity per post.
• BDSM fiction and non-fiction book reviews
• Posts from the male submissive point of view; any topics welcome
• Anything else?

Paid Posts

I offer paid posts from people that have qualification and certification in the field they wish to write about. These posts range from $10-50 depending on the helpfulness, depth and other factors to be discussed.

I’m currently looking for:

• Certified and licensed massage therapist to write a series of posts about various massage techniques.
• General Practice Doctor to write about health and medical related issues where BDSM is concerned.
• Established BDSM speakers and presenters to write about various topics. (You must have a website that identifies you as a regional or national BDSM presenter.)
• Ordained pastor or minister to discuss religion, spirituality and it’s connection with submission in all forms.

If you are interested, please contact me.

How to Get Updates

Now, I’m sure many of you get Submissive Guide sent to your email or favorite RSS reader but are you aware there are other ways you can get updates? Submissive Guide has a twitter acount that I post new posts as well as recommended reading, quotes, questions and tips that I’ve collected. If you are on twitter, please follow subguide! If you are on Youtube you can get notices about the video posts one day before they are released here on the blog. I’ve also created a group on FetLife for Submissive Guide so that you can continue the conversation there if you are already active on Fetlife. Lastly, if you have a Kindle you can now get Submissive Guide sent to you that way for only $0.99 a month. I didn’t set the price, Amazon did. If I could, it would be free too. I get a tiny amount of the monthly fee you pay and that will go towards server upkeep.

Let Your Voice Be Heard!

I want you to voice your thoughts on Submissive Guide. What do you like? What don’t you like? Where can I improve? What topics are lacking? Express it all.

photo by rick

Where Do You Chat?

I’d like to provide a chat night on a specific topic once a week but the chat room I have on the website really is lacking in capabilities. So, I’d like to know from you the best places to hold a chat night. I used to be a regular user of IRC, I’ve found tweetchat.com to be interesting. There is also twibes.com where I now have a group there where we could chat. I also know of independent applications that I could install on SubmissiveGuide and host chat right here on the site.

Where do you chat? Are you a twitter chat fan? Perhaps you use IRC? Another chat client somewhere? What’s your chat stomping ground?

To help me with this, I need to know where you chat and any details if necessary about how to connect to it (URL, IRC servername/channel). I’d prefer to use a free service than have people pay to chat so it can’t be somewhere you have to pay to belong.

I want to start chat night in August, so please help me out. Let me know where a good place to chat would be and I’d love to know if you’d be interested in attending!

Thanks,

–lunaKM

Announcing the Winner of the 2 Book Contest

Hi folks! Just a quick post today to announce the winner of the 2 Book Contest! I had a huge response and the list was really long. In the end the randomizer put this name at the top! Congratulations to:

arisl

Please contact me via twitter or email with your mailing address and I’ll get the book shipped out from Amazon.com to your mailbox!

Thank you everyone for participating.

If you enjoyed this giveaway let me know what you’d like to see for the next contest. I’m open to ideas. I will not be giving away sex toys, as that isn’t the purpose of this blog. Please keep that in mind when you give me suggestions!

Submissive Guide On Twitter

If you haven’t joined the craze in new information delivery that is twitter, you are missing out. Thought to be the internet’s next big social media outlet, Submissive Guide decided to join from the onset. It’s been an amazing few months so far, and I’m still trying to figure out what my followers want as far as information from me in my tweets. If you have input as to what would be useful to you in short 140 character bursts throughout the day please let me know.

Follow Submissive Guide on Twitter!

What you can get from my twitter:

1. Links to interesting BDSM and submission related essays across the internet
2. Recommended FetLife submissive groups
3. Quotes and Journal Prompts
4. Household tips and tricks
5. Links to posts from other submissive communities
6. Suggested book reading
7. Notices about contests and giveaways
8. Submissive Guide new post notices
9. Questions and news from Submissive Guide
10. more…!

So what are you waiting for? Join twitter and follow the Guide now!

Are you interested in joining a group of submissives on Twitter? SubmissiveGuide.com has a Twibe. The Twibe is called ‘submissives‘. Once you join the twibe any tweets you do that have the keywords submissive, sub or slave in them with hashtags or not will automatically show up on the twibe page. This is quite nice for group discussion and getting to know one another!

Submissive Guide 2 Book Contest

In celebration of 6 months of existence and almost 200 posts here on Submissive Guide I’m excited to announce my first contest! Since Submissive Guide is all about enhancing and growing in your submission the first giveaway will be for two books from Amazon.com. The books are Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus by Christina Abernathy and The New Bottoming Book by Janet Hardy. These are both excellent books to develop your submission and now both can be yours!

How to Enter

• Tweet this text: RT @subguide: I’m giving away Erotic Slavehood and The New Bottoming Book! Retweet to enter. Rules: http://is.gd/VVkP .
• You may tweet up to once a day. Each tweet counts as one entry. It’s up to you to decide how much you want to annoy your followers.
• You must be following me on Twitter or leave a comment on this post, so I can contact you if you win.
• I’ll give you an extra entry if you write a post on your blog about this contest. Be sure to send me the link, or reply to this post and let me know.
• The deadline is July 14th, 2009 at 11:59 p.m. CST.
• I will keep a list detailing each entry, and will be picking the winner using the List Randomizer.

Also…

• You must be willing to give me your address.
• Amazon.com ships internationally, so you don’t have to live in the U.S. to enter! Hurrah!

Cyber Submission and Exploring D/s Online

Finding Your Spirituality In Service

A recent journal prompt I came across really inspired me to write about it.  It is spirituality. A lot of what I hear about spirituality is related to religion, but BDSM can be spiritual too and I’d like to explore that with you.

What is the relationship between spirituality and religion? Is BDSM spiritual? –Submissive Journal Prompts

Religion and spirituality have a connection but they don’t have to be connected. When you believe in a structured religion it generally means you have a spirituality about it. But when you are spiritual, that doesn’t mean you are connected to religion. Does that make sense?

BDSM can be spiritual if you feel connected to it in a similar way as you would religion. The whole idea of BDSM is an overpowering idea of all things sexual, sensual and relationship related that involve our entire being, life and identity. This isn’t about being kinky in the bedroom; anyone can do that. This is about living and breathing an alternative lifestyle that embraces BDSM in its core.

When you are serving, do you feel focused on the service and the power that you receive from your partner? Does it give you a floaty feeling or a sense of being that reminds you of inner peace and acceptance of your life? You could be experiencing service as spiritual.

My experiences with spiritual BDSM are limited, but the moments I felt at complete peace with myself I felt transcended into happiness and wholeness that I’ve never experienced any other way than when I was praying as a teen, looking for divine intervention in my sad life. The feeling that what I was doing at the time was just right, almost perfect and exactly what I should be doing gave me a strong sense of my spiritual self.

How To Connect

If you wish to grow closer to your submission and bring a spirituality in your service, you can look no further than your own religious exposure, whether you own or someone’s stories.

• Find a quote, mantra or mediation that means a lot to you and your service. Memorize it and say it often.
• Practice mediation techniques so that you can find your inner peace easier.
• Find a way to worship your owner. This can be by ritual bathing, foot worship, or other body part service. It can also be learning new skills to enhance your service with your owner in mind. Massage is one that I think of.
• Perform your service with focused slow steps. Develop your grace. Do every step with purpose and meaning.

Each of these ideas can help you connect with the spirituality of your service and will provide you with a new way to be intimate with your Dominant.

Spirituality is not required as a part of your service. It is just a way to enhance what you already do. If you are a bedroom submissive, these ideas can be applied to sexual service as well. Imagine a spiritual blow job or a ritual massage as a part of foreplay. Spirituality can be a part of anything you do.

Don’t let the idea of spirituality or religion overwhelm you. Make your part in BDSM whatever you want to make it. If spirituality is what you’d like to try, please embrace some of the ideas here, or share some in the comments. What ideas do you have for bringing out your spirituality in service?

Your Thoughts

darkpaladin on twitter gave me his thoughts on spirituality. Here’s what he had to say.

BDSM is very close to a religion for me – to me it is about lifting people up and showing them their internal energy and power. A dom acts a guide and submissive acts as the vessel of energy. The sacraments are time, trust and orgasms when a sub gives certain power away they awaken to their own inner strength and deification. We are all deities. The dom leads on the sub’s journey and the sub shows the dom in similar ways.

Do you have any thoughts to share?

photo by tapperboy

What Is Polyamory Anyway?

Today’s post comes from May (follow her @readheadgirl) a writer and artist.

For the longest time when I heard “polyamory,” I thought of hippies in the 70s having orgies at drug parties. I blame my misconception on why I took so long to realize that I am a polyamorous person. Like me, many people have the wrong idea about polyamory and what it means.  So before I define what polyamory is, I’d like to take a moment to say what polyamory isn’t.

It isn’t hooking up; it isn’t “free love;” it isn’t an excuse for cheating on, disrespecting or marginalizing a partner; it isn’t a rejection of commitment; and it isn’t an experiment to try while deciding whether or not to break up with your partner.

Polyamory literally translates as “many loves.”  It is a system through which people can create multi-partner relationships and families with the full consent of everyone involved.  Full consent is crucial. Only through respectful and honest communications can polyamorous relationships flourish (in this way polyamorous relationships are very similar to BDSM relationships and the two categories often overlap).

I like this Wikipedia explanation as it captures how polyamory is about what is in someone’s heart – not whom their having or not having sex with:

“Polyamory can refer to the practice or status of a relationship at a given time, or used as a description of a lifestyle, philosophy or relationship orientation (much like gender orientation), rather than of an individual’s actual relationship status at a given moment. It is an umbrella term that covers many orientations and modes of relationship. There is fluidity in its definition to accommodate the different shades of meaning which might be covered. Polyamorous relationships are themselves varied, reflecting the choices and philosophies of the individuals concerned.” (Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory)

Polyamorous relationships take many forms and can include many different levels of intimacy.  In some relationships, a couple will have a single dedicated partner with whom they share a series of affairs. Another person may be actively “single” while participating occasionally or often in the committed relationships of others.  A couple may be committed to each other and to a third… or to another couple.  One person who is part of a couple may be dedicated to another person who is also in a committed relationship, without the involvement their significant others. The possibilities are limited only by the needs and desires of the parties involved.

The sex in a polyamorous relationship is what most people think of first, but it is not the most important component. Many desire intimacy and excitement that cannot be met by a single person.  This is, to me, the ultimate reason for polyamory: to accept your desires and your partners’ desires for intimacy fully while you assist or allow one another the expression of those desires.

Every polyamorous relationship I have witnessed grows stronger on a daily basis because of how all involved recognize and respond to the innate needs of the others in a loving, giving way.

In many ways, polyamory is whatever you want it to be. But what it must be is honest, loving and accepting. The rest is up to you…

May is a writer, artist, feminist, geek, book-nerd, bisexual, polyamorous, ex-Baptist, pagan, environmentalist, vegetarian who lives in Kansas City, Missouri with her cats and the greatest boyfriend ever.  You can follow her on Twitter as @readheadgirl or find her poems, photography and art at readheadgirl.deviantart.com/gallery/.

Guest Post and Interview Opportunities

Are you looking for additional content for your blog or site?

Look no further!

I’m so excited about my blog that I want to share it with the world. I’ve decided to give away a lot of my best content and try to connect with as many new bloggers as possible.

If you are interested in a guest post, please contact me via the form below. Let me know your niche and what type of post you would like. I can write on a broad range of topics. Some of them include:

• Blogging
• Submission
• BDSM activities like rope bondage, flogging, spanking
• Size Acceptance
• Rules and structure

Resume of Guest Posts

• A Submissive’s View on Spanking
• A Submissive World View
• Rope Focus
• I Obey
• A Call to Action

I hope to have the opportunity to work with as many of you as I can.

Contact

Use the form below to contact luna. This is the best way to send me email, but if you choose to use your own email client, you can contact me at subguide@gmail.com. Please put ‘Submissive Guide’ somewhere in the subject so that my spam filters don’t toss it.

I love getting email from people so don’t be timid about asking me a question or letting me know what you think. I’m generally pretty good at replying too, so you will get a timely response.

The best way to contact me is via email through the contact form below – but if it’s important you can also contact me via:

Mail

PO Box 203,   Dike, IA   50624   USA

Social Networking

I use the following sites to connect and get to know people also. You are welcome to contact me through these as well, however I check some more frequently than others. If your message is urgent, please use email.

• Twitter
• Facebook
• FetLife

Email

About

Welcome to The Submissive Guide — a blog look at mentoring, self-taught training and BDSM exploration.

My name is luna and I’m a full-time submissive in a D/s relationship. I am webslut to The Iron Gate, Submissive Journal Prompts, The Thinking Dominant and a few others.

I started blogging when I was exploring D/s online in 2003. I used it primarily as a way to get my thoughts together and hopefully to find people that understood what I was thinking at the time. I needed advice, mentors and helping hands.

Since then I have blogged in several different places, settling on BDSM is Love. I’ve developed opinions and thoughts on many topics within the the D/s dynamic and BDSM. I don’t consider myself to be an expert at anything at all but I do think that I’ve grown to enjoy sharing and writing about all the different themes that submission and service provide me.

As my blog grew in popularity I realized that I had a commodity that people could use. My insights and words. More than just the personal meandering thoughts I tend to gather on my blog, but more thoughtful help for submissives that are seeking advice, mentorship and someone who understands.

From Online, Long-Distance and Casual to Real-Life, Full-time Submission

I’ve been through it all and can give a submissive valid insights on all facets of exploration. I’ve been an online submissive, lived a long-distance service and even played casually for awhile. Now I’ve moved to live-in submission where we tried part time, just in the bedroom and finally settled on full-time D/s dynamic where we are most happy.

So, if you feel that I won’t understand where you are coming from, just try me. I might surprise you!

Why Submissive Guide?

This site is dedicated to helping submissives understand themselves and the service they wish to provide; from sexual to domestic, personal assistant to pain slut and everything in between.

I started this site in January of 2009 because I wanted to help others out there to understand the feelings and experiences that are new and sometimes puzzling. I’d like to be a mentor to novice submissives, develop a learning program of sorts and give you tips and information on how you can improve your personal submission with or without a partner. I’ll be regularly adding essays, reviews and perhaps a video or podcast or two.

I hope you enjoy the site.

What others are saying about Submissive Guide

Thank you very much for putting this all together. i am new to the lifestyle. i have met a wonderful Master who found your site and referred me to it. i have gleaned so much information. It has really given me so much wonderful information that i feel more enlightened and better equipped to understand what my Master is teaching me. There has been so many wonderful thoughts, ideas and pointers that I really can’t be more specific. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. — dita

——

I followed a link to your site and I have been reading it the last several days. I want to compliment you on the excellent job you have done with it. I am very impressed with many of the articles and blogs and other resources you list. In fact I have given the site to my LDR submissive because she is on the new side and I thought it would be helpful to her.

But I must say several of the articles I have found helpful to me too! I hope you don’t mind one of us D types lurking around.

I wanted to let you know how impressed I am with your site. Thank you for publishing it! – LGM

——

I just wantedto drop you a line and tell you how much I enjoy your website. I am a newbie to the lifestyle – started with reading books, articles on the internet and have begun chatting on line. I have met one Dom, had one meeting that was very brief but seemed to go well – I was comfortable with him (normally a very shy person and don’t open easily at first) and he seemed pleased. I am trying so hard to take it slow but am so anxious to experience all that I have read/learned about.

Again, just wanted to give you a little nudge of encouragement and to let you know that your words help those of us new to the lifestyle. Thank you again –Terri

——

I wished to write to you to thank you for taking the time to put together your wonderful site. I stumbled across it late last night while searching for a collar that Sir has instructed me to buy to formalize our relationship, and I read with great interest. I plan to show Him your site this evening, but I have already undertaken some of the exercises you have shared.  In reading, I realized how much work we have already done in our short month long relationship; particularly in training.  I took the time to formally write down all the ways in which my own instincts or behaviors have been modified or finessed to be more pleasing to Him, and this was truly a labor of love, so I appreciate it. — A

Contributions and Sharing

I do not know everything there is to know about everything. If you feel that you can contribute an essay or series of essays on a topic that you feel you know a lot on, please feel free to send me information via my contact page. I would be happy to hear what you could provide.

I am also open to being a guest blogger on your site. If you would like me to write something for your blog or website, please contact me. I would be happy to contribute to your site as long as I can have a short promotion of mine in return.

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If you’d like more information about Submissive Guide please get in touch via my contact page.

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