Diffuse Extreme Mood Swings Before They Get You In Trouble

For March Question Month Cilla Noir asks:

How do you handle your serious mood swings or when something just “sets you off”?

When you go from one end of the spectrum to another – sometimes justified, sometimes not.

Normally, when i was on my own, i would just throw a fit.

Being back in a D/s relationship – that is not acceptable behavior and it’s a hard thing to start overcoming.

I admit to sometimes being a drama queen in relation to my moodswing – not something i’m proud of – and being back into a D/s relationship i need to nip that in the bud ASAP.

Suggestions?

Advice?

Dealing with extreme mood swings is a challenge. It’s not uncommon for people to let their emotions take control of their behavior but for the submissive constantly endeavoring to improve themselves this is not an option. Learning to diffuse your emotions is, in my opinion, a very important tool to have.

Like any stressful situation, a mood swing can be released in the same way. Follow the next few steps when you feel that your emotions are getting the better of you.

1. Breathe. When your emotions take control of your body you experience physical changes that help increase your reaction to the situation. Your pulse quickens, your temperature may go up and you take more shallow quick breaths. Stop for a moment and focus on your breathing. Feel you body relax and return to normal before moving on to the next step.

2. Take a time out. The reason you are upset will still be there so try to step away and calm yourself before thinking about what just set you off.

3. If you can’t take a time out, count to ten. It seems childish at first, but once you realize the effects it has on your body and mind you won’t take it for granted.

4. Write about it. Open up a journal and write about what has upset you. It doesn’t have to make sense. Feel free to ramble, scribble and vent. No one will see this anyhow, it’s just there to diffuse your dramatic behavior that would normally occur.

5. Investigate why you may be having such extreme mood swings. Some things that can cause mood swings are high levels of simple carbohydrates in your diet. Cut down on the white bread, processed foods and sugar. Exercise helps reduce stress which means you’d have a lower chance of flying off the handle. Sleep deprivation also increases your chances for mood swings.

Do you have other suggestions to help Cilla Noir? Let me know how you’d handle mood swings in the comments!

photo by JChetan

Regaining Submissive Mind-Space Through Ritual

Many submissives have jobs where they are managers, business owners, or in charge in some way or another. Sometimes it can be difficult to re-enter your submissive head-space at the end of a busy work day. A sub can use rituals in order to help her achieve the right mind-apace, leaving the outside world behind and re-gaining the D/s world.

Using Rituals

What is a ritual? A ritual is usually a specific set of actions that one performs for a chosen reason. As Wikipedia states:

The purposes of rituals are varied; with religious obligations or ideals, satisfaction of spiritual or emotional needs of the practitioners, strengthening of social bonds, social and moral education, demonstration of respect or submission, stating one’s affiliation, obtaining social acceptance or approval for some event — or, sometimes, just for the pleasure of the ritual itself. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ritual)

A ritual to enter a submissive head-space can be a combination of all of these purposes. You may be strengthening your bonds with your Dom by doing actions He ordered, or strengthening your identification with your submissive side through performance of a task that you would not normally do. You can demonstrate respect to your Dom as you take time out of your day to prepare yourself for Him. Not least of all you can give yourself the pleasure of getting away from the outside world and entering a place which gives you the comfort and satisfaction that you find as a submissive.

Portals and Preparations

It may be helpful to view your front door as a portal into the D/s world. You and your Dom/me can create a special ritual that starts right at the door. One submissive told me her Dom meets her at the door when she gets home from work. She kneels before him and hands over her keys and wallet. The removal of these objects takes away her ‘business’ persona, and makes her a subject of her Dom.

If your house is warm enough and private enough, a removal of clothes or a change of clothes (to something sexy, not your big flannel jammies) will complete the transition to submissive head-space.

If your Dom/me is not home to greet you, preparation rituals can put you in a submissive mind space. A basic shower after work can be used as a cleansing ritual to receive your Dom/me while washing away the business persona. Closer attention to intimate shaving, using scented soaps or perfumes, applying make-up – all these can be used as rituals for submission. If I am not going to see my Dom for a while, I may spend extra time plucking eyebrows or dabbing on perfume, just to be able to feel the centering power of submission after a busy day.

If you normally use make-up and perfumes, save a particular brand or style to use only when you are in submissive mode. My Dom encouraged me to start painting my toenails during sandal weather as a reminder of my submission, but when I am going to visit Him I apply a brighter colour.

Nadu

If your Dom/me comes to visit your home, or comes home later than you, it may be centering to assume a ritualistic position just before He gets there. The Gorean position of Nadu (“pagar nadu”) is particularly apt for this. The basic position is to sit on your heels, back and shoulders straight, chest out and stomach in. You keep your head up, but eyes downcast. Spread your thighs and rest your hands on them with your palms facing up. I believe that for Goreans, this position is often taken by a pleasure slave. It is easy to feel submissive in this pose, and it is a beautiful way to greet one’s Master.

The Ultimate Ritual

The most important method for me of regaining the submissive mindset is through the collar. If you don’t wear a collar everyday, you can have your Dom/me fit a collar around your neck when you come home. If you can’t show a regular collar due to family or other reasons, your Dom can find a collar that can be mistaken for a necklace. You will know the significance, but it can pass as ‘vanilla’.

I wear a chain collar everyday, which is made from a necklace. When I am feeling tense, or just to reconnect, I reach up and touch the collar. I feel the connection to my submission, and can continue what I am doing in a more grounded fashion. I also have a dress leather collar which I put on before an event. Once the collar is on, I am firmly in submissive mode as I can clearly feel the restriction around my neck.

These are just some of the many ways that a submissive can re-enter the D/s world after a day out in the business/ work world. Do you have any other ways that you use to regain your submissive mind space?