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Teach Yourself Belly Dancing Using YouTube
March 10, 2010 by lunaKM
Filed under Talents and Skills
As a part of my work to improve myself and make my submission fun and exciting always I am constantly searching for things I can add to my service that my Owner would love to see or have me do.
One of these is today’s focus. Belly Dancing. I’m certain that pole dancing, burlesque and stripping will be a furthering of my dancing skills. Let’s face it, I’m not a dancer. I don’t have the body of a belly dancer (unless BELLY is the key word) and I’m a klutz. I’m not graceful no matter how hard I try and my lumbering body makes sensual play almost impossible. But that doesn’t stop me and it will never stop him from asking for me to learn more seductive ways to tease him.
Today I’d like to share the playlist I’ve made on the subguide channel that has a lot of wonderful belly dancing moves that you can learn yourself. And it’s a workout, no doubt about that. So, come, let’s enjoy some belly dancing today!
How to Stretch for Belly Dancing
How to Breath for Belly Dancing
Basic Twists: Single Twist with Weight Shift
Facial Expressions while Dancing
Putting Moves Together to Form a Dance
photo by Chilli Photograph
Review: The Submissive Activity Book
In January I had a poll in the sidebar asking readers like you what books you’d like to see me review for Submissive Guide. The overwhelming response was that you wanted me to review The Submissive Activity Book: Building Blocks To Better Service
Flipping quickly through it’s pages it is first and foremost a workbook. There are pages and pages of forms for you to fill out to improve and learn the skills she puts forth in the book. According to Shannon the book was written for submissives not currently engaged in a D/s relationship that are looking to establish a structure in their lives that a Dominant normally would do. It is built to help the submissive learn and improve skills that a potential Dominant might desire.
The book is broken up into sections with activities towards different goals. From establishing a personal protocol with rewards and punishments, goal-setting, schedule making and planning, learning new skills and furthering education as well as budgeting and learning personal finance. The book’s second half has helpers for the submissive in understanding their wants and needs, how to negotiate and establishing limits.
Before each activity form there is a summary of what the activity is supposed to do for you and how it might help you grow. They are well thought out, but leave a lot to self exploration. The number of copies of each workbook activity are sometimes excessive in my opinion and the author encourages the purchase of her companion book to get more blank copies of the forms. In today’s technology age, I would have rather had one copy of each activity page; I can always make copies if necessary. I don’t think the companion book is really needed at all.
My favorite activity section is the personal protocol. Shannon describes this section as a way to feel accountable for your actions even if you aren’t in a relationship. She walks you through behaviors you would want to encourage and discourage as well as a punishment and reward system that you manage yourself to keep your new behaviors in check. For those submissives with a real desire to control and change their lives this is a valuable section.
I dislike the wasted pages that are used for a calendar. While I can understand that the section is about planning and scheduling, I would rather encourage the submissive to get a schedule book that is small enough to carry around with them in their handbag or shoulder bag. This way the activity wouldn’t involve either carrying the book everywhere or tearing out the pages. Again this would be a good place to encourage them to make copies of the pages they desire to use instead of giving them an entire year’s worth of calendar pages.
Honestly though, this book is very much in keeping with the purpose of this website and I’d recommend it for those of you who want to experience structure and start working towards your perfect self without a Dominant. You will then be able to enter into a relationship with more preparedness and your personal value may be higher.
Product Details
- luna’s Rating: 8/10
- Paperback: 184 pages
- Publisher: CreateSpace (February 22, 2008)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1440470499
- ISBN-13: 978-1440470493
- Product Dimensions: 9.9 x 8 x 0.6 inches
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Domesticity: The Kitchen
The kitchen is the heart of any home and having a clean and germ-free work environment for cooking and food preparation is important. Knowing some skills and cleaning tips can make keeping your kitchen clean and sparkling effortless. No longer is doing dishes and mopping floors drudgery; enhanced it can be an important part of your service when you wear your domestic servant hat.
Danae on Domestic Servitude has put together a fabulous Fall Cleaning list for every room of the house. You can download the PDF of the kitchen cleaning list here! Below is my general cleaning list for the kitchen. You can make yours more detailed and edit it for your own kitchen.
Kitchen Cleaning Checklist
- Large appliances cleaned inside and out.
- Small appliances cleaned outside and underneath.
- Counter tops washed, dried and polished.
- Kitchen cabinets wiped with furniture polish.
- Dishes washed, dried and put away or stored in dishwasher.
- Kitchen sink cleaned out, wiped and polished with cleaner.
- Kitchen floor swept and damp mopped.
- Trash removed.
Listed below are articles across the web that I have found to be helpful for setting up my own cleaning routine for the kitchen. I hope that you will explore these and if you don’t have a cleaning routine in place; consider starting one with the kitchen.
Kitchen Cleaning Tips – Easy tips and preventative measures to keeping your kitchen clean and organized.
Quick and Easy Kitchen Cleaning Tips – Preventative tips and quick cleaning to have your guests complimenting your kitchen.
Kitchen Cleaning Tips – Tips submitted by readers on LifeTip.com
Kitchen Cleaning Tips for the Lazy Cleaner – Quick and easy tips for anyone that leads a busy life.
Natural Kitchen Cleaning Tips – Using everyday household items like vinegar and baking soda to clean instead of harmful and expensive cleaners.
Stop Scrubbing: Fast and Easy Kitchen Cleanup Tips – Small tips to keep things cleaner in the kitchen before you have a mess.
Kitchen Cleaning Tips - An extensive cleaning how-to for every item in your kitchen.
15 Minute Kitchen Clean Up – Cleaning the kitchen doesn’t have to take a lot of time!
Intense Kitchen Cleaning – If you have more time, here’s a longer, more intense cleaning.
Kitchen Cleaning Tips – More little tips to keep your kitchen sparkling and germ free.
photo by palindrome6996
5 Ways to Express Your Gratitude to Your Dominant
November 13, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Relationships, Rituals and Routines
With Thanksgiving (USA) just around the corner I thought it would be fitting to write about gratitude, and how to express your gratitude to the one you serve. Sure you can say thank you. That’s standard. I really hope you take every opportunity to say thank you, but what if you want a few more creative ways to show how appreciative you are to your Dominant?
Being thankful can take on many forms, and each time we feel that sensation of gratitude well up we can use a different display of appreciation. For example, thanking your Dominant for giving you an orgasm will be treated differently than if you are grateful that hold the power in your life. Orgasm gratitude is usually expressed immediately after while you may take awhile to express your feelings for the later.
Take a moment and come up with some things you are grateful in your life that you may not have had before you were in a relationship with your Dominant. How important are they to your development and your overall happiness? When was the last time you showed your appreciation for these things? Is it about time you did?
So, what ideas do you have for expressing yourself? They can be simple or elaborate, as long as they are your own. Make it honest and full of your service.
Offer
The first idea is to offer a service that you don’t normally do. It can be anything. Give a massage, bathe their feet, sexual service that you don’t pine after (for me that’s analingus). Be a foot stool, be their tax preparer. Anything that would just make their day and surprises them would fit the bill. Just remember to make it a part of yourself. Offering to pay for them to attend a salon is not the same thing, as offering yourself for a day of pampering.
Create
This idea isn’t about making something, but setting a mood. If you know your Dominant is going to coming home from a stressful day, it would be as simple as soft lights and maybe candles to help them relax and shed the outside world. Making sure the home is picked up and inviting can bring a lot of emotion attached to it. It not only shows that you care for the household possessions, but also how it makes people feel when they enter.
You can also create an atmosphere appropriate for whatever may be planned. If play is on the menu, then neatly prepare your play space. If dinner is the order of the day, setting the table as if you are in a fine restaurant can show your appreciation for a number of things.
Do
Take an idea from online for a ritual that you don’t do. Perhaps it can be kneeling and then lowering your face cheek to cheek to the floor in submission or kneeling when you bring their drink. Adding that bit of focused attention is a pleasant surprise to a Dominant and shows them that you care for how you present your submission. There is any number of things you can do in this vein. From a specific way you adopt to disrobe, to how you reply to requests in a set format. It’s not just up to the Dominant to add ritual and intensity to the relationship. Volunteering these simple steps will tell them that you thank them for the opportunity to serve them.
Make
Sure it’s quite easy to go to the store and purchase something for them, but when was the last time you made something for them? You don’t have to learn anything or have specific skills. Make a special dinner or dessert, write a card or poem, put together a photo album or mosaic. Something homemade has more meaning than a purchased item.
Coming up next week I’ll share ideas of what to give a Dominant, until then use your imagination!
Rededicate
Ultimately, this should only be done if you are really ready to deepen your relationship or there has been a lapse in the dynamic that you wish to try to repair. Again, the ritual that this involves can be simple to elaborate so let your mind develop what would work for you. Even just setting aside time to talk about how you wish to submit and offering that over voluntarily expresses how you love the relationship and what they do for you. Again, you don’t have to wait for the Dominant to tell you to create a ritual or process for doing something. I’ve gained so many rituals just by starting it and having him say he really likes it.
If you have gotten lazy in your rules, start really digging in and doing them before you get in trouble. Don’t let their distraction sway you. You want to serve, that’s why you are in this relationship so serve. Your submission just might deepen their Dominance and the rededication can you an exchange, just as it should be.
Lastly, remember to say thank you when you do these things. Make it about them. We take too much for granted anymore. Don’t let your relationship become one of those things. Relationships build because we work at them, show how much you appreciate everything they do and you will also reap the rewards.
How do you show your gratitude to your Dominant?
photo by FernR
Submissive Journey Weekend 2010 Registration Now Open
October 6, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – Please cross-post
Welcome to the 3rd Annual Submissive Journey Weekend…
I am proud to announce that registration for the next Submissive Journey Weekend is now open. We cordially invite those who identify as submissive, slave, girl, boi /boy, bottom, pup, etc. to a weekend of learning, growth and support. All genders, sexual orientations,and experience levels, are welcome.
The classes at SJW will focus on service skills training, personal growth and relationship-oriented classes all with the intent to inspire further learning and growth in the submissive.
Come stay with us for three days and two nights at a luxurious cabin nestled in the beautiful mountains in Pigeon Forge, TN . We have people that attend from all over the country and even Canada. Your registration package will include lodging, meals, educational materials, event t-shirt, over 15 different classes and large group discussions, and much more.
In an attempt to offer personalized attention I am offering only 45 openings so please don’t wait to register. We fill up fast! We already have applications coming in.
For more detailed information please feel free to visit our website at submissive journey weekend
Please contact kendell at sjw.information@gmail.com for any questions you may have. I’d love to talk to you.
~ A Thank you to our Sponsors
This would not be possible without the support and kindness of our sponsors. If you are interested in sponsoring or making a donation to the Submissive Journey Weekend please check out our sponsor information page on our website.
Please feel free to cross post this announcement or share it with others who might be interested in this event
Thank you,
kendell
SJW – Producer
Review: The New Bottoming Book
This month’s book review is of one of the books I gave away in the July Book Contest. The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy (formerly Lady Green) is a great beginner’s guide to bottoming. According to the authors, this “new version” contains much of the original advice, like “connecting” and negotiation, but also has new and much-needed information.
The book is divided into two sections. The first one is about skills. These chapters help novices make decisions about who they are as a bottom, what checklists are, how to make one, including the way I recommended here not long ago, bridging the gap between fantasy and reality and finding a Top that will give you what you need and want. There is a big section on meeting someone online via chat rooms, mailing lists and/or Internet newsgroups and how to convert from “cyber” to “real-time,” and dealing with the fact that their “reality” may not match yours.
The second section starts describing different “scenes”, their ‘rewards’ and also tips on beginning and ending them Also included are sections on role play, with short subsections about bondage and submission. It has small sections on dressing, public play, sensation play and other thoughts when it comes to actual scenes. I feel these chapters are nice for a very fresh novice, but not necessary when someone has already been exploring somewhat.
All in all I find the book very basic in it’s explaining what bottoming is and how to start on that path. Certainly recommended for the novice this book can help shed the nervousness and dispel the fantasy of play.
Product Details
- luna’s Rating: 6 out of 10
- Paperback: 200 pages
- Publisher: Greenery Press (CA); 2nd edition (December 1, 2001)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1890159352
- ISBN-13: 978-1890159351
Add Your Reading List to Your Training Resume
August 12, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Training Resume
Since the beginning of Submissive Guide I have been writing essays to help you build your service/submissive/slave resume. This is the living document of your experience and training on different tasks and a variety of relationships. If you are interested in reading the previous posts about the Training Resume I suggest you start at the topic index.
Today we are going to compile a list of the books you have read during your service that are a part of your growth and learning. The importance of this list is not only to show a potential Dominant that you are well read, but that you have a personal desire to work on improving yourself, learning a wide range of viewpoints and opinions and learn about BDSM activities of all sorts.
Gather Your Books
Pull together all the books you’ve read on BDSM, specific service items and other self help resources that you have read completely. These books can be basic relationship self help, etiquette, green cleaning and simple living, How-to books, and so much more. Let your mind explore your entire library and figure out how that could apply to a BDSM service relationship. You might be surprised.
Magazines and Newspapers
Although a bit more rare or pricey, you can find excellent magazines and even newspaper articles that might help you with building a reference library for your service experience and development as a person. Perhaps you have a subscription to a gardening magazine, home repair or fine dining journal. These things can be wonderful resources for your service life. Be creative and look for learning opportunities everywhere you go.
Online Sources
Don’t forget online newsletters and blogs that you are subscribed to! Even SubmissiveGuide.com can be a great resource to list on your reading list if you read it regularly and learn from it. Make note of the posts or articles that you enjoyed the most and the URL if there is one.
General Essay websites are great too, but make sure you keep a list of articles that you have read on each one so that it isn’t assumed that you have read the entire site.
How to Make the List
For books, make a list of the titles, authors, publication dates and a synopsis of the book. Online resources need to have the name of the site, the URL, the date you last accessed it and the site owner with a way to contact them if you can find one. You can also spend time writing personal reviews of the book or essay with what you took from it and made your own.
For example, I just read SlaveCraft and reviewed it on this blog. I can add that book to my service resume in the Reading List area. My entry would look something like this:
SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude, principles, skills and tools by a grateful slave with Guy Baldwin, M.S.
Daedalus Publishing Company (April 2002)
The author writes for the submissive or slave who may already have experience and thus understand the skills and tools that will help deepen their surrender. His four principles that he describes in detail are Identity, Obedience, Transparency and Humility. Each one is artfully discussed so that while you may be walking in his world of surrender you can apply them to your own service quite easily.
Making this list now will help you in the future too when you try to remember where you read that fantastic book or essay that you’d like to refer to, or share with a friend. The importance of a list like this can help you in more ways that just your resume.
What else would you list on your reading list? Would it be beneficial to list books and articles that you want to read in the future or have an interest in?
Finding Domesticity In You
I’m personally not a very domestic person. When I do find the desire to clean it’s normally to relieve stress (believe it or not). It can help calm my nerves and give my mind something else to do while working on the house. Since I’ve become Master’s stay at home submissive I find I need to look further than stress relief to get the chores done. I’m certain that you have felt the same way too. Chores just happen to be the reality of a submissive sometimes. It’s not glorifiying, it’s not fantasy. It’s just life. If you are fortunate to have a Dominant willing to share the domestic chores that’s wonderful, but many submissives have to balance work and home life to make their Dominant happy.
So what does this have to do with washing dishes? Sure the title is misleading until I tell you a little story. One night I was exploring the internet via Google search looking for ways to develop my domestic skills, I was searching for simple ways to do things, greener cleaning solutions and so forth. One of the links I clicked was Make Washing Dishes Fun by danae over on Domestic Servitude. It was the first time I had encountered this site and it wasn’t going to be the last. I read all of the archives. She also has a post on Handwashing Dishes that I enjoyed. I found there were small ways to recapture the joys of cleaning and home care.
Since then I have grown in my way of cleaning, I’m finding simpler ways to do things. I have learned to recycle and prepare some simple things. The inspiration I get from the site was all I needed to push me further into my domestic service. I’m far from perfect but I’m getting better every single day.
The site has grown since I first found it. danae has taken on a few more authors to help her with the work and the reading is fabulous. If you have any domestic struggles with your submission this is a fantastic website to go to for all sorts of tips. I especially enjoy the recipes personally, but they share lots of fantastic DIY items, internet finds and so much more. I don’t think anything like this exists anywhere else. Can I just say I love this site?!
What other sites would you recommend for someone learning domesticity?
Review: SlaveCraft
Traveling further into your submission is something that most of us strive for. We want to seek the inner wisdom that will make us the best submissives or slaves we can be. Well I think I’ve found a book that will move your surrender further and deeper than it has before. SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude, principles, skills and tools by a grateful slave is a treasure of a read for those a bit further down the path of service than a complete novice.
Written in the form of a series of essays, this book let’s you take of little bits of infomation and digests them in a way that makes them feel personal and inspiring. The way the slave uses metaphors to describe his principles are beyond amazing. I walked away from every essay with new and exciting ideas (some of which have become posts on this blog).
Don’t get me wrong, SlaveCraft is a great book, but not for the novice. The author writes for the submissive or slave who may already have experience and thus understand the skills and tools that will help deepen their surrender. His four principles that he describes in detail are Identity, Obedience, Tranparency and Humility. Each one is artfully discussed so that while you may be walking in his world of surrender you can apply them to your own service quite easily.
If you are a novice you might like the next book that I’m going to review, but for now remember, one day you will be able to touch the deepest surrender with this book.
Product Details
- Paperback: 184 pages
- Publisher: Daedalus Publishing Company (April 2002)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1881943143
- luna’s Rating: 9/10
Buy SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude–Principles, Skills and Tools
Develop Your Submission with a Training Resume
May 18, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Training Resume
Using the posts and resources here at Submissive Guide you have tools necessary to start creating your Training Resume; a folder of all your past, present and future training as well as skills and preferences. It’s very helpful to know where you are lacking experience or developing your skills.
Here’s a list of posts already on Submissive Guide geared directly to the creation of a Training Resume. And don’t forget to check out the Training Resume Category for more posts that could help you develop a resume.
Building your Training Resume
- Beginning Your Training Resume
- Recording Your Training History
- Recording Your Completed Training
- Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
- The BDSM Checklist that will Really Help You
- Add Your Reading List
- Add Cons, Classes and Events
After going over these posts, what else would you like to add to your Training Resume? Are there topics that I need to write about to help you? This is your chance to help me out with the Guide. Let me know what you’d like me to write about. Ask your questions, please.
Learn a New Skill to Enhance Your Service with Free Online Courses
May 15, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Service, Training Resume
There are many ways that submissives can learn new skills and training that will enhance what you can provide your Dominant. Just imagine being able to speak another language, or have secretarial skills. Perhaps learning gardening, technology or sewing? Your skills can be expanded endlessly and a lot of it for free.
Is there something you’ve always wanted to learn how to do?
The internet is full of free online courses if you look in the right places. There is a goldmine of training certificates, courses towards a degree or tutorials for many skills from basic to advanced levels. I’ve done a lot of the research myself to bring you a list of some of the best places to find free courses. Feel free to browse the below links and expand your training.
Free and Affordable Distance Learning
Free Education on the Internet
Free Online Courses from Great Universities
University of Washington Free courses
photo credit by Milliron Photography
7 Things You Can Do Today to Impove Your Submission
April 17, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Defining Submission
A question I see asked all the time is “how can I be a better submissive?” Here are a few things you can do to make your submission and service better without a lot of work.
1. Move with purpose. If you have been asked to fetch something or approach your Dominant, be precise in your moments, allow your natural grace out. You can be fast and still be beautiful to watch. Be mindful of your moments, remove the fidgeting, check your posture and enhance your natural body movements. If you naturally sway, make it slow and sultry. If you have a dance in your step, don’t try to force it out.
2. Think before you speak. Filling your speech with ums and ahs is not only annoying but a sign of disorder. Show your Dominant that you appreciate the ability to speak or that you care about how you sound by making sure you know what you want to say before you say it. If you don’t know what to say, express that you need a moment to collect your thoughts, your Dominant should appreciate your attention and care to being open and honest about your preparedness for the conversation.
3. Enhance a basic service. I use the coffee service a lot around here, but it really does help to explain a lot of different things. I have taken the basic serve of his coffee and added a piece to it that he appreciates. I announce his coffee when I arrive with it. I place it where he requires it and say, ‘Your coffee Master.’ Something as simple as slowing your steps like you see in a Japanese Tea Ceremony can be an enhancement that improves your submission.
4. Learn a new skill. There is never a moment that a submissive should stop learning. Picking up talents and skills to better please your Dominant should be one of your basic tasks. This can be cooking a special recipe, a sexual technique or playing chess.
5. Meditate on your submission. Take a time out and think about your submission. Reflect on the day or week and think about things that went well or didn’t go well. Find ways you can improve yourself or your submission while relaxing. Develop a mantra to say during your meditation if you wish.
6. Kneel or sit at his/her feet when they are busy. Sometimes just being there when they didn’t expect you to be can be a great way to express your submission to them. Appearing at their feet without any expectation of anything from them can provide comfort and pride and help you with your feelings of submission.
7. Ask for advice from other senior submissives. Your best fountain of information are submissives that have been where you are. Permission to talk to other submissives is nice to have so that you have a support system in place and you will never stop learning and growing.
8, 9, 10? Do you have ideas of what I could put here to make it 10 Things? 20 Things? If you have ideas, I’d love it if you could share them.
photo credit by c.a. muller
Finding Your Spirituality In Service
March 20, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Mindset, Service, Spirituality
A recent journal prompt I came across really inspired me to write about it. It is spirituality. A lot of what I hear about spirituality is related to religion, but BDSM can be spiritual too and I’d like to explore that with you.
What is the relationship between spirituality and religion? Is BDSM spiritual? –Submissive Journal Prompts
Religion and spirituality have a connection but they don’t have to be connected. When you believe in a structured religion it generally means you have a spirituality about it. But when you are spiritual, that doesn’t mean you are connected to religion. Does that make sense?
BDSM can be spiritual if you feel connected to it in a similar way as you would religion. The whole idea of BDSM is an overpowering idea of all things sexual, sensual and relationship related that involve our entire being, life and identity. This isn’t about being kinky in the bedroom; anyone can do that. This is about living and breathing an alternative lifestyle that embraces BDSM in its core.
When you are serving, do you feel focused on the service and the power that you receive from your partner? Does it give you a floaty feeling or a sense of being that reminds you of inner peace and acceptance of your life? You could be experiencing service as spiritual.
My experiences with spiritual BDSM are limited, but the moments I felt at complete peace with myself I felt transcended into happiness and wholeness that I’ve never experienced any other way than when I was praying as a teen, looking for divine intervention in my sad life. The feeling that what I was doing at the time was just right, almost perfect and exactly what I should be doing gave me a strong sense of my spiritual self.
How To Connect
If you wish to grow closer to your submission and bring a spirituality in your service, you can look no further than your own religious exposure, whether you own or someone’s stories.
- Find a quote, mantra or mediation that means a lot to you and your service. Memorize it and say it often.
- Practice mediation techniques so that you can find your inner peace easier.
- Find a way to worship your owner. This can be by ritual bathing, foot worship, or other body part service. It can also be learning new skills to enhance your service with your owner in mind. Massage is one that I think of.
- Perform your service with focused slow steps. Develop your grace. Do every step with purpose and meaning.
Each of these ideas can help you connect with the spirituality of your service and will provide you with a new way to be intimate with your Dominant.
Spirituality is not required as a part of your service. It is just a way to enhance what you already do. If you are a bedroom submissive, these ideas can be applied to sexual service as well. Imagine a spiritual blow job or a ritual massage as a part of foreplay. Spirituality can be a part of anything you do.
Don’t let the idea of spirituality or religion overwhelm you. Make your part in BDSM whatever you want to make it. If spirituality is what you’d like to try, please embrace some of the ideas here, or share some in the comments. What ideas do you have for bringing out your spirituality in service?
Your Thoughts
darkpaladin on twitter gave me his thoughts on spirituality. Here’s what he had to say.
BDSM is very close to a religion for me – to me it is about lifting people up and showing them their internal energy and power. A dom acts a guide and submissive acts as the vessel of energy. The sacraments are time, trust and orgasms when a sub gives certain power away they awaken to their own inner strength and deification. We are all deities. The dom leads on the sub’s journey and the sub shows the dom in similar ways.
Do you have any thoughts to share?
photo by tapperboy
Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
March 18, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Defining Submission, Relationships, Training Resume
Continuing the work on your training resume, I’d like to talk about mapping out how you dream of your submission being. This is a discussion of ideals and dreams. You can be as fanciful as you want right now, we will narrow things down as we go along. There are 3 things I’d like to focus on in this post. What your ideal relationship is, the structure you’d like to have and the level of protocol you dream of having. This works for kinky bedroom relationships and also full time dynamics.
Get out pen and paper because what we are going to do is make a map of our ideal relationship. If you have ever made a mind map, you know what are about to do; if not, below are some links to information about mind maps. A mind map is a colorful whole brain approach to taking notes and putting together thoughts and common ideas.
- How to make a Mind Map
- Mind Maps: A Powerful Approach to Note-Taking
- How to Mind Map
- Learning Skills: Mind Mapping
An excellent free online tool for mind mapping can be found at MindMeister.com
Ideal Relationship
Your first mind map should be about your ideal relationship and what you are looking for in a partner. As with all mind maps, the very center should be an image or central thought. Let’s put your partner there. Branching from that you can put physical features that attract you, activities you enjoy, emotional attachment levels and future desires for children, income, housing and other future wants and needs. Don’t leave anything out.
Structure
The second mind map is about the structure of your D/s dynamic. Do you want monogamy or poly-relations? Are you looking to be a pet, or perhaps a service submissive? Is Internal slavery your desire? How strict should the person be? Does punishment and discipline for rule violations intrigue you? How frequently do you want to play?
This is just a jumping off point, you can expand and explore everything you are looking for in the D/s part of your relationship.
Protocol
This mind map will probably be the most difficult. In this mind map, I’d like you to think about example rules and routine you’d like to develop. Think about how you’d like to act, what you dream about doing or saying in specific moments of your day or relationship. Do you like Gorean living? Perhaps a tiered system of a poly household? Dream up your rules and rituals that you may want to explore.
When you have completed your mind maps they should help you see how your dreams and future goals go together, how your ideal relationship is planned out in your mind and is now on paper. You can use this to help you communicate to your partner or when looking for that special person. Keep it in your training resume binder.
Building your Training Resume
- Beginning Your Training Resume
- Recording Your Training History
- Recording Your Completed Training
- Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
- The BDSM Checklist that will Really Help You
- Add Your Reading List
- Add Cons, Classes and Events
photo credit by harpreet thinking
What is a Mentor?
March 10, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under BDSM Basics, Video Posts
This week’s video tip is about mentors.
A mentor is a person more experienced in certain aspects of life than you are. They are also more open to varying viewpoints, have a desire to teach and aide others. A mentor is a role model and a very special counselor to those they council. In business newcomers are usually given a mentor to help them learn the business and become familiar with how things are run. They provide advice and training to the novice.
A mentor is a counselor and adviser for newcomers. Mentors usually provide an experienced view of the area being explored by the new person. They can provide training and teach the proper way that things should be done so that cautious movements become confidence.
A mentor not only helps the newbie at the beginning but can be there to advise and aide them during all phases of their development. In business the mentor is usually a more experience person with good communication skills and lots of patience.
Applying mentoring to a BDSM context a mentor is someone that guides and advises a newbie on what to expect, things they might want learn and other items. I believe a mentor should be on the same level as you. If you are submissive, then you should have a submissive mentor. Visa versa for a Dominant. They will be able to connect more with what you are thinking and feeling and can help you better than the opposing role could.
What I can do for you?
Other than just reading my posts on the website, which I promise you you can learn from, I’m here to listen to you, answer your questions and provide you with advice. In the coming months I’m putting together my first of many training courses that will provide you other ways you can learn and get advice directly from me. So subscribe to my feed and keep reading. I’m planning a lot to bring you further into your submission and learn who you are and who you can be. Let me help you find the way.
Bookshelf
February 24, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Defining Submission
Comments Off
A good book can help you learn more about yourself and your submission or enhance a skill you have always wanted to learn. Here is a growing list of books to help you on the way. Do you have a suggestion for a book listed here? Please email me at subguide@gmail.com. Thank you.
View Submissive Guide Amazon Store for more selections
Beginning BDSM
- Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism
by Phillip Miller – Review
- SM 101: A Realistic Introduction
by Jay Wiseman
- BDSM Primer
by Ralph White
- Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission
by Gloria Brahme – Review
- Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships
by Jack Rinella
- When Someone You Love Is Kinky
by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Lizst
Dominance
- The Art Of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women
by Claudia Varrin
- The Loving Dominant
by John and Libby Warren
- The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners
by Lady Green
- The New Topping Book
by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
- The Master’s Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance
by Jack Rinella
Submission
- Erotic Surrender: The Sensual Joys of Female Submission
by Claudia Varrin
- The Compleat Slave: Creating And Living An Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle
by Jack Rinella
- Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus
by Christina Abernathy
- Becoming a Slave
by Jack Rinella
- SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude–Principles, Skills and Tools
by Guy Baldwin - Review
- The New Bottoming Book
by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy – Review
- The Submissive Activity Book: Building Blocks To Better Service
Ritual and Protocol
- Protocols: Handbook for the female slave
by Robert J. Rubel
- Creating A Personal Protocol
by Shannon Reilly
- The Bride Wore Black Leather…And He Looked Fabulous!: An Etiquette Guide for the Rest of Us
by Drew Campbell
- Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave: Theory and Practice
by Robert J. Rubel
- Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an M/s Household
by Machele Kindle and Master Fire
Master/slave
- Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice (M/s Studies Books)
by Robert Rubel
- Master/slave Relations: Solutions 401: Graduate Studies in Meeting Challenges in your Relationship (M/s Series)
by Robert Rubel
Leather Culture and History
- Chainmale: 3SM–A Unique View of Leather Culture
by Don Bastian
SM and Play
- Consensual Sadomasochism : How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely
by William A. Henkin and Sybil Holiday
- Bound to Be Free: The Sm Experience
by Charles Moser
- The Compleat Spanker
by Lady Green
- Consensual Spanking
by Jules Markham
- Flogging
by Joseph Bean
- Flogging: The Basics and Beyond (SMTech Educational)
by Joseph Bean
- Learning the Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun S/m Lovemaking
by Race Bannon
- Jay Wiseman’s Erotic Bondage Handbook
by Jay Wiseman
- Two Knotty Boys Showing You The Ropes: A Step-by-Step, Illustrated Guide for Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage
by Two Knotty Boys
- Two Knotty Boys Back on the Ropes
by Two Knotty Boys
Sex and Sexuality
- American Sex Machines: The Hidden History of Sex at the U.S. Patent Office
by Hoag Levins
- Anal Pleasure & Health: A Guide for Men and Women
by Jack Morin
- Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex
by Gloria Brahme
- The Guide to Getting It On, 6th Edition
by Psy.D Paul Joannides
Spirituality
- Dark Moon Rising: Pagan BDSM and the Ordeal Path
by Raven Kaldera
Crafts and DIY
- Bondage on a Budget
by Alison Tyler and Dante Davidson
Simply Service
February 20, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Defining Submission
A once-a-month newsletter/e-zine written for service oriented people, by service oriented people in M/s, D/s or Leather relationships.
| About the Editor |
| Linda “BootPig” Hall is a former Ms. Olympus Leather, President and Secretary of the Phoenix boys of Leather. She teaches on service -related topics, and in conjunction with Whipmaster Bob Clark on SM topics at events all over the country.You can contact her through email at: wmb.bootpig@gmail.com |
Current contributors are all slave or submissive identified, and in real time relationships where obedience and service are necessary, valued skills, achieved over time. I have been fortunate enough to meet these lovely people all over the country, and have delighted in great conversations, where we sometimes agree, and sometimes disagree, but are bound by a mutual respect of each other’s choices. Occasionally, words from the “other side” might be included as well, as many perspectives will be represented.
Many current contributors are active in their own local leather communities, as well as maintaining relationships, homes, jobs and more. We know it can be a balancing act. We know it isn’t pretty all the time. We’ll be sharing our stories, tricks, tips, lessons learned (easy and hard), mistakes, and human foibles.
Every possible relationship combination will be represented, as this is about service, and can transcend gender and role orientations. Contributors are encouraged to write about issues they are currently facing, and as such each issue may go in a number of directions. The thought of “theming” issues has arisen, and is on hold at this time to allow for freedom of expression and creativity as this project finds a niche of its own. Philosophy, skill training, methods, and more may be examined.
Simply Service Groups on the Web
Yahoo Group: Simply Service
FetLife Group: Simply Service
Contributions will be accepted and reviewed on a per submission basis for addition into a future issue. Please include a bio, and any references you have and send submissions to msolympusleather2003@cox.net.
To view these newsletters you must have the free Adobe Reader or another PDF reader. Here’s where you can get it! Download Adobe Reader
Archives
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Beginning Your Training Resume
December 30, 2008 by lunaKM
Filed under Training Resume
A training resume is just another name for a folder where you are going to start keeping your list of training achieved, history and important documents. Much like the training folders mentioned in The Marketplace series by Laura Antoniou you can build a file on yourself to offer your current or future dominant partner(s). Throughout the course of this program you will learn how to write your own files, learn to focus your training in the direction you wish to go and develop a personal development plan for your own growth.
It all begins with the basic information that all dominant request of a submissive when they are first getting to know someone. This is known as a basic profile. Personal basic profiles are a great way to distill information in an interesting and digestible format.The process to writing a personal profile are to intrigue the reader about the person it is written about.
- Be Concise and condense – No one needs to know everything in every small detail about you in a profile. Try to say it in as few words as possible.
- Choose your adjectives – Use a thesaurus if you need to. Find words that clearly state what you want to say.
- Choose specific terms – ‘I like sports’ is not nearly as clear as ‘I like soccer’. Make sure you express yourself completely.
- Write in outline format – Outline format is easier to follow and give a snapshot of what you are like.
- Present a 3D image of yourself – Don’t just focus on a few aspects of your life.
- Be honest – Don’t lie or exaggerate.
- Take pride in who you are – Use positive words but do not brag.
Some information you may want to include:
- personality (choose 3 power words)
- likes/dislikes
- food
- entertainment
- activities
- hobbies
- music
- family life
- education
- religion/spirituality/beliefs
- causes you are active in
- living situation
- environment
- location
- pet peeves (You can learn a lot about a person on this issue alone.)
- goals/dreams/plans
- professional
- personal
- travel
- hope to accomplish
- family structure or size (i.e. ‘Would like to have 5 kids.’)
- unusual experiences (i.e. ‘Worked in the peace corps in the Sudan,’ ‘went to Germany in school,’ ’survived a severe storm,’ ‘met famous person,’ ‘home-schooled kids.’)
- what is important to you (i.e. ’saving money to help the needy’ or ‘protect the environment.’)
- talents or skills
- musical
- artistic
- sports
- drama
- groups or affiliations or online communities you belong to (another way to learn about someone)
Once you get the basics together you can start developing your training history. We’ll start putting that together in future posts.
Building your Training Resume
- Beginning Your Training Resume
- Recording Your Training History
- Recording Your Completed Training
- Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
- The BDSM Checklist that will Really Help You
- Add Your Reading List
- Add Cons, Classes and Events
The Meaning Behind Service and Serving
When someone becomes a submissive for the first time and finds a dominant the first words I generally hear them say is that they like being of service or they like serving. When asked what it is about service that they enjoy it tends to boil down to sex and play. There is far more to service than the play, and believe me, there are submissives that don’t even play but find fulfillment in service.
Service is any activity or function that you fill to make your dominant partner’s life easier. This could be as simple as preparing their coffee, laying out their clothes for them or performing domestic chores. Yes, it does include the play and sex aspects of some relationships, but not all of them are wired this way.
Take for example a domestic submissive. What calls them to serve is completely different than a service submissive (more on this term later). Each of them gains happiness and fulfillment out of the services they provide their dominant partner, but the service they provide can be very different. Many times a domestic submissive will have minimal or no sexual interaction with their owner. I’ve even been propositioned by a few male domestics that all they want to do is come and clean my house. It’s the pleasure of cleaning for someone that they want to enjoy.
So, what does it mean to be of service to your dominant? Does it mean you will be doing the chores around the house, caring for family or pets, perhaps paying the bills and running errands? Could it mean you are a personal assistant and keep your partner in check, organized and prepared for everything the day may throw at them? Or are you the sex object that fills every fantasy and whim without a moment’s hesitation? All of these things are service. Some other things that can service items can include:
- cooking
- cleaning
- grooming
- health
- personal trainer
- pet care
- home repair
- car repair
- organization
- event planning
- child care
- chauffeur
- scheduling
- secretarial
- intellectual conversationalist
Discover Your Purpose in Service
Finding your meaning in service isn’t always easy. You have to start with what you want and need out of a relationship. I’ve written a whole series about Wants and Needs that you can refer to if you need help figuring these things out. Once you’ve identified what you need, you can develop the services around it that will feed your needs. If you require structure, you could develop a Home Control Journal. If you like to be a hostess and use anticipatory service you could have a Butler’s Book. Perhaps you would like to develop your sexual service skills or your personal assistant skills and learn how to properly bathe and clothe someone. The possibilities are endless.
Service Submissives
There is a type of submissive that seeks only to serve. In this passion there is happiness and joy to be asked to do even menial tasks. They may derive pleasure from things other than sexual connection or play. Service Submissives can become domestics, personal assistants, chauffeurs, and handmaids.
What makes this type of submissive so special is their ability to adapt to whatever service their partner requires of them with little adjustment period. Service Submissives can bring pleasure to their dominant with little effort. It is my opinion that service submissives are rare and unique people. Not everyone can be a service submissive, but if you are one, you are worth your weight in gold and then some. All other submissives most likely look up to you for your ability to serve so smoothly.
Here are some of my ideas of what a service submissive might be.
- Personal secretary; taking calls, answering the door, responding to emails, scheduling and coffee fetching.
- Body servant; bathing, shaving, grooming and overall health care of the dominant.
- Escort; social elitist with the ability to bring attention to your owner, chat about all sorts of world topics and look beautiful on their arm.
- Service Top; when an owner is a masochist it may be requested that the submissive learn play activities to service the top.
Do you have any other ideas of what a service submissive can be? Share them in the comments!
Now that you have a better understanding of what service is, how can you use your talents to create your service resume? What services do you provide your owner? What services would they like you to learn or enhance?
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