Submissive Chat Night 3/23/10 at 8PM CST – Oral/Genital Service

It’s time again for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. I’d welcome everyone to come on in Tuesday 3/23 for a bit of conversation. The topic is going to be Oral/Genital Service. Anything and everything can be discussed. Please come with questions or a curiosity about Dominant/submissive relationships.

Info

When: 3/23/10 8 PM CST – 9:30 PM CST

Where: Chat room on the website, or use an IRC Client

Topic: Oral/Genital Service

How to get to the Chat Room

The chat room is attached to this site under the link at the top, or you can click this link here.  It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.

If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:

Server: irc.mibbit.com
Port: 6667
Channel: #submissive-guide

Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!

Online Groups

Submissive groups are all over the internet. They can be long standing or short lived. Most have advice, help and a support system you can’t find anywhere else. Here’s a list of the groups where you might find your voice. Interactive forums or mailing lists are welcome here.

If you have a submissive group you’d like to see here, please let me know!

Yahoo! Groups

• Desert Submissive Treasure
• Exploration Society- Los Angeles
• Los Angeles Submissive Sanctuary
• Profound Submission
• Service Excellence
• Submissive Women
• Submissive Women Only

FetLife Groups

• 1763 Submissive Round Table
• 20-something submissives
• 24/7 live-in, service-oriented submissives and slaves
• 24/7 slaves
• 24/7 subs
• A slave’s heart
• Art aS Service
• Ask a Submissive Questions
• BBW Submission
• Degrees of Submission
• Domestic Servitude
• Domestic Sub Station
• Gay Submission
• Male Submission
• Male Submissives and Slaves
• Male Submissives Unite!
• Male Subs are People Too
• Mature Gay Male Submissives
• Obedient little girls and the Daddies they obey
• Passing it down – from the experienced to the new
• Positive Submissive Support
• Religious Submissives
• Rituals, Rules, and Contracts
• Sarcastic Subs and Slaves
• Serving 2 + Dominants
• Sexual Submission
• Skinny subs
• Slave Registration
• Slaves ( not micro managed )
• Smart, Mature, Healthy submissives
• Smart, Sophisticated, and Submissive
• Strong In Submission
• Strong slaves
• STRONG SUBMISSIVE MENS GROUP
• sub singles forming sub couples
• sub-mission
• SubFems Over Forty
• Submission by cam
• Submission with Dignity
• Submissive/Slaves/Bottoms Without Dominants
• Submissive Housewives
• Submissive Support Sisters
• Submissive Women

Independent Online Groups

• Let Me Serve
• The Submissive Wife Project

Do you know of any? Please let me know!

How to Beg When Asked

Begging is an art form for submissives. Each of us has our own talent or lack thereof in this area. For some it is part of humiliation, or just every day activities. There are different approaches to begging.

Verbal Approach

Master insists that I beg for a lot of things and I think that most Dominants choose this route to see just how desperate their submissive is for whatever it is they want. Generally it’s about being allowed to come or when you have been teased to death and you just want sex, right, now!

I used to be horrible at begging. “Pretty please with a cherry on top?” Then if that didn’t work I’d up the anty. “Whipped cream?” “Chocolate Sauce?” Uh-huh, what was I doing, tempting him with dessert? This never worked.

Then I went to the “potty dance routine” of “please, please, please, please….” So many pleases in there that it just didn’t have the sentiment that he wanted out of me so that didn’t work either.

Now I’m catching on. I’m no where near perfect but I can and generally do get what I’ve begged for after a short stint of him grinning at me and telling me that wasn’t good enough. He wants me to go all out and yes, I give it to him.

Say I want to come and I know he’s going to ask me to beg. It may go something like this:

“Master, please may I come? I’m so hot and my clit feels like it’s going to explode!”

He usually declines the first time so then it gets more desperate.

“Master, oh god Master I’d really love to come for you and show you just how slutty I am. Please let me come.”

If he’s just in the mood to listen to me beg he’ll give me that grin that says, “Almost, but not quite.” Then the big guns come out.

“Master, I need to come so bad for you, if you let me come I’ll scream and moan so loud, god Master, I don’t want to hold it anymore please? I’ll suck your dick like a mad-woman if I can”

Yup, bribery. I opt for giving him things that I don’t normally do voluntarily. That’s just the way it works for me. I have to really show him how desperate he’s made me, tell him the orgasm is really his and not what I need and then top it off with something that he’s going to love.

Physical Approach

Kneeling and kissing the feet of your dominant is not only a sign of submission, but is a good start for begging for what you desire. This humbling of yourself goes a long way to finding that sweet spot in a Dominant so that they may pay mercy on your and allow what you are asking for. Other ideas can be prostration, kissing hands or bowing/curtsying.

Nonverbal Approach

The puppy dog eyes come out when nonverbal may work for you. The right look can transmit what you want or need very well and some Dominants prefer to have you look like you want it while listening to you beg. What look do you get on your face when you need to get permission for something?

A mixture of any of these approaches requires practice. I’m still not perfect but I’m learning what my Master requires of me when I’m asked to beg for ‘it’.

Recording Your Training History

Your training history is the catalog of the past relationships that you have had within a D/s dynamic. You will be documenting the training you received and list the basic development that you can recall being part of your service. If you have a long history with many dominants this could take awhile and be a large part of your Training Resume. The importance of this is not only to help a potential Dominant get to know you and what you like, but to learn what sorts of things they don’t have to focus on. The best part of this is that they can see even more if you are compatible to them.

So, say you want to set up a training history, how do you start? Each relationship should be treated the same, whether it was casual, long term, live-in, long distance or online only. Relationships that are short to really long all should be documented. All of them will matter and have an impact on your future.

• Unlike a job resume or CV you should start with your very first relationship.
• Be impartial about your previous partners and don’t share information about them. Information about your training is the focus.
• Unlike a job resume, you need to be detailed and can be long winded. Do not just summarize your experience.
• Rate how well you thrived in the relationship and what you liked best.

The important thing to focus on is the experiences you had and the development you felt you achieved. There is no need to share specific play sessions or interactions with past Dominants.

An Example Relationship

Jane was with Rick for 3 years as a long distance relationship with visits every other month. They focused their time together with pain play and learning positions he liked as well as sexual pleasure. Their time apart she explored online and learned about different forms of service, play, relationships and BDSM. He developed rules for her to follow to maintain her appearance, keep in contact with him daily and a meditation ritual. They never ventured to any local BDSM community and kept most of their play in the bedroom.

How would you document your history if you were Jane? The following is an idea for a historical profile for your resume.

Length of relationship: 3 years

Type of relationship: Long Distance Relationship with bi-monthly visits

Rules followed during relationship: Appearance, Contact and Mediation. If you can recall specific rules, list them here.

Relationship Focus: Mostly pain play and sexual submission. Developed submission through online reading and blog exploration. Also learned a lot about BDSM play A, B and C.

Be thorough! List as much as you can remember about the items you focused your attention on.

Training: Submissive Positioning, appropriate speech during scene, sexual service.

Struggles you encountered: Feeling sheltered, no one to talk to, no face-to-face contact with anyone that was in the lifestyle.

Why did the relationship end? Distance strain grew too much.

Building Your Personal History

The above steps are just introductory items that you can include in your history. Make it personal and give it personality. You are developing your living document. I encourage everyone to give this a try with your current or previous relationship. What do you learn about yourself and what you look for in a relationship? This history could very well hold clues for you!

Building your Training Resume

1. Beginning Your Training Resume
2. Recording Your Training History
3. Recording Your Completed Training
4. Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
5. The BDSM Checklist that will Really Help You
6. Add Your Reading List
7. Add Cons, Classes and Events