Sub v. Slave: A Second Opinion

This is a guest post by Beth, as she will tell you, she’s a 24/7 slave of 2 years and would like to express what she sees as the differences between sub and slave. If you would like to read Rayne’s opinion, you can do so on this post.

First off I would like to introduce myself. I’m Beth, or as some may know of me as jjsslave on fetlife.com. I’m also jajsslave on Twitter. I am a 24/7 collared slave and have lived with my Master for going on 2 years now. Well, by the time this is posted it will be 2 years. Ive been in the lifestyle for 7 years and have came a long way. I  have learned many lessons along the way, all which have shaped me into what I am today. The biggest lesson I learned early on was during my first encounter with my Master. It was the importance of not telling too much online to others and that you should guard yourself against the preditors out there. There are good guys out there. Ive been lucky enough to find one, however there are many scary people out there.

To me there is quite a difference between being submissive and a slave. I think it would be easier for me to start on the submissive side. In my 7 years in the lifestyle I started out as a sub. I really feel that until the past 2 years I remained a sub.  With that being said, I had more options in life, at least in my mind. A submissive retains the power over themselves and their body. Many are not going to agree with me on this. I don’t feel that discipline, true discipline should be put in place with a sub. ”Play” or “scene” discipline is one thing but actually discipline where corporal punishments, writings and corner times for example are put in place, I feel are completely off base. If a submissive still has power over themselves then how can they really mess up to the point of punishment outside of play. Slaves on the other hand, particularly those who live it 24/7 sometimes need punishment just for the sake of training, being kept in line and as a reminder of their place.

I had considered myself a slave before moving in with Master, yet I don’t think it was until he assigned me to look up the terms submissive and slave that I truly realized the differences. Unfortunately Ive lost that writing, but the idea is still in my mind. Hmm, this is consensual slavery right??? Then why is it that even though the door is there I can’t imagine walking out and never coming back? A slave has one option for the most point. Obey or leave!! Do i have the options of telling Master “no”?? Not if i want to continue to stay with Him. This brings me to another point, limits. Submissives often have soft and hard limits and can enforce them or use them at will. Not saying that is a bad thing, it gives the person that little extra protection over their body and mind. On the other side of things I feel a slave doesn’t quite have the same rights when it comes to limits. I feel a slave should take on the limits of their Master. If a slave has a hard limit well.. i guess that could be discussed and taken into consideration but ultimately the decision lays with the Master on if the slave is allowed to have that limit. Communication is a must.

While these are just a few examples of the thoughts floating around in my head, I feel these are the more important ones.  This is a very heated topic where I don’t feel anyone will ever agree. The bottom line is that there is no one way to live the lifestyle and that goes for submissives and slaves alike. One of the most important qualities anyone in this lifestyle can have is respect.  Respect for others and how they enjoy and live in the BDSM lifestyles. The good news is, those who live this lifestyle are generally accepting of everyone else’s choices on how to live this life.

I would like to thank LunaKM for giving me the opportunity to write this. I look forward to possibly doing more writing in the future as i really enjoyed doing this.

Beth is a 24/7 collared slave and have lived with her Master for going on 2 years now and in the lifestyle for 7 years. You can contact her on FetLife or Twitter.

Post photo by Purple Sea Donkey

A Lesson in Control with Self-Punishment

Each and every day there is the chance to scew up and be disobedient. Luckily, most of us won’t break rules every single day but when we do we know that punishment will come swiftly and precisely. That is, unless you are an online submissive. Then there are a few other steps to having punishment carried out and most likely that involves you doing the punishment by direction.

Every submissive I know, including myself, hates to get into trouble, but it’s going to happen. We have to admit that there will be times of backsliding, pushing limits and general disobedience in our learning. It’s a part of growth. This doesn’t mean we are more or less submissive or that we don’t deserve the collar we wear. It just means we need that bit of focus that punishment affords us. Don’t think of punishment as something bad, but as something to help us grow inward.

Punishment really can be a good thing.

While most of the following ideas are used mainly in online relationships, they can and are used in face-to-face relationships as well. Feel free to add your own thoughts as well. I would like to point out that communication is key in any relationship and negotiation of these issues is important. A Dominant must not violate your limits or agreed terms during punishment. Also, punishment is not to be enjoyed by either party in order for it to work correctly. It is difficult for sex to be a good punishment because of this.

Essays

Now, for those submissives in an online relationship punishment takes on a variety of tasks. Most common is the essay. The essay can be about anything that the Dominant feels would benefit the submissive in improving their behavior.  In most cases I have seen essays about the specific infraction used the most.

Many online submissives have blogs where they post their completed work. Others use email to send their completed essay to their Dominant. I know I used the email method when I was online only, but eventually those essays ended up on my blog as well. Reading old essays has helped me see where my mind was at in various times of my submission.

Writing lines is another form of essay punishment that can be a reinforcement tool. Handwriting lines in a book is a physical reminder as well as a mental one that you have disobeyed and are being punished.

It’s easy to see that the proof that you fulfilled your punishment is the resulting paper or set of lines. This is why it is a good punishment tool for those online relationships.

Sexual Chastisement

Punishment in this form can be instructed to wear a sexual aid for a period of time, no orgasms for a time frame or any other form of control that the Dominant can take away as part of your punishment for misbehaving.

A common punishment in my Dominant’s house is wearing a butt plug or ben wa balls while out, forbidding orgasms for a time or making me do something sexual that doesn’t appeal to me (but isn’t a limit).

The delicate thing about this form of punishment is that if the Dominant uses something that they want you to start enjoying then it could set a negative vibe about it once the activity is employed for pleasure instead of punishment. Sexual punishments should be used with care if used at all.

For online relationships, these things may be carried out while on web cam or chatting directly. With built up trust, these things can also be done with camera proof or maintaining communication.

Lecture

No one ever looked forward to a lecture from their parents. Having to sit down and listen to your Dominant tell you that you were disobedient is just as scary. Having to hear a long drawn out message is even worse. You can feel horrible and that’s the point. Driving it home is the purpose. Listen to your Dominant during lectures, don’t tune them out.

Privilege Restriction

In essence this is like being grounded. The Dominant can take away favorite foods, set a bedtime, allow only a certain number of text messages per day or can make clothing requirements. Anything that you take for granted can be taken away from you. Punishments of this sort are quite common in face-to-face relationships as they can be policed easier that way.

Online ‘Public’ Punishment

Used mostly online as the title describes, this would be going to a chat room or other online BDSM venue where others are and declaring your misdeed and receiving chastisement in front of other people.

This is also possible in face-to-face relationships. I’ve read of submissives wearing signs at parties about thier misbehavior and what punishment they are under. There are many creative ways to be punished in BDSM public and if your relationship allows for this form of activity then the Dominant may deploy it to teach you a lesson.

Proof

For an online or long distance relationship, part of the frustration of both parties is the proof that the punishment was carried out. Unlike the essay option where there is physical proof that it was completed other punishment may require the use of technology.

• Web Cam or Digital Photo – Used when an image is necessary to see that the punishment was carried out. This can be helpful in most any instance of self punishment.
• Other Documentation of Self-Punishment Obedience – things like calendars, text messages, emails and voice messages can help provide proof that you have obeyed.
• Anything else? What other ideas do you have as ways to prove you obeyed and the sentence was carried out?

photo by apesara

Can I Be Abused in a BDSM Relationship?

This week’s video post is about BDSM vs. Abuse.

A BDSM relationship, especially one with sadomasochistic moments, is subject to questions all the time about it’s proximity to abuse. It is not uncommon to have people unfamiliar with BDSM to say that what we do is abuse and violence; we see it all the time portrayed incorrectly in the media. Others associate criminal sadists with the BDSM scene, again something we have to struggle against.

A healthy BDSM relationship is one where people exchange power, sensations or experiences in a consensual, mutually fullfilling way. These exchanges increase self-esteem and all parties are are actively invested in the well-being of their partners and themselves.

The core of BDSM is consent. No one will disagree with this. We are all aware, hopefully, that abuse is not consensual. If you feel that what is going on is ‘not right’ then you certainly should investigate if it is abuse or not. Some of what you may feel could not be abuse at all, but it’s good to know for sure. The harm associated with abuse can be physical, emotional, mental, sexual, social or economic.  Here are some thoughts on whether the BDSM relationship you are in might be abusive from The National Leather Association-International Domestic Violence Project.

• Abuser may coerce or force a victim into agreements without their full informed consent, especially long-term contracts with newcomers.
• Abuser may manipulate a victim into financial or emotional dependence without taking precautions should conflict occur or the need to leave arise.
• Abuser may exert non-consensual control, dominance or abuse of a partners children or make demands that go against maternal or paternal responsibilities. (I.E. Restricting access to children as punishment.)
• Abuser may use threats of abandonment or loss of current5 contract if new demands are not met.
• Abuser may force victim to do things alone, together or with others in ways that violate or compromise previous negotiations.
• Abuser may use name calling, mind games, denial of human necessities like food, water, shelter as needed, health care and so forth, especially in ways that reduce a victim’s self-esteem.
• Abuser may threaten to expose victim or your lifestyle to ‘vanilla’ co-workers, family members, or children.
• Abuser may initiate inappropriate or harmful punishments or withhold appreciation or affection as punishment.
• Abuser may deny a behavior is abusive and/or may minimize abuse. The abuser may also accuse you of making abuse up, not being submissive/Dominant enough, and so forth.

Trust your instincts. If you feel in danger, make a plan to get out.

You might also be interested in

Simply Service Newsletter from November 2005

Included in this edition:

• My Journey by slavedebbie
• Community Unity by Master Kalan
• Declutter 101 by Tante Jen
• Metamorphosis by slave a
• Naturally Polyamourous by Mistress Pamela
• Essay by E Missy Hall
• Intimate Partner Abuse in the BDSM Lifestyle by sequi

Carte Blanche – Repeating Misbehavior Patterns

Getting in trouble. We’ve all been there a time or two. It comes with learning and training new things as well as changing behaviors. Our Dominants generally don’t derive any pleasure out of punishing us and the guilt we put on ourselves can be more damaging than the misdeed in the first place. Allowing that the punishment has been handed out and the misdeed forgiven, why do we sometimes continue to fail with the same behavior and wind up right back in the hot seat? I’m going to talk about a submissive’s mindset when it comes to repeat patterns in behavior and why we just can’t keep our feet on the straight and narrow.

When I first starting learning what it was like to be my Master’s submissive, I found that there was a lot to know and that assuming one thing over knowing another generally got me in trouble a lot. I bucked against old habits and experience from past relationships. All of these things weren’t going to make my new life any easier. I kept getting in trouble for the same things over and over again. No matter how hard I worked to be good, and trust me I worked at it. The time between punishments did lengthen, but only slightly.

I was in the mindset of the carte blanche. In plain English, that’s the clean slate syndrome. After punishment, did I really learn my lesson? Probably not. I listened to the lecture, I felt the pain of the lash and then I was off to do whatever I was supposed to with a clean slate. Until the next time.

Learn From Your Mistakes

Learning from your mistakes is the first and most important task of a submissive when it comes to changing behavior patterns that are not welcome to your Dominant. For many submissives, this comes very easily. This is not the group of submissives this post is focused on. Those of us who require a lot of mental and/or physcial focus to change our behaviors will understand that falling back into our old ways is easy, no matter how badly we would want to be good and learn the new behavior.

Try to keep your new behaviors obvious to you. You may need to place note cards throughout your house, wear a reminder bracelet or have an audio reminder to help you change your behavior. Get support and advice from senior submissives to help you learn how to change your behavior.

Have Patience

You will not learn new behaviors overnight. To learn a new behavior you need to do it consistently for 3 weeks; but this, in its self, is not an easy task. We make it easier by practicing first. We need to do two things here. Firstly, we need to be able to easily perform the require actions. Secondly, we need to link that action to a cue. A cue can be anything from a command or a visual indication.

For example, imagine that you have a new behavior that you must kneel before getting into your Dominant’s bed at night. At first you will probably forget this habit and need to be reminded by your Dominant. It’s a normal part of learning. Then after a bit you may remember most of the time, but still have moments where you are startled back onto the floor because you suddenly remembered you didn’t kneel. Finally, you have established your new behavior and correction is no longer needed.

Punishment For Attention

Many novice submissives haven’t learned how to communicate their needs or wants completely yet, and find themselves breaking rules and getting into ’small trouble’ just to get attention they need or want. They can consider punishment just as a part of their relationship and not realize the importance of learning that the misbehavior is not welcome and punishment is not pleasurable.

Others will try to get punished by being unusually bratty when they really just want to play. It unfortunately shows a lack of self-control and submissive weakness. Normal bratty behavior can be cute and endearing if the Dominant likes that attitude. Being aggressively so is what I’m referring to here.

Punishment is not  goal, it is something to be avoided. Your bad behavior reflects poorly on yourself and your Dominant. It can undermind the progress you have made in your submission and can end your relationship. Living in carte blanche syndrome is like not taking enough serious work into becoming the best submissive you can be for your Dominant. It’s time to change your thinking.

Focus on the Positive

Submission is a journey that never ends. If you try to change, you can change. Through open communication and focused energy you can be the shining light in your Dominant’s eyes. Live for the praise and positive reinforcement. You’ve earned it.

Two Dominants

Today’s guest post is by Aria, a bi poly switch kinkster.

So currently I have 2 dominants, Edge and Vice. You would think that to have 2 Doms I would have to be the most submissive woman ever, but I’m a switch. I often call myself a beta-top because I love to co-top with them. Fortunately for me they let my top side come out when I need release, just as long as I don’t try to top them.

Having 2 dominants has worked out very smoothly for the three of us actually. I’ve been with Vice for 4 years and have only been with Edge for a year and a half. When Edge and I first started dating I didn’t know he was a Dom since he had minimal experience in the lifestyle. Especially when we started, Edge was very deferential to Vice. We used to laugh at how careful he was not to step on toes. Being so polite and considerate I think really helped Vice grow to trust him and keep down jealousy issues as well. Which isn’t to say we never have problems. No relationship is perfect, and by writing this I certainly don’t mean to say we are. As with most relationships, communication is key. Most of the time a problem pops up it comes back to some miscommunication.

A few basic rules are what keep us working well together.

Rule 1 – They don’t contradict each other.

Let’s say Edge gives me an order that I am not to orgasm for the next week. He will always make an exception for Vice. “If Vice wants you to come for him or you come because of something he does, then that’s ok. “ Or he would specifically ask Vice to approve a punishment (or help enforce it).

Rule 2- They back each other up. They help enforce each others rules and punishments. This of course takes communication between them.

Rule 3 – They don’t interfere in problems I’m having with the other one.

Often I need to vent about something to someone who understands. This usually means my other partner. They listen, offer some advice, and at the end almost always say “so when are you going to go talk to him about it?”

Rule 4- Before going to an event we establish who my main Dom is for that time period. This doesn’t mean I can’t play with, cuddle, or interact with the other Dom, just that the main one gets decision making power. They get to say what I wear or who I play with. Fortunately they share very well. At Beat Me in St. Louis this year, they split up the weekend so that each one got to be in charge one day of the event.

Issues do occasionally pop up however. I enjoy the submissive role, but I’m not naturally very submissive. Sometimes getting me to submit (and not just be a brat or a SAM) is difficult. Vice lives with me, so he and I have to interact as equal partners quite a bit. This makes it hard for me to submit to him especially. He struggled with some envy when I began playing with Edge because Edge and I got to date and play without much real world interference. We never had to fight about who’s turn it was to do the dishes or take out the dog because we didn’t live together. This meant it was easier for me to get in the submission mindset and let go easier. We also always seemed to go somewhere fun and interesting and new when we went out. Vice felt like the two of us didn’t get the same kind of time I got with Edge. Which brings me to rule number 5.

Rule 5- They don’t try to get more time with me by stealing from the other one.

I’ve known poly couples where every time their partner was out on a date, some crisis would come up. They would call in a panic and need their partner to come home immediately. Every time. This isn’t a good way to handle jealousy/envy/loneliness. You’ve got to own your feelings and ask for what you want. Being the person in the middle, it was my job to make sure that Vice still knew I cared about him, and that I still liked submitting to him and playing with him. It was his job to handle his emotions as best he could and ask for reassurance when he needed it. In this case, the problem was that every time I went out with Edge it was fun and special. Vice and I needed some special time of our own, without the normal interferences of daily life. We set up a dedicated Dungeon Date night for Vice and I, where we could focus on keeping the kink part of our life active. Making sure we had some “special time” time together helped us keep our connection alive while I was building a new one with Edge.

Playing with two Doms has been really good for me as a submissive cause it has allowed me to learn a great deal about myself, and that carries over to both my relationships. They have two different styles and techniques, and that brings out two different sides of my submission. Each did things that seemed to “work”. Finding something that works in one relationship gave me insight into the other. Successfully going deeper in submission in one relationship helped me be brave enough to go deeper in submission in my other relationship.

So what do I do make it work?

I’ve been really lucky in finding these Doms. They both really want me to be happy with the other one. They honestly want me to have hot scenes and hot sex, just as I wish for them and their other partners. I’ve sort of made it sound like to successfully have two partners, they’ve had to do all the work. But these rules apply to me too. So what do I do to make this work? I don’t ask one partner to interfere with another, I don’t try to get them to contradict each other. I make sure I ask which one will be in charge for the evening before we get there.

All people need reassurance, and that includes Dominants. Especially if they know you are playing with more than one person. People say you aren’t supposed to compare your partners and I don’t in the sense of saying someone is “better” than someone else. But I do compare them when I say things like “Well Edge is really good at this part, but Vice is really good at that part”. I make it clear that my partners know what great stuff I get from them and no one else. If you make your partner feel special and treasured, they won’t feel as anxious when you are away from them.

As I said above, miscommunication is what causes most of our problems. Being in the middle I consider it my job to facilitate communication. I’m pretty talkative, but I try to let the men have their say too. I try to ask how they feel about things so they know its ok to talk about or bring up. I also immediately made it clear to them that they can speak to each other when I’m not there. They have each others phone numbers, email addresses, and chat names. Once they have that info, I need to get out of their way. I need to trust that they are big boys who can handle the communication between themselves without me being involved. Like I said above, submitting is sometimes difficult for me, so this is often a struggle, but I do my best.

That being said, it is also my job to bring up issues as I see them. If I see a huge roadblock, or someone crossing a line, it is my duty to bring it up. But hopefully in a calm and non-inflammatory manner.

Overall, being in a 2 dominant relationship is like being in any poly relationship. Have lots of communication and handle disagreements in the least dramatic way possible.

Aria is a bi poly switch kinkster. She lives in Iowa and frequently travels to conventions in St. Louis. She’s AriaSwitch on fetlife and can be contacted at Aria@boundforfun.com.

A Great Example of a Slave’s Rosary

On FetLife quite awhile back now, a slave posted her version of a rosary with her Master as the focus. As with any rosary or prayer beads, it is used in mediation and presents a spirituality in service that can be adopted and adapted to fit your relationship.

I’ve always had a curiosity with religious artifacts and items used by the believers. I’ve even made and had blessed a set of rosary beads for a friend of mine. They were very special for me to make, and I will most likely do it again for someone new.

The following is a rosary, set up in the same format as the Catholic Rosary to be said during times of mediation for a slave. You can change the prayers any way you’d like or reorganize them. I would love to know if you have your own submissive Rosary and could share that in the comments!

For those not familiar, a typical Rosary consists of an emblem, three beads leading up to a medallion, and then five sets each of ten beads separated by a single bead.

The Order of Prayers

written by Syr_David’s ~melly

Begin at the emblem (1) then the single bead (2) then the three beads (3) then (4) and then the single bead (5) skip the medallion and start on the decades (set of ten beads) (6) after each of those, say (7) and then on the single bead, (8) . Repeat for each decade. At the end, (the medallion) you can say the slaves prayer again, or whatever mantra you wish to end with.

1. I say a portion of my oath of fealty here. You can repeat the “Slave’s Prayer“, or whatever is pertinent to you (original was the Apostle’s Creed).
2. Say the “Master, owner of my body“.
3. Say three “I am your slave“.
4. Say the “In gratitude“.
5. Announce (or think) the principle of your service that you will be concentrating on, and say the “Owner of my body“.
6. Say ten “I am your slave” while considering and concentrating on the principle or idea you have.
7. Say the “In gratitude“.
8. Say the principle you are meditating on, and say the “Master, owner of my body“.

The Prayers

Slave’s Prayer – adapted from A Submissive’s Prayer

Allow me the Serenity to serve Him in peace

Allow me the Love to show Him myself

Allow me the Tenderness to comfort Him

Allow me the Light to show us the way

Allow me the Wisdom to be an asset to Him

Let me be able to show Him each day my love of service to Him

Let me open myself up to completely belong to Him

Let me accept my punishments with grace

Let me learn to please Him beyond myself

Grant me the power to give myself to Him completely

Give me the strength to please us both

Permit me to love myself in loving Him

Return to Prayer Order

Master, owner of my body

Master, owner of my body and director of my will, you are with me. I am thankful that I serve you. Let me be transparent as glass, that my heart may be visible always, for my entire self, even unto the workings of my mind, are yours. Master, I honor you with my service and submit to you with my thoughts, words, and deeds, so that I may be a reflection of your will, and the manifestation of your desires.

Return to Prayer Order

I am your slave

Master, I am your slave and your property. I will work and I will sacrifice that I may reflect your intentions, and make of myself a window to the soul you own. Use me Master, as you see fit, that I may learn to serve and to submit to you in all things.

Return to Prayer Order

In Gratitude

In gratitude I serve, and in thankfulness I submit, and in peace I honor my Master with my trust.

Return to Prayer Order

photo by Muffet

Submission By Choice: Learned Submission

Submission has been called a gift. It has been said to be a natural characteristic. Submission is also a choice. When I first entered the lifestyle, no one would have mistaken me for a submissive. I am strong willed, commanding and independent. I have a dominant personality. Nature, society and the way I was brought up made me that way. However through my explorations I found a desire in me that only grew over time. This desire was to submit to someone, to be the one person in someone’s life that they could count on to serve them in whatever capacity they needed. This made my decision to become submissive rather plain to see.

When one chooses a role in this lifestyle there are usually clues as to what role will make you the happiest. These clues are desire, a sense of emptiness, and a need. The most important choice you can make is based on the desires you have. Do you desire to serve someone, to give the control of your life over to someone else? Do you feel a void in your life because you can not be the one someone calls upon for their needs? Is there an overpowering need to be of service? Are you always helping others, and wanting to volunteer for things and taking on every task as your own because it makes you feel good? These are clues that you may be submissive. Now I say maybe, because all people have these draws in life, it’s just that submissives have it in excess.

It’s not an easy task to draw out the submissive nature within you if it isn’t already present in all you do. If you are like me, you struggle and rebel at the slightest challenge in character or task that you just ‘don’t feel like doing’. The goal is to submit anyway and to feel that the importance of your life is the imprint of your service on another. The journey to this goal is challenging and full of baby steps. Something accomplished, no matter how small, opens your mind and heart up to what is naturally there; submission.

Let’s use a personal example:

My Master requires that if I plan on going out, that I wear make up. It’s not an abundance of make up, nor is it really hard to do as he asks. However, when he first requested this of me, I refused. I didn’t understand why he would care if I wore make up or not. I didn’t know what purpose it would serve to require me to wear make up. I purposefully forgot to do it; I struggled with the reason for it. It took me months to do it on a daily basis.

Now I can see exactly why this request was upon me. He knew that when I wore make up I felt better about my physical appearance, I adjusted my behavior to a more ladylike level, and I was certainly more appealing to look at. His purpose was to remind me that I am beautiful, that he knows I feel that way with make up on, and that it is his choice to see me at my best; to improve myself for him.

This was one of my first steps in my transition, a transition that is still ongoing. I am by far finished. When you reach this point, where you are slowly making changes in your behavior and attitude you find that you are more eager to serve, that you find pleasure and enjoyment in the pride that shows in your partner’s face. After these beginning steps, you can add more steps. You can begin to make personal changes. Perhaps you want to become more active, or you want to have your clothing picked out before bed for the next day. These things can be done in the same manner, but without requirement from your partner (unless that is their choice). Achievement is addictive. Find those things you want to do or have always dreamed of being and then work towards it. It requires taking the initiative, maintaining motivation and a strong support system.

Take the initiative to draw up your plan of action. Be it to get up earlier and get housework done sooner, or to train yourself to be more sexually pliable. These are all possible with a bit of preplanning. Make a to-do list, set up a schedule and talk it through with your partner. You should figure out what steps are necessary to achieving your goal. Always remember baby steps and don’t push yourself past what you can do. For example if you intend on getting up at 5 am, and your normal schedule has you getting up at 7am, don’t shock your system and just start setting the clock for 5am, it won’t work. Remember to baby step toward your goal. If you want to do something sexually that is different than you do normally that usually requires practice, and who would argue with that?! First and foremost take the time to figure out what needs doing to get the job done.

The most difficult step is maintaining the motivation past the first exhilarating few days, weeks or months. I find that refreshing your small goals often helps give you a boost of encouragement from time to time. If a goal has become difficult, shrink it down a bit and go for that. Never give up! Keeping going is not easy. It takes hard work and concentration. Many reasons why people fail are because they loose motivation. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen to me. Another method to success is a great support system.

A support system can be anyone. Your partner is a good place to go first, but if there are going to be punishments applied to failings, you won’t want them as your only support. Seek out friends and other submissives that may be doing exactly what you are doing; changing. Keep in contact with them on a regular basis, even if you are doing well with your baby steps, encouraging others when they reach a hard place helps your goals as well. Stir your motivation and help others as they help you.

Finding the submissive in you is not easy, but it’s not impossible. There is a rocky road to any goal. The starting point is finding that part of yourself that wants to serve and be of service for someone. Then build on it and you can become submissive. You can feel that void fill with meaning and humble pride for your accomplishments. Find your true place in this lifestyle and never look back! Set a goal, work hard towards it and maintain your support system. Everything is possible.