Exploring Impact Play: A Variety of Pleasures

This is a guest post by bgtreasure for the BDSM Play Feature Series here on Submissive Guide.

I choose this topic to write about because it is my favorite form of play and has been since I’ve found this wonderful thing we call “The Lifestyle”.

The general definition of Impact Play that you will find in BDSM dictionaries:  Impact Play: Often referred to as edgy. The action is the same as paddling or spanking but done with the intent to cause deep tissue bruising. A bruise that is very painful and may take very long to heal.

So with the intent to cause deep tissue bruising which is something that I don’t really pay attention to it’s the more intense pounding and beating that gets me off.  I tend not bruise easily if at all.  I do consider this as a part of play that is edge play because serious damage could be done if it is not done correctly or without care for your partner.  I do however love when I do bruise and can feel it for the rest of the week and see the fruits of Sir’s labor.

Some instruments used for Impact Play are hands and fists, kicking, floggers and paddles which are of course used in various other forms of play but it is the intensity when using them that makes it Impact Play.  In my play it’s a steady rhythmic beating, building and building and intensifying as we go on.

When playing and going into this arena of play I find that I have to have a period of time to get my head straight with my partner, relaxing into him, relaxing my breathing and focusing on him before we start to play and we tend to build up rather than go full force out and out from the beginning.  Sir increases and decreases depending on where he knows that I am at and then pushes it to the level he wants me to be at.

I think the fact that I have to have a very special connection with my partner in order to go this far.  In my current relationship I believe our connection is so deep that he has taken me further then I have ever been and the experience each time after we first started playing has placed me in such a deep subspace that I literally can be beaten with any instrument and I just float, I feel as though I am on top of the world looking down at my body and my partner with a smile on my face swaying to some tune that is playing in my head.  Everything else drops away as each strike comes and becomes an expression of ecstasy.

Impact Play is generally the only type play (other than physically touching the genital area) that can make me come.  Again I think this comes because of our connection and that we can play so deeply and that he is in tune with my body but it sets off a reaction that somewhere deep in my mind that says this is hot, this is delicious, this makes you wet it’s time for you to come.  At first I thought it was a fluke because it’s not easy to make me come but as we continue to play more and specifically when he uses his hands as the instrument of torture I usually come and more than once.

Impact play for me is very freeing sometimes it’s like a very intense full body massage breaking the stress of the day, the week, the month.  I personally prefer when Sir uses his hands it makes it so much more personal and I believe strengthens our connection, however floggers and paddles can take me there as well.

bgtreasure is cofounder and conference organizer of Black BEAT Inc. (www.blackbeatinc.org), and cofounder of BESS (Baltimore Educational and Social Society). Bgtreasure has been involved in the BDSM lifestyle for over 9 years and has held various positions with other groups. Meeting people from all over and watching them share with others has truly been an eye opener for her. One of her proudest moments was (Black BEAT) winning the 2006 Pantheons Award for Small Event of the Year, and being nominated herself for the Pantheon regional award.  She enjoys networking with others and helping those new to the lifestyle. A submissive that enjoys many different aspects of this lifestyle, she is owned by Sir Mystical. Black BEAT is home for BG, her lifestyle accomplishments are commendable. She is also host along with Lady Z of Black BEAT’s Maryland Headquarters Munch Group.

She can be reached at bgtreasure@yahoo.com and on Yahoo and AIM messengers  and on fetlife under bgtreasure.

Photo by Luiza

The Top 30 Posts of 2009

A year ago I started a small blog project called Submissive Guide. I wanted it to be an organized place where I could voice my opinions about submission, help novices discover who they are and explore BDSM through the written word. Since that time it has grown to so much more, including an e-book, a newsletter and video posts.

To celebrate one year of excellent writing I wanted to showcase the top 30 posts of 2009. I’ve noted in the link if the author was a guest post. Please take a look at what has had the most views since starting out one year ago. You may have missed a few gems!

1. What is slave training?
2. Rituals that Work
3. 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions
4. Best Submissive Blogslist
5. The Difference Between Bottom, Masochist, Submissive and Slave
6. 7 Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Submission
7. Discovering Your Submissive Nature
8. How to Beg When Asked
9. Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
10. A Great Example of a Slave’s Rosary
11. Learning To Kneel (from 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions)
12. The Importance of Rules
13. Beginning Your Training Resume
14. Dominance as a Slave Training Tool for Better Submission
15. Caring For Yourself After a Scene: Self-Aftercare
16. The BDSM Checklist That Will Really Help You
17. Offering Your Body for Service (from 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions)
18. What it Means to be an Owned Kajira by dina
19. The Nitty Gritty of the BDSM Lifestyle
20. 5 Ways to Recognize Topping from the Bottom
21. Another 7 Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Submission
22. Your Bathing Regime
23. Where to Buy a Collar Online
24. The Importance of Journaling Your Submission
25. Pet Play and Human Pets Primer by skylerpet
26. The Realities of Online Submission
27. Two Dominants by Aria
28. Submission By Choice: Learned Submission
29. Sub Drop’s Emotional Side
30. 10 Helpful Websites for the Busy Submissive

Here’s to another year of great content!

One month into my first real time D/S relationship: A Training Review

This is a Guest Post by A. She is a new submissive in her first 24/7 dynamic. I received this wonderfully written review of her first 30 days and she offered to share it with everyone here. Enjoy!

It has come to my attention after reading submissiveguide.com that my training with Sir has already begun, though not outright labeled as such.  Indeed, every relationship I have ever had has begun in this way, learning the likes and dislikes of my partner and trying to accommodate, but with Him, I am more aware of this process, as it is more deliberate.  At the outset, on the day of our first meeting, he instructed me to wear a black dress, and sit in the park reading and await Him.  I am validated to read in Luna’s writing that my concern over my appearance, and also trying to be peaceful, not fidget and patient was already a positive in the direction of desired qualities in a submissive.  Since that day, we have grown together in many ways, and the ways in which I have learned to please Him are outlined below.  I plan to update this list periodically, to track the ways in which I deepen my submission, the ways in which my wants and needs evolve and dovetail with His.

Speech:

Sir:
Use of the word Sir was discussed online, before we had even initially met.  He indicated I could call Him whatever I wished, but desired Sir for intimate moments.  As we grew closer, it applied whenever He was asserting His dominance, be it out in public, online or on the phone and I show my acceptance and submission with the honorific response.

Thank you:
At various times I have been corrected for not thanking Him for the orgasm He allowed me to have.  I have begun to thank Him for blows He gives me in certain contexts, He has not commented either way on this, or corrected when I do not.

Wording:
When I removed His shoes, I asked if He would like to keep His socks or not.  This is something I am still trying to work on, my natural way of speaking is to ask “can I?”  but I am well aware “may I” is more appropriate.  Sir does not comment on this, but I feel it is more respectful, and I’m frustrated with myself at each error.

Enunciation:
Another flaw of mine is that in the course of being together, when I am excited, I often forget the appropriate response of “yes Sir, no Sir” and may make a moaning sort of affirmation or denial. His tone changes immediately as he demands the proper response and I know I run the risk of displeasing Him should I not enunciate properly.

Positions:

Spanking:
Sir is particular about positions and protocol.  When I am to be spanked, I am to kneel and bend over with my face flat, shoulders to the bed, and present myself.  He prefers my back to be straight, which is difficult for me, as my natural tendency is to reverse arch my back.  As I am punished, I am most often allowed to cry out, but not to move.  If I flinch, I am to return to the instructed position immediately without hesitation.  If I am to stand and be punished, I must brace myself stiff armed on a designated piece of furniture, slightly bent, head down.

Undressing:
I am just now beginning to learn how to undress for Sir. I feel a bit silly, but the lingerie I wear for Him helps. So far He has only specified me to remove my panties while facing away from Him, slightly bent over.  Beyond that He has only asked that I please Him with my removal of my clothes, and I try to be creative and pleasing in the process.

Waiting to Serve Sexually:
When Sir decides He wishes to use me I am ordered to get on the bed, on my back, legs spread open and knees up, so He can gaze at me exposed while He readies Himself to enter me.  Often I will casually hold this position, while writhing a bit, gazing at Him to allow Him to feel my passion and desire, and my hunger. Occasionally He will correct me and tell me to be still, but generally He enjoys my arousal and encourages me to exhibit these feelings.

From the Rear:
As one of Sir’s favorite ways to have me, positioning for rear entry is very important.  He prefers a similar position to that of spanking, with more of a reverse lean so as to better accommodate His thrusts.

Rituals and Behavior:

Morning Check In:
Each day when I get up, I am to write to Him, tell Him my plans for the day, and say hello. Sometimes He responds with additional commands, which may include meditating on a certain subject, writing, masturbation or explicit instructions to abstain from that. Other times He responds with a brief “good morning my sweet girl.” Other times He does not respond at all. The initial contact on my part is the focus, and allows me to show that in waking up to start my day, He is in my first thoughts.

Shoes:
My first actual training occurred when we reached my home our first day together.  Sir sat on my couch, and took one of the pillows, placing it at His feet, He instructed me to kneel and remove His shoes.  He informed me at that time that His women do not kneel on the floor, only on pillows, and so I learned my first lesson. Now, unless we are in a rush, I kneel at His feet and put on and remove His shoes.

Worship:
In removing or putting on of shoes, I always kiss the tops of His feet.  Once the shoes are off or on respectively, from my kneeling position I wrap my arms around His calves, and press my head down softly on His lap. He then bends at the waist, and embraces me and we hold that moment.  In this way, I show my devotion and love, and He shows His acceptance and reciprocation.

Sir also requires certain ways of being touched, especially after intercourse.  He prefers His chest to be stroked and will directly request it.

Massage:
Due to injury, regular massage is very beneficial to Him, so often I do massage His muscles for Him, both solicited and unsolicited.  As I do these things for Him, I try to focus on the feelings I have for Him, all I appreciate that He does for me, and allow that warmth and tenderness to radiate through my hands.  This is to me, one of the highest forms of worship and a deep communion between us.

Fetching:
I have the natural desire, when fetching something for Him, to kneel and present the item with both hands upon my return. Sir has expressed appreciation for this, and thus I adopt it.

Toys:
Sir introduces all toys and equipment by either presenting it to me or instructing me to fetch it for Him. He then presents it to my lips and I kiss it, typically a flogger, rope or a slapper, though a blindfold or other bondage instruments, hair brush, etc, are managed similarly.

When Sir is finished with the toy, or when I am cleaning up the room afterward, I am to take the toy to the closet where it is kept, and hang it very deliberately in its designated spot. I stop the swaying with my hands, then bend at the waist to kiss the item, as He watches.  He then closes the closet door.

Presentation:
Sir prefers that the condom box be displayed in my room, with one always set on top, ready and anticipating His need.

Orgasm Control:
Sir has decreed that I may not orgasm without His permission.  As I feel it build, I am to ask, and if He says no, resist it.  This has been my sole punishable infraction to date, as the way in which He was having me made it next to impossible to resist, and in complete honesty, I wanted to see what would happen.  Since that time though, with punishment looming over my head, I improved a great deal, and even redeemed myself, forgiven and excused from the punishment.  Sir has been pleased to the point where He has moved on to orgasm on command.

Orgasm on Command:
Sir employs both the counting method and basic instruction for orgasm on command training and only during sex, which makes it easier for me.  He wishes to lessen my response time however.  I myself would like to be trained by Sir to orgasm independent of sexual stimulation; i.e. a simple word can trigger that response but that is at His discretion.

Clothing:
Usually He does not request specific items of clothing to be worn, but generally I ask when planning to see Him, what He would like for me to wear. As we are still in the beginnings of our relationship, He is not 100% familiar with my wardrobe, but I do my best to accommodate His requests.

Personal Grooming:
Sir often does request specific hair styles of me, and I do my best to please Him in this way. Also, He prefers me to have pubic hair, which I have always removed. Growing out and getting used to this hair has been challenging for me, but His pleasure in knowing it is difficult but seeing that I obey nonetheless makes it a rewarding task.

A is a submissive from Boston MA.  She has experienced elements of BDSM in the past, but is now embarking on her first 24×7 collared relationship.  She happily shares her progress with others who may be inspired in a similar manner. You can find her on FetLife as northern_siren.

Photo by and of A.

Another 7 Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Submission

A few months ago I started a list of things you can do to improve your submission immediately. If you want to see what’s in that list, you can find that post in the archives. I’d like to continue to add to that list because there are always things you can do but may not see as something that would enhance what you already do for your Dominant or for yourself.

1. Learn how to not fidget. Fidgeting is annoying and a sign that you are not focusing on something. If you can quiet your motions and your mind you will appear graceful and ready to take direction or just politely waiting for your Dominant. This can be expecially hard when you are excited or afraid, so practice it before it becomes necessary to do so.

2. Read and learn about something your Dominant is interested in. Part of your service is most likely to provide companionship. A partner that is knowledgable about their favorite sport or book genre for example can show a deep interest in the person and make it enjoyable to carry conversations with them. This doesn’t mean that you have to be as passionate about the subject but it will make it easier to understand what they are talking about when the topic comes up.

3. Drink plenty of water. Sure, that seems like an odd one but the benefits of water not only apply to weight management but healthy skin, radiance, blemishes, urinary health, cardiovascular health and so much more. It is a basic need for everyone and many of us don’t get enough. So stop reading right now and get yourself a glass of water; then come back here of course!

4. Surprise them! Prepare and serve His or Her favorite meal naked. Set up a bath just for them and then bathe them. Just because you have done it before doesn’t mean you can’t do it again. Be exciting and flirty. Do something you know will excite them tonight and the rewards will be worth all the wonderful effort. Keep him wondering what other special things you have up your sleeve. Pull out the surpises often.

5. Be Flexible. This one came from the comments on the last post. If your Dominant wants to do something and it requires you to drop what you are doing; then do it and don’t get in a huff about it. Things won’t always go exactly as planned and you need to be able to roll with the punches.

6. Share a fantasy with them. It is very hard to get your fantasies fullfilled if they never know what they are. If you’ve had some hot dreams lately or masturbation fantasies let them know about them. Your Dominant will appreciate the sexuality of it and the opennes of it. It could even lead to making that fantasy come true for you. I never said you couldn’t get anything out of improving yourself!

7. Practice kneeling and getting up from the floor using the tips given in May from the Submissive Positions series. It’s always good to have a few graceful kneeling and rising poses under your belt. You never know when you can whip one out and show them respect and submission in that way; or just to reach that stubborn spill on the kitchen floor. ;)

Can you think of any others? Does this list need an 8, 9 and 10? Talk it out in the comments!

photo by worak

Submissive Guide Town Hall Meeting

Submissive Guide is just over 7 months old now and with a decent number of well received posts I’d like to get your feedback as to where Submissive Guide is going. Let me go through what I’ve seen happen on the site and what I’m working on for the future. I want your input too, so please leave me a comment or drop me an email with your thoughts. I’d love to hear them, good or bad.

Growth

Since Submissive Guide began on the 2nd of January this year I have had over 100,000 visits. This is mostly all organic growth. That means you are finding me through search engines the most. I have a lot of blogs linking to me as well and I’m so grateful for your faith in my writing. I don’t pay for advertising anywhere else right now and don’t see a need to do that for future growth. Just spread the word when you can and I will be happy.

As far as the advertising on this site, all of the current banner ads are affiliates. This means that I get a small kickback when you purchase items from them. I have one paying ad as a text link in the right sidebar. If you are interested in purchasing some ad space I’d be happy to talk to you. You can stop by my advertising page and contact me from there.  I have made a small amount of money from Amazon Affiliates and all the income from there has gone to purchasing the books that I do reviews on the site with. I plan to continue doing this with Amazon income for the foreseeable future.

Submissive Guide is an income venture and I do hope to make money from this site at some point. My hope is to provide you with e-books and workbooks to help you improve your submission in some way. These would be economically priced and I will make sure that they are worth the cost to you. My first workbook currently in the works is an expanded version of the Submissive Positions series I posted at the end of April and into May. I’m working with a Yoga instructor to provide you with stretching exercises and alterations to the positions so that you can work into them and improve your flexibility and stamina. There will also be lovely pictures of the positions! Stay tuned as I work on this throughout the summer.

Coaching in the Works

I am also developing a submissive life coach business to co-live with Submissive Guide, the site. I will be personally coaching you to reach your goals through email, chat sessions and phone conferencing. This could also lead to training courses and group classes to help reach your goals and discover the stumbling blocks keeping you from reaching your goals. This is still quite a ways away, as there is a lot of business red tape and personal planning I have to get through to make sure I do things right. I am very excited about being able to get to know you better though coaching!

Features on this Site

I have a few reoccurring features on this site that I’d like to draw your attention to. Every month I have a Roundtable discussion that is meant as a way to teach me about a topic I don’t know a lot about. The past few have been about polyamory and open relationships, and shaving. I love the information we have collected on these topics and am happy with the participation I get. Do you like the Roundtable Discussions? Let me know!

Every month I also have a book review of a book about submission or BDSM. I try to give an honest review of the book as well as referencing it to submission and what may help you improve and empower yourself. What books would you like to see reviewed? Do you like these? Would you like to see more?

The resources area has a lot of wonderful things to explore. I have a BDSM bookshelf, a link to the Submissive Journal Prompts site, links area, submissive groups around the web and the Simply Service newsletter archive. If you have a resource you think should be included I want to know about it!

The frequency of posts may decline as the demand for my time spreads out to other areas. I do intend to not go below 3 times a week and will post more frenquently if I have guest posts to share with you. I never imagined this site would do so well in such a short amount of time, but I’m finding that to be fulfilling as well.

Share Your Experiences

I am always looking for guest posts on a numerous variety of topics. I’d welcome anyone’s essays to share here on Submissive Guide. I have a page that details what I expect from the essay which you can find here. I’m grateful to those that have donated time and writing for this site so far and look forward to working with many more of you in the future.

Here’s some of what I’m looking for:

• How to reprogram yourself to come once the Come on Command relationship is over.
• When you owner controls all of the money, how to adjust, adapt and live that way.
• BDSM with kids around. Anything and everything to do with this topic.
• Sexual submissive topics (great sex tips for example)
• Exerpertise in BDSM activities from the bottom point of view, select one activity per post.
• BDSM fiction and non-fiction book reviews
• Posts from the male submissive point of view; any topics welcome
• Anything else?

Paid Posts

I offer paid posts from people that have qualification and certification in the field they wish to write about. These posts range from $10-50 depending on the helpfulness, depth and other factors to be discussed.

I’m currently looking for:

• Certified and licensed massage therapist to write a series of posts about various massage techniques.
• General Practice Doctor to write about health and medical related issues where BDSM is concerned.
• Established BDSM speakers and presenters to write about various topics. (You must have a website that identifies you as a regional or national BDSM presenter.)
• Ordained pastor or minister to discuss religion, spirituality and it’s connection with submission in all forms.

If you are interested, please contact me.

How to Get Updates

Now, I’m sure many of you get Submissive Guide sent to your email or favorite RSS reader but are you aware there are other ways you can get updates? Submissive Guide has a twitter acount that I post new posts as well as recommended reading, quotes, questions and tips that I’ve collected. If you are on twitter, please follow subguide! If you are on Youtube you can get notices about the video posts one day before they are released here on the blog. I’ve also created a group on FetLife for Submissive Guide so that you can continue the conversation there if you are already active on Fetlife. Lastly, if you have a Kindle you can now get Submissive Guide sent to you that way for only $0.99 a month. I didn’t set the price, Amazon did. If I could, it would be free too. I get a tiny amount of the monthly fee you pay and that will go towards server upkeep.

Let Your Voice Be Heard!

I want you to voice your thoughts on Submissive Guide. What do you like? What don’t you like? Where can I improve? What topics are lacking? Express it all.

photo by rick

Show Off Your Positions! [Day 14 - 2WBSP]

You have followed the whole series of Submissive Positions posts here at Submissive Guide. If not, start back at the beginning, I’ll wait for you here.

Are you back? Ready to show them off?

Today’s post is all about you! I want to see what you came up with for positions that worked best for you. Share your blog posts about the subject, pictures and video! Show us your gracefull curtsy or perhaps pictures of your kneeling and standing positions. Have you served at a dinner party? Did you write about it? Let us know!

Even if you are just starting to learn them, take a few pictures and share them. You do not have to have your face in the photo if you want to remain anonymous. I’m fine with that. Just let me see what you’ve learned or what you can teach!

A picture is worth 1000 words, what are your pictures saying?

If you don’t want to post in the comments, my email box is open. I’ll add them to this post if you give me permission to. Just head on up to the Contact page link and let me know or send all mail to subguide@gmail.com.

Thank you for a wonderful series. I hope you had a wonderful time!

photo credit ryancr

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Altering Positions [Day 13 - 2WBSP]

Reading the past posts on the Submissive positions project may bring some of you to the realization that you can’t perform these poses for health or body size reasons. This is to be expected. I can’t kneel back on my heels at all. So what is a good submissive to do? You alter the positions so that they still look wonderful but are physically possible for you.

Today I’d like us to brainstorm ideas for how someone can alter the positions and still hold grace and etiquette at a high standard. It is possible to not follow the ‘Gorean’ style positions that everyone seems to favor and still look good. For the brainstorming, you will need creative time alone and a desire to work on the positions you want to incorporate but feel incapable of doing.

For example, I’m a large woman and can’t kneel back on my heels at all. To get around this I can put a small pillow behind my knees. Other alternatives are stools, sitting cross-legged kneeling for only short periods or not kneeling at all.

Start Brainstorming!

Let’s share what alterations you have for your positions!  I need your help to provide a resource to others, please chime in below with ideas that can help others find new and comfortable ways to do the positions if a disability restricts you!

Possible disabilities to come up with alternative positions for:

• wheelchair bound
• missing a limb
• carpal tunnel
• broken leg or arm
• obesity
• osteoperosis
• diabetes
• painful joints or arthritis
• others?…

photo credit panshipanshi

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Stop Fidgeting! [Day 12 - 2WBSP]

Just 2 days left in the Submissive Positions project here at Submissive Guide. If you need a review, please take a look at the primary post; it has links to all of the posts in the project.

Today I’d like to talk about the bane of many a submissive; fidgeting. Sitting still is really hard for me in many situations. Either nerves or discomfort will cause you to twitch and move when all you want to do is not move. So how do you learn how to cut down your fidgeting?

Meditation

That’s right. If you can quiet your mind you will be able to quiet your body. This is going to take more than a day to learn. I’d recommend trying it everyday until you can sit quietly for at least 15 minutes.

Activity

Sit comfortably with your spine straight. You may choose to sit in a chair or on the floor cross-legged as long as you can maintain the position for at least 15 mins. Do not lie down as this encourages drowsiness.

Now close your eyes and draw your attention to your breath. Notice how the breath enters your body through your nostrils and exits out of your mouth. Focus your attention on the places where your breath enters and exits. If thoughts or feelings surface  – and they will – simply return your focus back to your breathing. Count your breaths. Start with ten and work your way up. Then slowly open your eyes and become aware of your surroundings.

As you learn to do this for longer durations you will be able to use these tactics when you need to stand or sit still. Your body will be able to take a mediation moment and your fidgeting will cease.

I’m not saying this is easy; I don’t have it down pat either. But I’m learning and progressing and that’s the point. I’m better than I was a month ago and will continue to improve. You can too.

Next Steps

If bondage helps center you, try it during your meditation. It can help you focus on being silent and relaxing in your position.

Try to play some relaxing music while you hold your position. It’s best to choose music without words so that your focus remains on your breath and not the words of the songs. Practice holding your positions for up to 15 minutes.

Final step is to try your meditation and quieting movements with a lot of distraction. If you can, try to do your mediation at a play party or munch. It need not be obvious, just relax your body and sit silently for awhile.

Try to do your mediation in a position you have chosen from the previous posts. Start small and work your way up to 10 or 15 minutes. You will amaze yourself how the pain in your joints fades as your fidgeting fades.

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

A Grand Apology [Day 11 - 2WBSP]

Today’s task is to learn an appropriate pose to take when apologizing for wrong-doing. If you need to review the past posts in this series, please take a look at the leading post.

This position is hopefully something you don’t have to do often but since we are all human, it is going to happen. I’ve had my own mis-steps and misbehavior that has landing me over his lap or chastized in another way. This position would certainly be helpful for me in my need to feel forgiven.

How do you want to appear when asking forgiveness? Is there a position that draws you from what we’ve already learned for use during apologies? Would you prefer standing or kneeling? What would your Dominant want from you?

Try It

1. Kneel, head lowered with whatever hand position you feel would express your apology best.
2. Express your apology in a clear and concise voice.
3. Stay in that position until your Dominant gives you permission to move.

Another option may be to lay flat on your back with your hands either extended in front of you, or clasped behind your back. This may be best done when no vocal apology is required or they have plans for punishment that require your immobility.

How do you show your Dominant that you are sorry? Is it in word and deed?

Worship and Obedience [Day 10 - 2WBSP]

Nearing the end of our 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions here at Submissive Guide. Today we are going to learn positions of worship.

There will be moments in your submission that a feeling wells up inside of you to show your devotion and respect to your Dominant. You may also be asked to show your obedience to your Dominant in a position of humble service. One of the ways you can do this is with a pose of worship. I’m going to describe two basic ways you can show your obedience and worship. Please feel free to try your own; as with all of the positions expressed here, they are customizable and definitely personal to each relationship.

Kiss Their Shoe/Foot

This first position that I’m going to discuss has many different versions that you can read about online. The basic premise is to show worship to your Dominant. Practice this position with your Dominant if you can. Let them express ways to make it better and more personal.

1. Kneel in your preferred manner from Day 1 of the project.
2. From this position, lower you head down near the floor at your Dominant’s feet.
3. Place your hands on either side of your face.
4. Kiss your Dominant’s feet or shoes in homage.
5. Return to your kneeling position.

Obedience Bow

When performing this position you are reaching out to the highest form of submission you can muster from your body. You should express it in every movement into position. Find the beauty of your submission to bring you there.

1. Kneel in your preferred manner from Day 1 of the project.
2. Reach your hands out in front of you and lay them palm up or palm down on the floor.
3. Keep your head lowered in this position.
4. Lower your body until it is as low as you can comfortably bring yourself.
5. Allow your hands to remain outstretched until you have permission to rise.

What can you do to enhance these poses? Do you have a different way to express your worship of your Dominant? Could you share it with me in the comments?

Offering Your Neck for Collar [Day 8 - 2WBSP]

We are just over half way through the two weeks of submissive positions here on Submissive Guide. Here’s a review of what we’ve covered so far:

Next up is talking about offering your collar.

Compared to the other positions we’ve covered this one should be a piece of cake.

1. Kneel or stand in your selected way from the beginning of this project.
2. Lift any hair you have up off your neck and use one hand to hold it.
3. Lower your gaze to the floor.
4. Place your other hand on your thigh.

For some submissives this may happen only once in your relationship, but for others it could happen as much as daily. It really depends on the dynamic you are involved in and the type of collar you wear. Why is this one included in this series? Because it can be enhanced, personalized and dramatized all you want! Enjoy creating special rituals for how to accept the collar. I want to hear what you come up with in the comments!

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Serving Food and Drink [Day 7 - 2WBSP]

Welcome to another day of learning and enhancing submissive positions. Today we are going to cover food service etiquette. Some of this may be familiar to you. If this is the case, try to enhance it and make it more personal and unique to your relationship.

If you’ve ever been to a more formal restaurant with white table clothes and places already set before you sit down, you may have experienced a more organized service of food and drink. Today I have a collection of tips, tricks and resources for serving a full meal to your Dominant with style and grace.

I know that there is a correct side to place food and then the opposite to remove dirty dishes, however I don’t know which it is, could someone fill me in? There is a proper way to hold the plate when serving and so forth I want to know those tips too! Please share them in the comments.

I’m still learning this form of service so I will use a lot of other resources to talk about this, but it is important even if you are serving just your Dominant and no one else. Here are some beginning resources for a more formal service.

• Setting the Table
• Rules for Serving
• Food and Beverage Service Manual
• Service at Its Best—Waiter/Waitress Training: Guide to Becoming a Successful Serverby Ed Sanders, Paul C. Paz and Ron Wilkinson
• Robert’s Guide for Butlers and Household Staff
• Mrs Beeton’s Book of Household Management (Oxford World’s Classics)
• Butlers & Household Managers: 21st Century Professionals

There are also ways to have a D/s centered formal dinner. These are completely different no matter where you go, but they always hold some form of protocol, rules and structure for the evening. Here is a link to the essay on The Iron Gate about a formal D/s dinner: Masters Banquet – A formal D/s Feast.

I’m always looking for more tips and resources, please share yours with me!

photo post qousqous

Attending Your Dominant [Day 6 - 2WBSP]

In the previous posts we covered basic positions that should now be familiar and perhaps you have worked out in your relationship that you want to employ them. If you need to review you can do that by going to the initial post. Today we will be learning an active position and one that can take on many forms.

Attending your Dominant can come in many ways, but the most common is when you are out mingling with people and you need to be available for subtle and conspicuous service. Entertain the idea for a moment that you are at a conference and are walking beside your Dominant and they are collecting brochures, free items and business cards, talking with people and generally engaging in the event. What could you provide them to make their interactions more smooth and comfortable?

Some of the things this post will cover is how to accept items for safekeeping, supplying items as they are needed and being prepared for anything your Dominant might need. Please feel free to customize the positions and ideas for your relationship.

Situation 1

You are instructed to be available to carry items as they are picked up. You position in relation to your Dominant should be on their dominant hand side. This way as they pick things up and decide to keep them, they do not have to cross their body or turn to give the item to you. You should quietly accept the item and secure it so that you hands are as free as possible to continue accepting items. This could be with the use of a basket, shopping cart or bag.

In a formal setting where your status can be more visible, this could include hand positions; one behind the back, and the other crossed at the front, palm up. This way when an item is handed to you, you are prepared to accept it with little movement. Try to stand right now and hold your hands this way. When walking you could place both hands behind your back and as soon as you are stopped, move it to the front to show availablity to take items.

Situation 2

Your position is to provide items such as business cards, pen and paper or other items as your Dominant needs them. In this role you are to actively engage with your Dominant’s actions without invading their space. If you are not part of the exchange or activity you should be humble and silent. You could even try to keep your eyes lowered to show that you are not a part of the activity, but be ready for items.

My hope for this position, is that you do whatever offering gracefully and as effortless as possible. Standing at attention is good for this situation, but organization is imperative. Have whatever items your Dominant has asked to be available within easy reach and organized so you don’t have to hunt for them. Business cards should be kept crisp and neat in a case, pen and paper could have a nice folder or case as well. Other items should show your care for them and hunting for them in your purse or bag is inappropriate and shows your unpreparedness.

Situation 3

The last situation is more about preparedness and is a learned trait as you know what the basic expectations are of you in situations where your attentiveness is needed. Start watching your Dominant engaging in different situations and see what they use or are of need of. Do they hunt for a pen? What about needing to consult a calendar? Are they frequently forgetting their sunglasses? These are things you could be the custodian for and then they never have to go hunting for them.

How is your presence unique in these situations? Can you make your Dominant more comfortable or easily provide information? Seek the uniqueness of your relationship and develop an attentive position or two for those moments.

Tomorrow we will be covering Serving Food and Drink.

photo by lepiaf.geo

To Bow and Curtsy Appropriately [Day 5 - 2WBSP]

This is a continuation of the ongoing project for submissive positions here at Submissive Guide. Today we will cover bowing and curtsying.

Every culture has a different way to show respect and acknowledge a title holding member of their society. I believe most of them us a form of bow or curtsy to honor that respect. Yes, bowing is also employed in theater curtain calls but what I’d like to focus on here is the purpose of the bow or curtsy as it applies to D/s. When asked or directed to show respect to your Dominant it is likely that a bow or curtsy will fit the bill.

Do you know how to bow or curtsy? Is it comfortable for you to do? Today’s task is to learn how to bow and curtsy correctly and smoothly for any situation.

The European Bow

1. Put your left hand behind your back, bent at the elbow and resting at about your waist.
2. Take your hat (if you are wearing one) in your right hand by the brim.
3. Bring your right hand to your waist, bent at the elbow while you tip your upper body forward. (the lower you bend, the more respect you show)
4. Keep your eyes lowered, do not raise your chin to keep eye contact.
5. Straighten your back and drop your hands.
6. Either tuck your hat under your left arm or replace it on your head, depending on your circumstances.

The Asian Bow

1. Bring your hands flat to your sides.
2. Bow your head and shoulders forward with eyes lowered.

If the person is higher status or older than you are, you should bow deeper and longer. It is polite to bow, bending from your waist. Men usually keep their hands in their sides, and women usually put their hands together on their thighs with their fingers touching. If it is a casual situation, you can bow like nodding. The most frequent bow is a bow of about 15 degrees.

Curtsying

1. Lower your head. This makes you appear vulnerable. This initial position was the origin of the curtsy.
2. Place both your hands on the sides of your skirt and hold it out sideways. If your skirt is too narrow, then hold your hands out to the side, palms upward.
3. Extend one foot behind the other, bend both legs at the knee and bend your head and shoulders slightly forward.
4. Gracefully bring yourself back to your original position.

Bend your knees outward, rather than forward, for a more formal curtsy.

Curtsy for those of a higher social status. Reserve a deep curtsy for when you meet royalty in European cultures. This is called a court curtsy and is more elaborate. The curtsy is deeper, and you can sink to the floor or go down on one knee.

How to curtsy from YouTube.com

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Rise From The Floor With Finesse [Day 4 - 2WBSP]

The next part of this two week series is about getting up from the floor. You’ve already learned about kneeling, standing at attention and lowering yourself with grace. Stick around, we have a lot to learn.

If you’ve ever watched Memoirs of a Geisha you have seen how graceful it  can be to rise from the floor, appealing and smooth to go from the floor to a standing position. We are going to try to do that today. When a Dominant asks you to get up from the floor,  it would be a compliment to him if you could do it with fluid grace. You might be expected to do it a certain way. My Master likes to see my ass as I get up, so I’ve altered the way I get up just for him. You may find your own pleasing way.

Try It

Okay, now get down on the floor. You can kneel as you’ve learned or just sit cross legged. Now try to get up without a lot of clumsiness. How did it look? Did you use your hands to help you up? Did you pivot to one side or the other? Perhaps you wobbled? If it was graceful then you’ve luckily aced it.

Learn It

So we might have work to do. Get down on your knees. It’s easier to start that way anyhow. There are two ways to go about this. One requires a lot of leg strength and the other is easier. Remember to keep grace and fluidity in mind.

The Easy

From the kneeling position, lift one leg up till you can place your foot down. Keep your hands in whatever position you had them in for kneeling. Now slowly and powerfully lift yourself up using the foot you have on the floor until you can place both feet on the floor. If you wobble, that’s okay; it will get better with practice. Go down to the floor using the method you learned yesterday. Keep trying until you are happy with the way it looks and feels.

The Hard

From the floor you have to get to kneeling first. If you are sitting cross legged you need to slide your legs to one side and using your opposite hand lift yourself up to kneeling; slowly and carefully. If you can do this, you can move to the easy steps to get yourself up off the floor.

How’d We Get Here?

Now that we can get up off the floor we have reached the end of the basic movements we need. You can kneel, stand attentively and both rise and lower yourself. You’ve made the progression well. Continue to practice these steps until you can do them without much thought or effort. If you’d like to review what we’ve learned so far, take a look below at the links in the series so far.

photo credit by David Boyle

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Gracefully Lowering Yourself [Day 3 - 2WBSP]

We have covered standing and kneeling so far in the positions project here at Submissive Guide. Today we will cover going from standing to kneeling in a graceful way. It’s not as easy as you think.

First you have to pick out one kneeling posture and one standing posture from the previous posts. This way you know how you are starting and where you are ending up. Keep this in mind as you perform the task today. For simplicity I am going to use a general standing with arms at your sides, folding to a kneeling with arms resting on thighs.

Alright so get up where you are and stand. Now just kneel. How did it look? Did you have to use your hands on the floor to help you down? Did you pivot to the side? Did you look down to the floor? What else did you notice? Was it graceful? Was it smooth or clunky?

Now what we need to do is find what you did wrong to make it more appealing and graceful. No one is perfect. Don’t expect perfection at first. I still can’t lower myself gracefully but I try at it and I still please my Master for trying. You can do it too.

The Challenge

1. Take the standing position you picked and stand at attention. Feel comfortable in the position before beginning to move.
2. Start to lower yourself to the kneeling position.
   1. Take it slow.
   2. Try not to tip sideways, bend at the waist more than 30%, keep your eyes up and don’t put your hands down first.
   3. You can lower to one knee first and then move the other or if able, drop to both knees at the same time. But don’t just drop! Make it a controlled lowering.
3. Take the kneeling position you picked and pose. Make yourself comfortable in the kneel.

Practice this for at least 10 minutes until you feel that you have improved in grace and fluidity of movement.

Tomorrow we will be practicing how to rise from the floor gracefully.

photo credit quinn.anya

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Standing at Attention [Day 2 - 2WBSP]

Today’s challenge  in the two week project here at Submissive Guide is all about standing at attention.

One of the most common ways you can present yourself as submissive to a Dominant is by the way you stand. You may do it now even though you don’t have any specific rules as to how to stand. Pay attention next time you are standing by your Dominant. Are you on the right or left? Do you stand in line with them, a bit back, a bit in front? Where are your hands? Where are your eyes?

Part of a nice looking position is being aware of every part of your body. Make mental notes about how you stand both in your partner’s presence and away from it. Does it change when you are just with friends or family? What makes it different?

Try It

Today we are going to try to practice different ways to stand at attention. Try each of these positions for 10 mins or more. Remember to stand with soft knees, don’t lock them. You can stand longer that way and are less likely to faint in long periods of standing. Test out different ways to rest your hands and eyes. Place them at your sides, behind your back, crossed in front, clasped at the waist, etc. Do you like your eyes up, or down? Do these positions in front of a mirror if you can.

1. Stand fully erect with hands at your sides. Place your feet together or within 3 inches apart. Relax your knees. Test out the different hand positions.
2. Stand fully erect with hands at your sides. Place your feet hip distance apart. Relax your knees. Test the different hand positions.
3. Stand fully erect with your hands at your sides. Place one foot perpendicular to the other in a ballet pose, rest position. You heel should touch your big toe or close to it. Test the different hand positions.

Which of these did you like? Which didn’t you like? Write down your favorites, give them names and describe them so that you will remember them.

photo credit Madame Monnika

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Learning to Kneel [Day 1 - 2WBSP]

Today’s post  in the two week project here at Submissive Guide is focused on kneeling.

Do you kneel in front of your Dominant partner at any point of your service? Is there a specific way to do that?

For someone new to BDSM, it is common to think you must kneel a lot of the time. When you are online, it can be expected that you will be spending most of your time kneeling, however in real life it may not be expected at all. My first exposure to real time BDSM involved a little bit of kneeling. I had to kneel in front of the bed and be ‘collared’ for play. This was just a playtime collar and was part of getting me in the right mind. The kneeling was just a short time and I don’t think I spent any more time on the floor like that the rest of the play time. I do not kneel in my relationship now except on special occasions.

In some relationships it might be expected to be kneeling when the Dominant enters a room or returns home from work. The position you take while kneeling is also particular to that Dominant’s desire. Can you think of other times you may be asked to kneel?

Practice Kneeling

Today’s task is to practice kneeling. Get down on the floor and rest up on your knees. Try laying your feet flat so that the tops of your feet are on the floor and rest back on your calves. Kneel with your knees together and then with your knees spread apart. Practice resting your hands on your thighs, crossing them in front of your chest, or behind your back, or behind your head. How long can you hold each of these different positions. How can you make it look graceful, composed and sensual? Try to hold the following positions for 10 mins. Do this in front of a mirror if you can.

1. Kneel up so that your body is perpendicular to the floor, the most weight will be directly on your knees. Place your knees together and then spread them apart. Try different placements of your hands in this position.
2. Kneel down rested on your calves. Rest your feet with the tops on the floor and then bending your toes under for support. Place your knees together and then spread them apart. Try different placements of your hands in this position.
3. Sit cross legged on the floor. First try it with your feet as far under as possible, then move them so that they are more in line with your knees, perhaps even on top of one another.

Which of these, if any felt the most comfortable. Which ones did you like? Which ones did you not like? Write down your favorites on a sheet of paper. Give them names and describe them so that you can remember them.

Tomorrow’s position is Standing at Attention.

photo credit notquitetrish

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Submissive Positions are talked about all over like everyone is supposed to be doing them or something. Not every relationship is set up to provide that level of protocol and you should never expect a relationship to automatically have that. If you are interested in positions, ask your partner or perspective partner if they’d be interested before you go learning any. They may have preferences to how you should look and act. Following them is by far more important than learning about positions online (unless that is their direction).

But since so many of you ask me on a regular basis about positions you could be learning I came up with two weeks of posts on the subject of different positions, how to develop your own positions and what other resources are out there as far a positions are concerned. Please understand I will not be teaching the Gorean positions that everyone sees described, but positions that average people can develop amongst themselves to do and alter and enhance for themselves. Please take these suggested positions as guidelines only and try to customize them. They should be unique and beautiful to you and your partner.

Coming up tomorrow is Kneeling.

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Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

What Is Slave Training?

In this week’s video tip I talk about what training is to a submissive and the value it has to a D/s relationship.

When someone thinks of slave training, what is the first thing that pops into your mind? Is it a submissive on their knees going through the paces that their Dominant puts them? Is it Gorean-style positions and changes in speech?

What would you say if I told you that training is everything that you do for your Dominant when directed to do so in a certain manner? Take a basic request of making coffee or tea. If you are told the specific way your Dominant takes their coffee or tea and then proceed to do that every time it is requested you are being trained to make his or her coffee or tea. This is training.

The term training can also be used for the time period where you learn the protocol of a new environment. Much like your orientation period at a new job (which is likely also called training), you learn what is acceptable and expected of you during your work hours.

Training can come in all forms. Some Dominants go through steps to teach their submissive proper protocol within the home and the rules of the house. Other Dominants give their submissive rules that they have to learn and then use a punishment and reward system to instill them.

There is a really big hype about training when there doesn’t need to be. Every single behavior change or attitude change is part of your training. I bet that there are things that your Dominant would consider training that you don’t.  Are there actions or activities you do that are now a habit that wasn’t before? Can that be attributed to training?

The important thing to remember with slave training is that is it an agreed upon change or set of changes that the submissive undergoes to improve themselves for their Dominant or themselves. You do not have to be in a relationship to undergo training. You just have to have a desire to better yourself.

As a follow up to this post I wrote “Dominance as a Slave Training Tool to Better Submission.”

Also Available

Simply Service Newsletter May 2008

Inside this edition:

• Is Slavery Real? by Darren
• Productivity Tools
• Training Outside of the Box by Bootpig
• porkchops Rules of Bedding: Inside Info from a Retail Whore

Books That Might Interest You

Erotic Slavehood

Master Nage’s Guide to Training Consensual Slaves

Protocols: Handbook for the female slave