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Exploring Impact Play: A Variety of Pleasures
January 8, 2010 by Guest Author
Filed under BDSM Basics
This is a guest post by bgtreasure for the BDSM Play Feature Series here on Submissive Guide.
I choose this topic to write about because it is my favorite form of play and has been since I’ve found this wonderful thing we call “The Lifestyle”.
The general definition of Impact Play that you will find in BDSM dictionaries: Impact Play: Often referred to as edgy. The action is the same as paddling or spanking but done with the intent to cause deep tissue bruising. A bruise that is very painful and may take very long to heal.
So with the intent to cause deep tissue bruising which is something that I don’t really pay attention to it’s the more intense pounding and beating that gets me off. I tend not bruise easily if at all. I do consider this as a part of play that is edge play because serious damage could be done if it is not done correctly or without care for your partner. I do however love when I do bruise and can feel it for the rest of the week and see the fruits of Sir’s labor.
Some instruments used for Impact Play are hands and fists, kicking, floggers and paddles which are of course used in various other forms of play but it is the intensity when using them that makes it Impact Play. In my play it’s a steady rhythmic beating, building and building and intensifying as we go on.
When playing and going into this arena of play I find that I have to have a period of time to get my head straight with my partner, relaxing into him, relaxing my breathing and focusing on him before we start to play and we tend to build up rather than go full force out and out from the beginning. Sir increases and decreases depending on where he knows that I am at and then pushes it to the level he wants me to be at.
I think the fact that I have to have a very special connection with my partner in order to go this far. In my current relationship I believe our connection is so deep that he has taken me further then I have ever been and the experience each time after we first started playing has placed me in such a deep subspace that I literally can be beaten with any instrument and I just float, I feel as though I am on top of the world looking down at my body and my partner with a smile on my face swaying to some tune that is playing in my head. Everything else drops away as each strike comes and becomes an expression of ecstasy.
Impact Play is generally the only type play (other than physically touching the genital area) that can make me come. Again I think this comes because of our connection and that we can play so deeply and that he is in tune with my body but it sets off a reaction that somewhere deep in my mind that says this is hot, this is delicious, this makes you wet it’s time for you to come. At first I thought it was a fluke because it’s not easy to make me come but as we continue to play more and specifically when he uses his hands as the instrument of torture I usually come and more than once.
Impact play for me is very freeing sometimes it’s like a very intense full body massage breaking the stress of the day, the week, the month. I personally prefer when Sir uses his hands it makes it so much more personal and I believe strengthens our connection, however floggers and paddles can take me there as well.
bgtreasure is cofounder and conference organizer of Black BEAT Inc. (www.blackbeatinc.org), and cofounder of BESS (Baltimore Educational and Social Society). Bgtreasure has been involved in the BDSM lifestyle for over 9 years and has held various positions with other groups. Meeting people from all over and watching them share with others has truly been an eye opener for her. One of her proudest moments was (Black BEAT) winning the 2006 Pantheons Award for Small Event of the Year, and being nominated herself for the Pantheon regional award. She enjoys networking with others and helping those new to the lifestyle. A submissive that enjoys many different aspects of this lifestyle, she is owned by Sir Mystical. Black BEAT is home for BG, her lifestyle accomplishments are commendable. She is also host along with Lady Z of Black BEAT’s Maryland Headquarters Munch Group.
She can be reached at bgtreasure@yahoo.com and on Yahoo and AIM messengers and on fetlife under bgtreasure.
Photo by Luiza
The Top 30 Posts of 2009
January 5, 2010 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
A year ago I started a small blog project called Submissive Guide. I wanted it to be an organized place where I could voice my opinions about submission, help novices discover who they are and explore BDSM through the written word. Since that time it has grown to so much more, including an e-book, a newsletter and video posts.
To celebrate one year of excellent writing I wanted to showcase the top 30 posts of 2009. I’ve noted in the link if the author was a guest post. Please take a look at what has had the most views since starting out one year ago. You may have missed a few gems!
- What is slave training?
- Rituals that Work
- 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions
- Best Submissive Blogslist
- The Difference Between Bottom, Masochist, Submissive and Slave
- 7 Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Submission
- Discovering Your Submissive Nature
- How to Beg When Asked
- Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
- A Great Example of a Slave’s Rosary
- Learning To Kneel (from 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions)
- The Importance of Rules
- Beginning Your Training Resume
- Dominance as a Slave Training Tool for Better Submission
- Caring For Yourself After a Scene: Self-Aftercare
- The BDSM Checklist That Will Really Help You
- Offering Your Body for Service (from 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions)
- What it Means to be an Owned Kajira by dina
- The Nitty Gritty of the BDSM Lifestyle
- 5 Ways to Recognize Topping from the Bottom
- Another 7 Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Submission
- Your Bathing Regime
- Where to Buy a Collar Online
- The Importance of Journaling Your Submission
- Pet Play and Human Pets Primer by skylerpet
- The Realities of Online Submission
- Two Dominants by Aria
- Submission By Choice: Learned Submission
- Sub Drop’s Emotional Side
- 10 Helpful Websites for the Busy Submissive
Here’s to another year of great content!
Submissive and Slave: A Personal View
November 11, 2009 by Guest Author
Filed under Defining Submission
This post was written by Rayne. You can follow her twitter for active and interesting conversation.
I’m pretty big on book definitions. So for me, the word “submissive” has always been an adjective describing a personality trait. When I got involved in BDSM, it became, for me, a heading, of sorts, describing a group of people.
Under the heading of submissive, there are three main labels I – and others – use to describe the bottom half of the totem pole in BDSM relationships. Generally speaking, each label delineates a level of submission. How much control the person has given to their dominant. Because there is no set standard (How could there be?) of how much or how little submission one must give to be considered submissive, we instead give the different levels of submission names to aid in communication. A way of getting an idea of how much or how little control the submissive is willing to give up without having to get to know them.
In the grand scheme of things, one is not better than the other, except for the person in question. They’re just different.
Generally speaking, we call someone who is only submissive in the bedroom or at play parties and such a bottom. They are not interested in giving up total control. They enjoy being dominated sexually – or sometimes just being bound and hurt without involving sex at all – but really have no interest in being controlled on a regular basis. This group of submissive people leaves their submission at the door of their play space.
A lot of people start out here. Being the bottom of a scene is often a gateway. A place where people discover deeper, more submissive desires. I was a bottom before I was a sub and sub before slave. A lot of submissive people I know followed that progression. Not everyone, though.
People occasionally shorten “submissive” when specifically discussing this next group to avoid confusion. It’s a running joke, in the community, that a “sub” is a sandwich, and you’ll occasionally hear people talking about wanting roast beef and provolone on theirs. But since the first day M dragged me onto IRC, using “sub” has been my way of making it clear I am talking about this particular level of submission and not submissive people as a whole.
So what’s a sub? That’s where it gets tricky. Because the line between sub and slave is rather fine and blurs a lot. People often use “submissive” and “slave” interchangeably. But they are not the same thing.
A sub is someone who still retains some control, but is in service to someone else. They have the right to say no and walk away at any time. They have a safe word. They have limits. They’re not owned.
An article I read recently described it best when it said “A submissive is a volunteer. A slave is not.”
A slave is owned. That’s probably the only constant. Some slaves have safe words. Some do not. Some slaves have negotiated limits. Some do not. Some slaves have submissive personalities. Some are only submissive with the one who owns them. Some slaves have given up their right to leave, or consented to having it taken from them. Some retain the right to walk out the door whenever they choose.
Legally, we all have that right. Some of us just choose not to acknowledge it.
In my perfect world, a slave is someone without limits or safe words. A slave is someone who opens himself or herself completely to his or her owner. Complete transparency. Total power exchange. He or she doesn’t have a choice.
But in my reality, it’s illegal to own another human being. Some states don’t recognize consent. In the interest of keeping the owner out of prison, the submissive is allowed to negotiate the rules. Even I can’t or don’t always live up to my perfect world. So it doesn’t surprise me that others don’t, can’t or aren’t interested.
Some say the difference between a submissive and a slave has nothing whatever to do with how much control one gives up or how submissive one is. That it’s in one’s actions. In the way the slave obeys without question or hesitation. In the respect in the slave’s voice when he or she speaks with his or her owner. In the way the slave knows what the owner needs almost before the owner does. But I’ve known some submissives to show their dominants more respect than some slaves show their owners.
A submissive is someone who submits willingly, sometimes on a case by case basis, to the will of another. A slave is someone who is wholly controlled and owned by another. That’s really the sum of it.
Rayne is a loving slave with sadistic tendencies and masochistic desires. Chaos incarnate. The girl your mother warned you about. She writes toy reviews and blogs about being a 24/7 medium protocol slave to her husband Melen at Insatiable Desire (http://www.insatiabledesire.com/), along with four other bloggers involved in the lifestyle. She also guest write a series that is a basic look at M/s at Eden Cafe (http://www.edencafe.com/) with a number of other authors who write about various sex-positive subjects.
photo by BL1961
The Challenges of Being Kajira in Today’s Society
September 18, 2009 by Guest Author
Filed under Defining Submission
Today’s guest post is by dina from Kajiradreams. You can also read her post on what it’s like to be an owned kajira and a kajira’s strengths and misconceptions.
When you chat to someone on the street do you suddenly announce to them you are a Christian or a Muslim? Do you tell them without cause you are a vegetarian or your political views? Do you suddenly announce to your friends over a pint that you are gay and had a fucking huge cock up the arse last night?
Of course you don’t. These are things that are personal to you. They are your personal preferences. They are your lifestyle choices. They are nobody’s business to know unless you wish them to.
So why should someone who lives the gorean lifestyle be any different?
If someone asks me if I am Gorean I will answer them honestly. If someone asks if I am kajira I will answer them honestly. But I will not share it with people out of context just as I will not announce I am a confirmed Christian or that I can skin and gut a rabbit in 15 minutes. It is personal to me and none of their damn business.
In any case, going back to the stereotypes and misconceptions, most people either wouldn’t have a clue what you were on about, or have an extremely warped and misguided idea that you were being held against your will in an abusive relationship.
So what are the challenges?
The challenges are being able to live and be who you are without having to justify yourself to every fucking stranger – and family – because your lifestyle and relationship dynamic doesn’t fit modern day societal norms we have had rammed down our throats every single day since we were born.
Being kajira is more than the misconception that you are a sex slave
Being kajira doesn’t mean you are consenting to abuse
Being kajira does not mean you must have a mental illness
Living in a gorean relationship doesn’t mean you are in an abusive relationship
It doesn’t mean the man is a wife-beating obnoxious UG who just wants a woman who will agree with everything he does, clean and cook for him and will let him treat her like shit without question.
Being kajira does not mean you don’t have an opinion, or a mind, or thoughts.
Being kajira does not mean you speak in third person.
Being kajira does not mean you are weak
Being kajira and living the gorean lifestyle means you are the exact opposite of every single sentence I have just quoted – and most people cannot handle that.
In fact the very fact you are a kajirae mean most Men out there cannot handle you or give you what you need.
And that’s the challenge.
Having to wear the masks in public.
Having to be conscious of what you say.
Hiding your true self.
Living the lifestyle…?
Having to justify your role to people who notice something and question you – in a way that they will understand
Having to adjust your speech in public so you don’t call your partner “my Master” in public and have the joy of answering all the questions it will raise
Having to adjust your behavior and house rules when friends come round to your home or you are visiting
These are some of the challenges of being kajira. Because society will not accept you if they think you are different. It threatens their imperfect little bubble.
But it isn’t the biggest challenge…
The biggest challenge of being kajira in today’s society is being true to yourself regardless of peoples perceptions and societies expectations.
That is the challenge and by choosing to live as kajira, it means you will fight it every single day.
Some days you will lose that fight. But so what?
Success isn’t about winning or losing. Success is about having the strength to pick yourself up and try again on the days you fail.
photo by The Pug Father
Strengths and Misconceptions of Kajira
September 16, 2009 by Guest Author
Filed under Defining Submission
This is another guest post by dina of kajiradreams. She continues her thoughts on Gor and the life of a kajira. You can also read her thoughts on what it’s like to be an owned kajira.
The strengths of a kajira and the misconceptions of what a kajira is and does.
And what strengths better a kajira in being her Master’s absolute and total property….
I want to make one statement before I write what was set of me.
Gor, Gorean philosophy, Gorean lifestyle is exactly that. A lifestyle that is chose by those that have a particular set of intrinsic ideals. I have no time for role-players or wannabes. it is not something that you can ‘act’. It is not a ‘role’ you can play. It has to be lived, from the heart. Also, Gor is a fictional planet within a series of fantasy novels written by John Lange under the pen name John Norman. Gorean lifestyle can be lived here on Earth, but with adaptations, compromises and understanding. Gor of the books is fiction. The underlying principles and values are real.
I feel I should start with the misconceptions surrounding a kajira, as I know so many people in my life that would look with horror and complete incomprehension of that word (that is is they knew what it meant). To outside observers Gorean philosophy appears to subjugate women, treating them as mere objects, owned, ordered about, used as mere sex objects. It also appears at first glance to be all about sex, about sex mad dumb blondes with no brains or ability to exercise their own independence or free will… with no brains to know what they want, reliant on another person. women who have no mind of their own, no thoughts or ideas. Men who want to just use females, objectify them, dehumanise them… All in all, weak minded, easily controlled people who get a kick out of being treat like a piece of meat.
Sorry to disappoint you all agreeing with that statement, but it isn’t.
The Gorean lifestyle actually allows women to be women and men to be Men. I am a woman, quite categorically female and I am a completely different creature of the human species type to Men, I am softer in nature, more emotional, curvier and more able to love unconditionally. Gor allows me to be true to my nature and to myself.
Ultimately Gor comes down to the need for control though. The need of one person to be controlled and another to take control. Gor is about finding yourself in fulfilling that need.
So what are the strengths of a kajira?
For me a kajira is a woman who is confident in her femininity, strong in her commitment and strong in spirit. As kajira I offered myself to my Master freely, of my own free will and in that I chose to give my own will into his care. I am obedient, not because I have to, but because I choose to be. I know I can be forced into obedience by my Master, but that would not be pleasing. My first priority is to be pleasing to my Master and within that I choose to willingly do whatever he asks in order to meet his desires. In doing so I gain pleasure. A kajira is expected to give herself over entirely to her Master, heart, mind, body and spirit and under his guidance learn what is expected of her. I find as I learn more and more what is expected of me, I give more and more of myself. It is without doubt a difficult process and fears surface each time a limit is pushed or a change is realised, but it is a very worthwhile journey and not everything is painful. A Master does not walk this path out of cruelty or a desire to inflict pain, or a desire to have a kajira who will blindly do his bidding… I mean, how many people really want to spend time with a mindless robot? I don’t walk this path as kajira out of fear either, but because I want to. I want to please my Master, in every and any way I can. I want to meet his expectations of me, I want him to be proud of who and what I am, and what I freely give to him out of love and trust and submission. I need to remember, internalize that thought and trust that what my Master demands of me is for my own good.
It has been said that a kajira has no responsibilities or thoughts of her own, that the master holds all the responsibilities. All I can say to that is get real! have you ever actually thought about what it really means to be pleasing to a Master at all times? I am by no means expert, but even I know It certainly is not easy and neither is it meant to be. I find my master makes me look into myself, recognize and accept my beauty, speak my ideas, thoughts, dreams, fantasies and aspirations and be loved just for being myself. It is a hard thing to do.. to accept yourself and realize that you are loved just for being that person, the dark side of your nature just as much as the light. It takes an inordinate amount of strength, but in doing so I see that no matter what, my love for him is returned 10 fold and I am forced to feel it; I feel my life is safe from harm, that my Master protects me and shields me from all that is wrong in the world, whether that be other peoples actions, intent or malice. This strong, dominant, honourable man who consciously and purposefully demands every intimate feeling and thought I have. The desire and need that creates within me is overwhelming, the need to turn over my most basic human rights and trust totally and completely in one Man and his decisions. In a previous post I made reference to IE. IE for those that do not know, stands for Internal Enslavement. If you want to know what that is, look it up. I am not going to explain it here.
The strengths of a kajira for me is to allow this to happen. To have the strength to give that level of control over to another, to trust that they will act accordingly in the best interests of both themselves and their property. The strength to look into yourself and accept everything that is there, good and bad. The strength to change aspects of yourself in order to please another. The strength to place everything you have ever accepted as intrinsic to who you are, to one side as you learn. To relearn who you are and your place in life and in society. The strength to consciously choose a path whereby another will exercise the process of IE within you, knowing full well that as you walk that path you consciously and freely chose the end result, the result whereby you are psychologically bound to your Master in such a way you are mentally no longer able to exercise free will.
I am uncomfortable admitting it within myself, but I am a strong person. It keeps being pointed out to me and demonstrated quite clearly, but I feel uncomfortable accepting it when I find myself turning into everything I have previously detested. but I am strong. I will make those changes for my Master, not just because he demands it of me, but because I need to. It takes great strength to be completely 100% honest with another, especially when it is regarding things you are ashamed of or things that have upset you in the past, but I do it. I do so because I trust my Master to guide me and teach me how to please him better. One that sticks out quite sharply for me as a strength is the ability to trust in his judgment. I need to explain this one a bit better.
I am not a mindless robot. I am fiery, I am passionate, I am ruled by strong deep-seated emotions, I am intelligent, I have ideas, thoughts, concerns, issues, fantasies, wants and needs. It is instinctual when someone demands an action for me to question. sometimes there will be quite strong fears or concerns regarding this. Being kajira does not mean that I give my Master blind obedience; being kajira means that there is a time and a place for everything. That I must trust my Master to allow me to express those fears and concerns, that I must trust him to help me work through them so they are no longer barriers. That I must trust my Master to be acting in both his and my best interests. and that at the end of it all, regardless of how strongly opposed my own feelings may or may not be, I have the strength to say the words which are the right of every kajirae. “Yes Master”.
Another key strength for me is being able to let go, lose myself as I fall down this rabbit hole in the knowledge that my Master will always be there when I fail, and I will fail for I am human but he will be there allowing me to pick myself up, evaluate what went wrong and continue the journey, knowing that as I lose myself, I also find myself.
Two final points to make, I know I have rambled on here quite a bit and I have repeated myself a lot… I am not going to edit it though as I feel it will detract from showing my Master my thought process.
- I have an ever growing, innate need to be pleasing to my Master. I cannot switch that off. It eats inside me, demanding to be fed and to feed it means giving everything I am over to the hands of another; becoming bound to them in a way that there is no retreat, no escape route, no leniency. This is a very frightening concept and process, but just because it is ’scary’ does not mean I will back away from it. I always have enjoyed a good fight and I know within myself I have that strength to move through those fears and become everything I can be and more.
- “If you resent being polished how can you become a mirror”. Within the need to be pleasing to my Master, there is a further desire to be a reflection of him, his ideals, his standards, his integrity, honesty, confidence, strength of character, dedication and commitment. I desire for my Master to see within me what I see in him. He makes me so happy and content and complete. I want to give him everything he desires and more besides. I have to. I have to in order to be true to myself.
Done. Finito!
Photo by Strength ~vs~ Weakness
What It Means to Be an Owned Kajira
September 15, 2009 by Guest Author
Filed under Defining Submission
Today’s guest post is by dina from Kajiradreams. She’s donated a few posts for this week on Gorean Living so watch for them in the coming days!
My Master gave me the task of writing down my thoughts on what it means to be an owned kajira. I can only ever write this from my own feelings and own perspective, and to be honest it has taken a lot of thinking about. Most of my thinking though has been centered around making all the incoherent, disjointed thoughts make sense and I am still unsure if it makes any sense to anyone bar me!
I am stuck at the end of it though with one word. Just one simple word which to me sums up everything it means to me to be an owned kajira.
Peace.
Now, I know my Master will not accept from me one word as the totality of my thoughts *smiles* so I know I am going to have to write more, to give Him the inner workings of my mind and feelings so he can dissect them at his leisure; stored away for future use as He sees fit…. (me, cynical?…. Noooooo!) Ah well, my thoughts are not my own anyway, they belong to my Assassin – just like every single part of me.
But that is part of what it means to be owned isn’t it?
To be owned as kajira means:
- I have not just submitted myself to another, I have willingly and freely surrendered my totality to my Master.
“Submit = to present for the approval, consideration, or decision of another or others.”
“Surrender = The act of surrendering; the act of yielding, or resigning ones person, or the possession of something, into the power of another; as, the surrender of a castle to an enemy; the surrender of a right.”
Please note the difference in words. By submitting to my Master I put myself before him for consideration or approval.. I have free choice whether to accept that decision or not. I choose whether to accept his authority over me. However, owned kajira not only submit, they must also surrender, I am not only deeply compelled within myself to surrender, but demanded to by my master – and I have no doubts that my Master will hold me to ever single letter of that word. Owned kajira willingly and freely gave up all choice and decisions by accepting their Master. my Masters’ word is final and absolute. (and I think I may have just frightened myself a little here…)
- Owned kajira have no rights, I have no rights. I have only privileges, granted or removed as my Master deems appropriate.
As human beings we have grown up with basic concepts of our own rights. We have a basic human right of free choice, a right to decide what we want, a right to act without asking permission, a right to choose a career, what to wear, who to talk to, a right to be our own person. kajirae feel the need within themselves to give up those rights… whether they initially realise that need or not. As an owned kajira, I freely gave those rights up. Yes, it is an interesting process to relearn what we have been taught from birth and it is not without a few stark realisations along the way. A simple privilege for me is that my Master gives me the right to blog, but I know that right could be taken away from me without any explanation whatsoever, regardless of my feelings. For me, writing is part of me, part of who I am, it gives clarity to my thoughts, allows me to get them out of my head and be able to look at them objectively. It is an integral part of me, but if my Master decided he did not want me to, then so be it.. I am owned, I gave up choice remember.
- I belong, wholly, to Him. Mind, Body, Soul, Heart.
I am laughing now, I want to just put here refer to first point! I can’t do that though can I? As kajirae we have a need, a calling within us to submit to another. Master recognises within me things I know I don’t, but that does not mean to say they are not there, just that I have not acknowledged their presence yet. Whether the word we use is submissive, kajira, bottom… once we recognise we have that need it is pretty hard to ignore, it’s as if we have finally recognised the gaping void that signifies we are not complete. For an owned kajira though, it becomes more than just a ‘play’ session or scratching an itch. It is a deep-seated need to belong to that person in our entirety 24/7. A Master may claim your body first, with minimal work maybe part of your heart – but He is not satisfied with that. my Master is not satisfied with that. my Master has without question demanded and claimed the whole of my heart, my thoughts, which now centre around him and my spirit, which cries out to be with him. With him I feel whole and complete and I can only be complete with him as my Master. By belonging to my Master in ALL ways, he has every right to use me, train me, mould and shape me into whatever he desires: and now I am left with my only desire being to serve him, to please him. Don’t think I have forgotten though that if I don’t please him, he has every right to punish me in any and every way he sees fit. He also has every right to cause me pain for the sheer hell of it – because it pleases him.
- I live to serve Him. To please him.
Yeah yeah, vanilla reading this will think wtf?! I think the majority of subs and maybe even unowned kajirae would be thinking why would anyone be so sad as to have one person as the centre of their life, their existence? Sorry, but I honestly feel this is something very internal and personal within an owned kajira. Only with my Master and being owned can I be complete, but I cannot be kajira or owned without giving my Master my all. The only thing left within me then, becomes the desire to serve and to remain owned. I cannot now comprehend life without my Master, life as unowned or free. I am in no way shape or form, free.
- His will is my desire.
This just follows on from the last one. It does not matter how much I do not wish to do something, or how much I try to fight against it, in the end it all boils down to the same thing. my Master is my whole world and no matter how much it hurts me to say it, I would do anything he asked of me. That I must say hurts for one reason only and I am not prepared to write that reason here.
- Trusting my Master, totally without condition or question.
A good Master who is true to himself would not think of collaring a submissive unless he was prepared to take on the inherent responsibility that implies. all submissives whatever their level of submission give trust to their Master or Dom, it is part of the deal. For owned kajirae, for me… it goes far far beyond that basic conditional trust of “you have my trust but/until…” my Master owns me, for me to surrender myself to him completely as he demands, I have no choice but to have a trust in him that has no boundrys or conditions. I trust my Master to push me to my limits, to explore my limits, to know how far to push before stepping back and allowing me to come to terms with that new realisation that yet another thing has changed.
- I must be true to what I am.
I am what I am, period. We all to varying degrees instinctively hide our true selves from others, whether that be thoughts, feelings, desires, needs. I as an owned kajira cannot hide, I must be true to what I am for my Master. That means dropping all that facade, the barriers that naturally come to mind when we feel the need to protect ourselves. I am in no position to protect myself, I am kajira. It is not my place to. It is not my place to hide my emotions, or tame them unless my Master wishes. It is my place to be the loving, clumsy, sensual, bolshy, caring, frightened, strong, impaitent, intelligent, emotional, imaginative, feral (yeah, i know) person that I am.
…Which all brings me back to that one simple word… PEACE. I can try to fight all I want who I am inside, but in the end I will not win because I am what I am. I can try to fight my feelings, but love is not to be fought against, only fought for. I cannot win a fight to not love someone. Being an owned kajira to me means one thing, being at peace with myself. Actually accepting who I am – and being lucky enough to find in my Assassin, my Love Master and completion.
Last night something happened. Me in my panic desperately thought of ways to try and resolve or excuse what could be an issue which would bring about a seriously major change. I even took a picture of what I had decided to do and sent it to my Master. Thing is, after I sent the email I just closed the computer down. I could not do what I had blindly resolved. The reason why I could not go through with my half baked plan?
my Master.
I am kajira….HIS kajira.
I trust him without question.
I love him.
I have surrended my body, mind, spirit and heart into his hands, his care.
I must be true to what I am.
I could not do it because it would not have been what my Master wanted. So, no matter what comes of it, I will face it honestly and front on. I cannot do anything else because at the end of the day, I am my Master’s kajira and I belong at the feet of my Assassin. If that means dealing with an issue quicker than I thought then so be it.
dina writes in her blog at kajiradreams. Watch for her other guest posts coming up on this site!
Books That Might Interest You
Saga of Gor
This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM
Chat Night Transcript From BDSM and Sex Talk – 8/25/09
August 27, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
Our first chat was a great success. Everyone gave permission to post the transcript and continue the conversation here. I loved every minute of interesting conversation. Read and enjoy!
<~luna[KM]> Alright, let’s get started. If you haven’t figured out, I’m luna. I started the site in January after I got tired of not finding what I wanted in all the sites online. I didn’t need the how to’s, but the whys.
<~luna[KM]> My goal with these chat nights is to share knowledge and information with each other to develop and grow in our submission.
<~luna[KM]> Tonight we are going to talk about BDSM and sex; if they are integral to our sexuality or if they can be separated as well as the whole perception in the community.
<~luna[KM]> In the reading for today we saw some people’s opinions as to whether sex and BDSM were separate things. What do you feel is the right way to explain it for yourself?
<hisowned1> it seemed to me that the gist of the articles–taken as a whole–was that sex is integral to a bdsm relationship….however, most bdsm relationships contain many other dimensions in addition to the sexual
<~luna[KM]> For me, in the beginning sex and BDSM were not the same, I was exploring and playing outside of a committed relationship, casually and did not want sex to be a part of it. I wanted the sensation and not the sexuality of it.
<~luna[KM]> Now that I’m in a relationship, I can not separate the two. BDSM is my sex and so much more.
<pet> i would have to agree with you luna
<hisowned1> most of our relationships probably involve the spiritual, psychological, emotional realms (should i include practical also?), in addition to sexual. well, as luna has pointed out in some of her articles, there may be differences between solely online relationships and in-person relationships…
<~luna[KM]> Laura Goodwin (the first essay) said that it was absurd to think that sex and BDSM are separate things, that the whole reason we invite BDSM into our lives is for the sex. Now, most of what she is referring is the tactile play aspects of BDSM, but do you agree?
<~luna[KM]> Is BDSM sexual?
<pet> to me its one of many things
<~luna[KM]> You bring up a good point hisowned1. Can you really have a sexual experience online and consider it a BDSM sexual act?
<~luna[KM]> The critics will say that no, you can’t have a BDSM sex act online – that it’s just masochistic fantasy and masturbation.
<hisowned1> i think pet has something to contribute here. pet, what are the ‘many things’ you refer to?
<hisowned1> …if i may ask…
<pet> would say for myself personally, the service, the emotional aspect is also important to me
<hisowned1> yes, me too
<~luna[KM]> pet, do you feel that there is too much focus on the sexuality of BDSM when people talk about BDSM?
<pet> sometimes yes
<pet> to me personally there is so much to our lifestyle
<~luna[KM]> There are a lot of levels to the lifestyle, I would like to focus tonight on the physical act of play and it’s association with sex.
<~luna[KM]> When I talk with others that may not be as familiar with BDSM as they can be, I always get the perception that they think BDSM is just kinky sex.
<~luna[KM]> But when we as lifestyle and active participants get together, I see more of a separation between play and sex
<asweetpea123> at this point in my relationship with my Master all aspects interact at different levels. Depending on the situation will depend on how deeply they react to the different aspects from sex to emotion etc
<~luna[KM]> So, can you play without sexual contact?
<pet> right, by what i have read, some definitely separate play and sex.
<~luna[KM]> sexual contact being genital touching
<radiogirl2009> oh of course
<radiogirl2009> I think so
<pet> i think so
<pet> also
<asweetpea123> yes
<radiogirl2009> my Master can play with me because he lives in my head
<radiogirl2009> my submission is in me
<~luna[KM]> Ok, so if the sensation receptors in your brain say that you are turned on, is it still sex or somehow it’s play?
<~luna[KM]> And if it is different, how do you discern the difference?
<asweetpea123> Wow
<asweetpea123> when you put it that way.
<hisowned1> how are we defining what ‘play’ means?
<radiogirl2009> okay, for me……… sex means a lot of different things
<radiogirl2009> and even though we have sex (phone sex, webcam sex) its in my mind
<~luna[KM]> play would be a set moment in time where two or more people are scening for the intent to experience sensations. This can be impact play, bondage or other forms of non-contact play.
<radiogirl2009> play……… is.. teasing
<asweetpea123> Ok my Master and I can have sex…touching in whatever way…but we can have no contact or “play” time from as far away as a phone or email where direction are given and yet I still feel the intensity as if it were physical. He still controls me even far away
<radiogirl2009> oh yes
<~luna[KM]> If BDSM is considered part of the sexual arena, why is it not included in more vanilla ideas of sex?
<asweetpea123> ?
<~luna[KM]> If we go on the assumption the BDSM and sex are not separate, why don’t we see more mainstream sexual encounters echo what we do?
<asweetpea123> People are afraid of stereotype…beating abuse dominance have a very negative opinion in the world
<asweetpea123> It is lack of knowledge that keep people from understanding the deep strong positive connection
<pet> yes it does im afraid. though i do have a friend who is very understanding and supportive.
<asweetpea123> media puts those words in prison/court/negative from an abusive husband/spouse and people stop looking farther…past the end of their nose
<~luna[KM]> So, can we say that BDSM is sensual more than sexual? Since we can have sex without BDSM and have discussed earlier that people can have BDSM without sex?
<~luna[KM]> It is unfortunate that the media has trouble accepting us, but the media is still working through homosexual acceptance, I fear that kink acceptance is further down the list.
<asweetpea123> BDSM is sensual for me. Very much so. to be so deeply controlled by someone who wants so desperately to control me…is sensual and loving..
<pet> i feel it is very sensual, because of the close connection between Dom and sub.
<asweetpea123> I would agree…media has come a long way but they have a long way to go
<~luna[KM]> how about you radiogirl2009? is what you’ve experienced more sensual or sexual?
<pet> yes they do.
<asweetpea123> The Master watches out for you…when he decides on something he has already through for you…he knows you better than you do…how is that for sensual..
* ~luna[KM] smiles. It’s a good analogy asweetpea123
<pet> yes Sir reads me like a book. sometimes i think he knows me better than i know myself sometimes
<radiogirl2009> well it greatly depends on my perception I guess
<radiogirl2009> Playing (not actually touching) for me is mainly mental…. and that is extremely sensual
<radiogirl2009> however, when he gets the flogger out…… its pure SEXUAL
<asweetpea123> again it is a mental sensation…even in flogging…anyone can hit you…but a Master who incites this is thinking of you when he does the flogging or allows the flogging to take place…that becomes sensual
<asweetpea123> It is no different than the circle of life or ebb and flow. one creates the other…without one the other is nto
<asweetpea123> not
<~luna[KM]> Great points all of them.
<~luna[KM]> You can mix sensual and sexual into BDSM, like a cocktail.
<hisowned1> asweetpea, that was beautifully put above—your post about the circle of life and ebb and flow. lovely. and true
<asweetpea123> Thank you hisowned1
<~luna[KM]> Now, I’ve been to a few parties and one party I’ve been too, doesn’t allow penetration of any kind. Others do, how does that change the way we could view sex and BDSM?
<asweetpea123> I feel that again if no penetration is allowed that does not matter. The Master controls the Sensual/Sexual intensity of the situation…
<~luna[KM]> For Master and myself, we prefer to keep our sex private, but we are okay sharing the SM play at parties.
<asweetpea123> your sexual satisfaction is directed by Master no surroundings
<~luna[KM]> It makes for a rather interesting argument when we say that BDSM and sex are the same thing and yet we can fracture it like that for play parties.
<asweetpea123> His Sexual Satisfaction is directed by him
<asweetpea123> LOL yes it does…but a duck is a duck
<pet> i would feel the same way, i would much prefer to keep our sex private
photo by Dano
The Many Faces of Submission
July 22, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Defining Submission
Types of submissives come in as many varieties as wines; there is one for every palette and preference. When someone tells you that you are submissive and you finally admit to yourself that you are submissive, which can be a journey itself, you can figure out how your submission differs from another by what type of submissive you are.
What I’m about to lay out for you is not the only way these terms can be described but it is a good measure for the novice and open to your interpretation. No one way to serve is better than another in this list. Remember that not matter where we are on the mountainous journey, the goal is the same. Surrender.
The Bottom
The bottom is the person who in the BDSM lifestyle enjoys receiving sensation. They always wish to be on the receiving end of the flogger or other sensation. The bottom may direct the session before or during the session; the bottom maintains the control. The act of bottoming is not always sexual. The bottom does not release real control to the top rather it is more of a mutual partnership. Some good examples of “The Bottom” are those who are in to the spanking sect of the lifestyle. I have met spankers who will tell you they are not submissive and they don’t have a submissive bone in their body. They are in this for the sexual pleasure of the pain. The bottom is more of a role played rather then a state of mind.
The Bedroom Submissive
The best way to portray this type of submissive is in every facet of life s/he may be vanilla or even Dominant but when the bedroom door shuts the roles drop and s/he submits to the Dominant. The bedroom is where the power exchange happens and stays. This is almost always sexual. In the bedroom the act of submission is complete, however when the bedroom door is open the bedroom submissive returns to the vanilla world or role.
The Psychological Submissive
The physchological submissive begins his or her submission in their mind. This submissive is submissive in and out of the bedroom. They generally have a need to submit or surrender to a Dominant. The act of submission is mental. S/he can give as much or as little as they wish ot or need to give. They then become the responsibility of the Dominant to determine the direction of the relationship. The surrendering is the power exchange. Once the surrender occurs they can become an empty vessel for the Dominant. Love is not required, as this is a mental and psychological submission.
The Slave Heart Submissive
This submissive wishes to surrender everything without becoming a slave. In comparison with the psychological submissive, a slave heart submissive craves the love of the Dominant they submit to. The act of submission is full of emotion and love. S/he gives all they have for the return of love and trust from the Dominant they serve.
The Slave
Unlike the submissive, a slave must surrender completely and be in complete control of a Master. The slave must feel completely owned. The slave usually feels like nothing until Masters gives them a slave identity. When Masters is happy the slave is happy. Many slaves I have talked to feel this way. They feel most complete when with Masters. The slave beams when s/he brings Master pleasure. The slave must surrender, and the slave is not happy until s/he has surrendered. The slave feels completed when surrendering to a Master.
I found the following analogy to be quite interesting and so I am going to share it here. I find that it works well in describing submission in terms that novices might connect better with. It comes from The Australian BDSM Information Site.
| Submission is like drinking a glass of water |
| Immediate submissives might have water only when they eat curry. They don’t do it for itself really, they drink it because it makes the curry much better, cleanses the mouth, cuts the fire, makes them able to eat more. They wouldn’t think of drinking water without the curry. |
| Psychological submissives drink water because they like it. Sure they will drink it with curry, but they’ll drink it with roast beef, they’ll drink it with sandwiches, they’ll drink it without food at all–because they like the taste, the way if flows down the gullet, the cleansing feel. |
| The slave is someone in a hot climate. They have to drink water. Nothing else does the job. They can try wine or beer or sweet drinks, but when push comes to shove they must have clean water, because the others don’t cure the thirst. They might allay it some but when the heat is very fierce, water is the only solution. |
What do you think of this analogy? Are there types of submissives that I missed?
Further Reading
An excellent essay was shared with my on FetLife by MsKestrel. She has written an essay about the paradigm of submission and I wanted to share it with you here. Please feel free to leave comments on her essay.
A Chautauqua: On Submission – State of Surrender
photo by tanitta
Pet Play and Human Pets: A Primer
April 15, 2009 by Guest Author
Filed under Playtime, Relationships
Today’s post comes from Skylerpet, a submissive pet in a D/s relationship who volunteered to write an essay for me after seeing the Weekly Tips on YouTube. Thank you Skylerpet!
Pet play is one of the most unique, one of the least known and in my opinion one of the most fun and entertaining sub-cultures in the BDSM, D/s and “kink” lifestyle. Now, I write this from the perspective of a submissive female, so please keep in mind that it can be changed around to any form you want.
Pet play involves one or more people acting as an animal with typically the submissive being the animal and the Dominant being the “Owner” and/or “Trainer.” I have heard of the Dominant being the animal and Dominating his/her submissive that way, such as holding the submissive down with a bite on the neck, but I am unfamiliar with this.
What animals are common for submissives to be? Most commonly you will see ponies, puppies and pigs. I myself have been a kitty and as of this writing am a puppy. Less frequently I have also seen bunnies, cows and once a seal, though I have no experience with these animals.
For me, one of the biggest reasons I enjoy pet play, aside from it simply being fun, is that it reinforces the Owner/owned relationship. Non-human pets are owned and completely dependent on their owner. They get fed when the owner decides and only then. Their toys and medical care is wholly dependent upon the owner remembering and doing. In a 24/7 D/s relationship this is often times also true. The slave is fed after their Owner has eaten. They wear what their Owner wishes, sleeps when and where their Owner tells them, and follows the rules their Owner dictates. So it is with non-human pets. The only difference is that your non-human pets didn’t consent. You choose them and bring them home upon your own whim. With D/s pet play, the submissive consents to be the property of their Owner. For me, being an animal, being “less than human” reinforces my Dom’s Domination of me. He is a Man and wholly human. I am a pup. His pup.
How is the animal chosen?
There are typically three ways.
- One way is the submissive acting upon his/her instincts to which animal they most identify with. If the submissive is loyal and playful perhaps they lean towards puppy. If they enjoy being led around and high protocol training perhaps it would be pony.
- One other common way for the animal to be chosen is for the Dominant to choose for the submissive. If S/He prefers a puppy to a kitty, the submissive will be molded into a puppy. As another example if the Dom is a farmer who enjoys breastfeeding from His submissive, perhaps He would like her to be a cow.
- The submissive can also switch animals from time to time if their pet play is temporary, if they simply enjoy experimentation or if they do not identify with one particular animal.
Why pet play?
- One large reason many D/s couples go into pet play is for the humiliation and dependence aspect. Restricting a submissive’s movement and vocalizations forces them to be that much more dependent on their Dom. Also, not being allowed on furniture or having to use a litter box instead of a toilet can be very humiliating for some.
- Another is because it is simply fun. It is a great psychological and emotional release to be able to come home and let loose the restrictions of humanity and what humans are “supposed to be like.” It is just plain fun to bat around a cat toy or play tricks and get treat rewards. It could also be described as a “de-stressing” process from the rigors of daily life, especially if the participants work outside the home.
- It can help with submission, as taking away some parts of the submissive’s humanity can help take away their sense of equality. It can help the submissive orient their mind to their Dom being their focus in life.
- Pet play could also be used as punishment. If the submissive misbehaves badly it could be punishment to be put out in the pig stalls with the pigs for a period of time, or whatever animal is available, and made to act like that animal as the punishment.
How does one engage in pet play?
- Restrict movement via bondage.
- Restrict verbal communication, perhaps to only certain words or animal sounds such as “woof!” or “mew!” or more child-like words such as “up!” or “potty!”.
- Training exercises such as tricks for puppies, walking on leads and leashes or for ponies pulling a cart/plow.
- Eating and drinking out of bowls without the use of hands and/or silverware.
- Learning to use a litter box instead of a toilet, or even going outside.
- Playing with toys, such as batting toys for kitties or tug-of-war toys for puppies.
- Begging in the manner of the animal you identify with, such as a puppy whining.
- Caging.
- Not being allowed on furniture without permission.
Also, safety is incredibly important!
So please keep these things in mind, and also any others that fit your lifestyle:
- When it comes to eating actual animal food, while it is okay for perhaps a short scene, it is not safe to do so on a regular basis. Humans have different nutritional needs than animals do, and it is incredibly important to get your nutritional needs met. There are many ways to simulate animal food and treats such as mashing up meatloaf with ketchup, using stews or even baking treats in the shapes of bones and such. However, for any long term play, Eukanuba, Purina and any other brand of animal food you use, are for canines and felines, not humans.
- If you choose to use training and/or shock collars, please, PLEASE read the instructions! On a personal level I am not into electric play, but it is out there. So please, be careful and safe.
- If you put your pup slave into a kennel, please keep in mind that they are very cramped. You do not want your pup slave to be damaged from being in that position for long periods of time.
- If the submissive has had their ability to move and speak restricted it is incredibly important that some form of communication is available to them so that they may communicate if something has happened and/or gone wrong, both physically and emotionally.
- Also, in my opinion having a human pet can add some responsibility to the Dom because when some of the submissive’s humanity is taken away and especially if their communication is restricted, the Dominant must that much more aware of the submissive’s frame of mind.
So that’s a very basic overview of pet play. It can get a lot more specific if one looks at each relationship and the animal(s) involved. A note though; pet play sometimes can be sexual, and sometimes can be completely non-sexual. It, as with everything else, simply depends on the couple involved. Please keep in mind that I am in no way speaking of bestiality. This is two or more human beings acting and role playing within the confines of their negotiated relationship.
Most importantly: Have fun and ask questions if you need or want to!!
In my opinion, pet play can deepen submission, but only if it’s right for you.
Skylerpet is a 24/7 submissive pup in her late 20’s. She has been into pet play since she discovered the D/s lifestyle and can be reached at: requiemskye@yahoo.com for emails and also YIM chat.
photo by photognome
The Importance of Rules
March 2, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Mindset, Relationships, Rituals and Routines
Rules, instructions and assignments are things that are given to me by my Dominant for very important reasons. To follow them should bring me the pride and happiness that I feel for him, and remind me that he cares for me. Rules are in place to keep me in line, place my heart and mind in the submissive mindset, and to make sure that I hold myself in his honor. Disrespect is greatly frowned upon. Instructions and assignments are meant to help me improve myself for him. I am to follow all of these so that I present myself as a loving, obedient and beautiful woman for him.
When I was given a set of rules from my Dominant, I was excited that he felt the need to give me things to do for him, to make me available for him always. The list involves a wide range of things in my life to improve upon and maintain. These things are to be done everyday, or at his specific request. Without these I do not have a purpose, my goal of pleasing him has no method. These rules are established not only for him to govern aspects of my life and behavior but also for me to express myself to him by following them. I bring him pride when I follow the rules he has set out.
I use these rules as an anchor for my life. I look at them daily, and plan out my day around accomplishing them. It gives me fulfillment to finish them in a certain time and to know that he has given them to me to fill my world with him. I think about him constantly as I follow through on them, wishing he were here to see me do them, but knowing that one day that will come. The rules are his love pouring out on me, giving me that strength and wisdom I need at every turn of the day to do what I need to do. I follow the rules to show that I love and serve him faithfully.
The rules are important because they are his instructions, his plan to help in my modification as his perfect submissive. Without these rules I would just be a woman without a goal. These rules are what make me who I am, and mold me into what he wants to see. These rules enhance my life and his; they lead on the right road and are there to hold me in his comfort while I do them. These rules are his love and guidance. They are central to my development and enhancement as his submissive. I need them to remind me of who I am.
Failing to achieve all the rules on a daily basis can happen for many reasons and some for no reason at all. They could happen for physical ailments, in which case, my Dominant would seek compassion I’m sure and allow a slide. The day could be filled with a lot of other activities and in that case, one should have permission to not fulfill certain tasks. The worst failing is just to forget. Forgetting is a breakdown in the commitment and trust between Master and submissive and should be avoided with all being. When forgetting takes place, punishment is the result, to again remind the submissive, who controls who, and that the Dominant holds love and pride in the submissive even through a failing. Completing the punishment should better the girl and help enforce the rules once again.
It is important to find ways not to fail on the rules established by my Dominant. Finding ways to avoid that have included making a daily checklist, not allowing enjoyable rest time until the list is accomplished, and staying up late, or getting up early to make sure time is not an issue. Other ways to avoid displeasing my Dominant have not been set up just yet.
Rules are set to be followed; there is no excuse that does not come with repercussions. If one does not believe that these rules are important the breakdown of the relationship will occur. Following the rules will give me the feeling of comfort and love. I will do them to the best of my ability, unless shown how to do them differently by my Dominant. My goal is to ultimately please my Dominant without having to think about the rules, get them ingrained in my mind, becoming second nature and finally my whole heart will only want to please and obey him.
photo credit by probondage2008
5 Ways to Recognize Topping from the Bottom
January 23, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under BDSM Basics
Topping from the bottom is a misunderstood term in BDSM, especially if you are a novice. The idea behind the term is to actually help submissives understand their role, and isn’t more than a faux paus. During interactions with your Dominant, it’s a lesson to know that you can’t control what is going on. Topping from the bottom is when you simultaneously adopt both roles. This could be in the form of giving commands, refusing requests or moving to control the location of impacts during play. Generally it is frowned upon to try to force the dominant’s hand to do something they do not wish to do.
1. You contradict the decision of your dominant.
If you try to change his or her mind about the decision they have made, without a valid reason, you are topping from the bottom. Examples could range from trying to convince them to use a different toy because you don’t like the one they are using, to asking them if they are sure they want to eat at Joe’s Restaurant when you really want to eat at Donna’s Cafe.
2. You ignore the request or command.
This one goes without saying, but pretending you didn’t hear the request and just to carry on doing what you want to do is not appropriate. Acknowledge the request as soon as possible and follow out the command as best you can. You can always go back to what you were doing afterward. The dominant is expecting your service at all times, not just when you want to give it. Topping from the bottom can be non-verbal.
3. You ask “What is in it for me if I do x y z?”
Submission isn’t about pleasing you directly. Being directed to do something from your Dominant is to please them, and as my Master always says, “Doing things for me should be your pleasure.” Conditional submission is topping from the bottom and should not exist, you either submit or you don’t. What you get in return is up to your Dominant. Negotiating this in the beginning of the relationship is critical.
4. You pull away from physical contact.
This is a tough one, but typically in a D/s relationship you have given over control of your body to your Dominant. This means that if they wish to touch you, that is their right. Telling them with physical withdrawal that you do not wish to be touched is trying to force their decision to touch you. Removing yourself from the situation is topping from the bottom. Learn to accept the attention, no matter what it is; it could develop into a wonderfully intimate time between the two of you.
5. You say “no”.*
As a submissive you may hang on to the right to say no, but if the Dominant gives you a reasonable request and it is within your negotiated terms to do, then you shouldn’t say no. Inconveniencing you isn’t a valid excuse. Neither is I don’t want to. Your Dominant has your better interests at heart, but also their desires. Perform the task and then feel good about it. What you just did may have enhanced your relationship, or you just refreshed their coffee. Either way, life is good.
* No is an important word in a D/s relationship, but one that shouldn’t be abused. Just like safewords, this word is only to be used in non-negotiated situations or when something needs to be cleared up first. Remember: use sparingly.
What do you think? Do you know ways to recognize topping from the bottom that aren’t on this list? Share them in the comments!
Discovering Your Submissive Nature
December 20, 2008 by lunaKM
Filed under Defining Submission, Mindset
Discovering your submissive nature isn’t always a sudden process. For many people it takes some soul searching to see that you may enjoy being a people-pleaser or that when someone asks you to do something you happily do it without a second thought. For others it takes some social reprogramming to allow your full nature to come out.
There are two identified forms of submission; natural and learned. Of these two it is more common to be a learned submissive. Natural submission is not just about always wanting to make someone happy, but the inner joy and peace that comes automatically without any training. For those submissives that have it naturally, serving a dominant becomes second nature quite easily.
Learned submission takes a lot more effort but is just as rewarding. It may begin with a small pang of happiness when you have done something that makes your dominant happy. As you continue to achieve that praise your mind begins to rewrite the social coding for serving. Once your behaviors have been changed by either training or self-taught behavior modification you can not tell a natural submissive apart from a learned submissive. The joy in serving is equal.
When Do You Learn
Learning you are submissive for most people is an acceptance of themselves. Societal behaviors have taught us from a young age that we should help ourselves first, and that helping others in a form of service is actually lower class. The natural progression for a person to realize they are submissive is that perhaps you have always enjoyed doing things for others without a return. The return was actually the feeling of fulfillment of your purpose. This likely didn’t have the term submissive attached to it until you were introduced to the lifestyle.
Since I am a learned submissive it actually took quite a while for me to see in myself that I had an inner peace when I helped others, or when I served my Owner. For many like me, it’s a slow learning process that only you can oversee. No one can make you submissive. It will be a struggle within yourself to break down barriers and relearn traits that you thought were not a part of you.
You can’t have anyone else tell you who you are. You have to take the time to discover it yourself. You can do that by reading more about submission, talking to elder, more experienced submissives or going through a self-training program like Miss Abernathy’s Concise Slave Training Manual, now in an Omnibus called Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus
Submissive Blossoming
Once you discover that you are submissive it is almost overwhelming what you can do with it. Being submissive is not limiting, but freeing. Now you can take your talents and help and serve others with it. Identifying your talents and strengths is just the first step. You then can study and improve yourself with items that focus your submission more so your partner will better benefit from your service.
Are you good at organization? Maybe cooking and baking makes you happy? What about personal safety or escort service? The activities you enjoy can now be a part of your service to a potential owner. Take a course to enhance your knowledge or buy some study manuals. Learning is never frowned upon in a submissive.
What about things you want to learn? Make a short list now of all the things you’d love to learn. Make a mark next to them if they would be considered a help to someone else. This could be massage, event planning, machinery, home repair, crafts, writing and beauty care to name a few. Anything can be a talent to bring to your service. The more services you know and hone to your best ability the more valuable you become to your Owner.
Bring Pride to Your Submission
Developing your personal pride in your submission provides a glow of happiness to your role, your heart and your relationship. Humbly allowing your joy in serving to radiate around you increases your personal worth and can cheer others. The passion for service is something rarely cultured enough to be of value in this materialistic, hurried world. Allow your fulfillment to drive you to do good for not only yourself, but others.
Your submissive nature is unique. No one submits in exactly the same way and it is impossible to really define submission in a general manner because of this. A habit of mine, and will continue though this site is that a submissive is one who serves, in any capacity desired. Slaves are also considered submissives with this definition. While it is discussed in many many places that slaves and submissives are separate, for the sake of discussion here I’d like to join the idea of service to both roles.
Allow you submissive nature to mold you and bring you happiness. It is the driving force in life.
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