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The Top 30 Posts of 2009
January 5, 2010 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
A year ago I started a small blog project called Submissive Guide. I wanted it to be an organized place where I could voice my opinions about submission, help novices discover who they are and explore BDSM through the written word. Since that time it has grown to so much more, including an e-book, a newsletter and video posts.
To celebrate one year of excellent writing I wanted to showcase the top 30 posts of 2009. I’ve noted in the link if the author was a guest post. Please take a look at what has had the most views since starting out one year ago. You may have missed a few gems!
- What is slave training?
- Rituals that Work
- 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions
- Best Submissive Blogslist
- The Difference Between Bottom, Masochist, Submissive and Slave
- 7 Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Submission
- Discovering Your Submissive Nature
- How to Beg When Asked
- Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
- A Great Example of a Slave’s Rosary
- Learning To Kneel (from 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions)
- The Importance of Rules
- Beginning Your Training Resume
- Dominance as a Slave Training Tool for Better Submission
- Caring For Yourself After a Scene: Self-Aftercare
- The BDSM Checklist That Will Really Help You
- Offering Your Body for Service (from 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions)
- What it Means to be an Owned Kajira by dina
- The Nitty Gritty of the BDSM Lifestyle
- 5 Ways to Recognize Topping from the Bottom
- Another 7 Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Submission
- Your Bathing Regime
- Where to Buy a Collar Online
- The Importance of Journaling Your Submission
- Pet Play and Human Pets Primer by skylerpet
- The Realities of Online Submission
- Two Dominants by Aria
- Submission By Choice: Learned Submission
- Sub Drop’s Emotional Side
- 10 Helpful Websites for the Busy Submissive
Here’s to another year of great content!
Why You Should Sign Up for the Submissive Guide Newsletter
November 27, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
The Submissive Guide Newsletter is your personal direct channel to what’s on my mind. It’s delivered every 2 weeks right to your inbox for you to read at your own leisure. You are missing out if you haven’t signed up. I’ve got so much more to tell you; and I’m doing it with the newsletter. In just 2 months over 100 people have signed up to get the best of Submissive Guide sent directly to them.
But what else do you get with your subscription?
- Unique, quality content delivered directly to your email!
- Essays and tips not available on the website!
- Some of the best essays from the site!
- Each newsletter is on a different topic, and you drive the suggestions for topics!
- Occasional updates about Submissive Guide!
- First chance at new promotions, contests, giveaways and new features!
And that’s not all….
When you subscribe now you will get my new report on Wants and Needs: Knowing what you need and expressing your desires absolutely free, just for signing up. The report is 18 pages of useful and quality information that every novice submissive could use.
photo by bravenewtraveler
Chat Night Transcript From What is Service Talk
October 15, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
lunaKM> So, first I’d like to get some impression about how new you are to submission. Could you please tell me how long you have been exploring submission and if you are in a relationship right now?
lunaKM> hello aquamuse
aquamuse> Hello, I’m new of course.
eagerslut> I am in a relationship and just recently discovered I am submissive and asked my master to teach me. Previously he had other subs
selene1123> i am currently in a 24/7 m/s relationship…have been exploring submission for about 6 months
aquamuse> I am in my first positive and healthy D/s relationship now with a man who is just discovering how much he likes it when I do what he asks.
aquamuse> about 6 months.
eagerslut> We always have had a sexual d/s relationship but 2 wks ago i discovered I wanted a 24/7
pleasure> i am in a 24/7 D/s relationship for over 6 years now…..i am 53 and in the lifestyle 6 1/2 years
bc26_2> i have only been doing this since march of this year and i am in a D/s relationship for that same amount of time
lunaKM> I’ve been living 24/7 for 5 years, just so you know ;)
pleasure> smiles
eagerslut> :O:
lunaKM> Ok, so we have a range of experience levels. thank you so much for sharing with me.
pleasure> it’s an ever evolving lifestyle and growth, no matter how long one has been in it
eagerslut> That is what I believe
lunaKM> Now, what do you think service is to you? No answer is wrong.
selene1123> To me, service is anything i physically do for Master’s purpose or enjoyment
aquamuse> I’m going to venture here and say service is being totally available, open and willing to comply. This assumes my basic needs are taken care of and put to the side for the time being.
eagerslut> Doing something for someone that would make them happy,even if you don’t feel like doing it. Giving your heart and soul to please that person
pleasure> nick/pleasure…….service/submission..is all the same to me…what ever makes my Sir life easier, happier…and i might add that i am actually more a slave
lunaKM> I’ve always believed that service is a part of my submission and what I give to my Master on a daily basis. Service is, to me, the activities that help the house run, our life be enjoyable and the basic needs met.
pleasure> yes exactly luna
eagerslut> That is very true
lunaKM> But I had someone explain to me yesterday on my recent post that they believe service is separate from submission
lunaKM> and I really like that explanation she gave too.
bc26_2> i agree with service being anything that makes the house run and enjoyable…even when my Mistress is not here
selene1123> i see service as the physical representation of my emotion submission
selene1123> *emotional
aquamuse> I like that selene1123
lunaKM> I’m going to quote it here… CarrieAnn said: To me, service and submission are different. Service is something I do because I’m required to or even want to but doesn’t necessarily require that I submit to anything or anyone. I can not have a submissive bone in my body and still serve. Submission is more direct; surrender to his will, submission to his dominance. The two often merge but are not always one and the same.
eagerslut> I like that too
bc26_2> oh i like that too
pleasure> yes i like that
eagerslut> I can see that point
lunaKM> So as you can see for some of us they are the same thing, but for others they are separate
lunaKM> Perhaps that is why I see people identify as service submissives?
eagerslut> As is everything in life we are all different and we interpret things differently,from our own background
eagerslut> I like that term
bc26_2> i feel that i am in service to many — myself, my Mistress, my daughter at some level…but i submit to only my Mistress
lunaKM> If we can agree that service is likely to be activities and not emotional in nature then perhaps we can come up with a list of things that are service?
aquamuse> I can agree with the definition.
eagerslut> I am a nurse so I feel I service others on a daily basis but I submit to my MAster .
bc26_2> i agree
lunaKM> alright so is my daily coffee preparation for my Master service or submission?
lunaKM> How about the daily chores?
pleasure> i am a nurse too,as like eager, i only submit to my Sir
eagerslut> C
selene1123> i would consider daily tasks or chores service
aquamuse> by definiton – these are examples of serice.
eagerslut> keeping the house clean
selene1123> but why you do it and how you do it is an aspect of submission
eagerslut> making sure my Masters children are taken care of
pleasure> laundry, making the bed..keeping the house clean is all service…
* lunaKM nods
lunaKM> Is sex a form of service?
eagerslut> BAking.massages,listening
aquamuse> baby making?
pleasure> my Sir has set in rules for a clean house
pleasure> yes i believe that would be a service aqua
selene1123> sex to me is a form of service
pleasure> i agree selene
eagerslut> Yes I think sex is a form of service,but I love it so much it definitely isn’t a chore
pleasure> no chore here either lol
aquamuse> hehe
lunaKM> Are all things service related as chores though?
pleasure> service doesn’t have to be something enjoyed
lunaKM> I’d think that there are some things you do that you enjoy just as much as sex as service.
aquamuse> I have things like workouts and keeping a calendar updated – are these service by our definition?
pleasure> no i don’t think all things service related are chores
eagerslut> I hate to cook but I do it because my Master loves it when I do. He generally does most of the cooking but I know he is very pleased when I do
lunaKM> I believe so aqua
selene1123> service itself is enjoyable to me…even if the act i am performing may not be
lunaKM> For me that’s hard to get in touch with selene1123. I’m quite expressive in my face and even if I try not to show my displeasure at a task he tends to figure it out.
bc26_2> i agree with you selene
pleasure> yes but you are still serving luna
aquamuse> me too selene1123
lunaKM> heh, I hear that a lot from him also :P
eagerslut> I do also
lunaKM> Next thought…. do all submissives serve and do all that serve submit?
pleasure> no
eagerslut> No
aquamuse> no
bc26_2> no
lunaKM> In what way can we describe the separation?
pleasure> it’s clearly upon each individual and the circumstances of the relationship
eagerslut> I think they are interchangable
pleasure> i don’t think there is line to divide the two….they do intertwine at times for many of us
selene1123> some may serve out of necessity or arrangement (like a stay-at-home mother or father) but that doesn’t mean they are submitting
pleasure> very true
eagerslut> Yes I agree
pleasure> to submit for me is doing something i detest….and yet serving
pleasure> does that make sense ?
lunaKM> Why do you think service is held in such a high place when Dominants talk about what they would like in a partner?
lunaKM> It does pleasure.
eagerslut> I think serving is a task you can do for anyone and submission is giving your being over to your Master.
eagerslut> To establish routines
pleasure> first of all….Dominates…are predominately Male….and have different ideas and thoughts as to what serving is…it’s what and how They define it
aquamuse> I know my Lover simply enjoys the idea that I obey him in simple requests. I think the power of that has suprised him.
eagerslut> To esatblish who is in control
selene1123> i agree with eagerslut – to emphasize who has the reins in the relationship
aquamuse> I agree too with eagerslut
lunaKM> I think that since service is what they can see immediately as a result of their dominance that they tend to place that a bit higher in importance
lunaKM> submission may not be immediate, but you can serve
eagerslut> Yes how true
pleasure> yes
aquamuse> that idea works for me luna.
selene1123> i can see that
pleasure> there are those that identify as bottoms..they serve..but don’t submit
lunaKM> So is the desire to serve natural or something learned?
eagerslut> Both
aquamuse> for me it seems to be natural.
pleasure> one can only answer for themselves….for me it natural…and yet i feel it can be learned
eagerslut> Some come by it naturally but anyone can learn to serve if they desire
lunaKM> it’s completely learned for me. and it’s not coming easy, that’s for sure
bc26_2> it depends – it is natural for me
aquamuse> I read your bio today.
lunaKM> which one aquamuse?
selene1123> yes, it depends on the person…i’ve always felt the need to serve, though i never really had an outlet before Master
eagerslut> I am a mixture. I have some inherent ability to serve but I can be very selfish at times
aquamuse> Luna.
lunaKM> Oh I meant which site did you read it on
eagerslut> I agree with selene
pleasure> i am a nurse..to serve is natural….
aquamuse> Yours Luna, you mentioned that the whole submissive thing was contrary to your persona? I hope I got that right?
lunaKM> yeah, I’ve had to do some rewiring. It goes opposite to how I was raised.
lunaKM> I get the greatest thrill though when I do something in full submission mode though.
aquamuse> on the Submissive Guide
lunaKM> Which is probably why I’ve stuck with it.
eagerslut> i always thought taht being liberated and independent I couldn’t be submissive but I have found that since I have given myself over to it I am more liberated
lunaKM> There were a good 6 months I considered going Domme. ;)
pleasure> i lived in a marriage of 23 yrs, and didn’t realize till after my divorce that he was controlling..not Dominate ..there is a difference..and to the way one submits to each
bc26_2> can you describe what you mean by full submission mode
aquamuse> * smiles*
pleasure> you are free now to be who you really are inside
eagerslut> Yes controlling is different My first husband was a controller
selene1123> i agree eagerslut…Master likes to make fun of the fact that i am a feminist submissive
lunaKM> full submission mode for me is when I’m given a task and as I’m performing it, no matter what that is, I feel a peace, like all the pieces fit just right, a perfection at my choices in life.
lunaKM> I’d like to attain that as permanently as possible, but right now it’s just fits and starts.
eagerslut> You explained that beautifully
eagerslut> I will strive for that
bc26_2> nice
lunaKM> I get like a buzzing in my head almost when I get there, and my heart swells in my chest. It’s grand.
aquamuse> I wan’t that too.
pleasure> good way to explain it luna……for myself, luna, i call that “focus”
lunaKM> yeah, it is a focus, sure!
selene1123> to me, it’s a moment of perfect connection with Master
pleasure> smiles
eagerslut> :)
lunaKM> Do any of you provide any unique service to your Dominant?
eagerslut> I remodeled his home,laid tile
pleasure> well….grins ..everything from toweling Him dry after a shower..to tying of His shoes
bc26_2> wow – you go
eagerslut> Had to go to Home depot to learn that
pleasure> Dom Depot lol
eagerslut> ;)
lunaKM> Master loans me out to the BDSM communities around us when calls for volunteers are needed for events. I’ve folded pamphlets to checking people in at the door and serving as hostess.
lunaKM> He’s not as … outgoing as I am… so he says I go in his place :P
selene1123> i act as His personal assistant…He hates writing, remembering appts, anything like that so i kinda “manage” things for Him
lunaKM> I am also Master’s chauffeur. He never drives
eagerslut> I get him out of the house to exercise he hates to get going but enjoys it once he does
eagerslut> Mine hates to drive also
* lunaKM chuckles I wish I could do that for my Owner. He just says watching me is enough workout.
pleasure> we mentor others in the lifestyle..and i have given classes as other Doms request Their subs/slaves need training in areas of service that the Dom is not able to do
pleasure> (at)
lunaKM> I suppose Submissive Guide is a service I provide too
pleasure> oh yes luna !! smiles
eagerslut> Yes it helps me
pleasure> a service to all that reads it
aquamuse> Good service!
selene1123> very informative for the new slave!
bc26_2> agreed
pleasure> being in the lifestyle for over 6 years now, but i am still a child learning my way
lunaKM> Like eagerslut said, she had to learn something in order to serve in a way or another. What have you went out to learn so that you could serve better?
pleasure> i took geisha classes ! lol
eagerslut> I love to learn and feel like I would wither away if I am not learning
lunaKM> what are geisha classes like?
pleasure> learn grace, pose …..
eagerslut> Oh I would love to do a geisha class
bc26_2> i am putting together a list for my Mistress now on things I need to learn
aquamuse> I learned the theory’s of lifting weights and started workout out.
lunaKM> oh lordy, Master would so have me in a grace and poise class in a
heartbeat.
bc26_2> lol
pleasure> it was fantastic….a part of me woke up, literally…..seeing His eyes the first time i walked in the room with out plunking down on the floor at His feet lol
eagerslut> I love the grace of a geisha. my Master lived in Okinawa and he is into that
selene1123> Master has discussed sending me to geisha classes, but the closest ones are almost 6 hours away :(
eagerslut> :(
lunaKM> awesome I doubt there are any around me, but I’m sure I can find some reference materials online ;)
aquamuse> I read that book about Gehsha. Loved it!
pleasure> google it selene…there are online sites that have wonderful tips, ect
eagerslut> I’ll do that also
aquamuse> I believe beauty is a service.
eagerslut> I have been practicing yoga and getting into position gracefully
pleasure> i may be in jeans and t-shirt one day , dirty in garden dust….but i have a feeling..of being sexy…
pleasure> oh yes i agree aqua
selene1123> definitely aqua
eagerslut> I feel sexy when I think of my Master
pleasure> taking pride in your appearance
lunaKM> Alright, anything else you’d like to cover about service?
bc26_2> yes, taking pride in appearance
eagerslut> Appearance is very important
eagerslut> I love shaving and getting ready to see him
eagerslut> He loves for me to wear dresses and heels.The heels are definately a service
selene1123> haha, my Master is the opposite
pleasure> i shave daily, sometimes twice if we are having company, for a teaching session for others ….shaving is a daily service for many subs/slaves
selene1123> i wear dresses and heels all the tim, so He likes me to wear jeans and sneakers
pleasure> your behavior…just as appearance reflects service….and it reflects back to Your Dom/Master
eagerslut> Yes my Master has already informed me of that. To speak succinctly when asked a question and to think before I speak
pleasure> yes and in a quiet tone…..
pleasure> in geisha training, words are not needed
pleasure> it’s your body that speaks for you
pleasure> the way you move….kneeling down to tie His shoe, He knows i have arthritis in both knees..that is service though painful for me
eagerslut> true
lunaKM> Well ladies that is all I have for tonight. I can stay for another half hour to chat so I’m going to open the floor for free chat if anyone would like to stay.
eagerslut> I’m going to have to get a geisha outfit now
bc26_2> thank you very much for the chat luna
eagerslut> That you for your insight luna
aquamuse> Thank you luna.
Also might interest you
Help Submissive Guide Raise $1000 for NLA-I DVP for National Domestic Violence Awareness Month
October 2, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under BDSM Basics
It’s important to have a cause you believe in, for me it’s the National Leather Association-International Domestic Violence Project. Their cause to bring awareness of the differences in BDSM and abuse as well to help victims of domestic violence in BDSM-related relationships find assistance and get help really provide a service that you can’t get anywhere else. That’s why I’m setting up this blog as a charity fundraiser for the month of October.
In just a moment I’m going to tell you how you can donate to the NLA-I DVP but let’s first get to know the charity I stand behind and want you to support as well.
- Every year the NLA-I DVP provides workshops for individuals and kink-associated groups on the difference between BDSM and abuse as well as its related topics.
- They provide training, pamphlets, or other NLA-I DVP related materials to domestic violence agencies and services at the state, national, and international levels when it is necessary to improve or educate services and agencies about the BDSM/Kink/Leather communities.
- NLA-I DVP also produces a quarterly newsletter with information on resources, NLA-I DVP updates, and other related domestic violence information.
- Maintains a resource directory for individuals looking for help and assistance as well as agencies that are looking for resources to help them work with the kink community in situations of domestic violence.
Why should you consider donating to NLA-I DVP?
The charity runs on a volunteer basis and without donations by people like you they can not fund the work that they do. If in an unfortunate situation, you have need of their aid, I want to help make sure they can provide that for you.
Now, how can you help me help them?
I’m trying to raise at least $1000 this month for NLA-I DVP. No amount is too small. I will be using ChipIn.com to help manage the money raising. This means that money goes directly to the charity and does not go through me or someone else. I can also track how much money has been raised.
If you want to place a widget on your website like the one below that is connected to the fund raising, click on the COPY tab in the blue widget box to grab the code. Spread the word about this charity event and give to a good cause.
Added Bonuses
If the very cause isn’t enough for you, I’ve got an added bonus. For every $10 donated, I will put your name in a drawing for a $100 gift certificate from JT’s Stockroom. This drawing will take place November 4th. The more you donate, the more chances you have to win.
Can’t Donate but want to help?
Do you have a blog or website? For every post you make about the charity fundraiser, or if you want to put the widget on your site during the month of October I will submit your name into another drawing for a $25 gift certificate to Amazon.com. Send me an email if you have posted it on your website please (subguide@gmail.com).
I also have banners, if you want to use one of those. Please link back to THIS POST.
<a href=”http://www.submissiveguide.com/2009/10/submissive-guide-raise-1000-nlai-dvp-national-domestic-violence-awareness-month/”><img src=”http://www.submissiveguide.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/NLA-I-DVP-Banner-ALTERNATE.jpg” /></a>
<a href=”http://www.submissiveguide.com/2009/10/submissive-guide-raise-1000-nlai-dvp-national-domestic-violence-awareness-month/”><img src=”http://www.submissiveguide.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/NLA-I-DVP-125X125-Banner.jpg” /></a>
Do you use Twitter? Every day you tweet about the fundraiser will give you one entrance into the $25 gift certificate giveaway from Amazon.com. Please tweet the following text to be considered.
Donate $10 to NLA-I DVP for chance to win $100 gift certificate to JT’s Stockroom! #nlaidvp
http://tinyurl.com/qnu6bf
Give to a good cause today!
Donate Now!
Here’s Looking At You
September 13, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Webmaster Notes
This week I’m going to take it easy. I was so very sick last week that I had to postpone any writing because I just couldn’t put my words together into sentences. That means that this week’s posts aren’t written. I had the worst chest cold or bronchitis or something but holy cow did it knock me on my butt. I’m still feeling icky but it’s getting better so next week aught to go off without a hitch.
Anyway… have you ever wanted to write for Submissive Guide?
This is your chance! If you have ever had something to say or an opinion to share, this is the week you can do it! I’m taking anything you have. There are no word requirements, no topic limitations, nothing special to limit you.You can tell me how much you like or hate the site, you can comment on a post you read here or elsewhere. You can submit your best blog post to me (no scening or sex please). It’s a free for all!
Please keep in mind that this is an educational site when you submit your work, I’d like to keep it from getting pornographic or erotic.
Anyone want to do a review of the Wants and Needs ebook from the Newsletter subscription?
Submit it to me via email (subguide@gmail.com) and I will post it just as soon as I see it.
This is open for the week of 9/14/09 only! So, what do you have to say?
–luna
PS: If I don’t get any submissions it’s going to be a pretty quiet week here, so let’s hear from you!
Would you like to get a topical newsletter sent directly to your email on a regular basis?
September 12, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Webmaster Notes
Submissive Guide now has a bi-weekly newsletter that can help you improve submission and explore BDSM, just like the website. Why subscribe to the newsletter?
- Unique, quality content delivered directly to your email!
- Essays and tips not available on the website!
- Each newsletter is on a different topic, and you drive the suggestions for topics!
- Occasional updates about Submissive Guide!
- First chance at new promotions, contests, giveaways and new features!
And that’s not all….
When you subscribe now you will get my new report on Wants and Needs: Knowing what you need and expressing your desires absolutely free, just for signing up. The report is 18 pages of useful and quality information that every novice submissive could use.
Newsletter
September 3, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Defining Submission
Comments Off
Would you like to get a topical newsletter sent directly to your email on a regular basis?
Submissive Guide now has a bi-monthly newsletter that can help you improve submission and explore BDSM, just like the website. Why subscribe to the newsletter?
- Unique, quality content delivered directly to your email!
- Essays and tips not available on the website! (Essays posted on the site 6 months after they are sent in a newsletter)
- Some of the best essays from the site!
- Each newsletter is on a different topic, and you drive the suggestions for topics!
- Occasional updates about Submissive Guide!
- First chance at new promotions, contests, giveaways and new features!
And that’s not all….
When you subscribe now you will get my new report on Wants and Needs: Knowing what you need and expressing your desires absolutely free, just for signing up. The report is 18 pages of useful and quality information that every novice submissive could use.
Nonverbal Ways to Safeword
September 2, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under BDSM Basics
At the beginning of this blog I wrote about safewords. Just a reminder that a safeword is a signal that ends BDSM play and usually negotiated before play. It’s an excellent starting point but I left a part of it out. There will be occasions during BDSM play where you will be unable to speak. In these cases it is nice to have a backup signal to slow or stop the play. Many of these times you are tied up, gagged or otherwise unable to vocalize. When you can’t talk you need a safe object.
When the time comes that you may need a way out of a scene then these can be some useful signals.
- Hold a set of keys or other noisy item in your hand to drop when needed.
- A dog trainer’s clicker to raise an alarm.
- Hand signals.
- Making three clear and rhythmic grunts as a pre-defined signal to stop.
- Top places finger in bottom’s hand; squeeze to check in with an ‘OK’.
- Something easily visible in low light, glow sticks work well.
What else can we add to this list?
You might also be interested in
Simple Service Newsletter from February 2006
Included in this edition:
- When You Say Nothing At All – Nonverbal Communication in the Scene by seri
- My Little Sister Wants a Slave by Mistress Grace
- Hope’s journal
- Ritual of the Pipe by izzy
- Service in Daddy Moments by Sean-Michael
- Traveling with Master by Elegant
- Brighten your World? Clean your Windows! by sweetkahi
- Our Readers Write!
Freebies
September 1, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Defining Submission
Comments Off
Here at Submissive Guide I try to provide a lot of information for free so that you can learn and grow at your own pace. The products I provide here are quality ebooks and reports on specific topics that have importance to a novice and experienced submissive alike.
Newsletter
As of September 2009, I started a topic-based newsletter sent out once every few weeks to focus on types of service and submission. These are sent directly to your email when they are produced. If you sign up now, you will get my free ebook on Wants and Needs.
E-Books
(no e-books are available yet)
Simply Service Newsletter
A fantastic once monthly newsletter (now inactive). I store all of the archives here on Submissive Guide. There is some wonderful service related articles!
Online Finds
Wonderful resources available for download. This list is always changing, check back often!
View the current list of Online Finds!
Add Your Reading List to Your Training Resume
August 12, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Training Resume
Since the beginning of Submissive Guide I have been writing essays to help you build your service/submissive/slave resume. This is the living document of your experience and training on different tasks and a variety of relationships. If you are interested in reading the previous posts about the Training Resume I suggest you start at the topic index.
Today we are going to compile a list of the books you have read during your service that are a part of your growth and learning. The importance of this list is not only to show a potential Dominant that you are well read, but that you have a personal desire to work on improving yourself, learning a wide range of viewpoints and opinions and learn about BDSM activities of all sorts.
Gather Your Books
Pull together all the books you’ve read on BDSM, specific service items and other self help resources that you have read completely. These books can be basic relationship self help, etiquette, green cleaning and simple living, How-to books, and so much more. Let your mind explore your entire library and figure out how that could apply to a BDSM service relationship. You might be surprised.
Magazines and Newspapers
Although a bit more rare or pricey, you can find excellent magazines and even newspaper articles that might help you with building a reference library for your service experience and development as a person. Perhaps you have a subscription to a gardening magazine, home repair or fine dining journal. These things can be wonderful resources for your service life. Be creative and look for learning opportunities everywhere you go.
Online Sources
Don’t forget online newsletters and blogs that you are subscribed to! Even SubmissiveGuide.com can be a great resource to list on your reading list if you read it regularly and learn from it. Make note of the posts or articles that you enjoyed the most and the URL if there is one.
General Essay websites are great too, but make sure you keep a list of articles that you have read on each one so that it isn’t assumed that you have read the entire site.
How to Make the List
For books, make a list of the titles, authors, publication dates and a synopsis of the book. Online resources need to have the name of the site, the URL, the date you last accessed it and the site owner with a way to contact them if you can find one. You can also spend time writing personal reviews of the book or essay with what you took from it and made your own.
For example, I just read SlaveCraft and reviewed it on this blog. I can add that book to my service resume in the Reading List area. My entry would look something like this:
SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude, principles, skills and tools by a grateful slave with Guy Baldwin, M.S.
Daedalus Publishing Company (April 2002)
The author writes for the submissive or slave who may already have experience and thus understand the skills and tools that will help deepen their surrender. His four principles that he describes in detail are Identity, Obedience, Transparency and Humility. Each one is artfully discussed so that while you may be walking in his world of surrender you can apply them to your own service quite easily.
Making this list now will help you in the future too when you try to remember where you read that fantastic book or essay that you’d like to refer to, or share with a friend. The importance of a list like this can help you in more ways that just your resume.
What else would you list on your reading list? Would it be beneficial to list books and articles that you want to read in the future or have an interest in?
Submissive Guide Town Hall Meeting
July 30, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Webmaster Notes
Submissive Guide is just over 7 months old now and with a decent number of well received posts I’d like to get your feedback as to where Submissive Guide is going. Let me go through what I’ve seen happen on the site and what I’m working on for the future. I want your input too, so please leave me a comment or drop me an email with your thoughts. I’d love to hear them, good or bad.
Growth
Since Submissive Guide began on the 2nd of January this year I have had over 100,000 visits. This is mostly all organic growth. That means you are finding me through search engines the most. I have a lot of blogs linking to me as well and I’m so grateful for your faith in my writing. I don’t pay for advertising anywhere else right now and don’t see a need to do that for future growth. Just spread the word when you can and I will be happy.
As far as the advertising on this site, all of the current banner ads are affiliates. This means that I get a small kickback when you purchase items from them. I have one paying ad as a text link in the right sidebar. If you are interested in purchasing some ad space I’d be happy to talk to you. You can stop by my advertising page and contact me from there. I have made a small amount of money from Amazon Affiliates and all the income from there has gone to purchasing the books that I do reviews on the site with. I plan to continue doing this with Amazon income for the foreseeable future.
Submissive Guide is an income venture and I do hope to make money from this site at some point. My hope is to provide you with e-books and workbooks to help you improve your submission in some way. These would be economically priced and I will make sure that they are worth the cost to you. My first workbook currently in the works is an expanded version of the Submissive Positions series I posted at the end of April and into May. I’m working with a Yoga instructor to provide you with stretching exercises and alterations to the positions so that you can work into them and improve your flexibility and stamina. There will also be lovely pictures of the positions! Stay tuned as I work on this throughout the summer.
Coaching in the Works
I am also developing a submissive life coach business to co-live with Submissive Guide, the site. I will be personally coaching you to reach your goals through email, chat sessions and phone conferencing. This could also lead to training courses and group classes to help reach your goals and discover the stumbling blocks keeping you from reaching your goals. This is still quite a ways away, as there is a lot of business red tape and personal planning I have to get through to make sure I do things right. I am very excited about being able to get to know you better though coaching!
Features on this Site
I have a few reoccurring features on this site that I’d like to draw your attention to. Every month I have a Roundtable discussion that is meant as a way to teach me about a topic I don’t know a lot about. The past few have been about polyamory and open relationships, and shaving. I love the information we have collected on these topics and am happy with the participation I get. Do you like the Roundtable Discussions? Let me know!
Every month I also have a book review of a book about submission or BDSM. I try to give an honest review of the book as well as referencing it to submission and what may help you improve and empower yourself. What books would you like to see reviewed? Do you like these? Would you like to see more?
The resources area has a lot of wonderful things to explore. I have a BDSM bookshelf, a link to the Submissive Journal Prompts site, links area, submissive groups around the web and the Simply Service newsletter archive. If you have a resource you think should be included I want to know about it!
The frequency of posts may decline as the demand for my time spreads out to other areas. I do intend to not go below 3 times a week and will post more frenquently if I have guest posts to share with you. I never imagined this site would do so well in such a short amount of time, but I’m finding that to be fulfilling as well.
Share Your Experiences
I am always looking for guest posts on a numerous variety of topics. I’d welcome anyone’s essays to share here on Submissive Guide. I have a page that details what I expect from the essay which you can find here. I’m grateful to those that have donated time and writing for this site so far and look forward to working with many more of you in the future.
Here’s some of what I’m looking for:
- How to reprogram yourself to come once the Come on Command relationship is over.
- When you owner controls all of the money, how to adjust, adapt and live that way.
- BDSM with kids around. Anything and everything to do with this topic.
- Sexual submissive topics (great sex tips for example)
- Exerpertise in BDSM activities from the bottom point of view, select one activity per post.
- BDSM fiction and non-fiction book reviews
- Posts from the male submissive point of view; any topics welcome
- Anything else?
Paid Posts
I offer paid posts from people that have qualification and certification in the field they wish to write about. These posts range from $10-50 depending on the helpfulness, depth and other factors to be discussed.
I’m currently looking for:
- Certified and licensed massage therapist to write a series of posts about various massage techniques.
- General Practice Doctor to write about health and medical related issues where BDSM is concerned.
- Established BDSM speakers and presenters to write about various topics. (You must have a website that identifies you as a regional or national BDSM presenter.)
- Ordained pastor or minister to discuss religion, spirituality and it’s connection with submission in all forms.
If you are interested, please contact me.
How to Get Updates
Now, I’m sure many of you get Submissive Guide sent to your email or favorite RSS reader but are you aware there are other ways you can get updates? Submissive Guide has a twitter acount that I post new posts as well as recommended reading, quotes, questions and tips that I’ve collected. If you are on twitter, please follow subguide! If you are on Youtube you can get notices about the video posts one day before they are released here on the blog. I’ve also created a group on FetLife for Submissive Guide so that you can continue the conversation there if you are already active on Fetlife. Lastly, if you have a Kindle you can now get Submissive Guide sent to you that way for only $0.99 a month. I didn’t set the price, Amazon did. If I could, it would be free too. I get a tiny amount of the monthly fee you pay and that will go towards server upkeep.
Let Your Voice Be Heard!
I want you to voice your thoughts on Submissive Guide. What do you like? What don’t you like? Where can I improve? What topics are lacking? Express it all.
photo by rick
Can I Be Abused in a BDSM Relationship?
June 2, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under BDSM Basics, Safety, Video Posts
This week’s video post is about BDSM vs. Abuse.
A BDSM relationship, especially one with sadomasochistic moments, is subject to questions all the time about it’s proximity to abuse. It is not uncommon to have people unfamiliar with BDSM to say that what we do is abuse and violence; we see it all the time portrayed incorrectly in the media. Others associate criminal sadists with the BDSM scene, again something we have to struggle against.
A healthy BDSM relationship is one where people exchange power, sensations or experiences in a consensual, mutually fullfilling way. These exchanges increase self-esteem and all parties are are actively invested in the well-being of their partners and themselves.
The core of BDSM is consent. No one will disagree with this. We are all aware, hopefully, that abuse is not consensual. If you feel that what is going on is ‘not right’ then you certainly should investigate if it is abuse or not. Some of what you may feel could not be abuse at all, but it’s good to know for sure. The harm associated with abuse can be physical, emotional, mental, sexual, social or economic. Here are some thoughts on whether the BDSM relationship you are in might be abusive from The National Leather Association-International Domestic Violence Project.
- Abuser may coerce or force a victim into agreements without their full informed consent, especially long-term contracts with newcomers.
- Abuser may manipulate a victim into financial or emotional dependence without taking precautions should conflict occur or the need to leave arise.
- Abuser may exert non-consensual control, dominance or abuse of a partners children or make demands that go against maternal or paternal responsibilities. (I.E. Restricting access to children as punishment.)
- Abuser may use threats of abandonment or loss of current5 contract if new demands are not met.
- Abuser may force victim to do things alone, together or with others in ways that violate or compromise previous negotiations.
- Abuser may use name calling, mind games, denial of human necessities like food, water, shelter as needed, health care and so forth, especially in ways that reduce a victim’s self-esteem.
- Abuser may threaten to expose victim or your lifestyle to ‘vanilla’ co-workers, family members, or children.
- Abuser may initiate inappropriate or harmful punishments or withhold appreciation or affection as punishment.
- Abuser may deny a behavior is abusive and/or may minimize abuse. The abuser may also accuse you of making abuse up, not being submissive/Dominant enough, and so forth.
Trust your instincts. If you feel in danger, make a plan to get out.
You might also be interested in
Simply Service Newsletter from November 2005
Included in this edition:
- My Journey by slavedebbie
- Community Unity by Master Kalan
- Declutter 101 by Tante Jen
- Metamorphosis by slave a
- Naturally Polyamourous by Mistress Pamela
- Essay by E Missy Hall
- Intimate Partner Abuse in the BDSM Lifestyle by sequi
What Is Slave Training?
February 24, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Service, Video Posts
In this week’s video tip I talk about what training is to a submissive and the value it has to a D/s relationship.
When someone thinks of slave training, what is the first thing that pops into your mind? Is it a submissive on their knees going through the paces that their Dominant puts them? Is it Gorean-style positions and changes in speech?
What would you say if I told you that training is everything that you do for your Dominant when directed to do so in a certain manner? Take a basic request of making coffee or tea. If you are told the specific way your Dominant takes their coffee or tea and then proceed to do that every time it is requested you are being trained to make his or her coffee or tea. This is training.
The term training can also be used for the time period where you learn the protocol of a new environment. Much like your orientation period at a new job (which is likely also called training), you learn what is acceptable and expected of you during your work hours.
Training can come in all forms. Some Dominants go through steps to teach their submissive proper protocol within the home and the rules of the house. Other Dominants give their submissive rules that they have to learn and then use a punishment and reward system to instill them.
There is a really big hype about training when there doesn’t need to be. Every single behavior change or attitude change is part of your training. I bet that there are things that your Dominant would consider training that you don’t. Are there actions or activities you do that are now a habit that wasn’t before? Can that be attributed to training?
The important thing to remember with slave training is that is it an agreed upon change or set of changes that the submissive undergoes to improve themselves for their Dominant or themselves. You do not have to be in a relationship to undergo training. You just have to have a desire to better yourself.
As a follow up to this post I wrote “Dominance as a Slave Training Tool to Better Submission.”
Also Available
Simply Service Newsletter May 2008
Inside this edition:
- Is Slavery Real? by Darren
- Productivity Tools
- Training Outside of the Box by Bootpig
- porkchops Rules of Bedding: Inside Info from a Retail Whore
Books That Might Interest You
Master Nage’s Guide to Training Consensual Slaves
Protocols: Handbook for the female slave
Simply Service
February 20, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Defining Submission
A once-a-month newsletter/e-zine written for service oriented people, by service oriented people in M/s, D/s or Leather relationships.
| About the Editor |
| Linda “BootPig” Hall is a former Ms. Olympus Leather, President and Secretary of the Phoenix boys of Leather. She teaches on service -related topics, and in conjunction with Whipmaster Bob Clark on SM topics at events all over the country.You can contact her through email at: wmb.bootpig@gmail.com |
Current contributors are all slave or submissive identified, and in real time relationships where obedience and service are necessary, valued skills, achieved over time. I have been fortunate enough to meet these lovely people all over the country, and have delighted in great conversations, where we sometimes agree, and sometimes disagree, but are bound by a mutual respect of each other’s choices. Occasionally, words from the “other side” might be included as well, as many perspectives will be represented.
Many current contributors are active in their own local leather communities, as well as maintaining relationships, homes, jobs and more. We know it can be a balancing act. We know it isn’t pretty all the time. We’ll be sharing our stories, tricks, tips, lessons learned (easy and hard), mistakes, and human foibles.
Every possible relationship combination will be represented, as this is about service, and can transcend gender and role orientations. Contributors are encouraged to write about issues they are currently facing, and as such each issue may go in a number of directions. The thought of “theming” issues has arisen, and is on hold at this time to allow for freedom of expression and creativity as this project finds a niche of its own. Philosophy, skill training, methods, and more may be examined.
Simply Service Groups on the Web
Yahoo Group: Simply Service
FetLife Group: Simply Service
Contributions will be accepted and reviewed on a per submission basis for addition into a future issue. Please include a bio, and any references you have and send submissions to msolympusleather2003@cox.net.
To view these newsletters you must have the free Adobe Reader or another PDF reader. Here’s where you can get it! Download Adobe Reader
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