Service With Grace

If you’ve been following Submissive Guide on twitter for any length of time you will notice an interesting blog that I have updates sent to twitter. This blog is one of distinction because it is written to aid the domestic and service oriented submissive with tasks around the house and within themselves. The blog I’m talking about is Service Savoir Faire.

Service Savoir Faire is written by namaste a service slave from Texas with a real ability to  express herself. The blog has some wonderful regular features that I’d like to highlight.

Service Book of Days

Every Monday, namaste posts the same 15 questions with personal answers and encourages others to do the same on their blog. It’s a beautiful way to focus your submissive energy and organize your thoughts on what should be done and where your mind is at. I have yet to do this task on my own for my personal blog, but I do intend to get going on it real soon. What a simple way to focus!

Friday Finds

Most Fridays, she shares with us things that might be useful for our service from all over the internet. There have been some spectacular websites recently that have helped me out with organization and cleaning and creative energy.

Menus for the Seasons

There is a numerous amount of menus with recipes for the current season. I’m sure she will be starting on the Fall menus soon and I’m looking forward to some delicious new meals to plan into my cooking repertoire.  Summer menus were full of fresh, healthy and light cooking that would bring the joy of summer into any home.

Butler’s Book Series

I’ve always wanted to know what a butler’s book is, and while I was under the assumption that it was a list of guests with their preferences documented so that whenever they showed up you could provide them their favorites and surprise them. In fact it is that and more. It’s a household manual where you document and keep all the home care processes together in one place. You can read all about the Butler’s Book series HERE.

Today’s Mantra

On the sidebar, namaste updates a quote or saying and then her reflection on it in Today’s Mantra. I find it a beautiful testament to her abilities and dedication to service. I’m sure you will enjoy it as well.

I encourage you all to visit and bookmark the site for reading, making sure you visit often. It’s a pearl of a find and one that shouldn’t be left in the deep expanse of the internet. She also runs a Yahoo group on service, which you can find at Service Excellence.

When You Can’t Get Away: Follow Up to Submissive PMS

In a recent video post about Submissive PMS I had someone email me with some questions that I thought deserved a new post. If you haven’t seen the video or attached post, please go to the article and read it first!

Now on to his questions:

1. What’s a subbie to do when, for whatever reason, he or she cannot get away? What about the use of corporal discipline to help put the sub in his or her place?

Sure there will always be times when a submissive is not able to get away to refocus for a number of reasons. In this case, I am a firm believer of a mantra or meditation. It can be said aloud or internally no matter where you are. You may even be able to close your eyes and focus on your breathing to really center yourself. This works wonderfully if you only have a few moments in which to reset your mind and continue.

It will not work all the time; it’s just a matter of being human that sometimes for whatever reason, you are moody or grouchy and inheriently disobedient. When you realize this might be the case; informing your Dominant is the best course of action. Sure it could get you in trouble if you do disobey, but at least they will be equiped with some of the reason behind it.

Another way to try to refocus or at least not snap at your Dominant is the famous count to 5 trick. It really does work. I kinda like to count backward from 10. I feel centered and focused when through that bit of meditation.

About corporal punishment… it’s an okay idea, but then that puts the responsibility into the Dominant’s hand to try to correct your own problem of lack of focus. What is really going on when this happens is the Dominant is facilitating your need to refocus with a meditation or other separation from the event by giving you pain to do so. In essense the Dominant is creating the recentering time you need.  I’d like to focus in this blog about how we can help ourselves become better human beings that happen to be submissive and ‘making’ the Dominant correct our mood is in that vein.

The other concern is that it doesn’t work all the time. What if your mood is just so off kilter that your act worse after the punishment. In this case the Dominants attempt at correction pushed your further away from center and you will most likely find it harder to refocus after that. It becomes a steep downward slope.

2. I have a feeling that, unless they enjoy feminization, male subs might not exactly take ownership of the term submissive PMS. Any ideas on a term for males? It might not be as cute, but something like “sub glitch”?

Oh I’m sure we can come up with a term that male submissives could embrace that means the same thing. So, dear reader, what ideas do you have to replace PMS with something more masculine centric? I’d love to see what you come up with in the comments!

7 Things You Can Do Today to Impove Your Submission

A question I see asked all the time is “how can I be a better submissive?” Here are a few things you can do to make your submission and service better without a lot of work.

1. Move with purpose. If you have been asked to fetch something or approach your Dominant, be precise in your moments, allow your natural grace out. You can be fast and still be beautiful to watch. Be mindful of your moments, remove the fidgeting, check your posture and enhance your natural body movements. If you naturally sway, make it slow and sultry. If you have a dance in your step, don’t try to force it out.

2. Think before you speak. Filling your speech with ums and ahs is not only annoying but a sign of disorder. Show your Dominant that you appreciate the ability to speak or that you care about how you sound by making sure you know what you want to say before you say it. If you don’t know what to say, express that you need a moment to collect your thoughts, your Dominant should appreciate your attention and care to being open and honest about your preparedness for the conversation.

3. Enhance a basic service. I use the coffee service a lot around here, but it really does help to explain a lot of different things. I have taken the basic serve of his coffee and added a piece to it that he appreciates. I announce his coffee when I arrive with it. I place it where he requires it and say, ‘Your coffee Master.’ Something as simple as  slowing your steps like you see in a Japanese Tea Ceremony can be an enhancement that improves your submission.

4. Learn a new skill. There is never a moment that a submissive should stop learning. Picking up talents and skills to better please your Dominant should be one of your basic tasks. This can be cooking a special recipe, a sexual technique or playing chess.

5. Meditate on your submission. Take a time out and think about your submission. Reflect on the day or week and think about things that went well or didn’t go well. Find ways you can improve yourself or your submission while relaxing. Develop a mantra to say during your meditation if you wish.

6. Kneel or sit at his/her feet when they are busy. Sometimes just being there when they didn’t expect you to be can be a great way to express your submission to them. Appearing at their feet without any expectation of anything from them can provide comfort and pride and help you with your feelings of submission.

7. Ask for advice from other senior submissives. Your best fountain of information are submissives that have been where you are. Permission to talk to other submissives is nice to have so that you have a support system in place and you will never stop learning and growing.

8, 9, 10? Do you have ideas of what I could put here to make it 10 Things? 20 Things? If you have ideas, I’d love it if you could share them.

photo credit by c.a. muller

A Great Example of a Slave’s Rosary

On FetLife quite awhile back now, a slave posted her version of a rosary with her Master as the focus. As with any rosary or prayer beads, it is used in mediation and presents a spirituality in service that can be adopted and adapted to fit your relationship.

I’ve always had a curiosity with religious artifacts and items used by the believers. I’ve even made and had blessed a set of rosary beads for a friend of mine. They were very special for me to make, and I will most likely do it again for someone new.

The following is a rosary, set up in the same format as the Catholic Rosary to be said during times of mediation for a slave. You can change the prayers any way you’d like or reorganize them. I would love to know if you have your own submissive Rosary and could share that in the comments!

For those not familiar, a typical Rosary consists of an emblem, three beads leading up to a medallion, and then five sets each of ten beads separated by a single bead.

The Order of Prayers

written by Syr_David’s ~melly

Begin at the emblem (1) then the single bead (2) then the three beads (3) then (4) and then the single bead (5) skip the medallion and start on the decades (set of ten beads) (6) after each of those, say (7) and then on the single bead, (8) . Repeat for each decade. At the end, (the medallion) you can say the slaves prayer again, or whatever mantra you wish to end with.

1. I say a portion of my oath of fealty here. You can repeat the “Slave’s Prayer“, or whatever is pertinent to you (original was the Apostle’s Creed).
2. Say the “Master, owner of my body“.
3. Say three “I am your slave“.
4. Say the “In gratitude“.
5. Announce (or think) the principle of your service that you will be concentrating on, and say the “Owner of my body“.
6. Say ten “I am your slave” while considering and concentrating on the principle or idea you have.
7. Say the “In gratitude“.
8. Say the principle you are meditating on, and say the “Master, owner of my body“.

The Prayers

Slave’s Prayer – adapted from A Submissive’s Prayer

Allow me the Serenity to serve Him in peace

Allow me the Love to show Him myself

Allow me the Tenderness to comfort Him

Allow me the Light to show us the way

Allow me the Wisdom to be an asset to Him

Let me be able to show Him each day my love of service to Him

Let me open myself up to completely belong to Him

Let me accept my punishments with grace

Let me learn to please Him beyond myself

Grant me the power to give myself to Him completely

Give me the strength to please us both

Permit me to love myself in loving Him

Return to Prayer Order

Master, owner of my body

Master, owner of my body and director of my will, you are with me. I am thankful that I serve you. Let me be transparent as glass, that my heart may be visible always, for my entire self, even unto the workings of my mind, are yours. Master, I honor you with my service and submit to you with my thoughts, words, and deeds, so that I may be a reflection of your will, and the manifestation of your desires.

Return to Prayer Order

I am your slave

Master, I am your slave and your property. I will work and I will sacrifice that I may reflect your intentions, and make of myself a window to the soul you own. Use me Master, as you see fit, that I may learn to serve and to submit to you in all things.

Return to Prayer Order

In Gratitude

In gratitude I serve, and in thankfulness I submit, and in peace I honor my Master with my trust.

Return to Prayer Order

photo by Muffet

Finding Your Spirituality In Service

A recent journal prompt I came across really inspired me to write about it.  It is spirituality. A lot of what I hear about spirituality is related to religion, but BDSM can be spiritual too and I’d like to explore that with you.

What is the relationship between spirituality and religion? Is BDSM spiritual? –Submissive Journal Prompts

Religion and spirituality have a connection but they don’t have to be connected. When you believe in a structured religion it generally means you have a spirituality about it. But when you are spiritual, that doesn’t mean you are connected to religion. Does that make sense?

BDSM can be spiritual if you feel connected to it in a similar way as you would religion. The whole idea of BDSM is an overpowering idea of all things sexual, sensual and relationship related that involve our entire being, life and identity. This isn’t about being kinky in the bedroom; anyone can do that. This is about living and breathing an alternative lifestyle that embraces BDSM in its core.

When you are serving, do you feel focused on the service and the power that you receive from your partner? Does it give you a floaty feeling or a sense of being that reminds you of inner peace and acceptance of your life? You could be experiencing service as spiritual.

My experiences with spiritual BDSM are limited, but the moments I felt at complete peace with myself I felt transcended into happiness and wholeness that I’ve never experienced any other way than when I was praying as a teen, looking for divine intervention in my sad life. The feeling that what I was doing at the time was just right, almost perfect and exactly what I should be doing gave me a strong sense of my spiritual self.

How To Connect

If you wish to grow closer to your submission and bring a spirituality in your service, you can look no further than your own religious exposure, whether you own or someone’s stories.

• Find a quote, mantra or mediation that means a lot to you and your service. Memorize it and say it often.
• Practice mediation techniques so that you can find your inner peace easier.
• Find a way to worship your owner. This can be by ritual bathing, foot worship, or other body part service. It can also be learning new skills to enhance your service with your owner in mind. Massage is one that I think of.
• Perform your service with focused slow steps. Develop your grace. Do every step with purpose and meaning.

Each of these ideas can help you connect with the spirituality of your service and will provide you with a new way to be intimate with your Dominant.

Spirituality is not required as a part of your service. It is just a way to enhance what you already do. If you are a bedroom submissive, these ideas can be applied to sexual service as well. Imagine a spiritual blow job or a ritual massage as a part of foreplay. Spirituality can be a part of anything you do.

Don’t let the idea of spirituality or religion overwhelm you. Make your part in BDSM whatever you want to make it. If spirituality is what you’d like to try, please embrace some of the ideas here, or share some in the comments. What ideas do you have for bringing out your spirituality in service?

Your Thoughts

darkpaladin on twitter gave me his thoughts on spirituality. Here’s what he had to say.

BDSM is very close to a religion for me – to me it is about lifting people up and showing them their internal energy and power. A dom acts a guide and submissive acts as the vessel of energy. The sacraments are time, trust and orgasms when a sub gives certain power away they awaken to their own inner strength and deification. We are all deities. The dom leads on the sub’s journey and the sub shows the dom in similar ways.

Do you have any thoughts to share?

photo by tapperboy

RACK: An Alternative to SSC

In a previous post I talked about Safe, Sane and Consensual or SSC, a safety mantra that quite a bit of the BDSM community has picked up as a way to explain ourselves to non-lifestyle people. It’s an easy way to explain what can’t really be explained. I don’t intend to make this a primer for RACK, just like I didn’t have that intention for SSC. It’s a viewpoint, plain and simple.

If you have ever tried to explain what we do to someone that doesn’t have any familiarity you will probably use these very standards to stand up to your descriptions. An alternative, but one that is even hard for some BDSM practitioners to embrace is called RACK. It stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink. The only think that the two safety standards have in common is the consensuality of it.

Risk Aware

All of the activities that you can participate in have some level of risk to them. From something as basic as a spanking, to verbal humiliation, edge play, or the even more intense forms of play. These risks can be physical, mental, emotional and psychological. Can you place a label of safe on something that carries risks such as burns, bruising, cuts, scrapes, mental anguish, stress, fatigue, headaches or other dangers?

Consensual

Just like SSC, consensual means that both parties agree to the activities and negotiations that have occurred. This is probably the most important premise of both mantras. Without consensuality, then it is considered illegal. Illegal generally isn’t the way I’d want to play.

Shift in Purpose

The purpose of RACK is awareness and education. You should endeavor to learn all there is about a play activity before engaging in it.

danae from Within Reality explains the differences with a scenario played by both versions.

The difference between the two terms is even more clear when the spirit of them is applied in the public scene.

When watching a scene that may involve some heavy risk you might hear the person next to you whisper to their partner “they shouldn’t do that…its unsafe…that is a dangerous Dominant” – that is the spirit of SSC.

If you hear whispered “I wonder if he knows the risk involved in doing that….I wonder if he does “this” it could be made safer….I think I will tell him about it later after his scene” – that is the “spirit” of RACK.

I really like her viewpoint. Do you hear whispers of  ‘dangerous Dominant’ at parties you frequent? Is it really true? Is the DM stopping the play for safety concerns?