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Add Your Reading List to Your Training Resume
August 12, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Training Resume
Since the beginning of Submissive Guide I have been writing essays to help you build your service/submissive/slave resume. This is the living document of your experience and training on different tasks and a variety of relationships. If you are interested in reading the previous posts about the Training Resume I suggest you start at the topic index.
Today we are going to compile a list of the books you have read during your service that are a part of your growth and learning. The importance of this list is not only to show a potential Dominant that you are well read, but that you have a personal desire to work on improving yourself, learning a wide range of viewpoints and opinions and learn about BDSM activities of all sorts.
Gather Your Books
Pull together all the books you’ve read on BDSM, specific service items and other self help resources that you have read completely. These books can be basic relationship self help, etiquette, green cleaning and simple living, How-to books, and so much more. Let your mind explore your entire library and figure out how that could apply to a BDSM service relationship. You might be surprised.
Magazines and Newspapers
Although a bit more rare or pricey, you can find excellent magazines and even newspaper articles that might help you with building a reference library for your service experience and development as a person. Perhaps you have a subscription to a gardening magazine, home repair or fine dining journal. These things can be wonderful resources for your service life. Be creative and look for learning opportunities everywhere you go.
Online Sources
Don’t forget online newsletters and blogs that you are subscribed to! Even SubmissiveGuide.com can be a great resource to list on your reading list if you read it regularly and learn from it. Make note of the posts or articles that you enjoyed the most and the URL if there is one.
General Essay websites are great too, but make sure you keep a list of articles that you have read on each one so that it isn’t assumed that you have read the entire site.
How to Make the List
For books, make a list of the titles, authors, publication dates and a synopsis of the book. Online resources need to have the name of the site, the URL, the date you last accessed it and the site owner with a way to contact them if you can find one. You can also spend time writing personal reviews of the book or essay with what you took from it and made your own.
For example, I just read SlaveCraft and reviewed it on this blog. I can add that book to my service resume in the Reading List area. My entry would look something like this:
SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude, principles, skills and tools by a grateful slave with Guy Baldwin, M.S.
Daedalus Publishing Company (April 2002)
The author writes for the submissive or slave who may already have experience and thus understand the skills and tools that will help deepen their surrender. His four principles that he describes in detail are Identity, Obedience, Transparency and Humility. Each one is artfully discussed so that while you may be walking in his world of surrender you can apply them to your own service quite easily.
Making this list now will help you in the future too when you try to remember where you read that fantastic book or essay that you’d like to refer to, or share with a friend. The importance of a list like this can help you in more ways that just your resume.
What else would you list on your reading list? Would it be beneficial to list books and articles that you want to read in the future or have an interest in?
Donate Your Old BDSM Books to Submissive Guide
June 27, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Video Posts, Webmaster Notes
This week’s video post is a plea for your assistance with books for the review section of this site.
I’m working on bringing you more book reviews more often. In order to do this I would love to have some help from all of you. There are different levels of help and please hear me out before you dismiss this as just a ploy to get materials or money from you.
The book reviews on this site benefit novice and experienced submissives alike. I do them because I know that the wide expanse of information available can be scary. Hopefully with my reviews, submissives (and maybe a few Dominants) can find books that will help them on their journey.
I don’t personally have a lot of books to review. I am able to buy maybe one every few months with the income I get from this website so far. So I’m looking to you for help.
- Go through your BDSM library and pull out any books you don’t want anymore or never got around to reading. I’d love to have them for the Submissive Guide library here to review. Just contact me via subguide@gmail.com and I will get you my mailing address. If you need postage paid, I will do that as well.(paid through PayPal)
- Go through your BDSM library and pull out any books you wouldn’t mind lending to me. In this case I would push your book to the top of the reading list and once complete I would mail it back to you. You could be Submissive Guide’s personal librarian. If you need postage paid, I will do that also. (paid through PayPal)
- Go to Amazon.com and view my wishlist. You could buy any of the books there for me to review. All of the ones listed are ones I’d like to have a review on Submissive Guide for. You can help me that way and decide the amount you want to spend.
- Go to Amazon.com and give me a gift certificate. You can use the same email address: subguide@gmail.com and send it to me. This way you can help me with some funds to buy books for the reviews. Any gift certificates I receive this way would be used for review books only, you have my promise.
- If you can’t help any other way, please just let me know what books you’d like to see reviewed here in the future. I will add them to my wishlist and purchase them when I can. Your help is much appreciated.
Thank you!
–luna
Learn a New Skill to Enhance Your Service with Free Online Courses
May 15, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Service, Training Resume
There are many ways that submissives can learn new skills and training that will enhance what you can provide your Dominant. Just imagine being able to speak another language, or have secretarial skills. Perhaps learning gardening, technology or sewing? Your skills can be expanded endlessly and a lot of it for free.
Is there something you’ve always wanted to learn how to do?
The internet is full of free online courses if you look in the right places. There is a goldmine of training certificates, courses towards a degree or tutorials for many skills from basic to advanced levels. I’ve done a lot of the research myself to bring you a list of some of the best places to find free courses. Feel free to browse the below links and expand your training.
Free and Affordable Distance Learning
Free Education on the Internet
Free Online Courses from Great Universities
University of Washington Free courses
photo credit by Milliron Photography
Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions
April 20, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Rituals and Routines, Submissive Positions
Submissive Positions are talked about all over like everyone is supposed to be doing them or something. Not every relationship is set up to provide that level of protocol and you should never expect a relationship to automatically have that. If you are interested in positions, ask your partner or perspective partner if they’d be interested before you go learning any. They may have preferences to how you should look and act. Following them is by far more important than learning about positions online (unless that is their direction).
But since so many of you ask me on a regular basis about positions you could be learning I came up with two weeks of posts on the subject of different positions, how to develop your own positions and what other resources are out there as far a positions are concerned. Please understand I will not be teaching the Gorean positions that everyone sees described, but positions that average people can develop amongst themselves to do and alter and enhance for themselves. Please take these suggested positions as guidelines only and try to customize them. They should be unique and beautiful to you and your partner.
Coming up tomorrow is Kneeling.
If you have not subscribed to this blog so that you can get notices of new content, why not do it now! You can get updates from any method listed at the top right of this post.
Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions
Review: Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns
If you’ve been around the BDSM and D/s scene at all there is one of many books that always comes up in conversation as a good book to read when you are new to the whole lifestyle. This book is Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller and Molly Devon. It comes as recommended reading for anyone curious about BDSM and want a primer for what SM is all about. This was the first book I purchased when I as first learning and is still the go to guide for helping me explain to novices certain aspects of safety, and loving play that I may not have the right words for.
This book is written in the male Dominant / female submissive interactions, but it’s easily translatable into valuable advice for any relationship configuration. “Screw the Roses enthusiastically covers all the basics and even some of the not-so-basics–bondage, negotiation, sex, endorphins, dominance and submission, toys, safety, S/M community, and beyond.” –Cheryl Trooskin
The first few chapters are dedicated to introducing the basics, safety and recognizing abuse in BDSM relationships. The information is provided in a clear and concise manner that even the most novice of users can understand and get on board with. The book ascribes to Safe, Sane and Conensual form of safety which I also recommend for new explorers into BDSM. It’s a great help for further into the book that these terms are defined so that understanding comes easier.
Once the basics are down the Philip and Molly take you into relationships. How to find a partner, exploring the roles and basic etiquette are the bulk of these chapters. I love that etiquette is covered as so many seem to forget their manners once they enter into a kinky relationship. Lewd is rude, no matter the situation. You can pick up information on negotiation and setting limits. There is also an interesting chart for the different roles.
The bulk of the book is dedicated to teaching safe basic technique. You can pick up information on bondage and other forms of play with detailed explanations. There is also a few chapters on flogging and impact play for those looking to dive right into the fun stuff. This area is not only good for the novice, but an experienced player could pick up a few tips and tricks. This is definitely a book that should be in every BDSM library.
Near the end the authors cover endorphins and subpace as well as the psychological effects of play.Mindfucks, forced exhibitionism, verbal abuse, and public play are not for everyone and play that involves a person’s mind and emotions can be dangerous and should be explored slowly and consensually.
No primer would be complete without a glimpse into the dungeon equipment and tools that are used during a kinky encounter. There is also an appendix to stores, support groups and communities that can help the newcomer step out into the world. The photos are a nice touch and help to display what Philip and Molly are talking about throughout the book. It has an excellent table of contents to find things quickly and a useful appendix for things to help anyone get started.
All in all, there is no wonder why so many people recommend this book as one of the first books for someone just starting out in BDSM. It has everything you could wish for in a complete overview of BDSM book.
Product Details
- Paperback: 277 pages
- Publisher: Mystic Rose Books; 1st ed edition (July 1, 1988)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0964596008
- luna’s Rating: 9/10
Buy Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism
The Nitty Gritty of the BDSM Lifestyle
December 20, 2008 by lunaKM
Filed under BDSM Basics
There are so many primers out there about BDSM I’m not sure if another one is really needed. Then again with all the basic questions asked on forums and chat rooms about BDSM it’s unlikely that my words will not be read by someone and that they will take something new from them.
BDSM is an umbrella term for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism. Each of these words on their own is a giant term with a lot of other vocabulary under them. Basically anything kinky will fall under one of these terms. You don’t have to know all of the vocabulary to practice BDSM but if you are really curious there are BDSM dictionaries all over the web.
Informed Consent’s BDSM Dictionary
On top of knowing some of the words comes learning some of the expectations and experiences you can have in the BDSM Lifestyle. Becoming a submissive in a D/s dynamic is just like any other relationship with one very important difference. The roles are set, not fluid like a regular relationship. A dominant and submissive never switch roles (unless in agreed upon circumstances) and the relationship continues strongly as this dynamic. People can be into kinky play and only engage in their roles in the bedroom or they can be in control of their chosen role throughout their lives.
Neither is greater or less valuable to BDSM. What one chooses to do within their relationship is personal and unique. Liking other people’s kinks is not required, but accepting them is looked favorably on. There are many things that I would never entertain as pleasurable or enjoyable but I can appreciate someone else’s desire to do them for those reasons.
Not everyone you meet that is into BDSM wants to be part of a community. You can’t make someone come out into BDSM public and say they are kinky. BDSM is still in the closet for most folks and that’s okay with them. Those who want to be a part of the community you bring with you a wonderful amount of experience and personal knowledge that everyone, including new people, can learn from.
Is it a Lifestyle?
BDSM is a Lifestyle for me. I live it all the time, it’s who I am. This is not the case with over half of the known BDSM population. The range of participation varies greatly. I can’t say that I know exact numbers, but I know that out of 10 people I could met in a room, 7 of them probably do not identify as Lifestyle BDSM’ers. That’s fine with me, we can still chat kink and not get all uncomfortable becuase we aren’t EXACTLY alike, right?
There are many different roles you can play in BDSM as well, from Top, Dominant or Master to bottom, submisssive and slave. There are also variations on these roles as well depending on the type of dynamic you want. You could be in a Daddy/little girl or Mommy/little boy dynamic. You could be in a Poly Master/slave household where you are the alpha. You could just be kinky and love the fun stuff in the bedroom. It’s all available to you.
What’s the Big Deal?
BDSM is a big deal to those that have anything to do with it because it turns them on in some way; sexually, intellectually, emotionally or all of the above. BDSM is not always sex driven, but it can be. The kinky among us consider it almost a sexual orientation; even I’ve given this idea a thought or two on my blog.
Is it Safe?
Depends really on what you define as safe. BDSM has two different stands on safety. One is SSC; Safe, Sane and Concensual. The other is RACK; Risk Aware Concensual Kink. The only thing in common with these two is the concensuality. The interpretations are different as different can be. Justin Medlin wrote an essay titled ‘SSC vs. RACK‘ explaining the differences between the two.
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