The Roundtable: Money Handling

Gather around the table everyone, I’d like to learn about something I don’t know a lot about. I welcome you to add your thoughts and comments to this post and if you feel an inclination, send me a guest post letting me know what you think.

This month I’d like to talk about money. Here’s the questions I have:

• Who does the budgeting in your relationship?
• Do you hand over your paycheck?
• Are there bank accounts with your name on them?
• Are you allowed to handle money?
• How are gift purchases handled if you aren’t allowed personal money?
• If you have no money control, what back up is in place if the relationship were to go south?

Anything else?

The Roundtable: Chastity

Gather around the table everyone, I’d like to learn about something I don’t know a lot about. I welcome you to add your thoughts and comments to this post and if you feel an inclination, send me a guest post letting me know what you think.

This month I’d like to talk about chastity. If you have any opinions or thoughts on the subject I’d love to see them in the comments! Here’s some questions to get you started:

• Do you participate in chastity?
• What is the longest time you have gone without an orgasm?
• Do you wear a physical device? What does it look like?
• Is orgasm control part of chastity?
• How do you feel in chastity?
• Is it easier for men or for women to be in chastity? (The physical devices or the activity, your choice)
• What does chastity teach you about submission?
• For those not currently in chastity, would you consider going into chastity? Why, why not?
• What is the biggest taboo surrounding chastity?

Am I Submissive?

So, you want me to tell you how you can tell if you are submissive or not? Asking someone else if you are submissive is like asking a blind man what color your dress is. Is there some magical online quiz that can say whether you are submissive or slave? Unfortunately no and I don’t think I’d listen to the results of one if it existed either. Submission isn’t something you can find in a self-help book or a therapist. Submission is a calling.

No, not the same kind of calling that religion speaks about; but similar. Some people find submission to be a natural way to live; something that comes to them easily and simply. To be a natural submissive means you have something innate and inherent in them that disposes them to submission.  Others have to learn about submission step by step. I’ve written about my own experiences with learning submission in the post Submission by Choice. When you feel inside that you are happiest when submitting, that’s when you know you’re submissive. There is no secret to it.

Hearing your inner voice tends to be the hardest thing. You’ve probably come to this post because either someone said you are submissive and you want to know more or you’ve heard that inner voice and you are curious about what it means. Hopefully you will leave here with some understanding of submission and how you know if you are submissive or not.

It will take soul searching, no doubt about that. Trust me when I say that you can not become submissive if you do not have the basic inclination to serve and the emotional pleasure of being available to serve. Once you have that, you are well on your way to knowing you are submissive.

Let’s take a look at the following four spaces to help you figure out if you are submissive. Apply them however they will work for your own personal situation.

Knowing you are submissive will have a mental aspect to it. When you think of serving others does it put you in a peaceful position? If it feels like the logical thing to do then it probably is. When I found that I was happy being submissive I stopped fighting myself and accepted being happy.

You may also have a spiritual connection to submission. I’ve often described my connectedness to my Dominant as being in prayer. I feel a higher power sort of connection when I please him. You may have an overall sense of bliss or complete happiness thinking about or participating in service.

Connecting to submissive can have an emotional response as well. You may cry uncontrollably, or smile so hard and so often that your cheeks hurt. There is a clear sign that you are submissive when you can look upon being of service to someone else and your heart aches with need. Your emotional response is usually the strongest response to submissive stimulus that you will be able to experience.

Lastly when you are submissive you will develop a physical response to Dominance exerted at or near you. For many this is sexual excitement but it could also be a need to physically get up and do something to bring your closer to that Dominance. I’ve had moments that only felt perfect when I listened to the primal urge to kneel or kiss his hand or do something to serve him.

Feeling all of these things at one time or another usually means you have a submissive mindset. It may not happen all the time, but the moments that do you should try to feed it. Develop a service you can provide someone else, volunteer in your community and certainly, if you can explore a relationship with Dominance and submission at its core. You may find the calling you were hearing was one thing or another… or all of the above. Only you can know if submission is the right direction for you.

photo by doug88888

The Roundtable: Body Modification

Gather around the table everyone, I’d like to learn about something I don’t know a lot about. I welcome you to add your thoughts and comments to this post and if you feel an inclination, send me a guest post letting me know what you think.

This month I’d like to talk about body modification in the sense of permanent markings as a declaration of commitment of submission.

• What are the common permanent markings that can symbolize relationships and collars?
• What types of body modification are not common in BDSM?
• What are the risks of having a permanent mark on your body?
• How long do you take before you decide to have a mark?
• Who chooses the mark?
• Anyone have any stories about receiving a permanent mark?
• If you break up, what do you do about the mark?
• Anything else you’ like to add about permanent marks?

The Roundtable: Gorean Lifestyle

Gather around the table everyone, I’d like to learn about something I don’t know a lot about. I welcome you to add your thoughts and comments to this post and if you feel an inclination, send me a guest post letting me know what you think.

This month we are talking the Gorean Lifestyle. I’d like to cover the online phenomenon and the real life adaptation of Gor. Here are some questions I have that I’d love answered.

• What are the characteristic traits of a kajira in Gor?
• What are the characteristic traits of a Master in Gor?
• What is the a Free Woman?
• Are male submissives part of Gor?
• How does a Gorean chat room operate? What’s it like?
• What is a Gorean relationship like in real life?
• What are the core values of a Gorean lifestyle?
• What makes a Gorean lifestyle different from a M/s or D/s relationship?
• Why are so many people critical about Gorean lifestyle choices?
• Anything else you’d like to share?