Out of the Office and Into the Home: Making the change from working to stay-at-home submissive

Last February was a difficult month for me. Like many in this failing economy I found myself without a job. I was stressed and frustrated and knew that it would be very difficult to find another job when the competition was over 7% of the state’s workforce. Master wasn’t going to let me stay frustrated though.

Shortly after my job loss he came up with a plan. Our dream was going to be reality a little sooner than we had planned. He took on more work to make up the difference in pay and I was to become his stay-at-home submissive. A change in lifestyle not to be entered into lightly. It has proven to be a difficult change, indeed.

I was brought up to work. My work ethic was relatively strong and I got a lot of personal fulfillment out of working. I like the satisfaction I get out of completing a task and getting praise for it. I’m good at working and figured I’d be doing it for a lot of years to come. I wasn’t raised that home care was work, they were chores and chores were to be hated and disdained. They were something you had to do to get to the fun stuff. It wasn’t work.

Master works from home already. I was going to essentially enter into his domain during the day. I was there to please him as well as maintain the home to a higher standard than it was being held to. I was going to have to learn to find the joy in cleaning and being home a lot.

My first couple of weeks were spent cleaning the house sort of mish-mash. In reality I just was catching up with the household chores that I rarely got to when I was working. I started to feel good about the way the house was shaping up but I needed a routine. I found myself watching too much TV and doing even less work once the place was picked up.

That just wasn’t going to cut it. I sat down with FlyLady.net and my own Home Management binder that I made several months ago with an intention to follow it. I worked over my daily and weekly chore lists. I elaborated on them, added to them and rearranged them for my new life at home. I had to work in my website work in the afternoons so my housework became first priority in the mornings.

I started a list of things I’d like to accomplish short term and long term. I wrote down my dreams and goals as a stay-at-home submissive. They looked something like this:

Short Term:

1. Start doing laundry more than once a week
2. Keep the dished washed, dried and put away daily
3. Make the living room suitable for drop in visitors
4. Maintain the litter box better
5. Really work hard on re-starting my diet and exercise routine

Long Term:

1. Find cost effective home cleaners that are eco-friendly
2. Learn sewing and craft skills to make or repair items rather than purchasing new
3. Develop and wear a home uniform that Master would like to see me in
4. Learn a higher level of protocol and service
5. Prepare more meals at home, for less
6. Learn canning and other food storage options

Now this was just a start to my stay-at-home dreams. I knew that I had a long way to go and I still don’t know where to start some days. But the transition still develops along with the effort needed. I’ve started learning and experimenting with old fashioned cleaners like baking soda and vinegar and tested my own laundry powder successfully. I’m also making more effort to cook and prepare more meals at home. My routine is starting to come together.

I’m a year into my new life and I’m beginning to see patterns in what I do on a daily and weekly basis. I feel less stress than I did while working and I can see an immediate improvement on Master’s life. He’s happier, smiles at me more often, appears to have less stress at work and I can see he enjoys having me at home. His dominance is stronger as well.

I have floundered and had a few days where I just sat in front of the TV all day, but these are not going to be common. I’m trying to establish a routine that will work for both of us. I’ve had difficult days and stressed over little things. I’ve cried because I miss work, even though I do have a ‘job’ now it’s still not in me as work. Master has been patient through it all. He’s helping me see my new position as the best of both worlds. I get to work on my own terms and be with Master every day, all day.

Overall it has been a positive change, even if it wasn’t planned to happen right now. We are rolling with the change, making it work for us and honestly, are very happy with how things are developing for us. Staying-at-home is work, but work that I can feel good about because it is improving our personal life and enhancing our dynamic. Dreams have become reality and more dreams are on the horizon. Anything can happen!

Helping Your Partner Become More Dominant

The second question I received for March question month came to me in my email.

I’m a strong person, but something in me was missing…until i admitted what i really am. I’m engaged, i love my boyfriend very much, but I decided to open my heart to him and he’s really doing his best to understand my need to surrender, my need to submit. I don’t take the topic lightly, and nor does he…but after 4 years together, I sometimes think it’s difficult…I don’t want to lose him, and i think he’s really changing. But…how can we “direct” our changings the right way? I’ve always been the strongest one in my relationships. He isn’t weak, but very calm and he has always set me “free”…too much, if i have to say the truth. I hope it makes sense…he’s understanding, we are talking about it a lot…but i need some extra advice. I don’t want to confuse him even more…

The good part from your letter was that your boyfriend is trying. That’s all it takes to begin learning and exploring. Do you talk about how you’d like to be less free? Do discussions happen away from the bedroom activities? The reason I ask is that no matter what advice I give you here you need to share all of your thoughts with your boyfriend.

Changing has to be done at his speed. If he really is changing as you say then you have to be patient and enjoy the ride. To direct your learning, I’d recommend buy a few books about D/s, join a few social forums to start finding talk points. Then get offline and away from the books and talk to each other.

Practice it for short periods, a few hours to a few days. Test the waters with something more intense than you want to do for real and see if you both fall into roles at all. Are you able to let go and is he able to take up the reigns? Make it fun, explore new things and you just might find they way for you.

Do you both have the same idea of what you’d like to try to do? Are you looking to be a service submissive or a sexual submissive? Does he want someone to do all the housework or serve his every need? Find out what each of your wants and needs from each other.

The bottom line is that you can’t make someone change if they aren’t willing to. You can’t make someone something they aren’t. If your partner isn’t dominant or can’t be as dominant that you want then it just isn’t going to happen. You have to be prepared to make that choice.

Anyone else have suggestions for this person?

photo credit TLA8

Creating a Daily Cleaning Routine

Maintaining a clean home can take on a life of its own. There is only a small number of submissives that can live the dream of being an at home submissive. Most of us have outside jobs and families and commitments that leave the housework low on the priority list. My goal for you today is to pick up an easy to do, low time commitment way to keep your house clean and looking good.

It doesn’t have to be a headache every time you arrive home and see the house in disarray. With these easy to implement steps you can keep the house maintained in just a few minutes each day. These may seem obvious, or common sense ideas but they really do work and with just a few minutes each day can free your time to meet the other demands of your day.

Sure you can continue to say you don’t have time everyday and then stress when you have to spend 2 hours or more every weekend cleaning what could have already been maintained all week long. Make the point to change your thinking. Start small and it will make a difference. Develop the habit. Even if you are great at home care, these ideas could help cut down the amount of time you take cleaning your house each day.

To do lists

To do lists are a great way to get started in a cleaning routine. Plan out your day when you have five minutes in the morning by writing down five things you need to do around the house that day. Then when you have a few minutes when you get home from work or picking up the kids take a look at your list and try to accomplish one of the items on your list. Feel great when you can cross it off. Try to do three of the things on your list that day. Each day you can come up with three new things to add to your existing list. The idea is to not put off items more than two days.

15 min blast

The 15 minute blast is more like a game. You need to have a kitchen timer. The microwave timer works in a pinch. Set the timer in a room you need to clean and do as much as you can for the 15 minutes that you have before the timer goes off.

For me I then go do something I want to do for the next hour or so, then play the ‘game’ again. I can get the whole room clean in about 3 timed sessions. It makes me feel good and I’ve enjoyed the free time too. You can play the game whenever you have a few minutes.

Involve the kids

Yes we usually give the kids chores and I know when I was growing up I had to do them in order to get allowance each week. But I admit I put it off as long as possible. If we give the kids the same timer game that we play each day, they could help you keep the house clean and get the allowance they are looking forward to.

If we make cleaning fun and part of our daily activities with kids then it could instill a desire to keep things picked up. Picking things up as we go along is a very valuable trait that you family could nurture in children. This would ultimately cut down on the amount of cleaning that needs to be done. I wish I had picked up that trait; instead of letting things get as bad as they do here before having to do the 15 min blast or a to do list.

Home Control and Management Journal

A Home Control Journal is an organizational tool used in many households to keep things clean, organized and a home running smoothly. You can put cleaning lists, meal plans, finances and so much more inside a binder that is your go to guide for everything to do with your home. The link will take you to google search if you want more information on how to make on, or stay tuned. I plan to share what I have in mine and how I developed it.

If you still have a mess to deal with before friends are visiting, here’s a fantastic article to help you out.

THE 10-MINUTE RESCUE by Mrs. Mary Hunt

(If you know where I can find the original source of this article, please let me know, thanks)

The phone rings. Surprise! Long lost friends will be at your front door in 10 minutes. You have no time to clean the house. What you need is a 10-minute rescue. This is a terrific technique you should learn right now, and then keep tucked away for that time when despite your best efforts, you’re caught in a jam. So, are you ready? Go!

1. Set a small pan of water over medium heat. Dump in spices like cinnamon, allspice and cloves and leave it to heat.
2. Grab a box or grocery bag. Move through the house starting in the kitchen clearing counters, coffee tables, end tables and all other flat surfaces of clutter. Just scoop everything into the container and stash it in a closet.
3. Gather all bathroom clutter including towels, stuff lining the walls and ledges of the tub and shower, toys, and all the stuff on the vanity and deposit it in the tub or shower. Draw the curtain.
4. Clean all the flat surfaces you have just cleared using furniture polish or all-purpose cleaner as appropriate.
5. Empty the kitchen sink of dishes, pots and so on using the stash methods described above if necessary. The oven and dishwasher are handy hiding places. Scrub the sink, rinse quickly and perform a quick polish.
6. Starting at the front door vacuum the visible areas.
7. Light the candles and the fireplace.
8. Switch on the stereo and turn down the lights.

Whew! You made it. The house looks great. Smells good, too. Enjoy your company and when they are gone, take a few more minutes to go through the box in the closet, the pile in the tub and, above all, anything you stashed in the oven!

Final Thoughts

Routines take time to develop. What you should try to do is take the smaller steps pointed out here until it becomes habit. Habits become the routines that you don’t even have to think about; just like the order of your morning tasks or how you prepare for bed. Cleaning can become easy and stress free.

Do you have any tips to pass on? I’d love to hear them!

Submission By Choice: Learned Submission

Submission has been called a gift. It has been said to be a natural characteristic. Submission is also a choice. When I first entered the lifestyle, no one would have mistaken me for a submissive. I am strong willed, commanding and independent. I have a dominant personality. Nature, society and the way I was brought up made me that way. However through my explorations I found a desire in me that only grew over time. This desire was to submit to someone, to be the one person in someone’s life that they could count on to serve them in whatever capacity they needed. This made my decision to become submissive rather plain to see.

When one chooses a role in this lifestyle there are usually clues as to what role will make you the happiest. These clues are desire, a sense of emptiness, and a need. The most important choice you can make is based on the desires you have. Do you desire to serve someone, to give the control of your life over to someone else? Do you feel a void in your life because you can not be the one someone calls upon for their needs? Is there an overpowering need to be of service? Are you always helping others, and wanting to volunteer for things and taking on every task as your own because it makes you feel good? These are clues that you may be submissive. Now I say maybe, because all people have these draws in life, it’s just that submissives have it in excess.

It’s not an easy task to draw out the submissive nature within you if it isn’t already present in all you do. If you are like me, you struggle and rebel at the slightest challenge in character or task that you just ‘don’t feel like doing’. The goal is to submit anyway and to feel that the importance of your life is the imprint of your service on another. The journey to this goal is challenging and full of baby steps. Something accomplished, no matter how small, opens your mind and heart up to what is naturally there; submission.

Let’s use a personal example:

My Master requires that if I plan on going out, that I wear make up. It’s not an abundance of make up, nor is it really hard to do as he asks. However, when he first requested this of me, I refused. I didn’t understand why he would care if I wore make up or not. I didn’t know what purpose it would serve to require me to wear make up. I purposefully forgot to do it; I struggled with the reason for it. It took me months to do it on a daily basis.

Now I can see exactly why this request was upon me. He knew that when I wore make up I felt better about my physical appearance, I adjusted my behavior to a more ladylike level, and I was certainly more appealing to look at. His purpose was to remind me that I am beautiful, that he knows I feel that way with make up on, and that it is his choice to see me at my best; to improve myself for him.

This was one of my first steps in my transition, a transition that is still ongoing. I am by far finished. When you reach this point, where you are slowly making changes in your behavior and attitude you find that you are more eager to serve, that you find pleasure and enjoyment in the pride that shows in your partner’s face. After these beginning steps, you can add more steps. You can begin to make personal changes. Perhaps you want to become more active, or you want to have your clothing picked out before bed for the next day. These things can be done in the same manner, but without requirement from your partner (unless that is their choice). Achievement is addictive. Find those things you want to do or have always dreamed of being and then work towards it. It requires taking the initiative, maintaining motivation and a strong support system.

Take the initiative to draw up your plan of action. Be it to get up earlier and get housework done sooner, or to train yourself to be more sexually pliable. These are all possible with a bit of preplanning. Make a to-do list, set up a schedule and talk it through with your partner. You should figure out what steps are necessary to achieving your goal. Always remember baby steps and don’t push yourself past what you can do. For example if you intend on getting up at 5 am, and your normal schedule has you getting up at 7am, don’t shock your system and just start setting the clock for 5am, it won’t work. Remember to baby step toward your goal. If you want to do something sexually that is different than you do normally that usually requires practice, and who would argue with that?! First and foremost take the time to figure out what needs doing to get the job done.

The most difficult step is maintaining the motivation past the first exhilarating few days, weeks or months. I find that refreshing your small goals often helps give you a boost of encouragement from time to time. If a goal has become difficult, shrink it down a bit and go for that. Never give up! Keeping going is not easy. It takes hard work and concentration. Many reasons why people fail are because they loose motivation. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen to me. Another method to success is a great support system.

A support system can be anyone. Your partner is a good place to go first, but if there are going to be punishments applied to failings, you won’t want them as your only support. Seek out friends and other submissives that may be doing exactly what you are doing; changing. Keep in contact with them on a regular basis, even if you are doing well with your baby steps, encouraging others when they reach a hard place helps your goals as well. Stir your motivation and help others as they help you.

Finding the submissive in you is not easy, but it’s not impossible. There is a rocky road to any goal. The starting point is finding that part of yourself that wants to serve and be of service for someone. Then build on it and you can become submissive. You can feel that void fill with meaning and humble pride for your accomplishments. Find your true place in this lifestyle and never look back! Set a goal, work hard towards it and maintain your support system. Everything is possible.