Exploring Impact Play: A Variety of Pleasures

This is a guest post by bgtreasure for the BDSM Play Feature Series here on Submissive Guide.

I choose this topic to write about because it is my favorite form of play and has been since I’ve found this wonderful thing we call “The Lifestyle”.

The general definition of Impact Play that you will find in BDSM dictionaries:  Impact Play: Often referred to as edgy. The action is the same as paddling or spanking but done with the intent to cause deep tissue bruising. A bruise that is very painful and may take very long to heal.

So with the intent to cause deep tissue bruising which is something that I don’t really pay attention to it’s the more intense pounding and beating that gets me off.  I tend not bruise easily if at all.  I do consider this as a part of play that is edge play because serious damage could be done if it is not done correctly or without care for your partner.  I do however love when I do bruise and can feel it for the rest of the week and see the fruits of Sir’s labor.

Some instruments used for Impact Play are hands and fists, kicking, floggers and paddles which are of course used in various other forms of play but it is the intensity when using them that makes it Impact Play.  In my play it’s a steady rhythmic beating, building and building and intensifying as we go on.

When playing and going into this arena of play I find that I have to have a period of time to get my head straight with my partner, relaxing into him, relaxing my breathing and focusing on him before we start to play and we tend to build up rather than go full force out and out from the beginning.  Sir increases and decreases depending on where he knows that I am at and then pushes it to the level he wants me to be at.

I think the fact that I have to have a very special connection with my partner in order to go this far.  In my current relationship I believe our connection is so deep that he has taken me further then I have ever been and the experience each time after we first started playing has placed me in such a deep subspace that I literally can be beaten with any instrument and I just float, I feel as though I am on top of the world looking down at my body and my partner with a smile on my face swaying to some tune that is playing in my head.  Everything else drops away as each strike comes and becomes an expression of ecstasy.

Impact Play is generally the only type play (other than physically touching the genital area) that can make me come.  Again I think this comes because of our connection and that we can play so deeply and that he is in tune with my body but it sets off a reaction that somewhere deep in my mind that says this is hot, this is delicious, this makes you wet it’s time for you to come.  At first I thought it was a fluke because it’s not easy to make me come but as we continue to play more and specifically when he uses his hands as the instrument of torture I usually come and more than once.

Impact play for me is very freeing sometimes it’s like a very intense full body massage breaking the stress of the day, the week, the month.  I personally prefer when Sir uses his hands it makes it so much more personal and I believe strengthens our connection, however floggers and paddles can take me there as well.

bgtreasure is cofounder and conference organizer of Black BEAT Inc. (www.blackbeatinc.org), and cofounder of BESS (Baltimore Educational and Social Society). Bgtreasure has been involved in the BDSM lifestyle for over 9 years and has held various positions with other groups. Meeting people from all over and watching them share with others has truly been an eye opener for her. One of her proudest moments was (Black BEAT) winning the 2006 Pantheons Award for Small Event of the Year, and being nominated herself for the Pantheon regional award.  She enjoys networking with others and helping those new to the lifestyle. A submissive that enjoys many different aspects of this lifestyle, she is owned by Sir Mystical. Black BEAT is home for BG, her lifestyle accomplishments are commendable. She is also host along with Lady Z of Black BEAT’s Maryland Headquarters Munch Group.

She can be reached at bgtreasure@yahoo.com and on Yahoo and AIM messengers  and on fetlife under bgtreasure.

Photo by Luiza

The Impact of Velcro Collars on the Symbolism

This week’s video post is about velcro collars.

To submissives, a collar is one of the most important things they have. It is a symbol of their commitment, their service and their adoration of a special someone. In most situations, the offering or begging of a collar is not taken lightly. The weight of the matter could mean a lifetime of service, the same importance of engagement or marriage and strict adherence to rules and behaviors.

However, just as there are people who go through mates like tissues, there are submissives and Dominants alike that use Velcro collars. These collars have practically no meaning to them and they hand them out or give them back without so much as a blink of the eye.

It is believed that the use of a collar like this can cheapen the meaning and symbolism for those people who hold the collar and it’s meaning in high regard to those of the community if so many others are seen to be passed around from one person to the next.

This really goes along with my thoughts on the Disposable Relationship. Too many people aren’t taking relationships seriously anymore. The value of anything to do with partnership and couples working together has diminished. We’ve become a satisfaction now society. No consequences. It’s just sad.

Now back to velcro collars…. They exist mainly online, but it’s not uncommon to find one or two people in your local community that seem to bounce around the group ‘collecting’ collars. Every time you see them they are collared to someone new. Wearing a collar becomes a game to them.

How does this impact the symbolism? In my opinion it doesn’t. The symbolism of the collar is developed by your own beliefs. Just as the wedding ring means one thing or another to someone, so does the collar. Does someone else’s many marriages impact the value of your marriage? Of course it doesn’t.

Being someone who hands out or receives collars that would define them as velcro would only impact the particular person. Sure it could make them appear needy or desperate or in the least, inexperienced.

I know that for myself, wearing a collar and being collared is the most sacred thing in our relationship. I know that if I weren’t committed to the relationship that the collar wouldn’t even be a part of our lives.

What do you think? Are velcro collars affecting the overall symbolism of collars in our society?

The Ins and Outs of Fetishes

“I have a fetish for wool socks, I just love them!”

“I have a fetish for corsets, I can’t get off without thinking of them!”

One of these statements is a sure sign of a fetish; the other is a misuse of the term. Sure this is a poor example. How many times have you heard a  phrase like the first one in everyday speech? Not long ago the idea of having a fetish was taboo and now we use it as a casual obsession with something from foods to material items. There is no wonder that when it comes to real fetishes people are still in the dark as to understanding them.

What is a Fetish, Really?

Let’s use Wikipedia to give us a general definition, shall we?

Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal brought on by any object, situation or body part not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature. Sexual fetishism may be regarded, e.g. in psychiatric medicine, as a disorder of sexual preference or as an enhancing element to a relationship. The sexual acts involving fetishes are characteristically depersonalized and objectified, even when they involve a partner. Body parts may also be the subject of sexual fetishes (also known as partialism) in which the body part preferred by the fetishist takes a sexual precedence over the owner.

As we can see from the definition, a fetish is a sexual attachment to an inanimate object of body part. In many cases the fetishist can no achieve an erection or orgasm without the object being present or an active part in the act. This is not limited to men, so don’t get my use of words turned around. Women also can develop fetishes.

How Do Fetishes Develop?

There are several theories out there as to how a fetish develops. The classical theory is said to be that the object of fetishism and sexual stimulus are presented at the same time and thus through the learning process they get associated with each other. The learning process is not always during sexual exploration, but can happen early in childhood when what makes you feel happy is constantly the same thing. The sense of euphoria is then attached to that object and can transition into a more adult behavior once sexual maturity has been reached. For example, it may only be shiny skin that arouses a person at first, but in time more common stimuli, such as shiny latex, may have the same effect.

Other theories state that a fetish is gained through heredity or through psychological distress. I tend to believe that it is more the classical theory than any other. If you wish to read a bit on these other two theories you can do so on the Wikipedia article about Fetishism.

Are Fetishes Common?

Fetishes are relatively uncommon. They are more likely in heterosexual men than any other gender group.  That doesn’t mean you can’t develop a temporary fetish. Occasionally there is something that just turns me on about a certain object and I will fantasize about it for some time before it drops off my sexual radar, so to speak. During my high school and college career I was obsessed with anything phallic shaped, as are many women prior (and after) sexual initiation. I am not afflicted quite so much with phallic-fetishism. There is nothing harmful about a temporary fetish as long as you can engage in the fetish safely.

Some fetishes can not be acted out in a loving, healthy manner. A more grotesque fetish I have read about is necrophilia (sex with dead people). This is a fetish that is generally treated with psychotherapy and medication. There are several such fetishes that can harm a person or are detrimental to others if engaged in. You can explore those on your own if you wish to research them.

One of the most common fetishes has to do with feet. Foot worship is quite acceptable in the BDSM arena, but outside it most foot fetishists have to keep their desires hidden. Other foot fetishists have a love of shoes and high heels. One of my favorite blogs to read is Diary of a Long-Distance Sub (NSFW). The submissive has a growing collection of shoes for her Dominant to enjoy and most of the pictures she shares on her blog have her shoes showing prominently with a part of her sexual anatomy.  This is a healthy way to explore the fetish and is a good read.

10 Most Common Fetishes

1. Feet
2. High-heels and knee-high boots
3. Piercing
4. Silk, satin, leather or latex
5. Hands
6. Hair
7. Role playing: doctor, nurse etc.
8. Body parts like flat, tight tummy
9. Balloons
10. Finger-nails art

What else do you know about fetishes? Do you think you have one? Why or why not?

SkylerPet’s Helpful Holiday Hints

This post is another guest post by Skylerpet. You can read her other posts here. She’s wants to help us all get through the holidays with less stress. Here’s some tips to help you. If you have other tips for holiday stress, please leave them in the comments!

With the holiday season in full swing, things can get pretty hectic.  It seems like there’s always more things to do, a list left unfinished.  So I thought I’d share a few tips that I’ve learned over the years to make things go a little smoother.  As submissives it’s important for us to be able to get through these things with as few mishaps as possible, so that we may serve our Master’s better and insure their holidays are most enjoyable.

Around the house:

• Don’t be afraid to ask if guests will be bringing children.  If they are, make sure your home is child safe.  Put breakables up and out of the way, have plastic safety plugs in the electrical outlets, things of that nature.
• Have a place set aside for guests coats, such as a bedroom and a mat for shoes, if weather will be inclement, to keep your floor clean.  Don’t be afraid to put up a “please remove your shoes” sign for those who like to wear shoes inside.
• It’s perfectly okay to use paper plates, especially if they’re biodegradable.
• Make sure to have an extra roll of bathroom tissue and plenty of handsoap available in your bathroom.  Also, having an extra hand towel is not a bad idea. (Not your best ones either! They will be used a lot.)
• If you have your computer on, make sure it’s password protected so nosey relatives or curious children don’t find things they don’t need to.
• Make sure to use surge protectors when plugging in your Christmas tree lights.  Safety first!

In the kitchen:

• Buy your meat in bulk and separate it into 1 lb sections.  Freeze in freezer bags.
• Do a major cleanout of your fridge and cupboards a week or two ahead of time, so there’s room for leftovers.
• Make sure you know about any allergies and other dietary restrictions of your guests.
• Use whole wheat flour for baking.  It’s healthier, tastes better and bakes better.
• Make sure to accept offers for guests to bring dishes.
• Using generic brands is an okay thing.  It saves money and most of them taste the same as name brands.
• Frozen veggies and fruits are an excellent alternative to the fresh varieties.  They last longer, are cheaper and taste just the same.

Miscellaneous:

• Cut up and hemmed flannel shirts make excellent washable napkins.
• Use masking tape to put dates on leftovers you plan on freezing.  It’s easy to remove so you won’t have to cross it out on the Tupperware.
• Ground turkey is a lighter and usually cheaper alternative to ground beef.  The taste difference is not noticeable.
• Use different colored disposable cups for alcoholic versus non-alcoholic drinks.

Make sure to do something special for your Master! Something like a food dish that has special meaning to just you and Him could be subtle but still have meaning.

In the end, the holidays are about family.  And they’re going to understand that things can’t be perfect.  So if you have to put a pile of magazines behind the chair in the living room or use paper plates or if you don’t dust the top of the book cases, family is family and they will understand.

Skylerpet is a 24/7 submissive pup in her late 20’s. She has been into pet play since she discovered the D/s lifestyle and can be reached at: requiemskye@yahoo.com for emails and also YIM chat.

photo by mysza831

One month into my first real time D/S relationship: A Training Review

This is a Guest Post by A. She is a new submissive in her first 24/7 dynamic. I received this wonderfully written review of her first 30 days and she offered to share it with everyone here. Enjoy!

It has come to my attention after reading submissiveguide.com that my training with Sir has already begun, though not outright labeled as such.  Indeed, every relationship I have ever had has begun in this way, learning the likes and dislikes of my partner and trying to accommodate, but with Him, I am more aware of this process, as it is more deliberate.  At the outset, on the day of our first meeting, he instructed me to wear a black dress, and sit in the park reading and await Him.  I am validated to read in Luna’s writing that my concern over my appearance, and also trying to be peaceful, not fidget and patient was already a positive in the direction of desired qualities in a submissive.  Since that day, we have grown together in many ways, and the ways in which I have learned to please Him are outlined below.  I plan to update this list periodically, to track the ways in which I deepen my submission, the ways in which my wants and needs evolve and dovetail with His.

Speech:

Sir:
Use of the word Sir was discussed online, before we had even initially met.  He indicated I could call Him whatever I wished, but desired Sir for intimate moments.  As we grew closer, it applied whenever He was asserting His dominance, be it out in public, online or on the phone and I show my acceptance and submission with the honorific response.

Thank you:
At various times I have been corrected for not thanking Him for the orgasm He allowed me to have.  I have begun to thank Him for blows He gives me in certain contexts, He has not commented either way on this, or corrected when I do not.

Wording:
When I removed His shoes, I asked if He would like to keep His socks or not.  This is something I am still trying to work on, my natural way of speaking is to ask “can I?”  but I am well aware “may I” is more appropriate.  Sir does not comment on this, but I feel it is more respectful, and I’m frustrated with myself at each error.

Enunciation:
Another flaw of mine is that in the course of being together, when I am excited, I often forget the appropriate response of “yes Sir, no Sir” and may make a moaning sort of affirmation or denial. His tone changes immediately as he demands the proper response and I know I run the risk of displeasing Him should I not enunciate properly.

Positions:

Spanking:
Sir is particular about positions and protocol.  When I am to be spanked, I am to kneel and bend over with my face flat, shoulders to the bed, and present myself.  He prefers my back to be straight, which is difficult for me, as my natural tendency is to reverse arch my back.  As I am punished, I am most often allowed to cry out, but not to move.  If I flinch, I am to return to the instructed position immediately without hesitation.  If I am to stand and be punished, I must brace myself stiff armed on a designated piece of furniture, slightly bent, head down.

Undressing:
I am just now beginning to learn how to undress for Sir. I feel a bit silly, but the lingerie I wear for Him helps. So far He has only specified me to remove my panties while facing away from Him, slightly bent over.  Beyond that He has only asked that I please Him with my removal of my clothes, and I try to be creative and pleasing in the process.

Waiting to Serve Sexually:
When Sir decides He wishes to use me I am ordered to get on the bed, on my back, legs spread open and knees up, so He can gaze at me exposed while He readies Himself to enter me.  Often I will casually hold this position, while writhing a bit, gazing at Him to allow Him to feel my passion and desire, and my hunger. Occasionally He will correct me and tell me to be still, but generally He enjoys my arousal and encourages me to exhibit these feelings.

From the Rear:
As one of Sir’s favorite ways to have me, positioning for rear entry is very important.  He prefers a similar position to that of spanking, with more of a reverse lean so as to better accommodate His thrusts.

Rituals and Behavior:

Morning Check In:
Each day when I get up, I am to write to Him, tell Him my plans for the day, and say hello. Sometimes He responds with additional commands, which may include meditating on a certain subject, writing, masturbation or explicit instructions to abstain from that. Other times He responds with a brief “good morning my sweet girl.” Other times He does not respond at all. The initial contact on my part is the focus, and allows me to show that in waking up to start my day, He is in my first thoughts.

Shoes:
My first actual training occurred when we reached my home our first day together.  Sir sat on my couch, and took one of the pillows, placing it at His feet, He instructed me to kneel and remove His shoes.  He informed me at that time that His women do not kneel on the floor, only on pillows, and so I learned my first lesson. Now, unless we are in a rush, I kneel at His feet and put on and remove His shoes.

Worship:
In removing or putting on of shoes, I always kiss the tops of His feet.  Once the shoes are off or on respectively, from my kneeling position I wrap my arms around His calves, and press my head down softly on His lap. He then bends at the waist, and embraces me and we hold that moment.  In this way, I show my devotion and love, and He shows His acceptance and reciprocation.

Sir also requires certain ways of being touched, especially after intercourse.  He prefers His chest to be stroked and will directly request it.

Massage:
Due to injury, regular massage is very beneficial to Him, so often I do massage His muscles for Him, both solicited and unsolicited.  As I do these things for Him, I try to focus on the feelings I have for Him, all I appreciate that He does for me, and allow that warmth and tenderness to radiate through my hands.  This is to me, one of the highest forms of worship and a deep communion between us.

Fetching:
I have the natural desire, when fetching something for Him, to kneel and present the item with both hands upon my return. Sir has expressed appreciation for this, and thus I adopt it.

Toys:
Sir introduces all toys and equipment by either presenting it to me or instructing me to fetch it for Him. He then presents it to my lips and I kiss it, typically a flogger, rope or a slapper, though a blindfold or other bondage instruments, hair brush, etc, are managed similarly.

When Sir is finished with the toy, or when I am cleaning up the room afterward, I am to take the toy to the closet where it is kept, and hang it very deliberately in its designated spot. I stop the swaying with my hands, then bend at the waist to kiss the item, as He watches.  He then closes the closet door.

Presentation:
Sir prefers that the condom box be displayed in my room, with one always set on top, ready and anticipating His need.

Orgasm Control:
Sir has decreed that I may not orgasm without His permission.  As I feel it build, I am to ask, and if He says no, resist it.  This has been my sole punishable infraction to date, as the way in which He was having me made it next to impossible to resist, and in complete honesty, I wanted to see what would happen.  Since that time though, with punishment looming over my head, I improved a great deal, and even redeemed myself, forgiven and excused from the punishment.  Sir has been pleased to the point where He has moved on to orgasm on command.

Orgasm on Command:
Sir employs both the counting method and basic instruction for orgasm on command training and only during sex, which makes it easier for me.  He wishes to lessen my response time however.  I myself would like to be trained by Sir to orgasm independent of sexual stimulation; i.e. a simple word can trigger that response but that is at His discretion.

Clothing:
Usually He does not request specific items of clothing to be worn, but generally I ask when planning to see Him, what He would like for me to wear. As we are still in the beginnings of our relationship, He is not 100% familiar with my wardrobe, but I do my best to accommodate His requests.

Personal Grooming:
Sir often does request specific hair styles of me, and I do my best to please Him in this way. Also, He prefers me to have pubic hair, which I have always removed. Growing out and getting used to this hair has been challenging for me, but His pleasure in knowing it is difficult but seeing that I obey nonetheless makes it a rewarding task.

A is a submissive from Boston MA.  She has experienced elements of BDSM in the past, but is now embarking on her first 24×7 collared relationship.  She happily shares her progress with others who may be inspired in a similar manner. You can find her on FetLife as northern_siren.

Photo by and of A.

Review: How To Get the Spanking You Want

My first ebook up for review is “How To Get The Spanking You Want: The Complete Guide to Asking For it, Getting it, and Making it Better” by Vivian of The Disciplined Feminist. I have an excerpt on this site if you’d like to read it.

The author has over 23 years of spanking experience and over a decade of scholarly and academic research on the subject. She is even well published.

The book is broken up into 4 chapters with a pretty good flow and cohesive train of thought.It’s developed for the person that would like to enter a spanking relationship with their partner but don’t know how to go about doing it.  Written in a conversational tone will really help you explore the topic in your head as you read along. The author stays pretty general about what kind of spanking relationship, but does mention domestic discipline and play spanking so I think it could help you no matter what type of spanking your are looking for. It’s an excellent first step for the hesitant and hopeful spankee.

The first chapter will help you figure out what type of spanking you are looking for, and analyze your fantasies to understand what you expect from a spanking, but she also explains that your real life spankings probably won’t look anything like your fantasies. After all, you control the fantasy and the spanker always knows exactly what to do, right?

The second chapter is set up to help you ask your partner to spank you.  While I do have some issues with the way the author says you should go about asking, there is some sound advice on your partners response; whatever that may be. Vivian says that you should use your feminine seductive arts to ply your partner into seeing you as submissive and demure; dressing and acting the part before and during the discussion where you ask your partner to be your spanking partner. In a way, it comes off as she is saying you should manipulate the situation to get what you want by using your feminine mystique and then being direct about what you want because that’s what guys like.

Now, I don’t have experience with asking a partner to spank me that wasn’t already interested, but to me this sounds a little backward. Essentially I see this as luring the man into your ‘trap’ and then confronting them with some huge secret and expecting them to respond positively about it. I don’t know about you, but if I followed her directions specifically, I’d have a confused man on my hands AND probably no hope of a spanking partner.

Really, my advice would be to definitely set a date to have this revealing conversation, but be honest and open about it when the time comes. There is no need to try to show your man that you are submissive and pliant and your ass is ripe for spanking as she suggests.  But, that’s just me.

The rest of the book helps you prepare and receive your first spanking. It does a wonderful job going through the possible reactions you can have the first spanking you get, as well as the triggers you could awaken and how to deal with them. I love how she makes sure you understand that unlike your fantasy spankings, these hurt. It’s something that a lot of people just don’t realize till it’s happening and then you react poorly.

I’d highly recommend this book just for the last 2 chapters alone. You can definitely get something out of this book even if you are already in a spanking relationship. She also has a chapter on how to get more from your spanking experience and is worth reading even if you’ve been exploring spanking for years. I loved it.

Overall, I think it’s a decent book for someone who needs a way to share their spanking secret with their partner in hopes of finding a spanking partner in them. If you would like help talking to your partner about your spanking interests, get this book.

Interested?

Product Details

• luna’s Rating: 8/10
• PDF Format: 177 pages
• Publisher: Variant Books
• Language: English

Buy “How To Get The Spanking You Want: The Complete Guide to Asking For it, Getting it, and Making it Better“

Strengths and Misconceptions of Kajira

This is another guest post by dina of kajiradreams. She continues her thoughts on Gor and the life of a kajira. You can also read her thoughts on what it’s like to be an owned kajira.

The strengths of a kajira and the misconceptions of what a kajira is and does.
And what strengths better a kajira in being her Master’s absolute and total property….

I want to make one statement before I write what was set of me.
Gor, Gorean philosophy, Gorean lifestyle is exactly that. A lifestyle that is chose by those that have a particular set of intrinsic ideals. I have no time for role-players or wannabes. it is not something that you can ‘act’. It is not a ‘role’ you can play. It has to be lived, from the heart. Also, Gor is a fictional planet within a series of fantasy novels written by John Lange under the pen name John Norman. Gorean lifestyle can be lived here on Earth, but with adaptations, compromises and understanding. Gor of the books is fiction. The underlying principles and values are real.

I feel I should start with the misconceptions surrounding a kajira, as I know so many people in my life that would look with horror and complete incomprehension of that word (that is is they knew what it meant). To outside observers Gorean philosophy appears to subjugate women, treating them as mere objects, owned, ordered about, used as mere sex objects. It also appears at first glance to be all about sex, about sex mad dumb blondes with no brains or ability to exercise their own independence or free will… with no brains to know what they want, reliant on another person. women who have no mind of their own, no thoughts or ideas. Men who want to just use females, objectify them, dehumanise them… All in all, weak minded, easily controlled people who get a kick out of being treat like a piece of meat.

Sorry to disappoint you all agreeing with that statement, but it isn’t.
The Gorean lifestyle actually allows women to be women and men to be Men. I am a woman, quite categorically female and I am a completely different creature of the human species type to Men, I am softer in nature, more emotional, curvier and more able to love unconditionally. Gor allows me to be true to my nature and to myself.

Ultimately Gor comes down to the need for control though. The need of one person to be controlled and another to take control. Gor is about finding yourself in fulfilling that need.

So what are the strengths of a kajira?
For me a kajira is a woman who is confident in her femininity, strong in her commitment and strong in spirit. As kajira I offered myself to my Master freely, of my own free will and in that I chose to give my own will into his care. I am obedient, not because I have to, but because I choose to be. I know I can be forced into obedience by my Master, but that would not be pleasing. My first priority is to be pleasing to my Master and within that I choose to willingly do whatever he asks in order to meet his desires. In doing so I gain pleasure. A kajira is expected to give herself over entirely to her Master, heart, mind, body and spirit and under his guidance learn what is expected of her. I find as I learn more and more what is expected of me, I give more and more of myself. It is without doubt a difficult process and fears surface each time a limit is pushed or a change is realised, but it is a very worthwhile journey and not everything is painful. A Master does not walk this path out of cruelty or a desire to inflict pain, or a desire to have a kajira who will blindly do his bidding… I mean, how many people really want to spend time with a mindless robot? I don’t walk this path as kajira out of fear either, but because I want to. I want to please my Master, in every and any way I can. I want to meet his expectations of me, I want him to be proud of who and what I am, and what I freely give to him out of love and trust and submission. I need to remember, internalize that thought and trust that what my Master demands of me is for my own good.

It has been said that a kajira has no responsibilities or thoughts of her own, that the master holds all the responsibilities. All I can say to that is get real! have you ever actually thought about what it really means to be pleasing to a Master at all times? I am by no means expert, but even I know It certainly is not easy and neither is it meant to be. I find my master makes me look into myself, recognize and accept my beauty, speak my ideas, thoughts, dreams, fantasies and aspirations and be loved just for being myself. It is a hard thing to do.. to accept yourself and realize that you are loved just for being that person, the dark side of your nature just as much as the light. It takes an inordinate amount of strength, but in doing so I see that no matter what, my love for him is returned 10 fold and I am forced to feel it; I feel my life is safe from harm, that my Master protects me and shields me from all that is wrong in the world, whether that be other peoples actions, intent or malice. This strong, dominant, honourable man who consciously and purposefully demands every intimate feeling and thought I have. The desire and need that creates within me is overwhelming, the need to turn over my most basic human rights and trust totally and completely in one Man and his decisions. In a previous post I made reference to IE. IE for those that do not know, stands for Internal Enslavement. If you want to know what that is, look it up. I am not going to explain it here.

The strengths of a kajira for me is to allow this to happen. To have the strength to give that level of control over to another, to trust that they will act accordingly in the best interests of both themselves and their property. The strength to look into yourself and accept everything that is there, good and bad. The strength to change aspects of yourself in order to please another. The strength to place everything you have ever accepted as intrinsic to who you are, to one side as you learn. To relearn who you are and your place in life and in society. The strength to consciously choose a path whereby another will exercise the process of IE within you, knowing full well that as you walk that path you consciously and freely chose the end result, the result whereby you are psychologically bound to your Master in such a way you are mentally no longer able to exercise free will.

I am uncomfortable admitting it within myself, but I am a strong person. It keeps being pointed out to me and demonstrated quite clearly, but I feel uncomfortable accepting it when I find myself turning into everything I have previously detested. but I am strong. I will make those changes for my Master, not just because he demands it of me, but because I need to. It takes great strength to be completely 100% honest with another, especially when it is regarding things you are ashamed of or things that have upset you in the past, but I do it. I do so because I trust my Master to guide me and teach me how to please him better. One that sticks out quite sharply for me as a strength is the ability to trust in his judgment. I need to explain this one a bit better.

I am not a mindless robot. I am fiery, I am passionate, I am ruled by strong deep-seated emotions, I am intelligent, I have ideas, thoughts, concerns, issues, fantasies, wants and needs. It is instinctual when someone demands an action for me to question. sometimes there will be quite strong fears or concerns regarding this. Being kajira does not mean that I give my Master blind obedience; being kajira means that there is a time and a place for everything. That I must trust my Master to allow me to express those fears and concerns, that I must trust him to help me work through them so they are no longer barriers. That I must trust my Master to be acting in both his and my best interests. and that at the end of it all, regardless of how strongly opposed my own feelings may or may not be, I have the strength to say the words which are the right of every kajirae. “Yes Master”.

Another key strength for me is being able to let go, lose myself as I fall down this rabbit hole in the knowledge that my Master will always be there when I fail, and I will fail for I am human but he will be there allowing me to pick myself up, evaluate what went wrong and continue the journey, knowing that as I lose myself, I also find myself.

Two final points to make, I know I have rambled on here quite a bit and I have repeated myself a lot… I am not going to edit it though as I feel it will detract from showing my Master my thought process.

1. I have an ever growing, innate need to be pleasing to my Master. I cannot switch that off. It eats inside me, demanding to be fed and to feed it means giving everything I am over to the hands of another; becoming bound to them in a way that there is no retreat, no escape route, no leniency. This is a very frightening concept and process, but just because it is ’scary’ does not mean I will back away from it. I always have enjoyed a good fight and I know within myself I have that strength to move through those fears and become everything I can be and more.
2. “If you resent being polished how can you become a mirror”. Within the need to be pleasing to my Master, there is a further desire to be a reflection of him, his ideals, his standards, his integrity, honesty, confidence, strength of character, dedication and commitment. I desire for my Master to see within me what I see in him. He makes me so happy and content and complete. I want to give him everything he desires and more besides. I have to. I have to in order to be true to myself.

Done. Finito!

Photo by Strength ~vs~ Weakness

What It Means to Be an Owned Kajira

Banishment as a Form of Punishment: How Do You Cope?

“Go to your room!”

Yes even  adults in power exchange relationships get treated like children sometimes. A common tool for Dominants in their punishment arsenal is removal. You can be removed from the activity and sent to a time out area. For me that’s the kitchen. Ugh. I hate when I’m banished there. I can still hear what’s going on everywhere else, and to torture me even more there are no clocks. I can’t tell how much time has passed.  It works for us because I can understand my punishment and correct my behavior during the time I am away.

You may not have such a short time away. What if your Dominant tells you that they are not going to talk to you or see you for a week? Longer? How do you cope with that realization that you have made them so upset with you that they don’t want to see you? It happens more often in relationships that are not live-in, but certainly are not reserved to that style of relationship. It’s hard and I spent my first few removals crying and confused.

Now, cyber relationships use banishment a lot more readily and it can be even more frustrating. You are essentially cut off from your Dominant in every way. They won’t answer their phone, you email them but no response; it’s like they dropped off the face of the earth. In these cases I think that banishment is a lot more damaging than other punishment. In fact I’m sure it’s lead to a lot of failed attempts at online submission. Connection and communication is the only way you are staying together and so to break that leaves a huge gaping hole. A hole that you can bail out of. Commonly, that is just what happens.

There are ways to cope with the disconnect of your Dominant for punishment sake. It may be hard at first, like it was for me, but it is possible. Now, coping does not mean you can get used to it, that the reason you are being punished can be forgotten, or that you won’t miss your Dominant. All of these things are important to remind yourself of while you go through your banishment.

The Initial Phase

At first you could feel that your relationship is fractured or that you did something really really bad to deserve this. Now I can’t judge how bad punishment is; only your Dominant really knows if it fits the crime. The only thing you can do is serve the punishment with humility. Do not constantly try to get in contact with them. They have given you this punishment and you should serve it.

Reflecting on the Infraction

Now that you know you are being punished and that you have a bit more time on your hands; think about what you did. Write about it to yourself or in a journal. Figure out how you can prevent it in the future. Heal the problem as best as you can so that you do not have to feel this punishment again.

Atone

As soon as the punishment is over apologize for what you did wrong. This is not the time to say that you didn’t do anything wrong or critique your Dominant. Be humble and apologize. You can hope that your reflection on what you did wrong will remind you that you don’t want to do that again, or you can apologize and know that you have corrected it.

Stay strong; banishment is not an easy punishment and thankfully something not everyone does.

The Roundtable: Open Marriages

Every so often I want to open up the blog for you to share and teach me on a topic that I don’t know a lot about. This is your chance to teach me and the other readers of this blog. I encourage you to comment, subscribe to the comments and keep coming back to add more insights.

From the Wikipedia page on Open Marriages:

Open marriage typically refers to a marriage in which the partners agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without this being regarded as infidelity. There are many different styles of open marriage, with the partners having varying levels of input on their spouse’s activities. The impact of open marriage on relationships varies across couples. Some couples report high levels of marital satisfaction and have long-lasting open marriages. Other couples drop out of the open marriage lifestyle and return to sexual monogamy. These couples may continue to believe open marriage is a valid lifestyle, just not for them. Still other couples experience serious problems and claim open marriage contributed to their divorces. All couples in open marriages may therefore want to pay attention to their relationship maintenance behaviors.

Today I’d like to learn about open relationships and marriages. Here are the questions I have for those of you with experience in open-style relationships:

1. What rules are there in the relationship to prevent infidelity or violation of other limits? Why do the ground rules exist?
2. What style of open relationship do you have? Is it polyamory or one that we haven’t discussed yet? Is polyamory considered an open relationship?
3. How do you handle jealousy issues?
4. What sexual protection do you use with other partners?
5. The illegality of having another partner other than your wife/husband can cause issues, what do you have to keep the safety of all partners involved safe?
6. Have any of you seen the Handbook on Open Relationships found at Open Hands? What do you think of its content?

Do you have anything else you’ d like to share about open relationships that I might not have considered?

A Grand Apology [Day 11 - 2WBSP]

Today’s task is to learn an appropriate pose to take when apologizing for wrong-doing. If you need to review the past posts in this series, please take a look at the leading post.

This position is hopefully something you don’t have to do often but since we are all human, it is going to happen. I’ve had my own mis-steps and misbehavior that has landing me over his lap or chastized in another way. This position would certainly be helpful for me in my need to feel forgiven.

How do you want to appear when asking forgiveness? Is there a position that draws you from what we’ve already learned for use during apologies? Would you prefer standing or kneeling? What would your Dominant want from you?

Try It

1. Kneel, head lowered with whatever hand position you feel would express your apology best.
2. Express your apology in a clear and concise voice.
3. Stay in that position until your Dominant gives you permission to move.

Another option may be to lay flat on your back with your hands either extended in front of you, or clasped behind your back. This may be best done when no vocal apology is required or they have plans for punishment that require your immobility.

How do you show your Dominant that you are sorry? Is it in word and deed?

Worship and Obedience [Day 10 - 2WBSP]

Nearing the end of our 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions here at Submissive Guide. Today we are going to learn positions of worship.

There will be moments in your submission that a feeling wells up inside of you to show your devotion and respect to your Dominant. You may also be asked to show your obedience to your Dominant in a position of humble service. One of the ways you can do this is with a pose of worship. I’m going to describe two basic ways you can show your obedience and worship. Please feel free to try your own; as with all of the positions expressed here, they are customizable and definitely personal to each relationship.

Kiss Their Shoe/Foot

This first position that I’m going to discuss has many different versions that you can read about online. The basic premise is to show worship to your Dominant. Practice this position with your Dominant if you can. Let them express ways to make it better and more personal.

1. Kneel in your preferred manner from Day 1 of the project.
2. From this position, lower you head down near the floor at your Dominant’s feet.
3. Place your hands on either side of your face.
4. Kiss your Dominant’s feet or shoes in homage.
5. Return to your kneeling position.

Obedience Bow

When performing this position you are reaching out to the highest form of submission you can muster from your body. You should express it in every movement into position. Find the beauty of your submission to bring you there.

1. Kneel in your preferred manner from Day 1 of the project.
2. Reach your hands out in front of you and lay them palm up or palm down on the floor.
3. Keep your head lowered in this position.
4. Lower your body until it is as low as you can comfortably bring yourself.
5. Allow your hands to remain outstretched until you have permission to rise.

What can you do to enhance these poses? Do you have a different way to express your worship of your Dominant? Could you share it with me in the comments?

Offering Your Body for Service [Day 9 - 2WBSP]

An intense and beautiful display of your body and offering yourself for service to your Dominant can be intimate, powerful and elegant. Today we are going to brainstorm ways you can offer yourself to your Dominant with them in mind. There is no proper way to do this, but once you find a way that appeals to them, you will want to continue doing so. Let’s get started, shall we?

Show Off

Think about what your Dominant considers to be your best assets. What are they attracted to most when the look at you? What do you long to have touched, played with and caressed? Pick a body part you want to draw your Dominant’s eyes and hands to. For me, my Master can’t keep his eyes off of my ass and wants to grab at my breasts every time I walk by. I can use these to my advantage in a position of offering to him. I’d like you to think about a way to expose those parts seductively. This could be in a slow and alluring manner or you could do this by being completely naked. Employing makeup to enhance areas can draw attention to you as well. Sure this sounds silly, but trust me that it will be appealing to your Dominant.

The Right Words

Next we need to come up with the right words. If you have to beg, this would be the time to do that. If you want to entice them to use you, it can be more seductive. From, “Sir, I offer my breasts for your pleasure.” to “Sir I need you to touch me so badly, I beg you to please come and do your will to me.” Be creative.

Presentation

Finally you present yourself in front of your Dominant. This can be many different forms. Here are a few ideas.

• Thinking all the way back to day 1 when we learned to kneel, pick a position that leaves you more exposed and perhaps shows off the asset you have picked. For showing off the chest, perhaps a basic kneel but put your hands behind your neck; this will lift and accentuate your breasts in an alluring manner.
• In a more formal inspection type of offering, you could stand at attention, feet hip distance apart and then bend at the waist, take your hands behind your back and offer your sexual areas to your Dominant.
• Take your breasts in your hand and offer them to your Dominant as a more visual offering.
• Lay on your back, spread your legs and taking your mound in your fingers, spread your lips invitingly.

Give this a try the next time you are with your Dominant. I’d love to know what you did and if it worked!

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Attending Your Dominant [Day 6 - 2WBSP]

In the previous posts we covered basic positions that should now be familiar and perhaps you have worked out in your relationship that you want to employ them. If you need to review you can do that by going to the initial post. Today we will be learning an active position and one that can take on many forms.

Attending your Dominant can come in many ways, but the most common is when you are out mingling with people and you need to be available for subtle and conspicuous service. Entertain the idea for a moment that you are at a conference and are walking beside your Dominant and they are collecting brochures, free items and business cards, talking with people and generally engaging in the event. What could you provide them to make their interactions more smooth and comfortable?

Some of the things this post will cover is how to accept items for safekeeping, supplying items as they are needed and being prepared for anything your Dominant might need. Please feel free to customize the positions and ideas for your relationship.

Situation 1

You are instructed to be available to carry items as they are picked up. You position in relation to your Dominant should be on their dominant hand side. This way as they pick things up and decide to keep them, they do not have to cross their body or turn to give the item to you. You should quietly accept the item and secure it so that you hands are as free as possible to continue accepting items. This could be with the use of a basket, shopping cart or bag.

In a formal setting where your status can be more visible, this could include hand positions; one behind the back, and the other crossed at the front, palm up. This way when an item is handed to you, you are prepared to accept it with little movement. Try to stand right now and hold your hands this way. When walking you could place both hands behind your back and as soon as you are stopped, move it to the front to show availablity to take items.

Situation 2

Your position is to provide items such as business cards, pen and paper or other items as your Dominant needs them. In this role you are to actively engage with your Dominant’s actions without invading their space. If you are not part of the exchange or activity you should be humble and silent. You could even try to keep your eyes lowered to show that you are not a part of the activity, but be ready for items.

My hope for this position, is that you do whatever offering gracefully and as effortless as possible. Standing at attention is good for this situation, but organization is imperative. Have whatever items your Dominant has asked to be available within easy reach and organized so you don’t have to hunt for them. Business cards should be kept crisp and neat in a case, pen and paper could have a nice folder or case as well. Other items should show your care for them and hunting for them in your purse or bag is inappropriate and shows your unpreparedness.

Situation 3

The last situation is more about preparedness and is a learned trait as you know what the basic expectations are of you in situations where your attentiveness is needed. Start watching your Dominant engaging in different situations and see what they use or are of need of. Do they hunt for a pen? What about needing to consult a calendar? Are they frequently forgetting their sunglasses? These are things you could be the custodian for and then they never have to go hunting for them.

How is your presence unique in these situations? Can you make your Dominant more comfortable or easily provide information? Seek the uniqueness of your relationship and develop an attentive position or two for those moments.

Tomorrow we will be covering Serving Food and Drink.

photo by lepiaf.geo

To Bow and Curtsy Appropriately [Day 5 - 2WBSP]

This is a continuation of the ongoing project for submissive positions here at Submissive Guide. Today we will cover bowing and curtsying.

Every culture has a different way to show respect and acknowledge a title holding member of their society. I believe most of them us a form of bow or curtsy to honor that respect. Yes, bowing is also employed in theater curtain calls but what I’d like to focus on here is the purpose of the bow or curtsy as it applies to D/s. When asked or directed to show respect to your Dominant it is likely that a bow or curtsy will fit the bill.

Do you know how to bow or curtsy? Is it comfortable for you to do? Today’s task is to learn how to bow and curtsy correctly and smoothly for any situation.

The European Bow

1. Put your left hand behind your back, bent at the elbow and resting at about your waist.
2. Take your hat (if you are wearing one) in your right hand by the brim.
3. Bring your right hand to your waist, bent at the elbow while you tip your upper body forward. (the lower you bend, the more respect you show)
4. Keep your eyes lowered, do not raise your chin to keep eye contact.
5. Straighten your back and drop your hands.
6. Either tuck your hat under your left arm or replace it on your head, depending on your circumstances.

The Asian Bow

1. Bring your hands flat to your sides.
2. Bow your head and shoulders forward with eyes lowered.

If the person is higher status or older than you are, you should bow deeper and longer. It is polite to bow, bending from your waist. Men usually keep their hands in their sides, and women usually put their hands together on their thighs with their fingers touching. If it is a casual situation, you can bow like nodding. The most frequent bow is a bow of about 15 degrees.

Curtsying

1. Lower your head. This makes you appear vulnerable. This initial position was the origin of the curtsy.
2. Place both your hands on the sides of your skirt and hold it out sideways. If your skirt is too narrow, then hold your hands out to the side, palms upward.
3. Extend one foot behind the other, bend both legs at the knee and bend your head and shoulders slightly forward.
4. Gracefully bring yourself back to your original position.

Bend your knees outward, rather than forward, for a more formal curtsy.

Curtsy for those of a higher social status. Reserve a deep curtsy for when you meet royalty in European cultures. This is called a court curtsy and is more elaborate. The curtsy is deeper, and you can sink to the floor or go down on one knee.

How to curtsy from YouTube.com

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Rise From The Floor With Finesse [Day 4 - 2WBSP]

The next part of this two week series is about getting up from the floor. You’ve already learned about kneeling, standing at attention and lowering yourself with grace. Stick around, we have a lot to learn.

If you’ve ever watched Memoirs of a Geisha you have seen how graceful it  can be to rise from the floor, appealing and smooth to go from the floor to a standing position. We are going to try to do that today. When a Dominant asks you to get up from the floor,  it would be a compliment to him if you could do it with fluid grace. You might be expected to do it a certain way. My Master likes to see my ass as I get up, so I’ve altered the way I get up just for him. You may find your own pleasing way.

Try It

Okay, now get down on the floor. You can kneel as you’ve learned or just sit cross legged. Now try to get up without a lot of clumsiness. How did it look? Did you use your hands to help you up? Did you pivot to one side or the other? Perhaps you wobbled? If it was graceful then you’ve luckily aced it.

Learn It

So we might have work to do. Get down on your knees. It’s easier to start that way anyhow. There are two ways to go about this. One requires a lot of leg strength and the other is easier. Remember to keep grace and fluidity in mind.

The Easy

From the kneeling position, lift one leg up till you can place your foot down. Keep your hands in whatever position you had them in for kneeling. Now slowly and powerfully lift yourself up using the foot you have on the floor until you can place both feet on the floor. If you wobble, that’s okay; it will get better with practice. Go down to the floor using the method you learned yesterday. Keep trying until you are happy with the way it looks and feels.

The Hard

From the floor you have to get to kneeling first. If you are sitting cross legged you need to slide your legs to one side and using your opposite hand lift yourself up to kneeling; slowly and carefully. If you can do this, you can move to the easy steps to get yourself up off the floor.

How’d We Get Here?

Now that we can get up off the floor we have reached the end of the basic movements we need. You can kneel, stand attentively and both rise and lower yourself. You’ve made the progression well. Continue to practice these steps until you can do them without much thought or effort. If you’d like to review what we’ve learned so far, take a look below at the links in the series so far.

photo credit by David Boyle

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Gracefully Lowering Yourself [Day 3 - 2WBSP]

We have covered standing and kneeling so far in the positions project here at Submissive Guide. Today we will cover going from standing to kneeling in a graceful way. It’s not as easy as you think.

First you have to pick out one kneeling posture and one standing posture from the previous posts. This way you know how you are starting and where you are ending up. Keep this in mind as you perform the task today. For simplicity I am going to use a general standing with arms at your sides, folding to a kneeling with arms resting on thighs.

Alright so get up where you are and stand. Now just kneel. How did it look? Did you have to use your hands on the floor to help you down? Did you pivot to the side? Did you look down to the floor? What else did you notice? Was it graceful? Was it smooth or clunky?

Now what we need to do is find what you did wrong to make it more appealing and graceful. No one is perfect. Don’t expect perfection at first. I still can’t lower myself gracefully but I try at it and I still please my Master for trying. You can do it too.

The Challenge

1. Take the standing position you picked and stand at attention. Feel comfortable in the position before beginning to move.
2. Start to lower yourself to the kneeling position.
   1. Take it slow.
   2. Try not to tip sideways, bend at the waist more than 30%, keep your eyes up and don’t put your hands down first.
   3. You can lower to one knee first and then move the other or if able, drop to both knees at the same time. But don’t just drop! Make it a controlled lowering.
3. Take the kneeling position you picked and pose. Make yourself comfortable in the kneel.

Practice this for at least 10 minutes until you feel that you have improved in grace and fluidity of movement.

Tomorrow we will be practicing how to rise from the floor gracefully.

photo credit quinn.anya

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Standing at Attention [Day 2 - 2WBSP]

Today’s challenge  in the two week project here at Submissive Guide is all about standing at attention.

One of the most common ways you can present yourself as submissive to a Dominant is by the way you stand. You may do it now even though you don’t have any specific rules as to how to stand. Pay attention next time you are standing by your Dominant. Are you on the right or left? Do you stand in line with them, a bit back, a bit in front? Where are your hands? Where are your eyes?

Part of a nice looking position is being aware of every part of your body. Make mental notes about how you stand both in your partner’s presence and away from it. Does it change when you are just with friends or family? What makes it different?

Try It

Today we are going to try to practice different ways to stand at attention. Try each of these positions for 10 mins or more. Remember to stand with soft knees, don’t lock them. You can stand longer that way and are less likely to faint in long periods of standing. Test out different ways to rest your hands and eyes. Place them at your sides, behind your back, crossed in front, clasped at the waist, etc. Do you like your eyes up, or down? Do these positions in front of a mirror if you can.

1. Stand fully erect with hands at your sides. Place your feet together or within 3 inches apart. Relax your knees. Test out the different hand positions.
2. Stand fully erect with hands at your sides. Place your feet hip distance apart. Relax your knees. Test the different hand positions.
3. Stand fully erect with your hands at your sides. Place one foot perpendicular to the other in a ballet pose, rest position. You heel should touch your big toe or close to it. Test the different hand positions.

Which of these did you like? Which didn’t you like? Write down your favorites, give them names and describe them so that you will remember them.

photo credit Madame Monnika

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Learning to Kneel [Day 1 - 2WBSP]

Today’s post  in the two week project here at Submissive Guide is focused on kneeling.

Do you kneel in front of your Dominant partner at any point of your service? Is there a specific way to do that?

For someone new to BDSM, it is common to think you must kneel a lot of the time. When you are online, it can be expected that you will be spending most of your time kneeling, however in real life it may not be expected at all. My first exposure to real time BDSM involved a little bit of kneeling. I had to kneel in front of the bed and be ‘collared’ for play. This was just a playtime collar and was part of getting me in the right mind. The kneeling was just a short time and I don’t think I spent any more time on the floor like that the rest of the play time. I do not kneel in my relationship now except on special occasions.

In some relationships it might be expected to be kneeling when the Dominant enters a room or returns home from work. The position you take while kneeling is also particular to that Dominant’s desire. Can you think of other times you may be asked to kneel?

Practice Kneeling

Today’s task is to practice kneeling. Get down on the floor and rest up on your knees. Try laying your feet flat so that the tops of your feet are on the floor and rest back on your calves. Kneel with your knees together and then with your knees spread apart. Practice resting your hands on your thighs, crossing them in front of your chest, or behind your back, or behind your head. How long can you hold each of these different positions. How can you make it look graceful, composed and sensual? Try to hold the following positions for 10 mins. Do this in front of a mirror if you can.

1. Kneel up so that your body is perpendicular to the floor, the most weight will be directly on your knees. Place your knees together and then spread them apart. Try different placements of your hands in this position.
2. Kneel down rested on your calves. Rest your feet with the tops on the floor and then bending your toes under for support. Place your knees together and then spread them apart. Try different placements of your hands in this position.
3. Sit cross legged on the floor. First try it with your feet as far under as possible, then move them so that they are more in line with your knees, perhaps even on top of one another.

Which of these, if any felt the most comfortable. Which ones did you like? Which ones did you not like? Write down your favorites on a sheet of paper. Give them names and describe them so that you can remember them.

Tomorrow’s position is Standing at Attention.

photo credit notquitetrish

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Pet Play and Human Pets: A Primer

Today’s post comes from Skylerpet, a submissive pet in a D/s relationship who volunteered to write an essay for me after seeing the Weekly Tips on YouTube. Thank you Skylerpet!

Pet play is one of the most unique, one of the least known and in my opinion one of the most fun and entertaining sub-cultures in the BDSM, D/s and “kink” lifestyle. Now, I write this from the perspective of a submissive female, so please keep in mind that it can be changed around to any form you want.

Pet play involves one or more people acting as an animal with typically the submissive being the animal and the Dominant being the “Owner” and/or “Trainer.” I have heard of the Dominant being the animal and Dominating his/her submissive that way, such as holding the submissive down with a bite on the neck, but I am unfamiliar with this.

What animals are common for submissives to be? Most commonly you will see ponies, puppies and pigs. I myself have been a kitty and as of this writing am a puppy. Less frequently I have also seen bunnies, cows and once a seal, though I have no experience with these animals.

For me, one of the biggest reasons I enjoy pet play, aside from it simply being fun, is that it reinforces the Owner/owned relationship. Non-human pets are owned and completely dependent on their owner. They get fed when the owner decides and only then. Their toys and medical care is wholly dependent upon the owner remembering and doing. In a 24/7 D/s relationship this is often times also true. The slave is fed after their Owner has eaten. They wear what their Owner wishes, sleeps when and where their Owner tells them, and follows the rules their Owner dictates. So it is with non-human pets. The only difference is that your non-human pets didn’t consent. You choose them and bring them home upon your own whim. With D/s pet play, the submissive consents to be the property of their Owner. For me, being an animal, being “less than human” reinforces my Dom’s Domination of me. He is a Man and wholly human. I am a pup. His pup.

How is the animal chosen?

There are typically three ways.

• One way is the submissive acting upon his/her instincts to which animal they most identify with. If the submissive is loyal and playful perhaps they lean towards puppy. If they enjoy being led around and high protocol training perhaps it would be pony.
• One other common way for the animal to be chosen is for the Dominant to choose for the submissive. If S/He prefers a puppy to a kitty, the submissive will be molded into a puppy. As another example if the Dom is a farmer who enjoys breastfeeding from His submissive, perhaps He would like her to be a cow.
• The submissive can also switch animals from time to time if their pet play is temporary, if they simply enjoy experimentation or if they do not identify with one particular animal.

Why pet play?

• One large reason many D/s couples go into pet play is for the humiliation and dependence aspect. Restricting a submissive’s movement and vocalizations forces them to be that much more dependent on their Dom. Also, not being allowed on furniture or having to use a litter box instead of a toilet can be very humiliating for some.
• Another is because it is simply fun. It is a great psychological and emotional release to be able to come home and let loose the restrictions of humanity and what humans are “supposed to be like.” It is just plain fun to bat around a cat toy or play tricks and get treat rewards. It could also be described as a “de-stressing” process from the rigors of daily life, especially if the participants work outside the home.
• It can help with submission, as taking away some parts of the submissive’s humanity can help take away their sense of equality. It can help the submissive orient their mind to their Dom being their focus in life.
• Pet play could also be used as punishment. If the submissive misbehaves badly it could be punishment to be put out in the pig stalls with the pigs for a period of time, or whatever animal is available, and made to act like that animal as the punishment.

How does one engage in pet play?

• Restrict movement via bondage.
• Restrict verbal communication, perhaps to only certain words or animal sounds such as “woof!” or “mew!” or more child-like words such as “up!” or “potty!”.
• Training exercises such as tricks for puppies, walking on leads and leashes or for ponies pulling a cart/plow.
• Eating and drinking out of bowls without the use of hands and/or silverware.
• Learning to use a litter box instead of a toilet, or even going outside.
• Playing with toys, such as batting toys for kitties or tug-of-war toys for puppies.
• Begging in the manner of the animal you identify with, such as a puppy whining.
• Caging.
• Not being allowed on furniture without permission.

Also, safety is incredibly important!

So please keep these things in mind, and also any others that fit your lifestyle:

• When it comes to eating actual animal food, while it is okay for perhaps a short scene, it is not safe to do so on a regular basis. Humans have different nutritional needs than animals do, and it is incredibly important to get your nutritional needs met. There are many ways to simulate animal food and treats such as mashing up meatloaf with ketchup, using stews or even baking treats in the shapes of bones and such. However, for any long term play, Eukanuba, Purina and any other brand of animal food you use, are for canines and felines, not humans.
• If you choose to use training and/or shock collars, please, PLEASE read the instructions! On a personal level I am not into electric play, but it is out there. So please, be careful and safe.
• If you put your pup slave into a kennel, please keep in mind that they are very cramped. You do not want your pup slave to be damaged from being in that position for long periods of time.
• If the submissive has had their ability to move and speak restricted it is incredibly important that some form of communication is available to them so that they may communicate if something has happened and/or gone wrong, both physically and emotionally.
• Also, in my opinion having a human pet can add some responsibility to the Dom because when some of the submissive’s humanity is taken away and especially if their communication is restricted, the Dominant must that much more aware of the submissive’s frame of mind.

So that’s a very basic overview of pet play. It can get a lot more specific if one looks at each relationship and the animal(s) involved. A note though; pet play sometimes can be sexual, and sometimes can be completely non-sexual. It, as with everything else, simply depends on the couple involved. Please keep in mind that I am in no way speaking of bestiality. This is two or more human beings acting and role playing within the confines of their negotiated relationship.

Most importantly: Have fun and ask questions if you need or want to!!

In my opinion, pet play can deepen submission, but only if it’s right for you.

Skylerpet is a 24/7 submissive pup in her late 20’s. She has been into pet play since she discovered the D/s lifestyle and can be reached at: requiemskye@yahoo.com for emails and also YIM chat.

photo by photognome