Chat Night Transcript From What is Service Talk

lunaKM> So, first I’d like to get some impression about how new you are to submission. Could you please tell me how long you have been exploring submission and if you are in a relationship right now?

lunaKM> hello aquamuse

aquamuse> Hello, I’m new of course.

eagerslut> I am in a relationship and just recently discovered I am submissive and asked my master to teach me. Previously he had other subs

selene1123> i am currently in a 24/7 m/s relationship…have been exploring submission for about 6 months

aquamuse> I am in my first positive and healthy D/s relationship now with a man who is just discovering how much he likes it when I do what he asks.

aquamuse> about 6 months.

eagerslut> We always have had a sexual d/s relationship but 2 wks ago i discovered I wanted a 24/7

pleasure> i am in a 24/7 D/s relationship for over 6 years now…..i am 53 and in the lifestyle 6 1/2 years

bc26_2> i have only been doing this since march of this year and i am in a D/s relationship for that same amount of time

lunaKM> I’ve been living 24/7 for 5 years, just so you know ;)

pleasure> smiles

eagerslut> :O:

lunaKM> Ok, so we have a range of experience levels. thank you so much for sharing with me.

pleasure> it’s an ever evolving lifestyle and growth, no matter how long one has been in it

eagerslut> That is what I believe

lunaKM> Now, what do you think service is to you? No answer is wrong.

selene1123> To me, service is anything i physically do for Master’s purpose or enjoyment

aquamuse> I’m going to venture here and say service is being totally available, open and willing to comply. This assumes my basic needs are taken care of and put to the side for the time being.

eagerslut> Doing something for someone that would make them happy,even if you don’t feel like doing it. Giving your heart and soul to please that person

pleasure> nick/pleasure…….service/submission..is all the same to me…what ever makes my Sir life easier, happier…and i might add that i am actually more a slave

lunaKM> I’ve always believed that service is a part of my submission and what I give to my Master on a daily basis. Service is, to me, the activities that help the house run, our life be enjoyable and the basic needs met.

pleasure> yes exactly luna

eagerslut> That is very true

lunaKM> But I had someone explain to me yesterday on my recent post that they believe service is separate from submission

lunaKM> and I really like that explanation she gave too.

bc26_2> i agree with service being anything that makes the house run and enjoyable…even when my Mistress is not here

selene1123> i see service as the physical representation of my emotion submission

selene1123> *emotional

aquamuse> I like that selene1123

lunaKM> I’m going to quote it here… CarrieAnn said: To me, service and submission are different. Service is something I do because I’m required to or even want to but doesn’t necessarily require that I submit to anything or anyone. I can not have a submissive bone in my body and still serve. Submission is more direct; surrender to his will, submission to his dominance. The two often merge but are not always one and the same.
eagerslut> I like that too

bc26_2> oh i like that too

pleasure> yes i like that

eagerslut> I can see that point

lunaKM> So as you can see for some of us they are the same thing, but for others they are separate

lunaKM> Perhaps that is why I see people identify as service submissives?

eagerslut> As is everything in life we are all different and we interpret things differently,from our own background

eagerslut> I like that term

bc26_2> i feel that i am in service to many — myself, my Mistress, my daughter at some level…but i submit to only my Mistress

lunaKM> If we can agree that service is likely to be activities and not emotional in nature then perhaps we can come up with a list of things that are service?

aquamuse> I can agree with the definition.

eagerslut> I am a nurse so I feel I service others on a daily basis but I submit to my MAster .

bc26_2> i agree

lunaKM> alright so is my daily coffee preparation for my Master service or submission?

lunaKM> How about the daily chores?

pleasure> i am a nurse too,as like eager, i only submit to my Sir

eagerslut> C

selene1123> i would consider daily tasks or chores service

aquamuse> by definiton – these are examples of serice.

eagerslut> keeping the house clean

selene1123> but why you do it and how you do it is an aspect of submission

eagerslut> making sure my Masters children are taken care of

pleasure> laundry, making the bed..keeping the house clean is all service…

* lunaKM nods

lunaKM> Is sex a form of service?

eagerslut> BAking.massages,listening

aquamuse> baby making?

pleasure> my Sir has set in rules for a clean house

pleasure> yes i believe that would be a service aqua

selene1123> sex to me is a form of service

pleasure> i agree selene

eagerslut> Yes I think sex is a form of service,but I love it so much it definitely isn’t a chore

pleasure> no chore here either lol

aquamuse> hehe

lunaKM> Are all things service related as chores though?

pleasure> service doesn’t have to be something enjoyed

lunaKM> I’d think that there are some things you do that you enjoy just as much as sex as service.

aquamuse> I have things like workouts and keeping a calendar updated – are these service by our definition?

pleasure> no i don’t think all things service related are chores

eagerslut> I hate to cook but I do it because my Master loves it when I do. He generally does most of the cooking but I know he is very pleased when I do

lunaKM> I believe so aqua

selene1123> service itself is enjoyable to me…even if the act i am performing may not be

lunaKM> For me that’s hard to get in touch with selene1123. I’m quite expressive in my face and even if I try not to show my displeasure at a task he tends to figure it out.

bc26_2> i agree with you selene

pleasure> yes but you are still serving luna

aquamuse> me too selene1123

lunaKM> heh, I hear that a lot from him also :P

eagerslut> I do also

lunaKM> Next thought…. do all submissives serve and do all that serve submit?

pleasure> no

eagerslut> No

aquamuse> no

bc26_2> no

lunaKM> In what way can we describe the separation?

pleasure> it’s clearly upon each individual and the circumstances of the relationship

eagerslut> I think they are interchangable

pleasure> i don’t think there is line to divide the two….they do intertwine at times for many of us

selene1123> some may serve out of necessity or arrangement (like a stay-at-home mother or father) but that doesn’t mean they are submitting

pleasure> very true

eagerslut> Yes I agree

pleasure> to submit for me is doing something i detest….and yet serving

pleasure> does that make sense ?

lunaKM> Why do you think service is held in such a high place when Dominants talk about what they would like in a partner?

lunaKM> It does pleasure.

eagerslut> I think serving is a task you can do for anyone and submission is giving your being over to your Master.

eagerslut> To establish routines

pleasure> first of all….Dominates…are predominately Male….and have different ideas and thoughts as to what serving is…it’s what and how They define it

aquamuse> I know my Lover simply enjoys the idea that I obey him in simple requests. I think the power of that has suprised him.

eagerslut> To esatblish who is in control

selene1123> i agree with eagerslut – to emphasize who has the reins in the relationship

aquamuse> I agree too with eagerslut

lunaKM> I think that since service is what they can see immediately as a result of their dominance that they tend to place that a bit higher in importance

lunaKM> submission may not be immediate, but you can serve

eagerslut> Yes how true

pleasure> yes

aquamuse> that idea works for me luna.

selene1123> i can see that

pleasure> there are those that identify as bottoms..they serve..but don’t submit

lunaKM> So is the desire to serve natural or something learned?

eagerslut> Both

aquamuse> for me it seems to be natural.

pleasure> one can only answer for themselves….for me it natural…and yet i feel it can be learned

eagerslut> Some come by it naturally but anyone can learn to serve if they desire

lunaKM> it’s completely learned for me. and it’s not coming easy, that’s for sure

bc26_2> it depends – it is natural for me

aquamuse> I read your bio today.

lunaKM> which one aquamuse?

selene1123> yes, it depends on the person…i’ve always felt the need to serve, though i never really had an outlet before Master

eagerslut> I am a mixture. I have some inherent ability to serve but I can be very selfish at times

aquamuse> Luna.

lunaKM> Oh I meant which site did you read it on

eagerslut> I agree with selene

pleasure> i am a nurse..to serve is natural….

aquamuse> Yours Luna, you mentioned that the whole submissive thing was contrary to your persona? I hope I got that right?

lunaKM> yeah, I’ve had to do some rewiring. It goes opposite to how I was raised.

lunaKM> I get the greatest thrill though when I do something in full submission mode though.

aquamuse> on the Submissive Guide

lunaKM> Which is probably why I’ve stuck with it.

eagerslut> i always thought taht being liberated and independent I couldn’t be submissive but I have found that since I have given myself over to it I am more liberated

lunaKM> There were a good 6 months I considered going Domme. ;)

pleasure> i lived in a marriage of 23 yrs, and didn’t realize till after my divorce that he was controlling..not Dominate ..there is a difference..and to the way one submits to each

bc26_2> can you describe what you mean by full submission mode

aquamuse> * smiles*

pleasure> you are free now to be who you really are inside

eagerslut> Yes controlling is different My first husband was a controller

selene1123> i agree eagerslut…Master likes to make fun of the fact that i am a feminist submissive

lunaKM> full submission mode for me is when I’m given a task and as I’m performing it, no matter what that is, I feel a peace, like all the pieces fit just right, a perfection at my choices in life.

lunaKM> I’d like to attain that as permanently as possible, but right now it’s just fits and starts.

eagerslut> You explained that beautifully

eagerslut> I will strive for that

bc26_2> nice

lunaKM> I get like a buzzing in my head almost when I get there, and my heart swells in my chest. It’s grand.

aquamuse> I wan’t that too.

pleasure> good way to explain it luna……for myself, luna, i call that “focus”

lunaKM> yeah, it is a focus, sure!

selene1123> to me, it’s a moment of perfect connection with Master

pleasure> smiles

eagerslut> :)

lunaKM> Do any of you provide any unique service to your Dominant?

eagerslut> I remodeled his home,laid tile

pleasure> well….grins ..everything from toweling Him dry after a shower..to tying of His shoes

bc26_2> wow – you go

eagerslut> Had to go to Home depot to learn that

pleasure> Dom Depot lol

eagerslut> ;)

lunaKM> Master loans me out to the BDSM communities around us when calls for volunteers are needed for events. I’ve folded pamphlets to checking people in at the door and serving as hostess.

lunaKM> He’s not as … outgoing as I am… so he says I go in his place :P

selene1123> i act as His personal assistant…He hates writing, remembering appts, anything like that so i kinda “manage” things for Him

lunaKM> I am also Master’s chauffeur. He never drives

eagerslut> I get him out of the house to exercise he hates to get going but enjoys it once he does

eagerslut> Mine hates to drive also

* lunaKM chuckles I wish I could do that for my Owner. He just says watching me is enough workout.

pleasure> we mentor others in the lifestyle..and i have given classes as other Doms request Their subs/slaves need training in areas of service that the Dom is not able to do

pleasure> (at)

lunaKM> I suppose Submissive Guide is a service I provide too

pleasure> oh yes luna !! smiles

eagerslut> Yes it helps me

pleasure> a service to all that reads it

aquamuse> Good service!

selene1123> very informative for the new slave!

bc26_2>  agreed

pleasure> being in the lifestyle for over 6 years now, but i am still a child learning my way

lunaKM> Like eagerslut said, she had to learn something in order to serve in a way or another. What have you went out to learn so that you could serve better?

pleasure> i took geisha classes ! lol

eagerslut> I love to learn and feel like I would wither away if I am not learning

lunaKM> what are geisha classes like?

pleasure> learn grace, pose …..

eagerslut> Oh I would love to do a geisha class

bc26_2> i am putting together a list for my Mistress now on things I need to learn

aquamuse> I learned the theory’s of lifting weights and started workout out.

lunaKM> oh lordy, Master would so have me in a grace and poise class in a

heartbeat.

bc26_2> lol

pleasure> it was fantastic….a part of me woke up, literally…..seeing His eyes the first time i walked in the room with out plunking down on the floor at His feet lol

eagerslut> I love the grace of a geisha. my Master lived in Okinawa and he is into that

selene1123> Master has discussed sending me to geisha classes, but the closest ones are almost 6 hours away :(

eagerslut> :(

lunaKM> awesome I doubt there are any around me, but I’m sure I can find some reference materials online ;)

aquamuse> I read that book about Gehsha. Loved it!

pleasure> google it selene…there are online sites that have wonderful tips, ect

eagerslut> I’ll do that also

aquamuse> I believe beauty is a service.

eagerslut> I have been practicing yoga and getting into position gracefully

pleasure> i may be in jeans and t-shirt one day , dirty in garden dust….but i have a feeling..of being sexy…

pleasure> oh yes i agree aqua

selene1123> definitely aqua

eagerslut> I feel sexy when I think of my Master

pleasure> taking pride in your appearance

lunaKM> Alright, anything else you’d like to cover about service?

bc26_2> yes, taking pride in appearance

eagerslut> Appearance is very important

eagerslut> I love shaving and getting ready to see him

eagerslut> He loves for me to wear dresses and heels.The heels are definately a service

selene1123> haha, my Master is the opposite

pleasure> i shave daily, sometimes twice if we are having company, for a teaching session for others ….shaving is a daily service for many subs/slaves

selene1123> i wear dresses and heels all the tim, so He likes me to wear jeans and sneakers

pleasure> your behavior…just as appearance reflects service….and it reflects back to Your Dom/Master

eagerslut> Yes my Master has already informed me of that. To speak succinctly when asked a question and to think before I speak

pleasure> yes and in a quiet tone…..

pleasure> in geisha training, words are not needed

pleasure> it’s your body that speaks for you

pleasure> the way you move….kneeling down to tie His shoe, He knows i have arthritis in both knees..that is service though painful for me

eagerslut> true

lunaKM> Well ladies that is all I have for tonight. I can stay for another half hour to chat so I’m going to open the floor for free chat if anyone would like to stay.

eagerslut> I’m going to have to get a geisha outfit now

bc26_2> thank you very much for the chat luna

eagerslut> That you for your insight luna

aquamuse> Thank you luna.

Also might interest you

Simply Service Newsletter

Submissive Journey Weekend 2010 Registration Now Open

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – Please cross-post

Welcome to the 3rd Annual Submissive Journey Weekend…

I am proud to announce that registration for the next Submissive Journey Weekend is now open. We cordially invite those who identify as submissive, slave, girl, boi /boy, bottom, pup, etc. to a weekend of learning, growth and support. All genders, sexual orientations,and experience levels, are welcome.

The classes at SJW will focus on service skills training, personal growth and relationship-oriented classes all with the intent to inspire further learning and growth in the submissive.

Come stay with us for three days and two nights at a luxurious cabin nestled in the beautiful mountains in Pigeon Forge, TN . We have people that attend from all over the country and even Canada. Your registration package will include lodging, meals, educational materials, event t-shirt, over 15 different classes and large group discussions, and much more.

In an attempt to offer personalized attention I am offering only 45 openings so please don’t wait to register. We fill up fast! We already have applications coming in.

For more detailed information please feel free to visit our website at submissive journey weekend

Please contact kendell at sjw.information@gmail.com for any questions you may have. I’d love to talk to you.

~ A Thank you to our Sponsors
This would not be possible without the support and kindness of our sponsors. If you are interested in sponsoring or making a donation to the Submissive Journey Weekend please check out our sponsor information page on our website.

Please feel free to cross post this announcement or share it with others who might be interested in this event

Thank you,
kendell
SJW – Producer

Add Your Reading List to Your Training Resume

Since the beginning of Submissive Guide I have been writing essays to help you build your service/submissive/slave resume. This is the living document of your experience and training on different tasks and a variety of relationships. If you are interested in reading the previous posts about the Training Resume I suggest you start at the topic index.

Today we are going to compile a list of the books you have read during your service that are a part of your growth and learning. The importance of this list is not only to show a potential Dominant that you are well read, but that you have a personal desire to work on improving yourself, learning a wide range of viewpoints and opinions and learn about BDSM activities of all sorts.

Gather Your Books

Pull together all the books you’ve read on BDSM, specific service items and other self help resources that you have read completely. These books can be basic relationship self help, etiquette, green cleaning and simple living, How-to books, and so much more. Let your mind explore your entire library and figure out how that could apply to a BDSM service relationship. You might be surprised.

Magazines and Newspapers

Although a bit more rare or pricey, you can find excellent magazines and even newspaper articles that might help you with building a reference library for your service experience and development as a person. Perhaps you have a subscription to a gardening magazine, home repair or fine dining journal. These things can be wonderful resources for your service life. Be creative and look for learning opportunities everywhere you go.

Online Sources

Don’t forget online newsletters and blogs that you are subscribed to! Even SubmissiveGuide.com can be a great resource to list on your reading list if you read it regularly and learn from it. Make note of the posts or articles that you enjoyed the most and the URL if there is one.

General Essay websites are great too, but make sure you keep a list of articles that you have read on each one so that it isn’t assumed that you have read the entire site.

How to Make the List

For books, make a list of the titles, authors, publication dates and a synopsis of the book. Online resources need to have the name of the site, the URL, the date you last accessed it and the site owner with a way to contact them if you can find one. You can also spend time writing personal reviews of the book or essay with what you took from it and made your own.

For example, I just read SlaveCraft and reviewed it on this blog. I can add that book to my service resume in the Reading List area. My entry would look something like this:

SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude, principles, skills and tools by a grateful slave with Guy Baldwin, M.S.

Daedalus Publishing Company (April 2002)

The author writes for the submissive or slave who may already have experience and thus understand the skills and tools that will help deepen their surrender. His four principles that he describes in detail are Identity, Obedience, Transparency and Humility. Each one is artfully discussed so that while you may be walking in his world of surrender you can apply them to your own service quite easily.

Making this list now will help you in the future too when you try to remember where you read that fantastic book or essay that you’d like to refer to, or share with a friend. The importance of a list like this can help you in more ways that just your resume.

What else would you list on your reading list? Would it be beneficial to list books and articles that you want to read in the future or have an interest in?

A Lesson in Control with Self-Punishment

Each and every day there is the chance to scew up and be disobedient. Luckily, most of us won’t break rules every single day but when we do we know that punishment will come swiftly and precisely. That is, unless you are an online submissive. Then there are a few other steps to having punishment carried out and most likely that involves you doing the punishment by direction.

Every submissive I know, including myself, hates to get into trouble, but it’s going to happen. We have to admit that there will be times of backsliding, pushing limits and general disobedience in our learning. It’s a part of growth. This doesn’t mean we are more or less submissive or that we don’t deserve the collar we wear. It just means we need that bit of focus that punishment affords us. Don’t think of punishment as something bad, but as something to help us grow inward.

Punishment really can be a good thing.

While most of the following ideas are used mainly in online relationships, they can and are used in face-to-face relationships as well. Feel free to add your own thoughts as well. I would like to point out that communication is key in any relationship and negotiation of these issues is important. A Dominant must not violate your limits or agreed terms during punishment. Also, punishment is not to be enjoyed by either party in order for it to work correctly. It is difficult for sex to be a good punishment because of this.

Essays

Now, for those submissives in an online relationship punishment takes on a variety of tasks. Most common is the essay. The essay can be about anything that the Dominant feels would benefit the submissive in improving their behavior.  In most cases I have seen essays about the specific infraction used the most.

Many online submissives have blogs where they post their completed work. Others use email to send their completed essay to their Dominant. I know I used the email method when I was online only, but eventually those essays ended up on my blog as well. Reading old essays has helped me see where my mind was at in various times of my submission.

Writing lines is another form of essay punishment that can be a reinforcement tool. Handwriting lines in a book is a physical reminder as well as a mental one that you have disobeyed and are being punished.

It’s easy to see that the proof that you fulfilled your punishment is the resulting paper or set of lines. This is why it is a good punishment tool for those online relationships.

Sexual Chastisement

Punishment in this form can be instructed to wear a sexual aid for a period of time, no orgasms for a time frame or any other form of control that the Dominant can take away as part of your punishment for misbehaving.

A common punishment in my Dominant’s house is wearing a butt plug or ben wa balls while out, forbidding orgasms for a time or making me do something sexual that doesn’t appeal to me (but isn’t a limit).

The delicate thing about this form of punishment is that if the Dominant uses something that they want you to start enjoying then it could set a negative vibe about it once the activity is employed for pleasure instead of punishment. Sexual punishments should be used with care if used at all.

For online relationships, these things may be carried out while on web cam or chatting directly. With built up trust, these things can also be done with camera proof or maintaining communication.

Lecture

No one ever looked forward to a lecture from their parents. Having to sit down and listen to your Dominant tell you that you were disobedient is just as scary. Having to hear a long drawn out message is even worse. You can feel horrible and that’s the point. Driving it home is the purpose. Listen to your Dominant during lectures, don’t tune them out.

Privilege Restriction

In essence this is like being grounded. The Dominant can take away favorite foods, set a bedtime, allow only a certain number of text messages per day or can make clothing requirements. Anything that you take for granted can be taken away from you. Punishments of this sort are quite common in face-to-face relationships as they can be policed easier that way.

Online ‘Public’ Punishment

Used mostly online as the title describes, this would be going to a chat room or other online BDSM venue where others are and declaring your misdeed and receiving chastisement in front of other people.

This is also possible in face-to-face relationships. I’ve read of submissives wearing signs at parties about thier misbehavior and what punishment they are under. There are many creative ways to be punished in BDSM public and if your relationship allows for this form of activity then the Dominant may deploy it to teach you a lesson.

Proof

For an online or long distance relationship, part of the frustration of both parties is the proof that the punishment was carried out. Unlike the essay option where there is physical proof that it was completed other punishment may require the use of technology.

• Web Cam or Digital Photo – Used when an image is necessary to see that the punishment was carried out. This can be helpful in most any instance of self punishment.
• Other Documentation of Self-Punishment Obedience – things like calendars, text messages, emails and voice messages can help provide proof that you have obeyed.
• Anything else? What other ideas do you have as ways to prove you obeyed and the sentence was carried out?

photo by apesara

Juggling Daily Life and Submission

We all have responsibilities in life. The family needs to be taken care of and fed, you have to work, pay the bills and keep the home repaired. Kids have to be cared for and carted around from games to classes to other outings. There are days you feel that there aren’t enough hours in the day and you haven’t even had time to say hello to your Dominant let alone serve him as you’d like to. How is it really possible that all the stories you hear about submission really happen? Are they living in a vacuum?

Once the fantasy of ideal submission settles and the excitement of trying something new fades you realize that life will continue whether you are submissive or not. The real truth is that you can be submissive during all of your everyday too; just toned down or hidden. As I’ve said here before, submission in a lifestyle sense isn’t what you do, it’s who you are. You can’t just take off the submissive hat. Here we are, living as we need to do and submitting. That is the new ideal.

So, when you go to work or make dinner you are still serving your Dominant with everything you do. Perhaps you work to pay bills. This helps provide your Dominant and yourself (with family) someplace to live and enjoy life together. Turn on that internal voice that continues to say, ‘What would my Dom think of this action or that behavior?’ As you hear it throughout the day, make the judgement calls based on what he or she would say. Change the way you think about everything you do.

It is true that the struggles of life can get in the way of play time or frequent sex or intense D/s sessions. We all suffer it from time to time. What is still true in those instances is that you are still submissive. You may not be showing it outwardly as often but it’s there because it’s a part of you. All throughout the blogosphere and in conversations on groups you hear of submissives struggles with times that life gets in the way of their dream. Never give up of that dream; but realize that priorities change.

What? Do I mean that after all the talk of submission being who you are that you can decide not to be submissive? No. What I mean is that just like everything else in life, it ebbs and flows. Some moments will feel very submissive to you and others the submission will be just a hint of your self. Accepting that the ideal life can’t be everyday all day is just a part of growth and development. Sometimes you will be a parent first and submissive second, you could be employee first and then spouse with just a hint of submission.

The important thing to remember is that the submission is still there! Just like how you were before you found submission as your calling (however strong it is), you can be just as successful of a person with just a hint of submission than when it’s flaming out in radiance of your submissive.

I may be living the perfect life for me, but it’s not for everyone. Find that perfect balance for you.

How do you juggle your daily life and your needs to be submissive? I’d really like to know how you accomplish it.

photo by jayniebell

Submissive Guide Town Hall Meeting

Submissive Guide is just over 7 months old now and with a decent number of well received posts I’d like to get your feedback as to where Submissive Guide is going. Let me go through what I’ve seen happen on the site and what I’m working on for the future. I want your input too, so please leave me a comment or drop me an email with your thoughts. I’d love to hear them, good or bad.

Growth

Since Submissive Guide began on the 2nd of January this year I have had over 100,000 visits. This is mostly all organic growth. That means you are finding me through search engines the most. I have a lot of blogs linking to me as well and I’m so grateful for your faith in my writing. I don’t pay for advertising anywhere else right now and don’t see a need to do that for future growth. Just spread the word when you can and I will be happy.

As far as the advertising on this site, all of the current banner ads are affiliates. This means that I get a small kickback when you purchase items from them. I have one paying ad as a text link in the right sidebar. If you are interested in purchasing some ad space I’d be happy to talk to you. You can stop by my advertising page and contact me from there.  I have made a small amount of money from Amazon Affiliates and all the income from there has gone to purchasing the books that I do reviews on the site with. I plan to continue doing this with Amazon income for the foreseeable future.

Submissive Guide is an income venture and I do hope to make money from this site at some point. My hope is to provide you with e-books and workbooks to help you improve your submission in some way. These would be economically priced and I will make sure that they are worth the cost to you. My first workbook currently in the works is an expanded version of the Submissive Positions series I posted at the end of April and into May. I’m working with a Yoga instructor to provide you with stretching exercises and alterations to the positions so that you can work into them and improve your flexibility and stamina. There will also be lovely pictures of the positions! Stay tuned as I work on this throughout the summer.

Coaching in the Works

I am also developing a submissive life coach business to co-live with Submissive Guide, the site. I will be personally coaching you to reach your goals through email, chat sessions and phone conferencing. This could also lead to training courses and group classes to help reach your goals and discover the stumbling blocks keeping you from reaching your goals. This is still quite a ways away, as there is a lot of business red tape and personal planning I have to get through to make sure I do things right. I am very excited about being able to get to know you better though coaching!

Features on this Site

I have a few reoccurring features on this site that I’d like to draw your attention to. Every month I have a Roundtable discussion that is meant as a way to teach me about a topic I don’t know a lot about. The past few have been about polyamory and open relationships, and shaving. I love the information we have collected on these topics and am happy with the participation I get. Do you like the Roundtable Discussions? Let me know!

Every month I also have a book review of a book about submission or BDSM. I try to give an honest review of the book as well as referencing it to submission and what may help you improve and empower yourself. What books would you like to see reviewed? Do you like these? Would you like to see more?

The resources area has a lot of wonderful things to explore. I have a BDSM bookshelf, a link to the Submissive Journal Prompts site, links area, submissive groups around the web and the Simply Service newsletter archive. If you have a resource you think should be included I want to know about it!

The frequency of posts may decline as the demand for my time spreads out to other areas. I do intend to not go below 3 times a week and will post more frenquently if I have guest posts to share with you. I never imagined this site would do so well in such a short amount of time, but I’m finding that to be fulfilling as well.

Share Your Experiences

I am always looking for guest posts on a numerous variety of topics. I’d welcome anyone’s essays to share here on Submissive Guide. I have a page that details what I expect from the essay which you can find here. I’m grateful to those that have donated time and writing for this site so far and look forward to working with many more of you in the future.

Here’s some of what I’m looking for:

• How to reprogram yourself to come once the Come on Command relationship is over.
• When you owner controls all of the money, how to adjust, adapt and live that way.
• BDSM with kids around. Anything and everything to do with this topic.
• Sexual submissive topics (great sex tips for example)
• Exerpertise in BDSM activities from the bottom point of view, select one activity per post.
• BDSM fiction and non-fiction book reviews
• Posts from the male submissive point of view; any topics welcome
• Anything else?

Paid Posts

I offer paid posts from people that have qualification and certification in the field they wish to write about. These posts range from $10-50 depending on the helpfulness, depth and other factors to be discussed.

I’m currently looking for:

• Certified and licensed massage therapist to write a series of posts about various massage techniques.
• General Practice Doctor to write about health and medical related issues where BDSM is concerned.
• Established BDSM speakers and presenters to write about various topics. (You must have a website that identifies you as a regional or national BDSM presenter.)
• Ordained pastor or minister to discuss religion, spirituality and it’s connection with submission in all forms.

If you are interested, please contact me.

How to Get Updates

Now, I’m sure many of you get Submissive Guide sent to your email or favorite RSS reader but are you aware there are other ways you can get updates? Submissive Guide has a twitter acount that I post new posts as well as recommended reading, quotes, questions and tips that I’ve collected. If you are on twitter, please follow subguide! If you are on Youtube you can get notices about the video posts one day before they are released here on the blog. I’ve also created a group on FetLife for Submissive Guide so that you can continue the conversation there if you are already active on Fetlife. Lastly, if you have a Kindle you can now get Submissive Guide sent to you that way for only $0.99 a month. I didn’t set the price, Amazon did. If I could, it would be free too. I get a tiny amount of the monthly fee you pay and that will go towards server upkeep.

Let Your Voice Be Heard!

I want you to voice your thoughts on Submissive Guide. What do you like? What don’t you like? Where can I improve? What topics are lacking? Express it all.

photo by rick

Do You Answer When Submission Calls You?

There is no way to be sure but, the large majority of information about the D/s lifestyle is in fiction form. While it’s nice to escape into emotional and physical stories, they are fantasy. For submissives looking to get their feet wet, these stories could hinder or harm the very ideas that develop in the brain as far as how things really are. Fictional material leaves gaping holes in your understanding of submission and the D/s dynamic. The more experienced submissive will find BDSM fiction to be mostly useless and uninteresting. So many will say that it is nothing similar to what they do day after day for those they serve.

What we need to do is establish a visible understanding of what submission is like to those looking through the fantasy for the reality of it all. Submissive Guide does try to portray it with as little sugar-coating as possible. I look to people who experience things that I don’t for information that can benefit you. I write about topics that are timely and yet timeless. There will always be novice submissives, and I hope that Submissive Guide will always be there to lead them along the real path.

But what about you? Do you listen to your heart and that voice inside telling you what you should and could be doing? Is there a call to bend your knee to someone special? I’m not here to tell you that my submission is better than yours or that your submission is not as deep as mine is; I’m here to guide you to YOUR perfect submission.

Getting Started

There are tools and resources aplenty if you want to start out in D/s. There are even more access points if you enter a local munch group or social outing for BDSM practitioners.  Seek them out and feed your curiosity, don’t wait for them to come to you. Let your new life start now. Take that step.  Ask questions, lots of questions and not just to other people. I highly recommend talking to yourself about what you are learning. Many submissives do this in a journal, but as long as you are having these conversations you can develop your perceptions on submission. Submission is sensual and erotic, it is peaceful and loving but most of all it feels right when you found the mix that’s right for you.

So, look into the fiction that you hear about, The Story of O, The Beauty Trilogy, The Marketplace Series. I encourage you to read them all. See what fiction has created as far as the lifestyle and submission. What parts of it do you like and why? What would you like in your own submission? Just because something is written as fiction does not mean you can’t make it a part of your real submission.

Enhancing Your Spirit

Once you’ve found your path to submission it’s not time to relax and enjoy the ride, although you may be tempted. The most honorable submissives will tell you that what is valued more is a submissive willing to enhance their submission with new training, wider viewpoints, better understandings of nature, the world and the one they serve. Engage in polite debate with others about terms or ideas, generate opinions about different topics and be prepared to defend them. Create your personal submissive identity.

A submissive is not just a piece of property like a desk or a chair. A submissive improves with age, refines themselves, enriches the lives they touch. Much like a fine wine, although not kept on the shelf to collect dust and then once decanted is gone. The thirst for growth is infectious and innate in many submissives; some work hard for what they learn.

Answering The Call

So when you step foot into submission, don’t make it a passive affair. Engage your senses into your new life. Take charge of how you want your submission to grow and develop. Enhance your life with the talents you have, and try hard to use all of the passion and pleasure you can muster to not only make your Dominant happy, but yourself. Find that fulfillment.

In submission, you can find love… love for yourself. Answer that call.

A slave’s life is mostly composed of patience and study. Yes, study. If not with actual books, then following the example of greater, senior slaves. Or learning every nuance of their owner’s character, so that they can more completely and seamlessly offer themselves at the right time and in the right manner. — Laura Antoniou

photo by Dawn Ashley

7 Things You Can Do Today to Impove Your Submission

A question I see asked all the time is “how can I be a better submissive?” Here are a few things you can do to make your submission and service better without a lot of work.

1. Move with purpose. If you have been asked to fetch something or approach your Dominant, be precise in your moments, allow your natural grace out. You can be fast and still be beautiful to watch. Be mindful of your moments, remove the fidgeting, check your posture and enhance your natural body movements. If you naturally sway, make it slow and sultry. If you have a dance in your step, don’t try to force it out.

2. Think before you speak. Filling your speech with ums and ahs is not only annoying but a sign of disorder. Show your Dominant that you appreciate the ability to speak or that you care about how you sound by making sure you know what you want to say before you say it. If you don’t know what to say, express that you need a moment to collect your thoughts, your Dominant should appreciate your attention and care to being open and honest about your preparedness for the conversation.

3. Enhance a basic service. I use the coffee service a lot around here, but it really does help to explain a lot of different things. I have taken the basic serve of his coffee and added a piece to it that he appreciates. I announce his coffee when I arrive with it. I place it where he requires it and say, ‘Your coffee Master.’ Something as simple as  slowing your steps like you see in a Japanese Tea Ceremony can be an enhancement that improves your submission.

4. Learn a new skill. There is never a moment that a submissive should stop learning. Picking up talents and skills to better please your Dominant should be one of your basic tasks. This can be cooking a special recipe, a sexual technique or playing chess.

5. Meditate on your submission. Take a time out and think about your submission. Reflect on the day or week and think about things that went well or didn’t go well. Find ways you can improve yourself or your submission while relaxing. Develop a mantra to say during your meditation if you wish.

6. Kneel or sit at his/her feet when they are busy. Sometimes just being there when they didn’t expect you to be can be a great way to express your submission to them. Appearing at their feet without any expectation of anything from them can provide comfort and pride and help you with your feelings of submission.

7. Ask for advice from other senior submissives. Your best fountain of information are submissives that have been where you are. Permission to talk to other submissives is nice to have so that you have a support system in place and you will never stop learning and growing.

8, 9, 10? Do you have ideas of what I could put here to make it 10 Things? 20 Things? If you have ideas, I’d love it if you could share them.

photo credit by c.a. muller

4 Things to Look for in a Mentor

There are mentors in every area of life and situation. In BDSM it is sometimes recommended to newbies to pick up a mentor, but are never given the tools to find a mentor that is right for them. I know that when I first started out there were good people to be around and not so great people that left their mark on me. I do wish that people had lead me to learn what a mentor is and how to go about finding one that is right for me.

First, a mentor isn’t just a friend that you can talk to, although they could start out that way. A mentor is someone that you can get advice from, learn from and feel close to in a submissive context. They exist to help you learn who you are and what to expect in different lifestyle situations you may encounter as you grow in confidence and submission. A mentor is not a trainer and should not be directly involved in any physical training that you undergo. You should never have an intimate physical relationship with your mentor.

Let’s take a real world example: Big Brothers and Big Sisters. These volunteers are mentors for needy children all over the nation. They become friends and confidents for the kids involved and some go on to be close to their little brothers/sisters well into adult hood. They strengthen the child’s confidence and provide them an outlet to learn and grow without the stress of parents influence. It’s all healthy and beneficial for both parties.

A BDSM mentor should be similar. There are a few things I’d like you to look for the next time you seek out a mentor for your life. Keep them in mind the next time you approach someone and you may be able to find the person that can guide you.

1. Are their beliefs and definitions similar to yours?

You want to find a mentor that has the same definitions of common terms in BDSM. If they feel that a submissive and a slave are the same thing, and you don’t then they won’t be compatible with you when you bring up topics along that thread of thought. Treat your first few conversations as an interview. Ask them how they came into BDSM, what they think about safewords and relationships and those all important personal terms. If they mesh well with what you think then keep going. This person could be a good mentor for you.

If you are so new that you don’t know what those personal definitions mean to you, then take on what is known as an open mentor. This is someone that is availabe for new people to learn for themselves and helps guide you into your own definitions so that you can find a more targeted mentor later on if you choose to. I consider myself an open mentor and want to help you find yourself before you key into the specifics of your new life as a submissive. I can do focused mentoring, but prefer to make sure your personal beliefs and definitions are solidified first.

2. Are they open to letting you talk or do they force a lot of questions at you?

A good mentor is going to allow for silence in conversation so that you can think things through and talk about what you want to talk about. Mentors know when to point questions at you that will help you think, but keep the conversation flowing the way that is most beneficial to you, the mentee, not the mentor. You should be able to pick up this trait from the interview phase.

3. Are they professional yet comfortable to be around?

When you first meet someone or talk to someone that is considering being your mentor, are they professional in manner? You should feel comfortable around them relatively easily and feel free to talk about whatever is on your mind. If you feel uncomfortable or their questions are far more private than your relationship allows, it’s a warning sign that they are not the mentor for you. A mentor’s job is to make a novice comfortable with what they are experiencing and who they are, if that can’t happen in the interview phase it may not happen at all.

4. Do they appear to know what they are talking about?

Mentors are not going to know everything, but they are going to be well versed in a lot of aspects that novices come to them with questions about. If your mentor gives you the impression that they don’t know a whole lot about what you need to talk about, it may be best to seek out someone else. Great mentors will be prepared for all questions, even if it means they need to research and learn before they can give you quality advice. Someone not willing to work for you as well as with you isn’t really taking your growth strongly.

Now there are a lot of other things to look for in a mentor, but for now; take these thoughts and figure out if a mentor would be someone you want in your current situation. If it is, start seeking them. Interview them before you start pouring your thoughts to them. Get to know them as a person and as a submissive. Feel comfortable with them and don’t let them lead the thoughts, they are there for your growth. Continue to learn and your submission will develop.

Do you have questions you’d like me to answer? Let me know in the comments or the contact form. If you want to remain anonymous, just make your name ‘Anon’ or something similar.

photo by Forty Two

Resources

This area has submissive resources that will help you with your developing submission and the growth and enhancement of your relationship with yourself.

Links

There are links to other interesting sites all over the internet with information important to different facets of your submissive life. Explore them and learn something about your submission.

View the Links Directory and submit your link

Book List

A compiled list of books you can purchase from Amazon.com that have something to do with submission, BDSM or your continued personal growth.

Browse the Bookshelf for a new book!

Journal Prompts

This area is a subsite of Submissive Guide. It houses hundreds of quotes and prompts for your journals or blogs. I hope that they can help you think about and discuss things you may not have thought about. Feel free to post your responses on the site or on your own site. Link back so that we can read your responses!

Go to the Submissive Journal Prompts Site

Simply Service

A ‘monthly’ e-zine written and produced for submissives. Bootpig started it a few years ago and I took on the volunteer task to keep an archive of all of the past ‘zines for others to read and learn from.

View the Simply Service Archives

Submissive Groups on the Internet

Across the web there are groups of submissives where learning and sharing take place. Many of these places are open to newcomers and experienced alike. You might enjoy some of the groups listed for you here.

View the Online Groups List

Chat Room

Submissive Guide chat room. Brand new and looking for regular visitors. This is unmoderated chat unless I’m in the room. I hope to provide chat on specific topics scheduled in the future.

Go to the Chat Room

The Importance of Journaling Your Submission

Communication is one of the key elements that make a D/s relationship strong. Without good communication your relationship is destined to fail. While talking face to face may be the best way to communicate, sometimes this just isn’t possible. A submissive can be a novice, shy, embarrassed, or intimidated. With the age of the internet, distance can also be a roadblock in good communication. Dominants have to use tools to help the submissive communicate and grow.

One of the tools that Dominants can use for communication is journaling. Keeping a journal has really grown and flourished online, but long before the internet submissives kept paper journals. Now many of the journals exist online as blogs. A blog is an online journal. It’s still not unlikely now to have a paper journal and a blog. I have a blog for my everyday writing and a paper journal for the really private stuff that even Master doesn’t want to see. That one is rarely written in, but it is there if I need it.

Starting a Journal

If you are asked to or decide to start a journal of your own you should decide what sort of content you want to have in it. Many submissives record their play and sexual encounters as a part of their blog. I try to reflect on my day as a submissive and delve deep within to find out why I acted a certain way or where I can work on something related to my submission. Whatever you decide your voice may be, stay true to it. This journal, whether paper or online, is a part of you. Be honest with yourself, open-minded and introspective.

There are several blog hosting services that can allow you to have a public or private blog. They provide different looks and themes, options and features to make your blog whatever you’d like it to be.

There are several reasons why you would want to start up a blog or journal. They can be very personal or have every opportunity to be open with others. Perhaps you need advice or exposure to help you through your journey. The following methods can help you get your feet off the ground.

Journaling for Development

When I started my blog, and the main focus now, is to journal as I develop as my Master’s submissive. I try to detail my thoughts and feelings and get to the bottom of it. I tend to try to over-analyze and take a very introspective view of myself. I am overly critical but it does help me see where things are and where they may be going.

Your goal for journaling may be similar. Do you want to document your learning and growth as a submissive? Does it make you feel good to know that you have come from A to B and are better for it? Development journaling may be for you.

Take an introspective view of what you did today and how you behaved. Were there things that you feel enhanced your submission? Was there anything you’d like to work on? What about ideas for further development you’d like to look into?

Journaling for Punishment

Generally this option isn’t one you take on yourself, but is asked of you by your Dominant partner. Blogs or journals that document a submissive’s punishment and atonement for infractions can be interesting reading if done correctly. Again, it would be beneficial for you to write introspectively about the punishment, the ‘crime’ and the way you feel now that the punishment is over. Perhaps even writing about how you will improve your submission can give you a lot to learn from.

Sex Blogging

There really is an art to writing about sex, but to attract people to your form or journaling you need to write explicitly and often. A good sex blogger will not only tell the story but encourage readers to want for more. This is one of the most commercialized options, but if you are in for the long haul and can write well, this might be an option for you to explore.

Preserving Your Voice

In all that I’ve written here I’d like to remind your to keep your voice. Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t (unless you are in a character blog). It is expected that when you journal you are telling the truth. Several bloggers that I used to follow, were shunned when it was found out that their blogs were faked and it was just a fiction blog. If you are going to write fiction, make sure your readers know that.

Your voice, the way you write and what you write about is important to you, and possibly to readers if you share your blog with the world. No matter if your blog is private, if you are honest with your feelings and emotions then it can be used by you or a Dominant partner to the best of both. Make the journal your own. Let it strengthen you. Keep it true to you.

Other Submissives’ Thoughts on Journaling

The Power Within Journaling – Life on the Razor’s Edge

photo credit Bob AuBuchon

Beginning Your Training Resume

A training resume is just another name for a folder where you are going to start keeping your list of training achieved, history and important documents. Much like the training folders mentioned in The Marketplace series by Laura Antoniou you can build a file on yourself to offer your current or future dominant partner(s). Throughout the course of this program you will learn how to write your own files, learn to focus your training in the direction you wish to go and develop a personal development plan for your own growth.

It all begins with the basic information that all dominant request of a submissive when they are first getting to know someone. This is known as a basic profile. Personal basic profiles are a great way to distill information in an interesting and digestible format.The process to writing a personal profile are to intrigue the reader about the person it is written about.

1. Be Concise and condense – No one needs to know everything in every small detail about you in a profile. Try to say it in as few words as possible.
2. Choose your adjectives – Use a thesaurus if you need to. Find words that clearly state what you want to say.
3. Choose specific terms – ‘I like sports’ is not nearly as clear as ‘I like soccer’. Make sure you express yourself completely.
4. Write in outline format – Outline format is easier to follow and give a snapshot of what you are like.
5. Present a 3D image of yourself – Don’t just focus on a few aspects of your life.
6. Be honest – Don’t lie or exaggerate.
7. Take pride in who you are – Use positive words but do not brag.

Some information you may want to include:

• personality (choose 3 power words)
• likes/dislikes
  • food
  • entertainment
  • activities
  • hobbies
  • music
• family life
• education
• religion/spirituality/beliefs
• causes you are active in
• living situation
  • environment
  • location
• pet peeves (You can learn a lot about a person on this issue alone.)
• goals/dreams/plans
  • professional
  • personal
• travel
• hope to accomplish
• family structure or size (i.e. ‘Would like to have 5 kids.’)
• unusual experiences (i.e. ‘Worked in the peace corps in the Sudan,’ ‘went to Germany in school,’ ’survived a severe storm,’ ‘met famous person,’ ‘home-schooled kids.’)
• what is important to you (i.e. ’saving money to help the needy’ or ‘protect the environment.’)
• talents or skills
  • musical
  • artistic
  • sports
  • drama
• groups or affiliations or online communities you belong to (another way to learn about someone)

Once you get the basics together you can start developing your training history. We’ll start putting that together in future posts.

Building your Training Resume

1. Beginning Your Training Resume
2. Recording Your Training History
3. Recording Your Completed Training
4. Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
5. The BDSM Checklist that will Really Help You
6. Add Your Reading List
7. Add Cons, Classes and Events