The Challenges of Being Kajira in Today’s Society

Today’s guest post is by dina from Kajiradreams. You can also read her post on what it’s like to be an owned kajira and a kajira’s strengths and misconceptions.

Strengths and Misconceptions of Kajira

This is another guest post by dina of kajiradreams. She continues her thoughts on Gor and the life of a kajira. You can also read her thoughts on what it’s like to be an owned kajira.

The strengths of a kajira and the misconceptions of what a kajira is and does.
And what strengths better a kajira in being her Master’s absolute and total property….

I want to make one statement before I write what was set of me.
Gor, Gorean philosophy, Gorean lifestyle is exactly that. A lifestyle that is chose by those that have a particular set of intrinsic ideals. I have no time for role-players or wannabes. it is not something that you can ‘act’. It is not a ‘role’ you can play. It has to be lived, from the heart. Also, Gor is a fictional planet within a series of fantasy novels written by John Lange under the pen name John Norman. Gorean lifestyle can be lived here on Earth, but with adaptations, compromises and understanding. Gor of the books is fiction. The underlying principles and values are real.

I feel I should start with the misconceptions surrounding a kajira, as I know so many people in my life that would look with horror and complete incomprehension of that word (that is is they knew what it meant). To outside observers Gorean philosophy appears to subjugate women, treating them as mere objects, owned, ordered about, used as mere sex objects. It also appears at first glance to be all about sex, about sex mad dumb blondes with no brains or ability to exercise their own independence or free will… with no brains to know what they want, reliant on another person. women who have no mind of their own, no thoughts or ideas. Men who want to just use females, objectify them, dehumanise them… All in all, weak minded, easily controlled people who get a kick out of being treat like a piece of meat.

Sorry to disappoint you all agreeing with that statement, but it isn’t.
The Gorean lifestyle actually allows women to be women and men to be Men. I am a woman, quite categorically female and I am a completely different creature of the human species type to Men, I am softer in nature, more emotional, curvier and more able to love unconditionally. Gor allows me to be true to my nature and to myself.

Ultimately Gor comes down to the need for control though. The need of one person to be controlled and another to take control. Gor is about finding yourself in fulfilling that need.

So what are the strengths of a kajira?
For me a kajira is a woman who is confident in her femininity, strong in her commitment and strong in spirit. As kajira I offered myself to my Master freely, of my own free will and in that I chose to give my own will into his care. I am obedient, not because I have to, but because I choose to be. I know I can be forced into obedience by my Master, but that would not be pleasing. My first priority is to be pleasing to my Master and within that I choose to willingly do whatever he asks in order to meet his desires. In doing so I gain pleasure. A kajira is expected to give herself over entirely to her Master, heart, mind, body and spirit and under his guidance learn what is expected of her. I find as I learn more and more what is expected of me, I give more and more of myself. It is without doubt a difficult process and fears surface each time a limit is pushed or a change is realised, but it is a very worthwhile journey and not everything is painful. A Master does not walk this path out of cruelty or a desire to inflict pain, or a desire to have a kajira who will blindly do his bidding… I mean, how many people really want to spend time with a mindless robot? I don’t walk this path as kajira out of fear either, but because I want to. I want to please my Master, in every and any way I can. I want to meet his expectations of me, I want him to be proud of who and what I am, and what I freely give to him out of love and trust and submission. I need to remember, internalize that thought and trust that what my Master demands of me is for my own good.

It has been said that a kajira has no responsibilities or thoughts of her own, that the master holds all the responsibilities. All I can say to that is get real! have you ever actually thought about what it really means to be pleasing to a Master at all times? I am by no means expert, but even I know It certainly is not easy and neither is it meant to be. I find my master makes me look into myself, recognize and accept my beauty, speak my ideas, thoughts, dreams, fantasies and aspirations and be loved just for being myself. It is a hard thing to do.. to accept yourself and realize that you are loved just for being that person, the dark side of your nature just as much as the light. It takes an inordinate amount of strength, but in doing so I see that no matter what, my love for him is returned 10 fold and I am forced to feel it; I feel my life is safe from harm, that my Master protects me and shields me from all that is wrong in the world, whether that be other peoples actions, intent or malice. This strong, dominant, honourable man who consciously and purposefully demands every intimate feeling and thought I have. The desire and need that creates within me is overwhelming, the need to turn over my most basic human rights and trust totally and completely in one Man and his decisions. In a previous post I made reference to IE. IE for those that do not know, stands for Internal Enslavement. If you want to know what that is, look it up. I am not going to explain it here.

The strengths of a kajira for me is to allow this to happen. To have the strength to give that level of control over to another, to trust that they will act accordingly in the best interests of both themselves and their property. The strength to look into yourself and accept everything that is there, good and bad. The strength to change aspects of yourself in order to please another. The strength to place everything you have ever accepted as intrinsic to who you are, to one side as you learn. To relearn who you are and your place in life and in society. The strength to consciously choose a path whereby another will exercise the process of IE within you, knowing full well that as you walk that path you consciously and freely chose the end result, the result whereby you are psychologically bound to your Master in such a way you are mentally no longer able to exercise free will.

I am uncomfortable admitting it within myself, but I am a strong person. It keeps being pointed out to me and demonstrated quite clearly, but I feel uncomfortable accepting it when I find myself turning into everything I have previously detested. but I am strong. I will make those changes for my Master, not just because he demands it of me, but because I need to. It takes great strength to be completely 100% honest with another, especially when it is regarding things you are ashamed of or things that have upset you in the past, but I do it. I do so because I trust my Master to guide me and teach me how to please him better. One that sticks out quite sharply for me as a strength is the ability to trust in his judgment. I need to explain this one a bit better.

I am not a mindless robot. I am fiery, I am passionate, I am ruled by strong deep-seated emotions, I am intelligent, I have ideas, thoughts, concerns, issues, fantasies, wants and needs. It is instinctual when someone demands an action for me to question. sometimes there will be quite strong fears or concerns regarding this. Being kajira does not mean that I give my Master blind obedience; being kajira means that there is a time and a place for everything. That I must trust my Master to allow me to express those fears and concerns, that I must trust him to help me work through them so they are no longer barriers. That I must trust my Master to be acting in both his and my best interests. and that at the end of it all, regardless of how strongly opposed my own feelings may or may not be, I have the strength to say the words which are the right of every kajirae. “Yes Master”.

Another key strength for me is being able to let go, lose myself as I fall down this rabbit hole in the knowledge that my Master will always be there when I fail, and I will fail for I am human but he will be there allowing me to pick myself up, evaluate what went wrong and continue the journey, knowing that as I lose myself, I also find myself.

Two final points to make, I know I have rambled on here quite a bit and I have repeated myself a lot… I am not going to edit it though as I feel it will detract from showing my Master my thought process.

1. I have an ever growing, innate need to be pleasing to my Master. I cannot switch that off. It eats inside me, demanding to be fed and to feed it means giving everything I am over to the hands of another; becoming bound to them in a way that there is no retreat, no escape route, no leniency. This is a very frightening concept and process, but just because it is ’scary’ does not mean I will back away from it. I always have enjoyed a good fight and I know within myself I have that strength to move through those fears and become everything I can be and more.
2. “If you resent being polished how can you become a mirror”. Within the need to be pleasing to my Master, there is a further desire to be a reflection of him, his ideals, his standards, his integrity, honesty, confidence, strength of character, dedication and commitment. I desire for my Master to see within me what I see in him. He makes me so happy and content and complete. I want to give him everything he desires and more besides. I have to. I have to in order to be true to myself.

Done. Finito!

Photo by Strength ~vs~ Weakness

What It Means to Be an Owned Kajira

The Roundtable: Gorean Lifestyle

Gather around the table everyone, I’d like to learn about something I don’t know a lot about. I welcome you to add your thoughts and comments to this post and if you feel an inclination, send me a guest post letting me know what you think.

This month we are talking the Gorean Lifestyle. I’d like to cover the online phenomenon and the real life adaptation of Gor. Here are some questions I have that I’d love answered.

• What are the characteristic traits of a kajira in Gor?
• What are the characteristic traits of a Master in Gor?
• What is the a Free Woman?
• Are male submissives part of Gor?
• How does a Gorean chat room operate? What’s it like?
• What is a Gorean relationship like in real life?
• What are the core values of a Gorean lifestyle?
• What makes a Gorean lifestyle different from a M/s or D/s relationship?
• Why are so many people critical about Gorean lifestyle choices?
• Anything else you’d like to share?

Don’t Assume Submissive Means Sister

You know you’ve entered online submissive ground when everyone you don’t know starts to refer to you as sister. It’s been years since I’ve ‘lived’ online but this is something that has always irked me. Recently on FetLife I saw a question that had an interesting twist to the whole sister submissive thing that I’d like to talk about. I pulled out the issue, but kept one part of the question that I’d like to base this post on.

As subs aren’t we suppose to support and care for our sub sisters? Or this a dog eat dog world where our sub sisters don’t care for each other?

First I’d like to respond to the question. We are all people, submissive or not. Just because you identify as submissive does not give you a membership card into the friendship club for me. Sure I’m going to care for you with the same care I give any person I meet. Just don’t expect me to care more because you are submissive. This isn’t always a dog eat dog world, but you can’t expect people to always treat you the way you treat them.

I don’t know you. I’m going to give you the same courtesy I give a stranger. Even acquaintances aren’t going to get the same treatment as a close friend. That’s just the way I work. If submissives treated each other with more care and support than others, then we’d have less crying over submissives stealing other Dominants, talking bad about others and the number of other really horrible things that people do to each other online.

What is the value of relating in this way?

For online submissives there is a huge value in having a sense of camaraderie and comfort with other people. Usually online submissives are exploring the only way they know how and they have a fantastical idea of what D/s is and how BDSM really works. This fantasy helps them create a buffer with the real world. Online becomes a perfect world where all submissives are docile and kneel for hours at a time, service is always graceful and takes 30 mins to get a coffee and Dominants and submissives get together at the simple suggestion.

So to have sub sisters to relate to online is a way of developing a family of people that you can go to and talk about concerns, struggles, questions and friendship. It’s part of the illusion of the lifestyle. In some respects, it can be healthy and helpful, especially if the sub sisters have real life experience they can share with the online submissives.

How did submissives get put in a higher plane than everyone else?

Related to the ‘dog eat dog world’ comment above, online submissives; and I’m sure some real life ones too, feel that because they are submissive that they are angels and not subject to being human. Not every person you  meet is genuine or kind. In fact some are down-right rude and disgusting. You just can’t live in a perfect world; even online.

So I think submissives got put on a higher plane for these submissives because they want to look for the perfect in everyone. Oh and you can pretend to be whoever you want online so they may appear perfect. Again, it’s part of the fantasy that is nurtured online.

My personal feelings on sister submissives

I don’t like to be called sister by people that aren’t my sister. I’ve never told someone not to call me sister, but I just tend to ignore it. I think the name gets tossed around too much for my preference.  My sister means more to me than my friends and I can’t see any of my friends becoming sister-like (except my childhood best friend). Now I could be wrong and I could change my opinion later in life, but I doubt it. I think part of the reason I have issues with it is because I have NEVER seen Dominants refer to themselves in the same way. Are they all Dominant brothers? Nope. There’s no reason to associate that way online or in real life.

Are there real life examples of sub sisters?

Ya know, I’m not really sure. I’ve not met anyone in real life that calls others their sister. Does it happen in poly households? Or maybe Gorean ones? Let me know! I’d be curious to have a guest post on the use of sister in real life BDSM or D/s relationships. If’ you’re interested, contact me!

Where to Buy a Collar Online

Places to buy a collar are numerous. Each relationship has a different idea of what the collar should look like. Listed below are a few of the many places you can go online to shop for that perfect collar. I’ve broken them up into types of collars the store offers. If they offer more than one type they are listed in all related categories. Shop around and have fun! Oh and if you have other places that you know of, let me know and I’ll add them to the list in the right categories.

Please note that these sites worked as of the creation of this post, and will be maintained as best as possible.

Leather

• BDSM-Gear
• BDSM Store
• Extreme Restraints
• Kitten’s Toyroom
• Lauralee Leathers
• Leather Etc.
• Leather Masters
• Master’s D/signs
• Mr. S Leather
• PureTNT.com
• Rubert Huse and Son
• Stockroom
• TieMeUp

Chain

• Kitten’s Toyroom
• Leather Masters
• Mr. S Leather
• PureTNT.com

Stainless Steel

• Ax(s)mar
• Dreamstrike Bazaar
• Eternity Collars
• Extreme Restraints
• Halfway Creations
• House of Collars
• Kitten’s Toyroom
• Masters in Steel
• Meo
• Mr. S Leather
• Neosteel
• Ring of Steel
• Rubert Huse and Son
• SM-Factory
• Stockroom
• Wyred Slave

Other Metals

• BDSM-Gear
• Chaotic Creations
• Extreme Restraints
• Kitten’s Toyroom
• Meo
• Ring of Steel
• TieMeUp
• Wyred Slave

Other Materials

• Extreme Restraints – Rubber
• Chainmail & More – Chainmail
• Meo – Rubber

Jewelry

• Chainmail & More
• PureTNT.com
• TieMeUp

Unique

• Kitten’s Toyroom
• Stockroom

What’s the Difference Between a Lifestyler and a Player?

This week’s video is about definitions of a lifestyler and a player.

I received the following question via email the other day and thought I would cover it here in a video post.

I’m in a D/s relationship where we tend to do most of our activities behind closed doors. Outside we are a normal equal couple. Someone called me a player the other day in response to my description of who I am and I was confused. I thought I was a lifstyler. What is the difference between a lifestyler and a player?

There are all sorts of labels that people can wear in this lifestyle. Many of these have definitions that fluctuate and change depending on the situation. These are submissive, slave, real, true, Dominant, Master, and the list goes on. No one can agree on what these labels mean for the community.

This is also case for the terms Lifestyler and Player. Let’s cover the definitions first.

• A player is someone who is a BDSM practitioner. This means they participate in the activities that make up the acronym. They could be rope bondage enthusiasts, sadists and masochists. They could be sensual players or people who just like kinky sex. I personally prefer the term practitioner, but I hear player an awful lot in the online and real groups I frequent. This term also lends itself to those who pretend or seduce others as well. We won’t be covering that area today.
• A lifestyler is someone who participates in the D/s aspect outside the bedroom/dungeon as well as may be a proficient BDSM practitioner as well. Just as people may choose to live a green lifestyle or a poly lifestyle the BDSM lifestyler makes the parts of BDSM and D/s that enrich their lives a part of their everyday in some capacity.

A player is just as qualified to converse about things related to BDSM as a lifestyler. The distinction is based solely on the relationship dynamic status and depth of lifestyle change.

The two definitions are no more or less qualified to be a part of BDSM. As skylerpet will discuss later this month, the two areas can be separate or conjoined. In this aspect I feel that they are joined by a common purpose but separate in action and perception.

Why are the two so hotly debated as to who is real and who is not leads me to my next point. Just as we will never agree what the difference is between a submissive and a slave we can not agree with who is a lifestyler and who is a BDSM practitioner. Sometimes they are the same, other times they are not. I’d like to reach out to you and ask you why do these terms have to be so different and why can’t we agree to have an open mind about someone else?

The reality of who we are as individuals is the terms and definitions we apply to ourselves, not the labels other people give us. That’s why I try to always express what my opinion is in an open minded way. I can’t judge or object to anyone else’s labels based purely on what I think they mean. They need to be based on what that person thinks they mean.

So if I say that I’m a lifestyler it means to me that I practice some form of BDSM and D/s in my everyday life. For others it could mean that they are a Gorean Lifestyle practitioner. Players have a wider variety of definitions and none of them seem to be the same, but they have meaning for those that use them to define what it is they do.

In conclusion, no matter what term is used, we should remain aware that for every person there is a different definition and the difference between them is dependent on those definitions agreeing. You may be a player, you may be a lifestyler but what’s important is how you define those words and yourself.

Develop Your Submission with a Training Resume

Using the posts and resources here at Submissive Guide you have tools necessary to start creating your Training Resume; a folder of all your past, present and future training as well as skills and preferences. It’s very helpful to know where you are lacking experience or developing your skills.

Here’s a list of posts already on Submissive Guide geared directly to the creation of a Training Resume. And don’t forget to check out the Training Resume Category for more posts that could help you develop a resume.

Building your Training Resume

1. Beginning Your Training Resume
2. Recording Your Training History
3. Recording Your Completed Training
4. Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
5. The BDSM Checklist that will Really Help You
6. Add Your Reading List
7. Add Cons, Classes and Events

After going over these posts, what else would you like to add to your Training Resume? Are there topics that I need to write about to help you? This is your chance to help me out with the Guide. Let me know what you’d like me to write about. Ask your questions, please.

Etiquette at Play Parties

Each social situation we expose ourselves to has it’s own set of rules and behaviors. This is also true of BDSM events, perhaps even moreso. A play party will have different rules at each location you may attend one. There will be established rules as well as house/location rules. There are also unspoken rules that many relationships have in place. Let’s cover some of each category.

Established Rules

1. Have a safeword or use the party safeword. If your word is different than the one set up for the party, let the Dungeon Monitors know before you play so that they can monitor for your chosen word.
2. If extreme or edge play is planned, speak to the Dungeon Monitor to see if it is allowed to happen and so that they can be prepared.
3. What goes on here, stays here. This one is a bit self explanatory but many new players violate this rule the first time out. You are free to talk about what happened to you, but not who with or anything else in specifics. Most groups will say you can describe what you saw in generalities (ie. “I saw this awesome fireplay scene last night!”) but better to be safe than sorry. Even identifying people who were there can be a no-no.
4. No photography. This this can be restricted to cameras only or include cell phones. For discretion sake, just leave your cell phone with your possessions.
5. Read the posted rules for any specific rules to that play party. They are there for your protection and safety.

House Rules

If a party is held at someone’s house, and a lot of times it is there are also house rules to follow. Examples include:

1. No nudity except in designated play areas.
2. No play except in designated areas.
3. Don’t open doors, these rooms are off limits.
4. Smoking allowed in these areas.
5. Alcohol rules may fluctuate depending on the type of party.
6. Sexual play may fluctuate depending on the type of party.

Unspoken Rules

These rules can be hard to know, and manytimes people learn these after breaking them, especially if you are new. Take head to these unspoken rules.

1. Do not touch. Anything. Persons, toys or other people’s equipment is theirs. Submissives may not be allowed to interact with others without the Dominant’s permission. Don’t assume that a submissive is ignoring you, they may not be allowed to speak. If in doubt, talk to the Dominant.
2. Play is concensual and optional. You do not have to play at a party, but if you do make sure that you both agree on what you want done.
3. Uncollared submissives are not required to call all Dominants Sir/Ma’am. This goes for all over, but especially where group protocol feels heavier. You are a respectable invidual first, submissive second. I believe that respect and titles are earned. (This was until I was instructed to call all Dominant’s Sir/Ma’am by my Master.)

What other rules should I include here? Any advice you would give novices as to their first play party?

Altering Positions [Day 13 - 2WBSP]

Reading the past posts on the Submissive positions project may bring some of you to the realization that you can’t perform these poses for health or body size reasons. This is to be expected. I can’t kneel back on my heels at all. So what is a good submissive to do? You alter the positions so that they still look wonderful but are physically possible for you.

Today I’d like us to brainstorm ideas for how someone can alter the positions and still hold grace and etiquette at a high standard. It is possible to not follow the ‘Gorean’ style positions that everyone seems to favor and still look good. For the brainstorming, you will need creative time alone and a desire to work on the positions you want to incorporate but feel incapable of doing.

For example, I’m a large woman and can’t kneel back on my heels at all. To get around this I can put a small pillow behind my knees. Other alternatives are stools, sitting cross-legged kneeling for only short periods or not kneeling at all.

Start Brainstorming!

Let’s share what alterations you have for your positions!  I need your help to provide a resource to others, please chime in below with ideas that can help others find new and comfortable ways to do the positions if a disability restricts you!

Possible disabilities to come up with alternative positions for:

• wheelchair bound
• missing a limb
• carpal tunnel
• broken leg or arm
• obesity
• osteoperosis
• diabetes
• painful joints or arthritis
• others?…

photo credit panshipanshi

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Submissive Positions are talked about all over like everyone is supposed to be doing them or something. Not every relationship is set up to provide that level of protocol and you should never expect a relationship to automatically have that. If you are interested in positions, ask your partner or perspective partner if they’d be interested before you go learning any. They may have preferences to how you should look and act. Following them is by far more important than learning about positions online (unless that is their direction).

But since so many of you ask me on a regular basis about positions you could be learning I came up with two weeks of posts on the subject of different positions, how to develop your own positions and what other resources are out there as far a positions are concerned. Please understand I will not be teaching the Gorean positions that everyone sees described, but positions that average people can develop amongst themselves to do and alter and enhance for themselves. Please take these suggested positions as guidelines only and try to customize them. They should be unique and beautiful to you and your partner.

Coming up tomorrow is Kneeling.

If you have not subscribed to this blog so that you can get notices of new content, why not do it now! You can get updates from any method listed at the top right of this post.

Two Weeks to Better Submissive Positions

Pet Play and Human Pets: A Primer

Today’s post comes from Skylerpet, a submissive pet in a D/s relationship who volunteered to write an essay for me after seeing the Weekly Tips on YouTube. Thank you Skylerpet!

Pet play is one of the most unique, one of the least known and in my opinion one of the most fun and entertaining sub-cultures in the BDSM, D/s and “kink” lifestyle. Now, I write this from the perspective of a submissive female, so please keep in mind that it can be changed around to any form you want.

Pet play involves one or more people acting as an animal with typically the submissive being the animal and the Dominant being the “Owner” and/or “Trainer.” I have heard of the Dominant being the animal and Dominating his/her submissive that way, such as holding the submissive down with a bite on the neck, but I am unfamiliar with this.

What animals are common for submissives to be? Most commonly you will see ponies, puppies and pigs. I myself have been a kitty and as of this writing am a puppy. Less frequently I have also seen bunnies, cows and once a seal, though I have no experience with these animals.

For me, one of the biggest reasons I enjoy pet play, aside from it simply being fun, is that it reinforces the Owner/owned relationship. Non-human pets are owned and completely dependent on their owner. They get fed when the owner decides and only then. Their toys and medical care is wholly dependent upon the owner remembering and doing. In a 24/7 D/s relationship this is often times also true. The slave is fed after their Owner has eaten. They wear what their Owner wishes, sleeps when and where their Owner tells them, and follows the rules their Owner dictates. So it is with non-human pets. The only difference is that your non-human pets didn’t consent. You choose them and bring them home upon your own whim. With D/s pet play, the submissive consents to be the property of their Owner. For me, being an animal, being “less than human” reinforces my Dom’s Domination of me. He is a Man and wholly human. I am a pup. His pup.

How is the animal chosen?

There are typically three ways.

• One way is the submissive acting upon his/her instincts to which animal they most identify with. If the submissive is loyal and playful perhaps they lean towards puppy. If they enjoy being led around and high protocol training perhaps it would be pony.
• One other common way for the animal to be chosen is for the Dominant to choose for the submissive. If S/He prefers a puppy to a kitty, the submissive will be molded into a puppy. As another example if the Dom is a farmer who enjoys breastfeeding from His submissive, perhaps He would like her to be a cow.
• The submissive can also switch animals from time to time if their pet play is temporary, if they simply enjoy experimentation or if they do not identify with one particular animal.

Why pet play?

• One large reason many D/s couples go into pet play is for the humiliation and dependence aspect. Restricting a submissive’s movement and vocalizations forces them to be that much more dependent on their Dom. Also, not being allowed on furniture or having to use a litter box instead of a toilet can be very humiliating for some.
• Another is because it is simply fun. It is a great psychological and emotional release to be able to come home and let loose the restrictions of humanity and what humans are “supposed to be like.” It is just plain fun to bat around a cat toy or play tricks and get treat rewards. It could also be described as a “de-stressing” process from the rigors of daily life, especially if the participants work outside the home.
• It can help with submission, as taking away some parts of the submissive’s humanity can help take away their sense of equality. It can help the submissive orient their mind to their Dom being their focus in life.
• Pet play could also be used as punishment. If the submissive misbehaves badly it could be punishment to be put out in the pig stalls with the pigs for a period of time, or whatever animal is available, and made to act like that animal as the punishment.

How does one engage in pet play?

• Restrict movement via bondage.
• Restrict verbal communication, perhaps to only certain words or animal sounds such as “woof!” or “mew!” or more child-like words such as “up!” or “potty!”.
• Training exercises such as tricks for puppies, walking on leads and leashes or for ponies pulling a cart/plow.
• Eating and drinking out of bowls without the use of hands and/or silverware.
• Learning to use a litter box instead of a toilet, or even going outside.
• Playing with toys, such as batting toys for kitties or tug-of-war toys for puppies.
• Begging in the manner of the animal you identify with, such as a puppy whining.
• Caging.
• Not being allowed on furniture without permission.

Also, safety is incredibly important!

So please keep these things in mind, and also any others that fit your lifestyle:

• When it comes to eating actual animal food, while it is okay for perhaps a short scene, it is not safe to do so on a regular basis. Humans have different nutritional needs than animals do, and it is incredibly important to get your nutritional needs met. There are many ways to simulate animal food and treats such as mashing up meatloaf with ketchup, using stews or even baking treats in the shapes of bones and such. However, for any long term play, Eukanuba, Purina and any other brand of animal food you use, are for canines and felines, not humans.
• If you choose to use training and/or shock collars, please, PLEASE read the instructions! On a personal level I am not into electric play, but it is out there. So please, be careful and safe.
• If you put your pup slave into a kennel, please keep in mind that they are very cramped. You do not want your pup slave to be damaged from being in that position for long periods of time.
• If the submissive has had their ability to move and speak restricted it is incredibly important that some form of communication is available to them so that they may communicate if something has happened and/or gone wrong, both physically and emotionally.
• Also, in my opinion having a human pet can add some responsibility to the Dom because when some of the submissive’s humanity is taken away and especially if their communication is restricted, the Dominant must that much more aware of the submissive’s frame of mind.

So that’s a very basic overview of pet play. It can get a lot more specific if one looks at each relationship and the animal(s) involved. A note though; pet play sometimes can be sexual, and sometimes can be completely non-sexual. It, as with everything else, simply depends on the couple involved. Please keep in mind that I am in no way speaking of bestiality. This is two or more human beings acting and role playing within the confines of their negotiated relationship.

Most importantly: Have fun and ask questions if you need or want to!!

In my opinion, pet play can deepen submission, but only if it’s right for you.

Skylerpet is a 24/7 submissive pup in her late 20’s. She has been into pet play since she discovered the D/s lifestyle and can be reached at: requiemskye@yahoo.com for emails and also YIM chat.

photo by photognome

A Single Submissive Packs a Toybag

If you intend to venture into play on a casual level or at play parties and clubs as a single submissive you need to arrive prepared for play. This includes having some of your own toys so that you don’t rely on Dominants being gracious enough to use their toys on you. It is not unusual for a submissive to bring her own toy bag to a party or gathering. You will not be looked upon poorly, but rather very well prepared for a fun time.

Safety Items

A key reason you need some of your own toys is health safety. Using other people’s toys leaves you open to disease and illnesses, other people’s body oils and fluids and anything else they may be carrying. Toys like leather and cloth are porous and will absorb these things easily. Some, like leather, aren’t easily disinfected and cleaned. Being prepared will keep you safe.

• A basic first aid kit
• Tylenol and aspirin
• Your medications
• Hard candy or other quick dissolving sugar item for non-diabetic hypoglycemia
• Condoms
• Lube
• Latex gloves (or non-latex if you have an allergy)
• Disposable Underpads (Chux) or towels
• Baby wipes

Personal Play Items

Another set of items you should have in your play bag are personal play items. These are also called insertables. Dildos, vibrators, anal toys and other sexual items should be used on you only. Bring the ones that you prefer to have used on you and do not allow others to use ones they brought with them. This may seem like common sense, but if insertable play is allowed where you are playing, some tend to offer up whatever is available. Politely decline.

• Dildos
• Vibrators
• Butt plugs
• Anal beads
• Clit massagers
• Hitachi wands
• Lube
• Ben wa balls
• Rope for bondage around the genitals

Percussion Toys

This category is anything that you want used on you. This could be floggers, paddles, slappers, whips, canes. If you come with a small number of these items then another Dominant isn’t going to feel obligated to use his. This is actually to protect the Dominant’s items. If you bleed or sweet heavily or any other fluid gets all over the Dominant’s treasured flogger, he really has no choice but to give it to you. Cleaning leather is next to impossible. Fluid bonded toys should only be used on the person for which the fluids belong. Master has a set of fluid bonded floggers that while others oggle over them they can not use them. We have given over several floggers in this way (Master tends to pop zits and open scratches and continues). This is something we are aware of and prepared for, but if you come with your own toys they will more than likely play with you with them.

• Floggers
• Whips
• Canes
• Slappers
• Paddles
• Crops

Unique Toys

Lastly are any items that are likely to be uncommon or that you have that are special. This could be a hand painted cupping set or perhaps a set of needles with ribbons attached. Anything that you may be one of only a few to own it, bring it with you.

• Tens Units
• Violet Wands
• Special needles or blades
• Unique toys like a rose flogger

Anything else I may have missed? What do you have in your toybag?

A Great Example of a Slave’s Rosary

On FetLife quite awhile back now, a slave posted her version of a rosary with her Master as the focus. As with any rosary or prayer beads, it is used in mediation and presents a spirituality in service that can be adopted and adapted to fit your relationship.

I’ve always had a curiosity with religious artifacts and items used by the believers. I’ve even made and had blessed a set of rosary beads for a friend of mine. They were very special for me to make, and I will most likely do it again for someone new.

The following is a rosary, set up in the same format as the Catholic Rosary to be said during times of mediation for a slave. You can change the prayers any way you’d like or reorganize them. I would love to know if you have your own submissive Rosary and could share that in the comments!

For those not familiar, a typical Rosary consists of an emblem, three beads leading up to a medallion, and then five sets each of ten beads separated by a single bead.

The Order of Prayers

written by Syr_David’s ~melly

Begin at the emblem (1) then the single bead (2) then the three beads (3) then (4) and then the single bead (5) skip the medallion and start on the decades (set of ten beads) (6) after each of those, say (7) and then on the single bead, (8) . Repeat for each decade. At the end, (the medallion) you can say the slaves prayer again, or whatever mantra you wish to end with.

1. I say a portion of my oath of fealty here. You can repeat the “Slave’s Prayer“, or whatever is pertinent to you (original was the Apostle’s Creed).
2. Say the “Master, owner of my body“.
3. Say three “I am your slave“.
4. Say the “In gratitude“.
5. Announce (or think) the principle of your service that you will be concentrating on, and say the “Owner of my body“.
6. Say ten “I am your slave” while considering and concentrating on the principle or idea you have.
7. Say the “In gratitude“.
8. Say the principle you are meditating on, and say the “Master, owner of my body“.

The Prayers

Slave’s Prayer – adapted from A Submissive’s Prayer

Allow me the Serenity to serve Him in peace

Allow me the Love to show Him myself

Allow me the Tenderness to comfort Him

Allow me the Light to show us the way

Allow me the Wisdom to be an asset to Him

Let me be able to show Him each day my love of service to Him

Let me open myself up to completely belong to Him

Let me accept my punishments with grace

Let me learn to please Him beyond myself

Grant me the power to give myself to Him completely

Give me the strength to please us both

Permit me to love myself in loving Him

Return to Prayer Order

Master, owner of my body

Master, owner of my body and director of my will, you are with me. I am thankful that I serve you. Let me be transparent as glass, that my heart may be visible always, for my entire self, even unto the workings of my mind, are yours. Master, I honor you with my service and submit to you with my thoughts, words, and deeds, so that I may be a reflection of your will, and the manifestation of your desires.

Return to Prayer Order

I am your slave

Master, I am your slave and your property. I will work and I will sacrifice that I may reflect your intentions, and make of myself a window to the soul you own. Use me Master, as you see fit, that I may learn to serve and to submit to you in all things.

Return to Prayer Order

In Gratitude

In gratitude I serve, and in thankfulness I submit, and in peace I honor my Master with my trust.

Return to Prayer Order

photo by Muffet

Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission

Continuing the work on your training resume, I’d like to talk about mapping out how you dream of your submission being. This is a discussion of ideals and dreams. You can be as fanciful as you want right now, we will narrow things down as we go along. There are 3 things I’d like to focus on in this post. What your ideal relationship is, the structure you’d like to have and the level of protocol you dream of having. This works for kinky bedroom relationships and also full time dynamics.

Get out pen and paper because what we are going to do is make a map of our ideal relationship. If you have ever made a mind map, you know what are about to do; if not, below are some links to information about mind maps. A mind map is a colorful whole brain approach to taking notes and putting together thoughts and common ideas.

• How to make a Mind Map
• Mind Maps: A Powerful Approach to Note-Taking
• How to Mind Map
• Learning Skills: Mind Mapping

An excellent free online tool for mind mapping can be found at MindMeister.com

Ideal Relationship

Your first mind map should be about your ideal relationship and what you are looking for in a partner. As with all mind maps, the very center should be an image or central thought. Let’s put your partner there. Branching from that you can put physical features that attract you, activities you enjoy, emotional attachment levels and  future desires for children, income, housing and other future wants and needs. Don’t leave anything out.

Structure

The second mind map is about the structure of your D/s dynamic. Do you want monogamy or poly-relations? Are you looking to be a pet, or perhaps a service submissive? Is Internal slavery your desire? How strict should the person be? Does punishment and discipline for rule violations intrigue you? How frequently do you want to play?

This is just a jumping off point, you can expand and explore everything you are looking for in  the D/s part of your relationship.

Protocol

This mind map will probably be the most difficult. In this mind map, I’d like you to think about example rules and routine you’d like to develop. Think about how you’d like to act, what you dream about doing or saying in specific moments of your day or relationship. Do you like Gorean living? Perhaps a tiered system of a poly household? Dream up your rules and rituals that you may want to explore.

When you have completed your mind maps they should help you see how your dreams and future goals go together, how your ideal relationship is planned out in your mind and is now on paper. You can use this to help you communicate to your partner or when looking for that special person. Keep it in your training resume binder.

Building your Training Resume

1. Beginning Your Training Resume
2. Recording Your Training History
3. Recording Your Completed Training
4. Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
5. The BDSM Checklist that will Really Help You
6. Add Your Reading List
7. Add Cons, Classes and Events

photo credit by harpreet thinking

What Is Polyamory Anyway?

Today’s post comes from May (follow her @readheadgirl) a writer and artist.

For the longest time when I heard “polyamory,” I thought of hippies in the 70s having orgies at drug parties. I blame my misconception on why I took so long to realize that I am a polyamorous person. Like me, many people have the wrong idea about polyamory and what it means.  So before I define what polyamory is, I’d like to take a moment to say what polyamory isn’t.

It isn’t hooking up; it isn’t “free love;” it isn’t an excuse for cheating on, disrespecting or marginalizing a partner; it isn’t a rejection of commitment; and it isn’t an experiment to try while deciding whether or not to break up with your partner.

Polyamory literally translates as “many loves.”  It is a system through which people can create multi-partner relationships and families with the full consent of everyone involved.  Full consent is crucial. Only through respectful and honest communications can polyamorous relationships flourish (in this way polyamorous relationships are very similar to BDSM relationships and the two categories often overlap).

I like this Wikipedia explanation as it captures how polyamory is about what is in someone’s heart – not whom their having or not having sex with:

“Polyamory can refer to the practice or status of a relationship at a given time, or used as a description of a lifestyle, philosophy or relationship orientation (much like gender orientation), rather than of an individual’s actual relationship status at a given moment. It is an umbrella term that covers many orientations and modes of relationship. There is fluidity in its definition to accommodate the different shades of meaning which might be covered. Polyamorous relationships are themselves varied, reflecting the choices and philosophies of the individuals concerned.” (Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory)

Polyamorous relationships take many forms and can include many different levels of intimacy.  In some relationships, a couple will have a single dedicated partner with whom they share a series of affairs. Another person may be actively “single” while participating occasionally or often in the committed relationships of others.  A couple may be committed to each other and to a third… or to another couple.  One person who is part of a couple may be dedicated to another person who is also in a committed relationship, without the involvement their significant others. The possibilities are limited only by the needs and desires of the parties involved.

The sex in a polyamorous relationship is what most people think of first, but it is not the most important component. Many desire intimacy and excitement that cannot be met by a single person.  This is, to me, the ultimate reason for polyamory: to accept your desires and your partners’ desires for intimacy fully while you assist or allow one another the expression of those desires.

Every polyamorous relationship I have witnessed grows stronger on a daily basis because of how all involved recognize and respond to the innate needs of the others in a loving, giving way.

In many ways, polyamory is whatever you want it to be. But what it must be is honest, loving and accepting. The rest is up to you…

May is a writer, artist, feminist, geek, book-nerd, bisexual, polyamorous, ex-Baptist, pagan, environmentalist, vegetarian who lives in Kansas City, Missouri with her cats and the greatest boyfriend ever.  You can follow her on Twitter as @readheadgirl or find her poems, photography and art at readheadgirl.deviantart.com/gallery/.

Rituals that Work from Those that Practice Them

The most frequent question I get asked is what is about rituals; what are they, how do I start one, are they hard, do they help with your submission, etc. They really aren’t that difficult once you understand what they are. There’s no sacred rites or incantations or anything, unless that is what you want. A ritual is a formal practiced set of rules that is done on a regular basis.

Take for example when your Dominant arrives home from work. He rings the doorbell two times and then waits 30 seconds before unlocking and opening the door. The reason for this is for you to stop what you are doing and kneel, waiting for him to enter.  This is a ritual. It’s a way to leave the work at the door and resume your submissive mindset.

You can also have meditation rituals. A slave’s rosary is a good example of a meditation ritual.

There are all sorts of D/s couples that have rituals and talk about them online. Here’s a current list of the ones I could find. If you have any rituals you’d like added to this list, let me know with a link where you’ve talked about it and I’ll add it. Thanks!

Daily Rituals

• Lord Koi and lily
• Sartan and jenni
• Dragon’s beloved
• Mistress Steele
• Various entering and leaving rituals
• Staging Sacredness

Food Rituals

• Chinese Tea Ceremony
• Food Etiquette
• Various food rituals

Ceremonies are specialized rituals. They are generally done only during very special moments.

Collaring

• Gorean collaring ceremony example
• Sample Collaring Ceremony

photo credit hall.chris25

Books That Might Interest You

Protocols: Handbook for the Female Slave

Creating a Personal Protocol

Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave

Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an M/s Household

What Is Slave Training?

In this week’s video tip I talk about what training is to a submissive and the value it has to a D/s relationship.

When someone thinks of slave training, what is the first thing that pops into your mind? Is it a submissive on their knees going through the paces that their Dominant puts them? Is it Gorean-style positions and changes in speech?

What would you say if I told you that training is everything that you do for your Dominant when directed to do so in a certain manner? Take a basic request of making coffee or tea. If you are told the specific way your Dominant takes their coffee or tea and then proceed to do that every time it is requested you are being trained to make his or her coffee or tea. This is training.

The term training can also be used for the time period where you learn the protocol of a new environment. Much like your orientation period at a new job (which is likely also called training), you learn what is acceptable and expected of you during your work hours.

Training can come in all forms. Some Dominants go through steps to teach their submissive proper protocol within the home and the rules of the house. Other Dominants give their submissive rules that they have to learn and then use a punishment and reward system to instill them.

There is a really big hype about training when there doesn’t need to be. Every single behavior change or attitude change is part of your training. I bet that there are things that your Dominant would consider training that you don’t.  Are there actions or activities you do that are now a habit that wasn’t before? Can that be attributed to training?

The important thing to remember with slave training is that is it an agreed upon change or set of changes that the submissive undergoes to improve themselves for their Dominant or themselves. You do not have to be in a relationship to undergo training. You just have to have a desire to better yourself.

As a follow up to this post I wrote “Dominance as a Slave Training Tool to Better Submission.”

Also Available

Simply Service Newsletter May 2008

Inside this edition:

• Is Slavery Real? by Darren
• Productivity Tools
• Training Outside of the Box by Bootpig
• porkchops Rules of Bedding: Inside Info from a Retail Whore

Books That Might Interest You

Erotic Slavehood

Master Nage’s Guide to Training Consensual Slaves

Protocols: Handbook for the female slave

How to Beg When Asked

Begging is an art form for submissives. Each of us has our own talent or lack thereof in this area. For some it is part of humiliation, or just every day activities. There are different approaches to begging.

Verbal Approach

Master insists that I beg for a lot of things and I think that most Dominants choose this route to see just how desperate their submissive is for whatever it is they want. Generally it’s about being allowed to come or when you have been teased to death and you just want sex, right, now!

I used to be horrible at begging. “Pretty please with a cherry on top?” Then if that didn’t work I’d up the anty. “Whipped cream?” “Chocolate Sauce?” Uh-huh, what was I doing, tempting him with dessert? This never worked.

Then I went to the “potty dance routine” of “please, please, please, please….” So many pleases in there that it just didn’t have the sentiment that he wanted out of me so that didn’t work either.

Now I’m catching on. I’m no where near perfect but I can and generally do get what I’ve begged for after a short stint of him grinning at me and telling me that wasn’t good enough. He wants me to go all out and yes, I give it to him.

Say I want to come and I know he’s going to ask me to beg. It may go something like this:

“Master, please may I come? I’m so hot and my clit feels like it’s going to explode!”

He usually declines the first time so then it gets more desperate.

“Master, oh god Master I’d really love to come for you and show you just how slutty I am. Please let me come.”

If he’s just in the mood to listen to me beg he’ll give me that grin that says, “Almost, but not quite.” Then the big guns come out.

“Master, I need to come so bad for you, if you let me come I’ll scream and moan so loud, god Master, I don’t want to hold it anymore please? I’ll suck your dick like a mad-woman if I can”

Yup, bribery. I opt for giving him things that I don’t normally do voluntarily. That’s just the way it works for me. I have to really show him how desperate he’s made me, tell him the orgasm is really his and not what I need and then top it off with something that he’s going to love.

Physical Approach

Kneeling and kissing the feet of your dominant is not only a sign of submission, but is a good start for begging for what you desire. This humbling of yourself goes a long way to finding that sweet spot in a Dominant so that they may pay mercy on your and allow what you are asking for. Other ideas can be prostration, kissing hands or bowing/curtsying.

Nonverbal Approach

The puppy dog eyes come out when nonverbal may work for you. The right look can transmit what you want or need very well and some Dominants prefer to have you look like you want it while listening to you beg. What look do you get on your face when you need to get permission for something?

A mixture of any of these approaches requires practice. I’m still not perfect but I’m learning what my Master requires of me when I’m asked to beg for ‘it’.