The Ins and Outs of Fetishes

“I have a fetish for wool socks, I just love them!”

“I have a fetish for corsets, I can’t get off without thinking of them!”

One of these statements is a sure sign of a fetish; the other is a misuse of the term. Sure this is a poor example. How many times have you heard a  phrase like the first one in everyday speech? Not long ago the idea of having a fetish was taboo and now we use it as a casual obsession with something from foods to material items. There is no wonder that when it comes to real fetishes people are still in the dark as to understanding them.

What is a Fetish, Really?

Let’s use Wikipedia to give us a general definition, shall we?

Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal brought on by any object, situation or body part not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature. Sexual fetishism may be regarded, e.g. in psychiatric medicine, as a disorder of sexual preference or as an enhancing element to a relationship. The sexual acts involving fetishes are characteristically depersonalized and objectified, even when they involve a partner. Body parts may also be the subject of sexual fetishes (also known as partialism) in which the body part preferred by the fetishist takes a sexual precedence over the owner.

As we can see from the definition, a fetish is a sexual attachment to an inanimate object of body part. In many cases the fetishist can no achieve an erection or orgasm without the object being present or an active part in the act. This is not limited to men, so don’t get my use of words turned around. Women also can develop fetishes.

How Do Fetishes Develop?

There are several theories out there as to how a fetish develops. The classical theory is said to be that the object of fetishism and sexual stimulus are presented at the same time and thus through the learning process they get associated with each other. The learning process is not always during sexual exploration, but can happen early in childhood when what makes you feel happy is constantly the same thing. The sense of euphoria is then attached to that object and can transition into a more adult behavior once sexual maturity has been reached. For example, it may only be shiny skin that arouses a person at first, but in time more common stimuli, such as shiny latex, may have the same effect.

Other theories state that a fetish is gained through heredity or through psychological distress. I tend to believe that it is more the classical theory than any other. If you wish to read a bit on these other two theories you can do so on the Wikipedia article about Fetishism.

Are Fetishes Common?

Fetishes are relatively uncommon. They are more likely in heterosexual men than any other gender group.  That doesn’t mean you can’t develop a temporary fetish. Occasionally there is something that just turns me on about a certain object and I will fantasize about it for some time before it drops off my sexual radar, so to speak. During my high school and college career I was obsessed with anything phallic shaped, as are many women prior (and after) sexual initiation. I am not afflicted quite so much with phallic-fetishism. There is nothing harmful about a temporary fetish as long as you can engage in the fetish safely.

Some fetishes can not be acted out in a loving, healthy manner. A more grotesque fetish I have read about is necrophilia (sex with dead people). This is a fetish that is generally treated with psychotherapy and medication. There are several such fetishes that can harm a person or are detrimental to others if engaged in. You can explore those on your own if you wish to research them.

One of the most common fetishes has to do with feet. Foot worship is quite acceptable in the BDSM arena, but outside it most foot fetishists have to keep their desires hidden. Other foot fetishists have a love of shoes and high heels. One of my favorite blogs to read is Diary of a Long-Distance Sub (NSFW). The submissive has a growing collection of shoes for her Dominant to enjoy and most of the pictures she shares on her blog have her shoes showing prominently with a part of her sexual anatomy.  This is a healthy way to explore the fetish and is a good read.

10 Most Common Fetishes

1. Feet
2. High-heels and knee-high boots
3. Piercing
4. Silk, satin, leather or latex
5. Hands
6. Hair
7. Role playing: doctor, nurse etc.
8. Body parts like flat, tight tummy
9. Balloons
10. Finger-nails art

What else do you know about fetishes? Do you think you have one? Why or why not?

5 Ways to Express Your Gratitude to Your Dominant

With Thanksgiving (USA) just around the corner I thought it would be fitting to write about gratitude, and how to express your gratitude to the one you serve. Sure you can say thank you. That’s standard. I really hope you take every opportunity to say thank  you, but what if you want a few more creative ways to show how appreciative you are to your Dominant?

Being thankful can take on many forms, and each time we feel that sensation of gratitude well up we can use a different display of appreciation. For example, thanking your Dominant for giving you an orgasm will be treated differently than if you are grateful that hold the power in your life. Orgasm gratitude is usually expressed immediately after while you may take awhile to express your feelings for the later.

Take a moment and come up with some things you are grateful in your life that you may not have had before you were in a relationship with your Dominant. How important are they to your development and your overall happiness? When was the last time you showed your appreciation for these things? Is it about time you did?

So, what ideas do you have for expressing yourself? They can be simple or elaborate, as long as they are your own. Make it honest and full of your service.

Offer

The first idea is to offer a service that you don’t normally do. It can be anything. Give a massage, bathe their feet, sexual service that you don’t pine after (for me that’s analingus). Be a foot stool, be their tax preparer. Anything that would just make their day and surprises them would fit the bill. Just remember to make it a part of yourself. Offering to pay for them to attend a salon is not the same thing, as offering yourself for a day of pampering.

Create

This idea isn’t about making something, but setting a mood. If you know your Dominant is going to coming home from a stressful day, it would be as simple as soft lights and maybe candles to help them relax and shed the outside world. Making sure the home is picked up and inviting can bring a lot of emotion attached to it. It not only shows that you care for the household possessions, but also how it makes people feel when they enter.

You can also create an atmosphere appropriate for whatever may be planned. If play is on the menu, then neatly prepare your play space. If dinner is the order of the day, setting the table as if you are in a fine restaurant can show your appreciation for a number of things.

Do

Take an idea from online for a ritual that you don’t do. Perhaps it can be kneeling and then lowering your face cheek to cheek to the floor in submission or kneeling when you bring their drink. Adding that bit of focused attention is a pleasant surprise to a Dominant and shows them that you care for how you present your submission. There is any number of things you can do in this vein. From a specific way you adopt to disrobe, to how you reply to requests in a set format. It’s not just up to the Dominant to add ritual and intensity to the relationship. Volunteering these simple steps will tell them that you thank them for the opportunity to serve them.

Make

Sure it’s quite easy to go to the store and purchase something for them, but when was the last time you made something for them? You don’t have to learn anything or have specific skills. Make a special dinner or dessert, write a card or poem, put together a photo album or mosaic. Something homemade has more meaning than a purchased item.

Coming up next week I’ll share ideas of what to give a Dominant, until then use your imagination!

Rededicate

Ultimately, this should only be done if you are really ready to deepen your relationship or there has been a lapse in the dynamic that you wish to try to repair. Again, the ritual that this involves can be simple to elaborate so let your mind develop what would work for you. Even just setting aside time to talk about how you wish to submit and offering that over voluntarily expresses how you love the relationship and what they do for you. Again, you don’t have to wait for the Dominant to tell you to create a ritual or process for doing something. I’ve gained so many rituals just by starting it and having him say he really likes it.

If you have gotten lazy in your rules, start really digging in and doing them before you get in trouble. Don’t let their distraction sway you. You want to serve, that’s why you are in this relationship so serve. Your submission just might deepen their Dominance and the rededication can you an exchange, just as it should be.

Lastly, remember to say thank you when you do these things. Make it about them. We take too much for granted anymore. Don’t let your relationship become one of those things. Relationships build because we work at them, show how much you appreciate everything they do and you will also reap the rewards.

How do you show your gratitude to your Dominant?

photo by FernR

Review: Protocols: a Variety of Views

If you are looking for a varied account of protocol then this book is perfect! Part of Power Exchange Books’ Resource Series Protocols: a Variety of Views is a collection of essays written by people living a life with protocol in place. You will get every opinion represented here as well as a few book reviews at the end of other protocol related books you might be interested in.

Compiled of 13 well thought out essays from every role imaginable and some well known voices in the alternative community leadership, this book has what it needs and then some. You will learn what people consider protocol, what the difference is between that and ritual as well as ceremony. There are some lovely examples of personal protocols lived out in their relationships and opinions that may align with yours.

I like that the book is short essays, as I admit my attention span is relatively short. I can read one essay at a time and then give it some time to digest before moving on to another. In fact, that’s how I recommend you read this book. I tried reading one essay immediately following another and the differing viewpoints clashed in my brain and I had to reread them.

My favorite essay has to be by slave elizabeth titled, “Development of Protocols in the Order of Discipline and Service.” She shares with us her ‘unusual’ protocols that her Dominant has for the house and to be honest hers is the first I’ve read or heard about to hold these protocols. She and the other slaves that serve have uniforms much like a job would for about any occasion, they wear chains at all times, even while out and I love the idea of having personal cells for time away from serving. I was so interested in it I read the essay twice just to take care of my fascination.

If you are curious about protocol I’d recommend this compilation. It has everything you’d want to know and maybe some you wouldn’t think to learn.

Product Details

• luna’s Rating: 7/10
• Published on: 2008-10-01
• Original language: English
• Binding: Paperback
• 106 pages

Buy Protocols: A Variety of Views: Power Exchange Books’ Resource Series By Robert Rubel PhD

How To Start Your Submissive Journal

A very common first request of a potential Dominant, either online or offline is to have you start a submissive journal. If you’ve never kept a diary then this can be a daunting task. Having to write openly and honestly about your feelings and experiences can have a huge impact on your submissive and personal development. A submissive journal is all about you. Even if the journal is by your choice, or you are not currently in a relationship, a submissive journal has it’s place.

When you are first directed to write a journal you should decide if it will be a physical journal, a digital journal or an online journal/blog. This can be determined by the Dominant or you can be given free reign to decide what to do. If in doubt, ask your Dominant.  Respect your comfort level when you choose a method. If it is a physical journal, decide where you are going to keep it, whether it needs to be locked and if your Dominant will be reading it. Writing in an online journal usually means that you have potential to have anonymous readers read your blog, or you can password protect it.

The first post always seems to be the hardest. You stare at the blank page and nothing in your head seems to jump onto the page. So much is waiting to be said, but nothing can be said till you know what your journal is going to do for you. Is it going to be where you do writing tasks given to you by your Dominant? If so you probably don’t have to worry about what to write about since it will be decided for you. A way to get over that first hurdle would be to introduce yourself to your journal. Write about who you are, the relationship you are in or would like to have and some of the thoughts you’ve had about submission that you’d like to answer someday… if not today.

Once you get your first post under your belt you can dig down into what you want to get out of your journal. This is your place. It can be private and intimate or open and wild. No matter what you end up writing, be honest with yourself. Make it yours.

Oh and if you get to a point where you need some help with topics, head on over to Submissive Journal Prompts and answer a thought or question from there. I have over 700 there so you may never run out.

Photo by dbdrobot

Exploring Your Place in BDSM Play

Submission during play can be overwhelming. How do you understand what you might like? What about the buzz words of subspace and sub drop? One of Submissive Guide’s goals is to help novice submissives understand BDSM and their place in it. To help you begin your exploration I’ve put together a list of the posts here to help you on your journey.

• Why BDSM is NOT D/s – skylarpet shares her thoughts on the differences between BDSM and the relationship type D/s.
• Safe Sane and Consensual – Learn what your responsibilities are when it comes to playing.
• RACK – SSC not your idea of a good way to play? Try Risk Aware Consensual Kink.
• The BDSM Checklist that will Really Help You – Checklists offered online are extensive, overwhelming and increasingly not useful. Learn how to write one that will work with your development.
• Using Playtime Check-Ins Wisely – Communicating effectively during play is vital to a comfortable and pleasurable playtime.
• To Safeword or Not to Safeword – The use of safewords in BDSM and deciding if they are important to you.
• Nonverbal Ways to Safeword – How do you express discomfort or the need to stop when you are gagged or hooded? Come read about some nonverbal options.
• Packing a Toybag – Dominants are not the only ones who should come prepared. See what you should have with you when you play.
• Sub Space – What is it? Do I want it? How much does it cost?
• Emotional Aspects of Sub Drop – The crash when play is over can be physical and emotional. Take a look at the emotional side; which can be the hardest to deal with.
• Sub Frenzy – What is it and can you get it? Is it contagious? Find out how you can cool the fever!
• Aftercare for Yourself – Putting together a kit to help you heal after playing is important in casual and live-in relationships.

This isn’t all there is to BDSM play, trust me. But it’s a start. Now open for questions!

photo by spankmeeehard

Add Your Reading List to Your Training Resume

Since the beginning of Submissive Guide I have been writing essays to help you build your service/submissive/slave resume. This is the living document of your experience and training on different tasks and a variety of relationships. If you are interested in reading the previous posts about the Training Resume I suggest you start at the topic index.

Today we are going to compile a list of the books you have read during your service that are a part of your growth and learning. The importance of this list is not only to show a potential Dominant that you are well read, but that you have a personal desire to work on improving yourself, learning a wide range of viewpoints and opinions and learn about BDSM activities of all sorts.

Gather Your Books

Pull together all the books you’ve read on BDSM, specific service items and other self help resources that you have read completely. These books can be basic relationship self help, etiquette, green cleaning and simple living, How-to books, and so much more. Let your mind explore your entire library and figure out how that could apply to a BDSM service relationship. You might be surprised.

Magazines and Newspapers

Although a bit more rare or pricey, you can find excellent magazines and even newspaper articles that might help you with building a reference library for your service experience and development as a person. Perhaps you have a subscription to a gardening magazine, home repair or fine dining journal. These things can be wonderful resources for your service life. Be creative and look for learning opportunities everywhere you go.

Online Sources

Don’t forget online newsletters and blogs that you are subscribed to! Even SubmissiveGuide.com can be a great resource to list on your reading list if you read it regularly and learn from it. Make note of the posts or articles that you enjoyed the most and the URL if there is one.

General Essay websites are great too, but make sure you keep a list of articles that you have read on each one so that it isn’t assumed that you have read the entire site.

How to Make the List

For books, make a list of the titles, authors, publication dates and a synopsis of the book. Online resources need to have the name of the site, the URL, the date you last accessed it and the site owner with a way to contact them if you can find one. You can also spend time writing personal reviews of the book or essay with what you took from it and made your own.

For example, I just read SlaveCraft and reviewed it on this blog. I can add that book to my service resume in the Reading List area. My entry would look something like this:

SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude, principles, skills and tools by a grateful slave with Guy Baldwin, M.S.

Daedalus Publishing Company (April 2002)

The author writes for the submissive or slave who may already have experience and thus understand the skills and tools that will help deepen their surrender. His four principles that he describes in detail are Identity, Obedience, Transparency and Humility. Each one is artfully discussed so that while you may be walking in his world of surrender you can apply them to your own service quite easily.

Making this list now will help you in the future too when you try to remember where you read that fantastic book or essay that you’d like to refer to, or share with a friend. The importance of a list like this can help you in more ways that just your resume.

What else would you list on your reading list? Would it be beneficial to list books and articles that you want to read in the future or have an interest in?

Juggling Daily Life and Submission

We all have responsibilities in life. The family needs to be taken care of and fed, you have to work, pay the bills and keep the home repaired. Kids have to be cared for and carted around from games to classes to other outings. There are days you feel that there aren’t enough hours in the day and you haven’t even had time to say hello to your Dominant let alone serve him as you’d like to. How is it really possible that all the stories you hear about submission really happen? Are they living in a vacuum?

Once the fantasy of ideal submission settles and the excitement of trying something new fades you realize that life will continue whether you are submissive or not. The real truth is that you can be submissive during all of your everyday too; just toned down or hidden. As I’ve said here before, submission in a lifestyle sense isn’t what you do, it’s who you are. You can’t just take off the submissive hat. Here we are, living as we need to do and submitting. That is the new ideal.

So, when you go to work or make dinner you are still serving your Dominant with everything you do. Perhaps you work to pay bills. This helps provide your Dominant and yourself (with family) someplace to live and enjoy life together. Turn on that internal voice that continues to say, ‘What would my Dom think of this action or that behavior?’ As you hear it throughout the day, make the judgement calls based on what he or she would say. Change the way you think about everything you do.

It is true that the struggles of life can get in the way of play time or frequent sex or intense D/s sessions. We all suffer it from time to time. What is still true in those instances is that you are still submissive. You may not be showing it outwardly as often but it’s there because it’s a part of you. All throughout the blogosphere and in conversations on groups you hear of submissives struggles with times that life gets in the way of their dream. Never give up of that dream; but realize that priorities change.

What? Do I mean that after all the talk of submission being who you are that you can decide not to be submissive? No. What I mean is that just like everything else in life, it ebbs and flows. Some moments will feel very submissive to you and others the submission will be just a hint of your self. Accepting that the ideal life can’t be everyday all day is just a part of growth and development. Sometimes you will be a parent first and submissive second, you could be employee first and then spouse with just a hint of submission.

The important thing to remember is that the submission is still there! Just like how you were before you found submission as your calling (however strong it is), you can be just as successful of a person with just a hint of submission than when it’s flaming out in radiance of your submissive.

I may be living the perfect life for me, but it’s not for everyone. Find that perfect balance for you.

How do you juggle your daily life and your needs to be submissive? I’d really like to know how you accomplish it.

photo by jayniebell

Know Your Manners when Visiting D/s Friends

Accepting an invitation to visit friends that are into BDSM or the lifestyle can lead to a wonderful experience and the development of close friends. That is if you keep yourself aware of house rules and relationship dynamics. 

Generally speaking, a couple of D/s friends are not going to drop their dynamic around you since they know you are into BDSM as well. This could lead to some awkward pauses or mis-steps on your part if you aren’t used to hanging out with them.  Here are some things to keep in mind.

• Ask before showing up if you need to give them a head’s up you are on your way. Some people are more comfortable without clothing on and this would give them time to dress.
• If you would like to meet in a vanilla atmosphere, let your friends know. They will certainly shift gears if it will make your more comfortable. If you like the protocol displays and are comfortable with it, let them know that also.
• Be on your best behavior until you learn how the house is run. Just like at your family’s place; you could have to take your shoes off when entering the house, offer to help with the meal or drinks if they are being served and don’t snoop around rooms that you don’t have permission to be in. 
• Don’t correct the submissive’s behavior, word choice or mention thier attitude. That is not your job. Doing this could not only embarass the submissive, but anger the Dominant. 
• Do not assume that play will happen. D/s couples and friends don’t play every time they get together. If play was not mentioned on the invite, expect that it will not happen. 

Yes these can seem common sense, and I’m so glad you would think so. Not everyone has this information at hand and that’s why this post exists. What other tips do you have for someone that may have never been invited to a D/s household?

Dominance as a Slave Training Tool for Better Submission

When starting out in submission, there are a lot of roads you can choose and so many people direct novices to training and needing to be trained. Most of these novices then seek out a Master or Dominant to train them. This concept that the Dominant can teach the submissive more about surrender is a myth. Dominants only provide submissives with the tools they need to then seek further surrender.

My stand on this a stepping off point from the video post about Slave Training. I said in that post that training was everything that you do for your Dominant when directed to do so in a certain manner. That is partially correct. Yes, in a basic form that is training in a relationship, but it does not work towards a submissive’s ultimate goal of deeper surrender. If you want to deepen your surrender then you need to look inside yourself and learn what it really is to be submissive, find that core of desire within yourself and fan the flames. A Dominant does not know how to do this and can not help you get there. This is your personal journey; the journey inwards.

Think about how many times you’ve thought that your Dominant (or any Dominant) just doesn’t understand where you are coming from, or how hard it is to submit all the time. That’s exactly it. A Dominant can not get in touch with their submissive side, and believe me, everyone has one. If they are in their Dom Hat, tThey can think intellectually about your submission, but they can’t touch on the emotional, passionate side of your submission – the part that drives you to do things with joy and love and fulfillment.

Dominants that may have submitted first in their explorations or switches have a different but similar issue. They may know what it’s like, or what an experience did to them, but they still can’t help you. What they felt or dealt with as far as struggle will be different for them than for you. The advice they may give you is based on how they interacted with the experience. Even if they felt deep in submission during that time, once they put that Dom Hat back on, they can’t get in touch with it. It’s a road block.

What can you do to improve your submission if you can’t be trained in it by your Dominant? Your Dominant is still a valuable tool for slave training and we can use them as a tool for our own development. Take the rules and orders they give us, how do they mold us if we are also seeking a deeper level of submission. Can we make them a learning experience to be able to focus deeper on our own? Most of the time, Dominants allow and encourage submissives to speak to other submissives. There is an intelligent reasoning behind this. You can and do pick up training from other submissives. All the time, I am asked for help and assistance and can only hope that along with the advice they are learning how to figure it out for themselves and internalize it.

You may not actively want a mentor, but each and every submissive you exchange information and knowledge with is mentoring you and you are mentoring them. Even wise and experienced submissives learn from the younger. How do you see your conversations with submissives improving your own submission? If you can’t see it, look harder. And if that doesn’t help you, use this site as an example. You are reading this post, picking up information and many of you will take something away from it and learn. Others will find another article to do the same thing.

I’m just a submissive with an ability to express myself and a desire to help other submissives. I am a tool that a Dominant will want you to come seek out when you need to understand your submission and improve it. So the next time that you hear Slave Training and a Master that says they can train you, I’d ask direct questions as to how they can show you about surrender when they do not submit. It’s not a challenge to Dominance at all for they can train you – just not in your own submission. You have to seek that out; whether within you or from senior submissives.

What is a Mentor?

This week’s video tip is about mentors.

A mentor is a person more experienced in certain aspects of life than you are. They are also more open to varying viewpoints, have a desire to teach and aide others. A mentor is a role model and a very special counselor to those they council. In business newcomers are usually given a mentor to help them learn the business and become familiar with how things are run. They provide advice and training to the novice.

A mentor is a counselor and adviser for newcomers. Mentors usually provide an experienced view of the area being explored by the new person. They can provide training and teach the proper way that things should be done so that cautious movements become confidence.

A mentor not only helps the newbie at the beginning but can be there to advise and aide them during all phases of their development. In business the mentor is usually a more experience person with good communication skills and lots of patience.

Applying mentoring to a BDSM context a mentor is someone that guides and advises a newbie on what to expect, things they might want learn and other items. I believe a mentor should be on the same level as you. If you are submissive, then you should have a submissive mentor. Visa versa for a Dominant. They will be able to connect more with what you are thinking and feeling and can help you better than the opposing role could.

What I can do for you?

Other than just reading my posts on the website, which I promise you you can learn from, I’m here to listen to you, answer your questions and provide you with advice. In the coming months I’m putting together my first of many training courses that will provide you other ways you can learn and get advice directly from me. So subscribe to my feed and keep reading. I’m planning a lot to bring you further into your submission and learn who you are and who you can be. Let me help you find the way.

The Importance of Rules

Rules, instructions and assignments are things that are given to me by my Dominant for very important reasons. To follow them should bring me the pride and happiness that I feel for him, and remind me that he cares for me. Rules are in place to keep me in line, place my heart and mind in the submissive mindset, and to make sure that I hold myself in his honor. Disrespect is greatly frowned upon. Instructions and assignments are meant to help me improve myself for him. I am to follow all of these so that I present myself as a loving, obedient and beautiful woman for him.

When I was given a set of rules from my Dominant, I was excited that he felt the need to give me things to do for him, to make me available for him always. The list involves a wide range of things in my life to improve upon and maintain. These things are to be done everyday, or at his specific request. Without these I do not have a purpose, my goal of pleasing him has no method. These rules are established not only for him to govern aspects of my life and behavior but also for me to express myself to him by following them. I bring him pride when I follow the rules he has set out.

I use these rules as an anchor for my life. I look at them daily, and plan out my day around accomplishing them. It gives me fulfillment to finish them in a certain time and to know that he has given them to me to fill my world with him. I think about him constantly as I follow through on them, wishing he were here to see me do them, but knowing that one day that will come. The rules are his love pouring out on me, giving me that strength and wisdom I need at every turn of the day to do what I need to do. I follow the rules to show that I love and serve him faithfully.

The rules are important because they are his instructions, his plan to help in my modification as his perfect submissive. Without these rules I would just be a woman without a goal. These rules are what make me who I am, and mold me into what he wants to see. These rules enhance my life and his; they lead on the right road and are there to hold me in his comfort while I do them. These rules are his love and guidance. They are central to my development and enhancement as his submissive. I need them to remind me of who I am.

Failing to achieve all the rules on a daily basis can happen for many reasons and some for no reason at all. They could happen for physical ailments, in which case, my Dominant would seek compassion I’m sure and allow a slide. The day could be filled with a lot of other activities and in that case, one should have permission to not fulfill certain tasks. The worst failing is just to forget. Forgetting is a breakdown in the commitment and trust between Master and submissive and should be avoided with all being. When forgetting takes place, punishment is the result, to again remind the submissive, who controls who, and that the Dominant holds love and pride in the submissive even through a failing. Completing the punishment should better the girl and help enforce the rules once again.

It is important to find ways not to fail on the rules established by my Dominant. Finding ways to avoid that have included making a daily checklist, not allowing enjoyable rest time until the list is accomplished, and staying up late, or getting up early to make sure time is not an issue. Other ways to avoid displeasing my Dominant have not been set up just yet.

Rules are set to be followed; there is no excuse that does not come with repercussions. If one does not believe that these rules are important the breakdown of the relationship will occur. Following the rules will give me the feeling of comfort and love. I will do them to the best of my ability, unless shown how to do them differently by my Dominant. My goal is to ultimately please my Dominant without having to think about the rules, get them ingrained in my mind, becoming second nature and finally my whole heart will only want to please and obey him.

photo credit by probondage2008

Simply Service

A once-a-month newsletter/e-zine written for service oriented people, by service oriented people in M/s, D/s or Leather relationships.

Current contributors are all slave or submissive identified, and in real time relationships where obedience and service are necessary, valued skills, achieved over time. I have been fortunate enough to meet these lovely people all over the country, and have delighted in great conversations, where we sometimes agree, and sometimes disagree, but are bound by a mutual respect of each other’s choices. Occasionally, words from the “other side” might be included as well, as many perspectives will be represented.

Many current contributors are active in their own local leather communities, as well as maintaining relationships, homes, jobs and more. We know it can be a balancing act. We know it isn’t pretty all the time. We’ll be sharing our stories, tricks, tips, lessons learned (easy and hard), mistakes, and human foibles.

Every possible relationship combination will be represented, as this is about service, and can transcend gender and role orientations. Contributors are encouraged to write about issues they are currently facing, and as such each issue may go in a number of directions. The thought of “theming” issues has arisen, and is on hold at this time to allow for freedom of expression and creativity as this project finds a niche of its own. Philosophy, skill training, methods, and more may be examined.

Simply Service Groups on the Web

Yahoo Group: Simply Service
FetLife Group: Simply Service

Contributions will be accepted and reviewed on a per submission basis for addition into a future issue. Please include a bio, and any references you have and send submissions to msolympusleather2003@cox.net.

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Archives

Holiday 2008 Download Now!	The Matriarch of Merriment by Sazmira Holiday Tips and Ideas by Danae Holiday Traditions by Whipmaster Bob Clark The Great Christmas Tree Adventure by BootPig Gift Wrap Like a PorkChop by PorkChop Making Croissants for the Holidays by Wildfluers Also Tons of Holiday Recipe Cards!

Unconventional Service by Dusk Peterson Making House Guests Comfortable and Welcome by Danae Carson Not Trustworthy, Risk Worthy SWJ2 Media Release	August 2008 Download Now!

June 2008 Download Now!	Rolling with the Punches by Joy C. On Pigs by Whipmaster Bob Clark Working Backwards by kate maripose

Is Slavery Real? by Darren Productivity Tools Training Outside of the Box by Bootpig porkchops Rules of Bedding: Inside Info from a Retail Whore	May 2008 Download Now!

November 2006 Download Now!

The Path of Service, a Primer Part 1: The Mental, Physical, and Spiritual Disciplines of Service and Surrender by Mercedes White Socks by Jamie Nemitz Personal Responsibility in BDSM by ZooDirt and Kyphi Community Service by Kassie Nine Fold Path Seminars This Month in NC and GA The Role of Slavery in Modern Society by mair A Dominant’s View of Service by Mermaid Master A Series: The Glorified Bottom by Kathryn_Tact For Pig by BootPig

When You Say Nothing At All – Nonverbal Communication in the Scene by seri My Little Sister Wants a Slave by Mistress Grace Hope’s journal Ritual of the Pipe by izzy Service in Daddy Moments by Sean-Michael Traveling with Master by Elegant Brighten your World? Clean your Windows! by sweetkahi Our Readers Write!	February 2006 Download Now!

November 2005 Download Now!	My Journey by slavedebbie Community Unity by Master Kalan Declutter 101 by Tante Jen Metamorphosis by slave a Naturally Polyamourous by Mistress Pamela Essay by E Missy Hall Intimate Partner Abuse in the BDSM Lifestyle by sequi

Ledgerbook Service by Jezzie, property of Anton Eulogy for O by slave a Pantheon of Leather Nominations From the Editor and Letters Humidity and Leather Toys – Flirting with Danger by Elegant Time Management by Mistress Grace Politely Encouraging Departure or “Go Home, Please” by sazmira Reader’s Write! August Responses and September’s Question Are you Experienced? by Kassie Humility by sweetkahi	September 2005 Download Now

August 2005 Download Now!	Grace in Service by Linda ‘BootPig’ Hall Being Transparent for Daddy by slaveboi carlie Aromatherapy Uses in Service by Tante Jen Working with Speech Protocols by slave a Rule of St Benedict Notes for use in Master/slave or service relationships by slave jean Our Readers Write! Consideration 101 by sazmira

Service does not always mean Serious by morgana From the Editor and GWNN Bash Announcement Southwest Leather Conference Announcement – Looking for PR reps Luxury in the Bath with Tante Jen Aftercare starts with Negotiations by Lady Wyllo hope’s Journal The Pitfalls of Excellence by slave a A Life without Rules by Tante Jen	July 2005 Download Now!

June 2005 Download Now!

The Reality of Reliance by ZD, one of our rare offerings from the Top perspective Hiding in Plain Sight by wonderwoman. Balancing your service relationship with functioning the real world. Children, jobs, and more Psycho-Hostess: Tamed? slave jean Are you a Psycho-Hostess? A humorous, but real, look at how obsessive the service-minded can be, and how to reel that in and make it graceful. Deconstruction of Bootblacking by Steven Hagen, 2005 Southwest Bootblack and IMBB First Runner-Up 2005 hope

Ritualizing the Ordinary by slave jean Discovering Leather Care as Service by Sean Michael Part II of the The Write Stuff: Written Communication in Service by morgana Part II of the Mental Orgasm: The Phenomenon of Brain Sex series by Wyllo Hand Signals as a tool of communication by BootPig	May 2005 Download Now!

April 2005 Download Now!	slave a is back with an introspective look at Presumption in Service From the Editor The Art of the Interview

From the Editor –Linda Service Oriented and Protocols If He told you to jump off a bridge… Submission from Strength New Studies Show Diamonds Cause Irritation in Slaves Working Outside the Home A Feminist Perspective of BDSM Ritual Routine Recommitment Head space, slave space, sub space and other places we travel	March 2005 Download Now!

February 2005 Download Now!	Living Authentically Serving While Sick A is for Alpha The Symbology of Ritual Earned Respect of Proper Manners Bed Linens Primer

Welcome from Linda ‘Bootpig’ Hall Catherine Gross. Servants Retreat 2005 How does your service rank? Using the hospitality industry as a reference. Obedience. A slave examines the development of obedience. The Basics of Resistance Management The differences between submissives and slaves. Is one deeper than the other or are they just different?? Master/slave is not another form of marriage Beginning to serve tea

January 2005 Download Now!

Ask For What You Want

As a novice submissive, I believed that asking for anything was not appropriate for a submissive. I rarely requested a favorite restaurant, something at the store or anything else I wanted. My Master often asked me why I constantly deferred to him for everything. Of course I responded with what I thought to be right, “Because you are Master.”

Wrong answer.

As a part of my development Master trained me to be transparent with my feelings and wants and needs. This included the very things that I wanted or needed that I thought he should be deciding on. If I wanted to go to the store for something I had to learn to ask him for it. If I wanted a kiss, or attention, or if I wanted sex; I had to learn to ask for it. There are ways to ask for something that doesn’t seem demanding or controling and I had to work on learning these traits to a request.

What is an acceptable request?

A request that is appropriate is still submissive in nature. Words that don’t insist or command that the want be done are correct. You should choose your words wisely. Turn your commands or requests into questions. Make sure you use your Dominant’s name if that is the correct way for you to address them.

We’ve talked about our wants and needs previously and now we can focus on how we say that we want immediate concerns addressed. No matter how badly you want or need these things, they need to be brought up respectfully. Part of being an obedient submissive is to know how to ask for things that we need so that our immediate needs are addressed.

This does not mean that the dominant has to give us what we want. But it does then give them the opportunity to decide for us. Each relationship is different in how requests are handled, but if you know a respectful and honest way to address them with your dominant will appreciate it.

Now I encourage you to let me know in the comments how you ask for things you want. Is there a special time that you can bring your requests to your Dominant’s attention? How transparent are you with your thoughts and requests?

Learning Your Wants and Needs

How Do I Figure Out What I Need?

Figuring out your wants and needs is a fundamental task in your relationship decision making. Knowing the difference and being able to shift and change your lists around is valuable to your continued development.

The following list of links are my suggestions on key posts on the topic of wants and needs from my archives. I hope you find them to be useful.

The Series

1. Know What You Want, Learn What You Need
2. Distinguishing Between Wants and Needs
3. The Importance of Needs
4. Expressions of Wants and Needs
5. What Should You Do When Your Wants or Needs Aren’t Met?

More Interesting Articles

• Ask For What You Want

What Your Defining Moment Means to Your Submissive Future

Everyone has a defining moment where BDSM becomes a part of your life in some form or another. It doesn’t have to mean that you are completely immersed into a D/s relationship right away. A lot of us start out just kinky in the bedroom. The idea of being submissive as a part of your life is scary and overwhelming.

How your defning moment occurs has an impact on how your future will develop as a submissive. I had a scary and somewhat sad moment when I realized that my husband wasn’t into the sex games that I wanted to play. What was I going to do? I couldn’t go outside the marriage to get what I wanted, even though he would be fine with that. I couldn’t stay in the marriage now that I knew I needed more from my relationship than he was willing or able to provide. My defining moment changed my future. In the end, I got divorced.

It may not happen this way for you. I’ve read that someone’s defining moment became freeing and happy. Others said cautiously they stepped into the waters, ready to bail if it got to deep for them.

However you decide to handle the moment will decide your future. Slowly exploring will mean a slower development of your submissive nature. Diving in headfirst could have two impacts. You could go too deep too fast and crash, or you could find the perfect fit for your lifestyle and change for the better. I am, of course, routing for the latter for everyone. I’m here to help you find your submissive future prepared and with all the tools necessary to help you mature and grow to be the best person you can be.

So, what is your defining moment? Was it a lightbulb moment or a great big “Eureka!”? If you are well into your submission, how far as that defining moment allowed you to explore and grow? Where do you still desire training or knowledge?

Recording Your Training History

Your training history is the catalog of the past relationships that you have had within a D/s dynamic. You will be documenting the training you received and list the basic development that you can recall being part of your service. If you have a long history with many dominants this could take awhile and be a large part of your Training Resume. The importance of this is not only to help a potential Dominant get to know you and what you like, but to learn what sorts of things they don’t have to focus on. The best part of this is that they can see even more if you are compatible to them.

So, say you want to set up a training history, how do you start? Each relationship should be treated the same, whether it was casual, long term, live-in, long distance or online only. Relationships that are short to really long all should be documented. All of them will matter and have an impact on your future.

• Unlike a job resume or CV you should start with your very first relationship.
• Be impartial about your previous partners and don’t share information about them. Information about your training is the focus.
• Unlike a job resume, you need to be detailed and can be long winded. Do not just summarize your experience.
• Rate how well you thrived in the relationship and what you liked best.

The important thing to focus on is the experiences you had and the development you felt you achieved. There is no need to share specific play sessions or interactions with past Dominants.

An Example Relationship

Jane was with Rick for 3 years as a long distance relationship with visits every other month. They focused their time together with pain play and learning positions he liked as well as sexual pleasure. Their time apart she explored online and learned about different forms of service, play, relationships and BDSM. He developed rules for her to follow to maintain her appearance, keep in contact with him daily and a meditation ritual. They never ventured to any local BDSM community and kept most of their play in the bedroom.

How would you document your history if you were Jane? The following is an idea for a historical profile for your resume.

Length of relationship: 3 years

Type of relationship: Long Distance Relationship with bi-monthly visits

Rules followed during relationship: Appearance, Contact and Mediation. If you can recall specific rules, list them here.

Relationship Focus: Mostly pain play and sexual submission. Developed submission through online reading and blog exploration. Also learned a lot about BDSM play A, B and C.

Be thorough! List as much as you can remember about the items you focused your attention on.

Training: Submissive Positioning, appropriate speech during scene, sexual service.

Struggles you encountered: Feeling sheltered, no one to talk to, no face-to-face contact with anyone that was in the lifestyle.

Why did the relationship end? Distance strain grew too much.

Building Your Personal History

The above steps are just introductory items that you can include in your history. Make it personal and give it personality. You are developing your living document. I encourage everyone to give this a try with your current or previous relationship. What do you learn about yourself and what you look for in a relationship? This history could very well hold clues for you!

Building your Training Resume

1. Beginning Your Training Resume
2. Recording Your Training History
3. Recording Your Completed Training
4. Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
5. The BDSM Checklist that will Really Help You
6. Add Your Reading List
7. Add Cons, Classes and Events

The Importance of Journaling Your Submission

Communication is one of the key elements that make a D/s relationship strong. Without good communication your relationship is destined to fail. While talking face to face may be the best way to communicate, sometimes this just isn’t possible. A submissive can be a novice, shy, embarrassed, or intimidated. With the age of the internet, distance can also be a roadblock in good communication. Dominants have to use tools to help the submissive communicate and grow.

One of the tools that Dominants can use for communication is journaling. Keeping a journal has really grown and flourished online, but long before the internet submissives kept paper journals. Now many of the journals exist online as blogs. A blog is an online journal. It’s still not unlikely now to have a paper journal and a blog. I have a blog for my everyday writing and a paper journal for the really private stuff that even Master doesn’t want to see. That one is rarely written in, but it is there if I need it.

Starting a Journal

If you are asked to or decide to start a journal of your own you should decide what sort of content you want to have in it. Many submissives record their play and sexual encounters as a part of their blog. I try to reflect on my day as a submissive and delve deep within to find out why I acted a certain way or where I can work on something related to my submission. Whatever you decide your voice may be, stay true to it. This journal, whether paper or online, is a part of you. Be honest with yourself, open-minded and introspective.

There are several blog hosting services that can allow you to have a public or private blog. They provide different looks and themes, options and features to make your blog whatever you’d like it to be.

There are several reasons why you would want to start up a blog or journal. They can be very personal or have every opportunity to be open with others. Perhaps you need advice or exposure to help you through your journey. The following methods can help you get your feet off the ground.

Journaling for Development

When I started my blog, and the main focus now, is to journal as I develop as my Master’s submissive. I try to detail my thoughts and feelings and get to the bottom of it. I tend to try to over-analyze and take a very introspective view of myself. I am overly critical but it does help me see where things are and where they may be going.

Your goal for journaling may be similar. Do you want to document your learning and growth as a submissive? Does it make you feel good to know that you have come from A to B and are better for it? Development journaling may be for you.

Take an introspective view of what you did today and how you behaved. Were there things that you feel enhanced your submission? Was there anything you’d like to work on? What about ideas for further development you’d like to look into?

Journaling for Punishment

Generally this option isn’t one you take on yourself, but is asked of you by your Dominant partner. Blogs or journals that document a submissive’s punishment and atonement for infractions can be interesting reading if done correctly. Again, it would be beneficial for you to write introspectively about the punishment, the ‘crime’ and the way you feel now that the punishment is over. Perhaps even writing about how you will improve your submission can give you a lot to learn from.

Sex Blogging

There really is an art to writing about sex, but to attract people to your form or journaling you need to write explicitly and often. A good sex blogger will not only tell the story but encourage readers to want for more. This is one of the most commercialized options, but if you are in for the long haul and can write well, this might be an option for you to explore.

Preserving Your Voice

In all that I’ve written here I’d like to remind your to keep your voice. Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t (unless you are in a character blog). It is expected that when you journal you are telling the truth. Several bloggers that I used to follow, were shunned when it was found out that their blogs were faked and it was just a fiction blog. If you are going to write fiction, make sure your readers know that.

Your voice, the way you write and what you write about is important to you, and possibly to readers if you share your blog with the world. No matter if your blog is private, if you are honest with your feelings and emotions then it can be used by you or a Dominant partner to the best of both. Make the journal your own. Let it strengthen you. Keep it true to you.

Other Submissives’ Thoughts on Journaling

The Power Within Journaling – Life on the Razor’s Edge

photo credit Bob AuBuchon

Importance of Needs

In the previous post about wants and needs you made a list of your wants and a list of your needs so that you had them defined for your training resume. In this essay I will share why needs are so important to your overall health and happiness in a relationship and why settling for less than what you need is detrimental to you and the relationship.

I’m going to use the basic needs of security, comfort and love for this discussion but any needs that you have on your list will apply just as well. Feel free to make this part of your personal analysis. This is for your own development and I hope that it will help you see why needs are so important.

Basic Needs Explained

Security for example is the first need that you should have met in order to live. This can be physical, emotional or financial security. Without the sense of safety and security you can not easily go about your day. Things that can threaten your security are unemployment, abuse and terrorist threats. A breakdown of security can make all other needs unimportant until this one is rebuilt. Just think about if you lost your house to a flood, how would you respond to the threat on your security? Would food or clean clothing be as important or would they take a back seat to re-securing a home?

Comfort is also an important need for people. With comfort you add food, clothing, and other material goods. Generally these would be things to enhance the security of your life. Nourishment of your body, mind and heart comes from providing comfort for yourself. Comfort in a relationship could be trust, honesty, openness and commonality. Without comfort you could experience malnourishment, depression and other physical and emotional stress.

Love is the last need that I’m going to cover here. Love is relative to each person, and is not restricted to intimate spousal love. Friendships and familial love are also important in your life for balance. It’s hard to be happy if you feel unloved. People who feel unloved can experience depression, stress and some have taken their own life. Love is just that important.

As a submissive, you may have additional base needs that a dominant provides. The sense of control from your partner is one that I can think of. In order for you to feel whole in your submission you may need a dominant to exert control over you. This is considered a need; you can’t be submissive without it.

Need Deficits

A lot of what we experience as stress and depression and a sense of lacking is due to our needs not being filled completely. These deficits impact us in different ways, but over the long term the lack of having our needs met can make us ill, very unhappy and frustrated. For example, what happens if your greatest need of affection wasn’t being reached? Would you feel unwanted, alone, frustrated and unhappy? Of course you would!

Not all feelings of sadness, frustration or depression have to do with lack of satisfied needs, but most can be lead back to a basic need or desire being ignored. It is my belief that more divorces happen because someone’s needs aren’t being met than any other reason. Open and honest conversation could have prevented some compatibility issues in many relationships.

As with all D/s relationships, communication is encouraged anyway, so make sure your needs are communicated as well. If they change, let your partner know. The power exchange has to do with needs as well as everything else in the relationship, use it to get what you need.

Settling For Less

So you’ve found out what your needs are, and you are entering a relationship. What if you can’t get all of your needs met in that relationship? Do you settle for less than what you need? How do you cope? Getting only some of your needs met, as I’ve said before, can have bad consequences and could mean the end of the relationship.

When it comes to needs you should never settle for less. There is a reason why you have made a list of needs compared to wants. Needs are just that. You have to have them to be happy. Make sure you share you needs long before your wants hit the table.

The next time you take a look at your needs list, make a note of how important that need is. You can always scale them so that you can make sure your base needs are being met. Never settle for less than what you require. Submissives have needs too, make sure yours get met.

Wants and Needs Series

1. Know What You Want, Learn What You Need
2. Distinguishing Between Wants and Needs
3. The Importance of Needs
4. Expressions of Wants and Needs
5. What Should You Do When Your Wants or Needs Aren't Met?

Submission By Choice: Learned Submission

Submission has been called a gift. It has been said to be a natural characteristic. Submission is also a choice. When I first entered the lifestyle, no one would have mistaken me for a submissive. I am strong willed, commanding and independent. I have a dominant personality. Nature, society and the way I was brought up made me that way. However through my explorations I found a desire in me that only grew over time. This desire was to submit to someone, to be the one person in someone’s life that they could count on to serve them in whatever capacity they needed. This made my decision to become submissive rather plain to see.

When one chooses a role in this lifestyle there are usually clues as to what role will make you the happiest. These clues are desire, a sense of emptiness, and a need. The most important choice you can make is based on the desires you have. Do you desire to serve someone, to give the control of your life over to someone else? Do you feel a void in your life because you can not be the one someone calls upon for their needs? Is there an overpowering need to be of service? Are you always helping others, and wanting to volunteer for things and taking on every task as your own because it makes you feel good? These are clues that you may be submissive. Now I say maybe, because all people have these draws in life, it’s just that submissives have it in excess.

It’s not an easy task to draw out the submissive nature within you if it isn’t already present in all you do. If you are like me, you struggle and rebel at the slightest challenge in character or task that you just ‘don’t feel like doing’. The goal is to submit anyway and to feel that the importance of your life is the imprint of your service on another. The journey to this goal is challenging and full of baby steps. Something accomplished, no matter how small, opens your mind and heart up to what is naturally there; submission.

Let’s use a personal example:

My Master requires that if I plan on going out, that I wear make up. It’s not an abundance of make up, nor is it really hard to do as he asks. However, when he first requested this of me, I refused. I didn’t understand why he would care if I wore make up or not. I didn’t know what purpose it would serve to require me to wear make up. I purposefully forgot to do it; I struggled with the reason for it. It took me months to do it on a daily basis.

Now I can see exactly why this request was upon me. He knew that when I wore make up I felt better about my physical appearance, I adjusted my behavior to a more ladylike level, and I was certainly more appealing to look at. His purpose was to remind me that I am beautiful, that he knows I feel that way with make up on, and that it is his choice to see me at my best; to improve myself for him.

This was one of my first steps in my transition, a transition that is still ongoing. I am by far finished. When you reach this point, where you are slowly making changes in your behavior and attitude you find that you are more eager to serve, that you find pleasure and enjoyment in the pride that shows in your partner’s face. After these beginning steps, you can add more steps. You can begin to make personal changes. Perhaps you want to become more active, or you want to have your clothing picked out before bed for the next day. These things can be done in the same manner, but without requirement from your partner (unless that is their choice). Achievement is addictive. Find those things you want to do or have always dreamed of being and then work towards it. It requires taking the initiative, maintaining motivation and a strong support system.

Take the initiative to draw up your plan of action. Be it to get up earlier and get housework done sooner, or to train yourself to be more sexually pliable. These are all possible with a bit of preplanning. Make a to-do list, set up a schedule and talk it through with your partner. You should figure out what steps are necessary to achieving your goal. Always remember baby steps and don’t push yourself past what you can do. For example if you intend on getting up at 5 am, and your normal schedule has you getting up at 7am, don’t shock your system and just start setting the clock for 5am, it won’t work. Remember to baby step toward your goal. If you want to do something sexually that is different than you do normally that usually requires practice, and who would argue with that?! First and foremost take the time to figure out what needs doing to get the job done.

The most difficult step is maintaining the motivation past the first exhilarating few days, weeks or months. I find that refreshing your small goals often helps give you a boost of encouragement from time to time. If a goal has become difficult, shrink it down a bit and go for that. Never give up! Keeping going is not easy. It takes hard work and concentration. Many reasons why people fail are because they loose motivation. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen to me. Another method to success is a great support system.

A support system can be anyone. Your partner is a good place to go first, but if there are going to be punishments applied to failings, you won’t want them as your only support. Seek out friends and other submissives that may be doing exactly what you are doing; changing. Keep in contact with them on a regular basis, even if you are doing well with your baby steps, encouraging others when they reach a hard place helps your goals as well. Stir your motivation and help others as they help you.

Finding the submissive in you is not easy, but it’s not impossible. There is a rocky road to any goal. The starting point is finding that part of yourself that wants to serve and be of service for someone. Then build on it and you can become submissive. You can feel that void fill with meaning and humble pride for your accomplishments. Find your true place in this lifestyle and never look back! Set a goal, work hard towards it and maintain your support system. Everything is possible.

Beginning Your Training Resume

A training resume is just another name for a folder where you are going to start keeping your list of training achieved, history and important documents. Much like the training folders mentioned in The Marketplace series by Laura Antoniou you can build a file on yourself to offer your current or future dominant partner(s). Throughout the course of this program you will learn how to write your own files, learn to focus your training in the direction you wish to go and develop a personal development plan for your own growth.

It all begins with the basic information that all dominant request of a submissive when they are first getting to know someone. This is known as a basic profile. Personal basic profiles are a great way to distill information in an interesting and digestible format.The process to writing a personal profile are to intrigue the reader about the person it is written about.

1. Be Concise and condense – No one needs to know everything in every small detail about you in a profile. Try to say it in as few words as possible.
2. Choose your adjectives – Use a thesaurus if you need to. Find words that clearly state what you want to say.
3. Choose specific terms – ‘I like sports’ is not nearly as clear as ‘I like soccer’. Make sure you express yourself completely.
4. Write in outline format – Outline format is easier to follow and give a snapshot of what you are like.
5. Present a 3D image of yourself – Don’t just focus on a few aspects of your life.
6. Be honest – Don’t lie or exaggerate.
7. Take pride in who you are – Use positive words but do not brag.

Some information you may want to include:

• personality (choose 3 power words)
• likes/dislikes
  • food
  • entertainment
  • activities
  • hobbies
  • music
• family life
• education
• religion/spirituality/beliefs
• causes you are active in
• living situation
  • environment
  • location
• pet peeves (You can learn a lot about a person on this issue alone.)
• goals/dreams/plans
  • professional
  • personal
• travel
• hope to accomplish
• family structure or size (i.e. ‘Would like to have 5 kids.’)
• unusual experiences (i.e. ‘Worked in the peace corps in the Sudan,’ ‘went to Germany in school,’ ’survived a severe storm,’ ‘met famous person,’ ‘home-schooled kids.’)
• what is important to you (i.e. ’saving money to help the needy’ or ‘protect the environment.’)
• talents or skills
  • musical
  • artistic
  • sports
  • drama
• groups or affiliations or online communities you belong to (another way to learn about someone)

Once you get the basics together you can start developing your training history. We’ll start putting that together in future posts.

Building your Training Resume

1. Beginning Your Training Resume
2. Recording Your Training History
3. Recording Your Completed Training
4. Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
5. The BDSM Checklist that will Really Help You
6. Add Your Reading List
7. Add Cons, Classes and Events