Email
RSS
Submissive Chat Night 3/9/10 8PM CST – Free Chat
March 4, 2010 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
It’s time again for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. I’d welcome everyone to come on in Tuesday 3/9 for a bit of conversation. The topic is going to be free chat. Anything and everything can be discussed. Please come with questions or a curiosity about Dominant/submissive relationships.
Info
When: 3/9/10 8 PM CDT – 9:30 PM CDT
Where: Chat room on the website, or use an IRC Client
Topic: Free chat
How to get to the Chat Room
The chat room is attached to this site under the link at the top, or you can click this link here. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.
If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:
Server: irc.mibbit.com
Port: 6667
Channel: #submissive-guide
Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!
CANCELLED! Submissive Chat Night 2/23/10 8PM CDT – Oral/Genital Service
February 18, 2010 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
Something has come up and I will be unable to attend. Please feel free to use the room if you’d like. It’s always open.
–luna
It’s time again for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. I’d welcome everyone to come on in Tuesday 2/23 for a bit of conversation. The topic is going to be Oral/Genital Service. Anything and everything can be discussed. Please come with questions or a curiosity about Dominant/submissive relationships.
Info
When:2/23/10 8 PM CDT – 9:30 PM CDT
Where: Chat room on the website, or use an IRC Client
Topic: Oral/Genital Service
How to get to the Chat Room
The chat room is attached to this site under the link at the top, or you can click this link here. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.
If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:
Server: irc.mibbit.com
Port: 6667
Channel: #submissive-guide
Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!
Submissive Chat Night 2/9/10 8PM CST – Free Chat
February 4, 2010 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
It’s time again for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. I’d welcome everyone to come on in Tuesday 2/9 for a bit of conversation. The topic is going to be free chat. Anything and everything can be discussed. Please come with questions or a curiosity about Dominant/submissive relationships.
Info
When:2/9/10 8 PM CDT – 9:30 PM CDT
Where: Chat room on the website, or use an IRC Client
Topic: Free chat
How to get to the Chat Room
The chat room is attached to this site under the link at the top, or you can click this link here. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.
If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:
Server: irc.mibbit.com
Port: 6667
Channel: #submissive-guide
Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!
Submissive Chat Night 1/26/10 8 PM CST – D/s Relationships
January 21, 2010 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
It’s time again for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. I’d welcome everyone to come on in Tuesday 1/26 for a bit of conversation. The topic is going to be D/s Relationships. Anything and everything can be discussed. Please come with questions or a curiosity about Dominant/submissive relationships.
Info
When: 1/12/10 8 PM CDT – 9:30 PM CDT
Where: Chat room on the website, or use an IRC Client
Topic: D/s Relationships. All questions asked will be answered!
How to get to the Chat Room
The chat room is attached to this site under the link at the top, or you can click this link here. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.
If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:
Server: irc.mibbit.com
Port: 6667
Channel: #submissive-guide
Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!
Submissive Chat Night 1/12/10 8PM CST – BDSM Play
January 7, 2010 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
It’s time again for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. I’d welcome everyone to come on in Tuesday 1/12 for a bit of conversation. The topic is going to be BDSM Play. Anything and everything can be discussed. Please come with questions or a curiosity about different play activities.
Info
When: 1/12/10 8 PM CDT – 9:30 PM CDT
Where: Chat room on the website, or use an IRC Client
Topic: BDSM Play activities. All questions asked will be answered!
How to get to the Chat Room
The chat room is attached to this site under the link at the top, or you can click this link here. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.
If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:
Server: irc.mibbit.com
Port: 6667
Channel: #submissive-guide
Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!
Submissive Chat Night 12/15/09 8 PM CDT – Free Chat
December 10, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
It’s time again for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. I’d welcome everyone to come on in Tuesday 12/15 for a bit of merry conversation. There is no topic set and you can drop in anytime between 8 PM and 9:30 PM CDT.
Info
When: 12/15/09 8 PM CDT – 9:30 PM CDT
Where: Chat room on the website, or use an IRC Client
How to get to the Chat Room
The chat room is attached to this site under the link at the top, or you can click this link here. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.
If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:
Server: irc.mibbit.com
Port: 6667
Channel: #submissive-guide
Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!
Submissive Chat Night: 12/1/09 – Speaking Submissively
November 26, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
It’s time for another Submissive Chat Night!
When: Dec 1st at 8pm CST. It is expected to last about 1 1/2 hours.
Topic: Graceful Words: Speaking Submissively
Optional Pre-reading:
Some chat night rules, up for discussion.
- I would like to be able to post the edited chat log for the discussion on this website and will put it up for a vote every chat night. Vote will decide for that night only.
- Dominant bashing will not be allowed. Gossip is not welcome. Using people’s full names, or those of people not in the chat will be subject to banning for the duration of the discussion. Please don’t make me use my powers. I’d like to keep this comfortable for everyone; even those not present.
How to get to the chat room
The chat room is attached to this site under the Resources link at the top, or you can click this link here. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.
If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:
Server: irc.mibbit.cm
Port: 6667
Channel: #submissive-guide
Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!
Submissive Chat Night 11/17/09: Negotiation and Common Sense
November 12, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
It’s time for another Submissive Chat Night! This is a repeat of a chat that was rescheduled due to illness.
When: Nov 17th at 8pm CST. It is expected to last about 1 1/2 hours.
Topic: Negotiations and Common Sense
Optional Pre-reading:
- Ouch is Not a Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits and Scene Protocol
- Limits and Negotiations
- Establishing Limits: Going Full Circle
- Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations
- Article on Negotiations
Some chat night rules, up for discussion.
- I would like to be able to post the edited chat log for the discussion on this website and will put it up for a vote every chat night. Vote will decide for that night only.
- Dominant bashing will not be allowed. Gossip is not welcome. Using people’s full names, or those of people not in the chat will be subject to banning for the duration of the discussion. Please don’t make me use my powers. I’d like to keep this comfortable for everyone; even those not present.
How to get to the chat room
The chat room is attached to this site under the Resources link at the top, or you can click this link here. You will want to click on that big CHAT image to open the chat room. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.
If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:
Server: irc.mibbit.com
Port: 6667
Channel: #submissive-guide
Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!
Submissive Chat Night 11/3/09: Views On Protocol
October 29, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
It’s time for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. This week’s topic will be one I am very interested in. As always, the chat is expected to last about 1 1/2 hours and is open to everyone.
When: 11/03/09 at 8:00pm Central Time
Where: Chat room located on the website
Topic: Different Views on Protocl
I will be asking you to give me permission to save a transcript of the chat session and post it on the website for others to share in the conversation. Dominants are welcome to attend. See everyone then!
Optional Pre-reading
- Protocol
- Protocol, Etiquette and Ritual
- Basic BDSM Protocol – pdf
- Why I Don’t Give a Hoot about Protocol and Why It’s Important to Know Anyhow
- Some Notes on Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol
Submissive Chat Night 10/27/09: Dating and Online Dominant Searches
October 22, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
It’s time for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. This week’s topic will be one I am very interested in. As always, the chat is expected to last about 1 1/2 hours and is open to everyone.
When: 10/27/09 at 8:00pm Central Time
Where: Chat room located on the website
Topic: Dating and Online Dominant Searches
I will be asking you to give me permission to save a transcript of the chat session and post it on the website for others to share in the conversation. Dominants are welcome to attend. See everyone then!
Optional Pre-Work
- Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts – Part One: Dominants
- Dating in the Lifestyle
- On Love and D/s
Questions:
- What are the most common ways to find Dominants to date?
- What is considered a safe way to meet someone?
- What is expected on a date with a Dominant?
- What isn’t expected on a date with a Dominant?
- What is the difference between dating in the vanilla sense and dating in D/s?
- Around what date do you play? Compared to when you’d open up for possible sex during a vanilla relationship, why do you allow play at this point in time?
Rescheduled! Submissive Chat Night 10/13/09: What is Service?
October 8, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
It’s time for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. This week’s topic will be one I am very interested in. As always, the chat is expected to last about 1 1/2 hours and is open to everyone.
When: 10/13/09 at 8:00pm Central Time
Where: Chat room located on the website
Topic: What is Service?
I will be asking you to give me permission to save a transcript of the chat session and post it on the website for others to share in the conversation. Dominants are welcome to attend. See everyone then!
Optional Pre-Work
1. How do you define service? When is it most evident in your actions or relationship?
2. What services do you provide that you enjoy? What services do you not enjoy?
3. Find an essay online that you think speaks to your idea of service.
Chat Night Rescheduled Due to Technical Issues
October 6, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Webmaster Notes
I’m sorry everyone. The chat room stopped working and I had to scramble to find another one. There is a new one in place and I will reschedule the chat night. Please watch for the announcement for the new chat night on Thursday. The topic will be the same.
Submissive Chat Night 9/22/09: Subspace and Subdrop
September 17, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
It’s time for another Submissive Chat Night!
When: Sept 22nd at 8pm CST. It is expected to last about 1 1/2 hours.
Topic: Subspace and Subdrop
Optional Pre-reading:
- What is Subspace – pdf format
- Going Deep: Topspace, Bottomspace and Sado-erotic Ecstacy
- Moving within Space
- Sub Drop
- Sub Drop
Some chat night rules, up for discussion.
- Right now I have the room set that it will be moderated during chat night. Dominants are welcome at anytime, but will not be able to speak publicly during discussion hours. I want to make this a comfortable place for submissives to come together to talk but I also don’t want to say that Dominants are not allowed to attend.
- I would like to be able to post the edited chat log for the discussion on this website and will put it up for a vote every chat night. Vote will decide for that night only.
- Dominant bashing will not be allowed. Gossip is not welcome. Using people’s full names, or those of people not in the chat will be subject to banning for the duration of the discussion. Please don’t make me use my powers. I’d like to keep this comfortable for everyone; even those not present.
How to get to the chat room
The chat room is attached to this site under the Resources link at the top, or you can click this link here. You will want to click on that big CHAT image to open the chat room. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.
If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:
Server: irc.bdsm-net.com
Port: 6667
Channel: #submissive-guide
Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!
The Roundtable: Gorean Lifestyle
September 11, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Roundtable Discussions
Gather around the table everyone, I’d like to learn about something I don’t know a lot about. I welcome you to add your thoughts and comments to this post and if you feel an inclination, send me a guest post letting me know what you think.
This month we are talking the Gorean Lifestyle. I’d like to cover the online phenomenon and the real life adaptation of Gor. Here are some questions I have that I’d love answered.
- What are the characteristic traits of a kajira in Gor?
- What are the characteristic traits of a Master in Gor?
- What is the a Free Woman?
- Are male submissives part of Gor?
- How does a Gorean chat room operate? What’s it like?
- What is a Gorean relationship like in real life?
- What are the core values of a Gorean lifestyle?
- What makes a Gorean lifestyle different from a M/s or D/s relationship?
- Why are so many people critical about Gorean lifestyle choices?
- Anything else you’d like to share?
Review: The New Bottoming Book
This month’s book review is of one of the books I gave away in the July Book Contest. The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy (formerly Lady Green) is a great beginner’s guide to bottoming. According to the authors, this “new version” contains much of the original advice, like “connecting” and negotiation, but also has new and much-needed information.
The book is divided into two sections. The first one is about skills. These chapters help novices make decisions about who they are as a bottom, what checklists are, how to make one, including the way I recommended here not long ago, bridging the gap between fantasy and reality and finding a Top that will give you what you need and want. There is a big section on meeting someone online via chat rooms, mailing lists and/or Internet newsgroups and how to convert from “cyber” to “real-time,” and dealing with the fact that their “reality” may not match yours.
The second section starts describing different “scenes”, their ‘rewards’ and also tips on beginning and ending them Also included are sections on role play, with short subsections about bondage and submission. It has small sections on dressing, public play, sensation play and other thoughts when it comes to actual scenes. I feel these chapters are nice for a very fresh novice, but not necessary when someone has already been exploring somewhat.
All in all I find the book very basic in it’s explaining what bottoming is and how to start on that path. Certainly recommended for the novice this book can help shed the nervousness and dispel the fantasy of play.
Product Details
- luna’s Rating: 6 out of 10
- Paperback: 200 pages
- Publisher: Greenery Press (CA); 2nd edition (December 1, 2001)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1890159352
- ISBN-13: 978-1890159351
Submissive Chat Night 8/25/09: BDSM and Sex
August 20, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s
I’m happy to announce the start of bi-weekly chat nights here on Submissive Guide. I have found a web based chat room that is just what I want. It connects to an IRC chat room so if you already use IRC, feel free to use that client instead. I’ll give you both ways to connect here in a moment. I have decided that Tuesday nights are when I’m available to moderate chat night so from now on expect that there will be discussion in the chat room at least on every other Tuesday nights. I plan to announce the topic for the discussion on Thursdays for the following Tuesday. That gives you all weekend to do some reading (yes there will be optional homework) so that you can come to the discussion ready to talk!
The first one is August 25th at 8pm CST. It is expected to last about 1 1/2 hours.
Topic: Sex and BDSM – are they one in the same?
Optional Pre-reading:
Some chat night rules, up for discussion.
- Right now I have the room set that it will be moderated during chat night. Dominants are welcome at anytime, but will not be able to speak publicly during discussion hours. I want to make this a comfortable place for submissives to come together to talk but I also don’t want to say that Dominants are not allowed to attend.
- I would like to be able to post the edited chat log for the discussion on this website and will put it up for a vote every chat night. Vote will decide for that night only.
- Dominant bashing will not be allowed. Gossip is not welcome. Using people’s full names, or those of people not in the chat will be subject to banning for the duration of the discussion. Please don’t make me use my powers. I’d like to keep this comfortable for everyone; even those not present.
How to get to the chat room
The chat room is attached to this site under the Resources link at the top, or you can click this link here. You will want to click on that big CHAT image to open the chat room. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.
If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:
Server: irc.bdsm-net.com
Port: 6667
Channel: #submissive-guide
Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!
A Lesson in Control with Self-Punishment
August 10, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Online Submission, Relationships
Each and every day there is the chance to scew up and be disobedient. Luckily, most of us won’t break rules every single day but when we do we know that punishment will come swiftly and precisely. That is, unless you are an online submissive. Then there are a few other steps to having punishment carried out and most likely that involves you doing the punishment by direction.
Every submissive I know, including myself, hates to get into trouble, but it’s going to happen. We have to admit that there will be times of backsliding, pushing limits and general disobedience in our learning. It’s a part of growth. This doesn’t mean we are more or less submissive or that we don’t deserve the collar we wear. It just means we need that bit of focus that punishment affords us. Don’t think of punishment as something bad, but as something to help us grow inward.
Punishment really can be a good thing.
While most of the following ideas are used mainly in online relationships, they can and are used in face-to-face relationships as well. Feel free to add your own thoughts as well. I would like to point out that communication is key in any relationship and negotiation of these issues is important. A Dominant must not violate your limits or agreed terms during punishment. Also, punishment is not to be enjoyed by either party in order for it to work correctly. It is difficult for sex to be a good punishment because of this.
Essays
Now, for those submissives in an online relationship punishment takes on a variety of tasks. Most common is the essay. The essay can be about anything that the Dominant feels would benefit the submissive in improving their behavior. In most cases I have seen essays about the specific infraction used the most.
Many online submissives have blogs where they post their completed work. Others use email to send their completed essay to their Dominant. I know I used the email method when I was online only, but eventually those essays ended up on my blog as well. Reading old essays has helped me see where my mind was at in various times of my submission.
Writing lines is another form of essay punishment that can be a reinforcement tool. Handwriting lines in a book is a physical reminder as well as a mental one that you have disobeyed and are being punished.
It’s easy to see that the proof that you fulfilled your punishment is the resulting paper or set of lines. This is why it is a good punishment tool for those online relationships.
Sexual Chastisement
Punishment in this form can be instructed to wear a sexual aid for a period of time, no orgasms for a time frame or any other form of control that the Dominant can take away as part of your punishment for misbehaving.
A common punishment in my Dominant’s house is wearing a butt plug or ben wa balls while out, forbidding orgasms for a time or making me do something sexual that doesn’t appeal to me (but isn’t a limit).
The delicate thing about this form of punishment is that if the Dominant uses something that they want you to start enjoying then it could set a negative vibe about it once the activity is employed for pleasure instead of punishment. Sexual punishments should be used with care if used at all.
For online relationships, these things may be carried out while on web cam or chatting directly. With built up trust, these things can also be done with camera proof or maintaining communication.
Lecture
No one ever looked forward to a lecture from their parents. Having to sit down and listen to your Dominant tell you that you were disobedient is just as scary. Having to hear a long drawn out message is even worse. You can feel horrible and that’s the point. Driving it home is the purpose. Listen to your Dominant during lectures, don’t tune them out.
Privilege Restriction
In essence this is like being grounded. The Dominant can take away favorite foods, set a bedtime, allow only a certain number of text messages per day or can make clothing requirements. Anything that you take for granted can be taken away from you. Punishments of this sort are quite common in face-to-face relationships as they can be policed easier that way.
Online ‘Public’ Punishment
Used mostly online as the title describes, this would be going to a chat room or other online BDSM venue where others are and declaring your misdeed and receiving chastisement in front of other people.
This is also possible in face-to-face relationships. I’ve read of submissives wearing signs at parties about thier misbehavior and what punishment they are under. There are many creative ways to be punished in BDSM public and if your relationship allows for this form of activity then the Dominant may deploy it to teach you a lesson.
Proof
For an online or long distance relationship, part of the frustration of both parties is the proof that the punishment was carried out. Unlike the essay option where there is physical proof that it was completed other punishment may require the use of technology.
- Web Cam or Digital Photo – Used when an image is necessary to see that the punishment was carried out. This can be helpful in most any instance of self punishment.
- Other Documentation of Self-Punishment Obedience – things like calendars, text messages, emails and voice messages can help provide proof that you have obeyed.
- Anything else? What other ideas do you have as ways to prove you obeyed and the sentence was carried out?
photo by apesara
Where Do You Chat?
July 24, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Webmaster Notes
I’d like to provide a chat night on a specific topic once a week but the chat room I have on the website really is lacking in capabilities. So, I’d like to know from you the best places to hold a chat night. I used to be a regular user of IRC, I’ve found tweetchat.com to be interesting. There is also twibes.com where I now have a group there where we could chat. I also know of independent applications that I could install on SubmissiveGuide and host chat right here on the site.
Where do you chat? Are you a twitter chat fan? Perhaps you use IRC? Another chat client somewhere? What’s your chat stomping ground?
To help me with this, I need to know where you chat and any details if necessary about how to connect to it (URL, IRC servername/channel). I’d prefer to use a free service than have people pay to chat so it can’t be somewhere you have to pay to belong.
I want to start chat night in August, so please help me out. Let me know where a good place to chat would be and I’d love to know if you’d be interested in attending!
Thanks,
–lunaKM
Can Online Training Work?
May 19, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Online Submission, Video Posts
This week’s video is about online training and submission.
The world of online Dominance and submission is riddled with skepticism and disbelief that anyone can really live and enjoy a relationship online. The fact of it all is that there are an endless numbers of people experiencing a form of D/s called cyber D/s. Whether it be because they can not live it in real time due to partners that don’t understand, or they are exploring their sexuality safely a cyber relationship with a D/s feel is developed.
Submissive Guide Chat Room
May 13, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Webmaster Notes
There is now a chat room on this website. You can find it under the Resources link or by clicking on this link. I’ll be starting discussion nights in June and am looking for a few submissives that would like to host chat nights as well. Guest hosted chat nights would need to be at least 2 hours long and have a specific topic. If you are interested, please send me an email.
To join the chat room you must have java enabled. Come on in now!
Loading ...