Chat Night Transcript From What is Service Talk

October 15, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Views on D/s

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A Lesson in Control with Self-Punishment

August 10, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Online Submission, Relationships

4 Comments

Each and every day there is the chance to scew up and be disobedient. Luckily, most of us won’t break rules every single day but when we do we know that punishment will come swiftly and precisely. That is, unless you are an online submissive. Then there are a few other steps to having punishment carried out and most likely that involves you doing the punishment by direction.

Every submissive I know, including myself, hates to get into trouble, but it’s going to happen. We have to admit that there will be times of backsliding, pushing limits and general disobedience in our learning. It’s a part of growth. This doesn’t mean we are more or less submissive or that we don’t deserve the collar we wear. It just means we need that bit of focus that punishment affords us. Don’t think of punishment as something bad, but as something to help us grow inward.

Punishment really can be a good thing.

While most of the following ideas are used mainly in online relationships, they can and are used in face-to-face relationships as well. Feel free to add your own thoughts as well. I would like to point out that communication is key in any relationship and negotiation of these issues is important. A Dominant must not violate your limits or agreed terms during punishment. Also, punishment is not to be enjoyed by either party in order for it to work correctly. It is difficult for sex to be a good punishment because of this.

Essays

Now, for those submissives in an online relationship punishment takes on a variety of tasks. Most common is the essay. The essay can be about anything that the Dominant feels would benefit the submissive in improving their behavior. In most cases I have seen essays about the specific infraction used the most.

Many online submissives have blogs where they post their completed work. Others use email to send their completed essay to their Dominant. I know I used the email method when I was online only, but eventually those essays ended up on my blog as well. Reading old essays has helped me see where my mind was at in various times of my submission.

Writing lines is another form of essay punishment that can be a reinforcement tool. Handwriting lines in a book is a physical reminder as well as a mental one that you have disobeyed and are being punished.

It’s easy to see that the proof that you fulfilled your punishment is the resulting paper or set of lines. This is why it is a good punishment tool for those online relationships.

Sexual Chastisement

Punishment in this form can be instructed to wear a sexual aid for a period of time, no orgasms for a time frame or any other form of control that the Dominant can take away as part of your punishment for misbehaving.

A common punishment in my Dominant’s house is wearing a butt plug or ben wa balls while out, forbidding orgasms for a time or making me do something sexual that doesn’t appeal to me (but isn’t a limit).

The delicate thing about this form of punishment is that if the Dominant uses something that they want you to start enjoying then it could set a negative vibe about it once the activity is employed for pleasure instead of punishment. Sexual punishments should be used with care if used at all.

For online relationships, these things may be carried out while on web cam or chatting directly. With built up trust, these things can also be done with camera proof or maintaining communication.

Lecture

No one ever looked forward to a lecture from their parents. Having to sit down and listen to your Dominant tell you that you were disobedient is just as scary. Having to hear a long drawn out message is even worse. You can feel horrible and that’s the point. Driving it home is the purpose. Listen to your Dominant during lectures, don’t tune them out.

Privilege Restriction

In essence this is like being grounded. The Dominant can take away favorite foods, set a bedtime, allow only a certain number of text messages per day or can make clothing requirements. Anything that you take for granted can be taken away from you. Punishments of this sort are quite common in face-to-face relationships as they can be policed easier that way.

Online ‘Public’ Punishment

Used mostly online as the title describes, this would be going to a chat room or other online BDSM venue where others are and declaring your misdeed and receiving chastisement in front of other people.

This is also possible in face-to-face relationships. I’ve read of submissives wearing signs at parties about thier misbehavior and what punishment they are under. There are many creative ways to be punished in BDSM public and if your relationship allows for this form of activity then the Dominant may deploy it to teach you a lesson.

Proof

For an online or long distance relationship, part of the frustration of both parties is the proof that the punishment was carried out. Unlike the essay option where there is physical proof that it was completed other punishment may require the use of technology.

Web Cam or Digital Photo – Used when an image is necessary to see that the punishment was carried out. This can be helpful in most any instance of self punishment.
Other Documentation of Self-Punishment Obedience – things like calendars, text messages, emails and voice messages can help provide proof that you have obeyed.
Anything else? What other ideas do you have as ways to prove you obeyed and the sentence was carried out?

photo by apesara

Tags: BDSM, blogs, book, calendar, chat, chat room, clothing, communication, control, Dom, dominant, email, essays, event, favorite, focus, growth, help, infraction, learning, lectures, limits, negotiation, obedience, online, online D/s, orgasms, public punishment, punishment, punishments, purpose, relationship, Relationships, rt, rules, self punishment ideas, self-discipline, sex, sexual chastisement, single, submission, submissive, tasks, trust, writing, writing essays

Cyber Submission and Exploring D/s Online

May 21, 2009 by Guest Author
Filed under Online Submission

1 Comment

Today’s post comes from Skylerpet, a submissive pet in a D/s relationship with experience in online submission. Thank you Skylerpet!

Online D/s is perhaps one of the most controversial subjects in the Dominance and submission community. The stance i will take on this subject, based on online D/s relationships of my own, is that yes; it can and does work. Is it anything like real time, face-to-face Dominance and submission relationships? No, not at all. That said, it is still very real and intense for those of us in online or Long Distance Relationships (LDR), and often can and will lead to a real-time (RT) relationship.

In my opinion, the most important thing to remember here is safety. There are a few things you can do to keep yourself safer while in an online relationship, or looking for someone to begin a relationship with online:

First and foremost do not, under any circumstances, give out your home address before you have really gotten to know this person. Wait a few weeks, or even a few months. While in the end you must use your own judgment, if you have any “red flags” about the person you are chatting with do not give out personal information.
If you and your online partner really want to exchange things via “snail mail” but you still do not want to give out your home address, get a post office box.
Along the same lines as not giving out your home address, do not give out other important information such as your social social security number, debit/credit card pin numbers and so forth. These things may happen once you are in a stable, secure, full-time real time relationship, but until then keep these things to yourself.
If the person you are chatting with asks for your home address after a few days and you decline, they should respect that, they should say they respect that, and then they should leave it alone. If they do not, that is a big red flag for you. Reconsider this relationship!
One other thing you must think hard about is exchanging photos of yourself. This is especially important if the photos are nude, fetish or kinky. Once a photo is on the internet, you no longer have control over who sees it. You must take into consideration what would happen if family, friends and/or co-workers found naked and/or kinky photos of you. And also please keep in mind, while you may simply be emailing the photos, once the recipient has them, s/he may do with them as they please. If you are going to be “free” with your photos, you must be able to accept and cope with other’s seeing them, and the possibility of them being posted online. These also applies to webcam usage. It’s very easy to download a program that can capture what the user is looking at on their computer screen. This can include the webcam video of you doing whatever it is you are doing for your online D/s partner. These can be saved, and then uploaded to many websites.

Alright, safety aside, perhaps the most commonly asked question is “Why online??” “Why LDR??” Well, the answer is different for everybody. I will go over a few of the answers here.

First many of us enter online and/or ldr’s because we are in a community with a small to no D/s presence. This is the primary reason for me being in an online/ldr right now. The community i live in is quite conservative and the local BDSM community is incredibly small and quite frankly not safe in my opinion. As such, i am choosing to be in a long distance relationship with my Master until i can be closer to Him.
Secondly, many online D/s’ers do so because they are in other relationships, perhaps even married and use the online D/s relationship to get their Dominance and submission needs fulfilled. And so long as the Dominant or submissive is fully honest with all of their partners, can be quite successful. If this is you, i urge you to be honest with your real time partner. While there often is no sex involved, it is still another relationship and in my opinion, you owe it to your real time partner to be honest about those needs and how you are getting them fulfilled. And you also owe it to your Dom or sub that you have another relationship.
Another reason is that some use an online D/s relationship to learn more about Dominance and submission. To see if it’s something that they may be interested in for a real time experience. While i do agree that it is nothing like the real time thing, there are many similarities, which i will go into shortly, and can be a good primer to see if something more intense would be a right fit for that individual.
A fourth reason is that the person simply does not want the real time thing. They want the, for lack of better words, pseudo- or watered-down version of a Dominance and submission relationship that an online relationship can provide. My opinion of this is: whatever makes them happy. If that’s how they get their needs fulfilled, the all the more power to them.

Now that we have the “why’s” aside i am sure you are wondering “HOW??” “How is it done??” Well, there are several ways.

When it comes to giving tasks, orders and controlling the submissive’s life, orders can be given in many ways. Please remember the safety talk above. Most of these will come after you have established the trust with your partner:
- A favorite of mine is text messages. I love that Master has the ability to text me an order. How does He know i did it though? Well that is…
- Photos. You can take photos of your completed task and picture mail them to your Master. (i must say this is my favorite thing to do for Master…especially when it’s a surprise. This is something you real-timers can do to! Surprise your Master with a photo of you doing something He just loves) You could also take photos with a digital camera and upload them then email them to Him as “proof.”
- Webcam. While you are chatting online you can turn on your webcam and your Master can watch you actually perform the task.
- Simple honesty. There are some things where you will only be able to answer questions about after you have done it. As such, if you are unable to provide an apt description, your partner will know you didn’t do it.

Online calendars and email reminders. This can be handy if your Dom wants to randomly give you tasks for the week/month. I’m quite fond of Yahoo’s calendar system for this. The tasks can be set into the program and it sends you a reminder email. Another nice thing about it is you can program in your work schedule so your Dom knows when you’re at work and can thus alter the tasks to fit a work environment.
Daily emails and/or blogs. Master wants me to do daily blogs as a way to “keep up” with how i am doing, etc. This can also be a way for your Dom to know what you do during your day, etc. Another thing this is good for is writing “reports” or “essays” for your Dom that S/He assigns you. I’ve seen both real-time and ldr couples doing this, and i myself quite love it.
Self bondage and other self-induced bdsm play. For this please keep in mind bdsm safety. But, many things you can do is under-the-clothes bondage, using things such as pleasure (ben-wa) balls, and/or anal beads under your clothes at work and/or simple breast bondage. With this you’re limited to things you can do to yourself, but it’s still fun and it’s getting a little of the “kink” in your life.

Well that’s a pretty basic, partially detailed description of how we do online/ldr D/s relationships. I would like to mention that i’m sure you’ve noticed i used “real time” instead of “real life.” The reason i did this is because for those of us in online/ldr D/s relationships, they are very real to us. They simply are not face to face as live-in relationships are. While i am not living with Master right now and am, in my opinion, way too far away from Him right now, He gives me orders and i follow them as i would if i were living with Him. The orders may be altered a bit, but they are still there. The feelings i have for Him are just as real as if O/our relationship were face to face.

Many times those of us in long distance D/s relationships, we are in them because of circumstances beyond our control. I honestly was not looking when i met Master, but it just sort of took off from there. The emotions, desires and feelings, while different than in real time, are still there and are still incredibly intense. One last word about safety:

Beware predators. Many people out there use the internet as a tool for their own pleasure, and nothing else. Someone who has contacted you because they truly wish to get to know you better is incredibly unlikely to ‘order’ you to undress on the webcam and perform some bdsm act. This is a huge red flag. As are other ’standard’ bdsm and D/s red flags:
- ‘Ordering’ you to call them Master, Mistress, Sir before the relationship is established and those titles have been “earned.”
- Similarly, calling you “slave” and other submissive pet names before the dynamics have been established.
- Expecting you to immediately act submissive simply on the grounds you are submissive and s/he is Dominant.

Also, beware those who have other relationships and are not honest about them. If they are unwilling to be honest with their husband/wife/main slave/what-have-you, what are the chances they will be honest with you?

All these safety precautions aside, the internet is a wonderful tool for meeting people. I and many others have met their Masters/slaves on it. If you are safety conscious while being honest and true to yourself, you’d be surprised what can come of it.

Skylerpet is a 24/7 submissive pup in her late 20’s. She has been into pet play since she discovered the D/s lifestyle and can be reached at: requiemskye@yahoo.com for emails and also YIM chat.

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Attending Your Dominant [Day 6 - 2WBSP]

April 26, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Submissive Positions

Situation 1

You are instructed to be available to carry items as they are picked up. You position in relation to your Dominant should be on their dominant hand side. This way as they pick things up and decide to keep them, they do not have to cross their body or turn to give the item to you. You should quietly accept the item and secure it so that you hands are as free as possible to continue accepting items. This could be with the use of a basket, shopping cart or bag.

In a formal setting where your status can be more visible, this could include hand positions; one behind the back, and the other crossed at the front, palm up. This way when an item is handed to you, you are prepared to accept it with little movement. Try to stand right now and hold your hands this way. When walking you could place both hands behind your back and as soon as you are stopped, move it to the front to show availablity to take items.

Situation 2

Your position is to provide items such as business cards, pen and paper or other items as your Dominant needs them. In this role you are to actively engage with your Dominant’s actions without invading their space. If you are not part of the exchange or activity you should be humble and silent. You could even try to keep your eyes lowered to show that you are not a part of the activity, but be ready for items.

My hope for this position, is that you do whatever offering gracefully and as effortless as possible. Standing at attention is good for this situation, but organization is imperative. Have whatever items your Dominant has asked to be available within easy reach and organized so you don’t have to hunt for them. Business cards should be kept crisp and neat in a case, pen and paper could have a nice folder or case as well. Other items should show your care for them and hunting for them in your purse or bag is inappropriate and shows your unpreparedness.

Situation 3

The last situation is more about preparedness and is a learned trait as you know what the basic expectations are of you in situations where your attentiveness is needed. Start watching your Dominant engaging in different situations and see what they use or are of need of. Do they hunt for a pen? What about needing to consult a calendar? Are they frequently forgetting their sunglasses? These are things you could be the custodian for and then they never have to go hunting for them.

How is your presence unique in these situations? Can you make your Dominant more comfortable or easily provide information? Seek the uniqueness of your relationship and develop an attentive position or two for those moments.

Tomorrow we will be covering Serving Food and Drink.

photo by lepiaf.geo

Tags: 2WBSP, active positions, assistance, attentiveness, calendar, comfort, cons, Dom, dominant, event, grace, hands, information, learned, learning, movement, needs, organization, positions, preparedness, relationship, review, rt, safe, Service, serving, shopping, slave positions, standing, submissive, Submissive Positions

10 Helpful Websites for the Busy Submissive

March 25, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Domestics, Rituals and Routines

5 Comments

Sometimes you just need that extra bit of help out of your day or want to have all the tips and tricks on a certain activity. Well I have pulled together some of the best websites out there that will help you get though your difficult day in a breeze.

1. TipNut.com – This site has all the household tips, craft projects, recipes, kitchen & cooking tips and other neat-o hints that you could ever want when it comes to organizing your home. I’ve just recently come to find this site, and have fallen in love.

2. Lifehacker.com – Full of downloads and tips that you can use to make your life easier. I’ve found a lot of one-click applications that speed up my website work and browsing.

3. The Fresh Loaf – This site contains featured recipes, lessons, book reviews, a community forum and recipe exchange, and baker blogs. So please take some time to look around. It’s made with the amateur in mind.

4. Chore Buster – Organize your chores and household plans and have the calendar emailed to you (or each person gets their own list emailed) weekly or monthly as reminder on what to do. You can split the chores among family members and set the difficulty of chores so that your 6 year old doesn’t get something they aren’t capable of doing!

5. The Dollar Stretcher – Learning how to be frugal and save money in this tight economy! Excellent tips and ideas to keep your money where it belongs. In your pocket.

6. FlyLady.net – This is the first stop for any submissive wanting to organize your life. She’s an online coach to a tidy home and trust me, it works! I made my household binder based on her ideas and I enjoy adding to it every week.

7. Recipezaar – A recipe index with thousands of recipes, the ability to save recipes in your own cookbook for bookmarking purposes and submit your own recipes. I love the quantity adjustment feature so that I can increase and decrease the number or servings without calculation errors!

8. Moms Buzz – Mom’s Buzz keeps you in the loop with useful beauty tips, fun and easy recipes, awesome activities for kids (even the grownup ones) – and a hefty dose of humor to make you smile!

9. To Done! – A regularly updated collection of thoughts, writings, tips, tricks and information on personal productivity, work/life balance and getting things done.

10. Google Calendar – Google’s calendar allows you to make your schedule, receive reminders and alerts, share calendars with other Google users and view it from anywhere with an internet connection. You can even send out invites for parties and other things. It’s great for bills, birthdays and other special events as well as everyday tasks and chores.

Well, that’s a starting list, but I know you all have excellent websites you love to use and would recommend to anyone struggling to find time in their day for everything. What websites do you like?

Tags: activities, advice, balance, beauty tips, blogs, book, book review, busy life, calendar, community, connection, email, event, events, family, help, home management, humor, information, internet, learning, love, online, organization, poses, purpose, review, rt, serving, share, submissive, tasks, tips, tricks, trust, websites, writing

Helping Your Owner with Deadlines

March 12, 2009 by lunaKM
Filed under Service

Chat Night Transcript From What is Service Talk

Also might interest you

A Lesson in Control with Self-Punishment

Essays

Sexual Chastisement

Lecture

Privilege Restriction

Online ‘Public’ Punishment

Proof

Cyber Submission and Exploring D/s Online

Attending Your Dominant [Day 6 - 2WBSP]

Situation 1

Situation 2

Situation 3

10 Helpful Websites for the Busy Submissive

Helping Your Owner with Deadlines

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