How To Start Your Submissive Journal

A very common first request of a potential Dominant, either online or offline is to have you start a submissive journal. If you’ve never kept a diary then this can be a daunting task. Having to write openly and honestly about your feelings and experiences can have a huge impact on your submissive and personal development. A submissive journal is all about you. Even if the journal is by your choice, or you are not currently in a relationship, a submissive journal has it’s place.

When you are first directed to write a journal you should decide if it will be a physical journal, a digital journal or an online journal/blog. This can be determined by the Dominant or you can be given free reign to decide what to do. If in doubt, ask your Dominant.  Respect your comfort level when you choose a method. If it is a physical journal, decide where you are going to keep it, whether it needs to be locked and if your Dominant will be reading it. Writing in an online journal usually means that you have potential to have anonymous readers read your blog, or you can password protect it.

The first post always seems to be the hardest. You stare at the blank page and nothing in your head seems to jump onto the page. So much is waiting to be said, but nothing can be said till you know what your journal is going to do for you. Is it going to be where you do writing tasks given to you by your Dominant? If so you probably don’t have to worry about what to write about since it will be decided for you. A way to get over that first hurdle would be to introduce yourself to your journal. Write about who you are, the relationship you are in or would like to have and some of the thoughts you’ve had about submission that you’d like to answer someday… if not today.

Once you get your first post under your belt you can dig down into what you want to get out of your journal. This is your place. It can be private and intimate or open and wild. No matter what you end up writing, be honest with yourself. Make it yours.

Oh and if you get to a point where you need some help with topics, head on over to Submissive Journal Prompts and answer a thought or question from there. I have over 700 there so you may never run out.

Photo by dbdrobot

Tasks While Your Dominant is Away

This guest post is by Alpine from Alpine Dreams.

A bit of a background story. My partner and I don’t live together.  We are both Poly, have other relationships and numerous obligations. Staying connected and in a D/s mindframe can be difficult since he does go away sometimes and we can’t always be together on our usual bi-weekly days.

Since, we’ve decided to explore D/s in more depth, the time away can be more difficult. He has recently been giving me tasks to do when he is away.  They have been ranging in tasks such as wearing my smart balls to work, putting clothespins on myself or locking myself up with handcuffs for a certain amount of time. We’ve only started doing these tasks in the past month and I’m sure there will be many more coming.

I think it’s an important way for us to stay connected and enforce that part of our relationship. It takes a bit of pre-planning on their part but the rewards are worth it. For every task, I am to document my time, my thoughts and take photos (if possible). He sends them to me with the date and time that I can open it.

It makes the time away easier and allows us to stay connected, it’s not close to the same thing but it helps when we are separated. I think it’s a great way for anyone in an D/s relationship to stay connected whether it’s a long distance relationship or even if your partner is away for a day.

Question

What do you think of giving or receiving  fun, re-enforcing, controlling submissive tasks to do? I’m curious on what other people do when their partner is away and what rituals have you incorporate to help when you are apart.

photo by Linds :)

Alpine is a kinky, fun loving, poly female in Western Canada. She is a professional submissive and works independently in the Vancouver area. You can find her blog at Alpine Dreams.

Are you interested in guest blogging at Submissive Guide? Contact me at subguide@gmail.com today!

The Behind the Scenes: A Dominant Character

I’ve been exploring the writing of a Dominant mind lately and thought I’d share with you some of the wonderful musings this man has for learning the Dominant personae. The blog I’ve been exploring is A Dominant Character and is written by Sir J. I’d recommend you drop by and take a look at what a good piece of Dominant blogging looks like. These are rare; rare in the case that the posts are far more than just scene reports and pictures of their submissive. There is introspective look into the working mind of a Dominant. For that, I enjoy the reading.

On a recent post titled The behind the scenes work of being a Dominant he wrote about all the training and research that goes into being a good Dominant, from the reading and practice to the research of human anatomy, first aid training and other aspects of human relationships to preparation of scenes themselves. He puts a lot of thought into the scenes he plays out with his submissive ‘h’. From what I read, he finds ways to make them magical and fulfilling for both parties; something not easily done.

Understanding a Dominant character is a mystery to submissives everywhere. Just as we explore and come to an understanding with our submission, they too have to come to grips with their personality and character as well. Not all Dominants are successful at this, just as not all submissives can really connect with their surrender. Those that do, can talk about it with the comprehension that Sir J uses here.

In previous posts of his you can travel through his mind on fictional movie Dominants (Baron Von Trapp from Sound of Music), entitlement and balance as well as the spell of overwhelming submission and so much more. His character is one of honesty and openness with a bit of anonymity. It is intriguing and wonderful for a Dominant blog and certainly worth keeping tabs of this one.

You can subscribe to his blog via RSS or go to his blog address to follow him on Blogspot.

Do you have a blog that you love to read for its insight into D/s or M/s and would love to hear what I think about it? Send me an email and I will consider it.

Submissive PMS and How to Deal With It

This video post is about how to deal with a submissive bout of PMS.

It’s not your normal run of the mill PMS. You don’t have cramps or bloating or headaches or chills, but your mood is so out of whack that you are getting in trouble just by opening your mouth. You don’t know where your submissive filter went, all you know is that it’s gone and you’re going to be paying for it with every utterance. This is submissive PMS. I suffer from it often and it’s something I’ve learned a few things from to make it easier to get through. Let’s help you out.

What’s the Big Deal?

I’m pretty certain most of you haven’t heard this term before and that’s because I just made it up. You won’t find submissive PMS in any dictionary (urban, BDSM or otherwise), but if you have been submissive for more than a few minutes you know exactly how I’m going to describe it. It starts with the sudden urge to just tell your Dominant to ‘go get it yourself!’ It can lead to mouthing off, acting pissy when there is no real reason behind and when confronted you can’t explain why you are feeling that way in the first place.

Confront It Dead On

A lot of times it’s obvious that you are entering sub PMS and you can work to stop it before it gets your butt in their sling. The moment you notice the ‘get it yourselfs’ creeping into your head, ask to remove yourself from the room or their presence and go refocus. If this means reading or blogging or meditating then go do it. I tend to get my catharsis from blogging but each person is going to find a different way to refocus. If you can identify an underlying thought or problem that caused the PMS you will want to talk to your Dominant about it. Never harbor feelings from your Dominant, even if you think they are trivial. It will help them help you. Win win in any case.

Apologize

After you have refocused, apologize to your Dominant for your slip in behavior or manners. They may not have even noticed it, but that’s not the purpose. The purpose is to make a mental note for you that you have corrected the behavior and are ready to continue serving. An apology is quite beneficial for that.

Resolve

You can’t prevent submissive PMS, but you can resolve to keep it in check. Make it a task to notice it before anyone else and correct it silently. Everyone has bad moods and off days, but our job as submissives and slaves is to make sure it doesn’t cloud our service. This of course is the hardest part. I’m still not there personally. I can’t recognize it sometimes and leave it to my Master noticing and correcting for me; usually not the way I wish it could be handled. Discipline yourself to make sure you can catch your backsliding and keep your backside from catching it for you.

The Importance of Journaling Your Submission

Communication is one of the key elements that make a D/s relationship strong. Without good communication your relationship is destined to fail. While talking face to face may be the best way to communicate, sometimes this just isn’t possible. A submissive can be a novice, shy, embarrassed, or intimidated. With the age of the internet, distance can also be a roadblock in good communication. Dominants have to use tools to help the submissive communicate and grow.

One of the tools that Dominants can use for communication is journaling. Keeping a journal has really grown and flourished online, but long before the internet submissives kept paper journals. Now many of the journals exist online as blogs. A blog is an online journal. It’s still not unlikely now to have a paper journal and a blog. I have a blog for my everyday writing and a paper journal for the really private stuff that even Master doesn’t want to see. That one is rarely written in, but it is there if I need it.

Starting a Journal

If you are asked to or decide to start a journal of your own you should decide what sort of content you want to have in it. Many submissives record their play and sexual encounters as a part of their blog. I try to reflect on my day as a submissive and delve deep within to find out why I acted a certain way or where I can work on something related to my submission. Whatever you decide your voice may be, stay true to it. This journal, whether paper or online, is a part of you. Be honest with yourself, open-minded and introspective.

There are several blog hosting services that can allow you to have a public or private blog. They provide different looks and themes, options and features to make your blog whatever you’d like it to be.

There are several reasons why you would want to start up a blog or journal. They can be very personal or have every opportunity to be open with others. Perhaps you need advice or exposure to help you through your journey. The following methods can help you get your feet off the ground.

Journaling for Development

When I started my blog, and the main focus now, is to journal as I develop as my Master’s submissive. I try to detail my thoughts and feelings and get to the bottom of it. I tend to try to over-analyze and take a very introspective view of myself. I am overly critical but it does help me see where things are and where they may be going.

Your goal for journaling may be similar. Do you want to document your learning and growth as a submissive? Does it make you feel good to know that you have come from A to B and are better for it? Development journaling may be for you.

Take an introspective view of what you did today and how you behaved. Were there things that you feel enhanced your submission? Was there anything you’d like to work on? What about ideas for further development you’d like to look into?

Journaling for Punishment

Generally this option isn’t one you take on yourself, but is asked of you by your Dominant partner. Blogs or journals that document a submissive’s punishment and atonement for infractions can be interesting reading if done correctly. Again, it would be beneficial for you to write introspectively about the punishment, the ‘crime’ and the way you feel now that the punishment is over. Perhaps even writing about how you will improve your submission can give you a lot to learn from.

Sex Blogging

There really is an art to writing about sex, but to attract people to your form or journaling you need to write explicitly and often. A good sex blogger will not only tell the story but encourage readers to want for more. This is one of the most commercialized options, but if you are in for the long haul and can write well, this might be an option for you to explore.

Preserving Your Voice

In all that I’ve written here I’d like to remind your to keep your voice. Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t (unless you are in a character blog). It is expected that when you journal you are telling the truth. Several bloggers that I used to follow, were shunned when it was found out that their blogs were faked and it was just a fiction blog. If you are going to write fiction, make sure your readers know that.

Your voice, the way you write and what you write about is important to you, and possibly to readers if you share your blog with the world. No matter if your blog is private, if you are honest with your feelings and emotions then it can be used by you or a Dominant partner to the best of both. Make the journal your own. Let it strengthen you. Keep it true to you.

Other Submissives’ Thoughts on Journaling

The Power Within Journaling – Life on the Razor’s Edge

photo credit Bob AuBuchon

Guest Post and Interview Opportunities

Are you looking for additional content for your blog or site?

Look no further!

I’m so excited about my blog that I want to share it with the world. I’ve decided to give away a lot of my best content and try to connect with as many new bloggers as possible.

If you are interested in a guest post, please contact me via the form below. Let me know your niche and what type of post you would like. I can write on a broad range of topics. Some of them include:

• Blogging
• Submission
• BDSM activities like rope bondage, flogging, spanking
• Size Acceptance
• Rules and structure

Resume of Guest Posts

• A Submissive’s View on Spanking
• A Submissive World View
• Rope Focus
• I Obey
• A Call to Action

I hope to have the opportunity to work with as many of you as I can.

About

Welcome to The Submissive Guide — a blog look at mentoring, self-taught training and BDSM exploration.

My name is luna and I’m a full-time submissive in a D/s relationship. I am webslut to The Iron Gate, Submissive Journal Prompts, The Thinking Dominant and a few others.

I started blogging when I was exploring D/s online in 2003. I used it primarily as a way to get my thoughts together and hopefully to find people that understood what I was thinking at the time. I needed advice, mentors and helping hands.

Since then I have blogged in several different places, settling on BDSM is Love. I’ve developed opinions and thoughts on many topics within the the D/s dynamic and BDSM. I don’t consider myself to be an expert at anything at all but I do think that I’ve grown to enjoy sharing and writing about all the different themes that submission and service provide me.

As my blog grew in popularity I realized that I had a commodity that people could use. My insights and words. More than just the personal meandering thoughts I tend to gather on my blog, but more thoughtful help for submissives that are seeking advice, mentorship and someone who understands.

From Online, Long-Distance and Casual to Real-Life, Full-time Submission

I’ve been through it all and can give a submissive valid insights on all facets of exploration. I’ve been an online submissive, lived a long-distance service and even played casually for awhile. Now I’ve moved to live-in submission where we tried part time, just in the bedroom and finally settled on full-time D/s dynamic where we are most happy.

So, if you feel that I won’t understand where you are coming from, just try me. I might surprise you!

Why Submissive Guide?

This site is dedicated to helping submissives understand themselves and the service they wish to provide; from sexual to domestic, personal assistant to pain slut and everything in between.

I started this site in January of 2009 because I wanted to help others out there to understand the feelings and experiences that are new and sometimes puzzling. I’d like to be a mentor to novice submissives, develop a learning program of sorts and give you tips and information on how you can improve your personal submission with or without a partner. I’ll be regularly adding essays, reviews and perhaps a video or podcast or two.

I hope you enjoy the site.

What others are saying about Submissive Guide

Thank you very much for putting this all together. i am new to the lifestyle. i have met a wonderful Master who found your site and referred me to it. i have gleaned so much information. It has really given me so much wonderful information that i feel more enlightened and better equipped to understand what my Master is teaching me. There has been so many wonderful thoughts, ideas and pointers that I really can’t be more specific. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. — dita

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I followed a link to your site and I have been reading it the last several days. I want to compliment you on the excellent job you have done with it. I am very impressed with many of the articles and blogs and other resources you list. In fact I have given the site to my LDR submissive because she is on the new side and I thought it would be helpful to her.

But I must say several of the articles I have found helpful to me too! I hope you don’t mind one of us D types lurking around.

I wanted to let you know how impressed I am with your site. Thank you for publishing it! – LGM

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I just wantedto drop you a line and tell you how much I enjoy your website. I am a newbie to the lifestyle – started with reading books, articles on the internet and have begun chatting on line. I have met one Dom, had one meeting that was very brief but seemed to go well – I was comfortable with him (normally a very shy person and don’t open easily at first) and he seemed pleased. I am trying so hard to take it slow but am so anxious to experience all that I have read/learned about.

Again, just wanted to give you a little nudge of encouragement and to let you know that your words help those of us new to the lifestyle. Thank you again –Terri

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I wished to write to you to thank you for taking the time to put together your wonderful site. I stumbled across it late last night while searching for a collar that Sir has instructed me to buy to formalize our relationship, and I read with great interest. I plan to show Him your site this evening, but I have already undertaken some of the exercises you have shared.  In reading, I realized how much work we have already done in our short month long relationship; particularly in training.  I took the time to formally write down all the ways in which my own instincts or behaviors have been modified or finessed to be more pleasing to Him, and this was truly a labor of love, so I appreciate it. — A

Contributions and Sharing

I do not know everything there is to know about everything. If you feel that you can contribute an essay or series of essays on a topic that you feel you know a lot on, please feel free to send me information via my contact page. I would be happy to hear what you could provide.

I am also open to being a guest blogger on your site. If you would like me to write something for your blog or website, please contact me. I would be happy to contribute to your site as long as I can have a short promotion of mine in return.

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