The Top 30 Posts of 2009

A year ago I started a small blog project called Submissive Guide. I wanted it to be an organized place where I could voice my opinions about submission, help novices discover who they are and explore BDSM through the written word. Since that time it has grown to so much more, including an e-book, a newsletter and video posts.

To celebrate one year of excellent writing I wanted to showcase the top 30 posts of 2009. I’ve noted in the link if the author was a guest post. Please take a look at what has had the most views since starting out one year ago. You may have missed a few gems!

1. What is slave training?
2. Rituals that Work
3. 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions
4. Best Submissive Blogslist
5. The Difference Between Bottom, Masochist, Submissive and Slave
6. 7 Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Submission
7. Discovering Your Submissive Nature
8. How to Beg When Asked
9. Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission
10. A Great Example of a Slave’s Rosary
11. Learning To Kneel (from 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions)
12. The Importance of Rules
13. Beginning Your Training Resume
14. Dominance as a Slave Training Tool for Better Submission
15. Caring For Yourself After a Scene: Self-Aftercare
16. The BDSM Checklist That Will Really Help You
17. Offering Your Body for Service (from 2 Weeks to Better Submissive Positions)
18. What it Means to be an Owned Kajira by dina
19. The Nitty Gritty of the BDSM Lifestyle
20. 5 Ways to Recognize Topping from the Bottom
21. Another 7 Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Submission
22. Your Bathing Regime
23. Where to Buy a Collar Online
24. The Importance of Journaling Your Submission
25. Pet Play and Human Pets Primer by skylerpet
26. The Realities of Online Submission
27. Two Dominants by Aria
28. Submission By Choice: Learned Submission
29. Sub Drop’s Emotional Side
30. 10 Helpful Websites for the Busy Submissive

Here’s to another year of great content!

SkylerPet’s Helpful Holiday Hints

This post is another guest post by Skylerpet. You can read her other posts here. She’s wants to help us all get through the holidays with less stress. Here’s some tips to help you. If you have other tips for holiday stress, please leave them in the comments!

With the holiday season in full swing, things can get pretty hectic.  It seems like there’s always more things to do, a list left unfinished.  So I thought I’d share a few tips that I’ve learned over the years to make things go a little smoother.  As submissives it’s important for us to be able to get through these things with as few mishaps as possible, so that we may serve our Master’s better and insure their holidays are most enjoyable.

Around the house:

• Don’t be afraid to ask if guests will be bringing children.  If they are, make sure your home is child safe.  Put breakables up and out of the way, have plastic safety plugs in the electrical outlets, things of that nature.
• Have a place set aside for guests coats, such as a bedroom and a mat for shoes, if weather will be inclement, to keep your floor clean.  Don’t be afraid to put up a “please remove your shoes” sign for those who like to wear shoes inside.
• It’s perfectly okay to use paper plates, especially if they’re biodegradable.
• Make sure to have an extra roll of bathroom tissue and plenty of handsoap available in your bathroom.  Also, having an extra hand towel is not a bad idea. (Not your best ones either! They will be used a lot.)
• If you have your computer on, make sure it’s password protected so nosey relatives or curious children don’t find things they don’t need to.
• Make sure to use surge protectors when plugging in your Christmas tree lights.  Safety first!

In the kitchen:

• Buy your meat in bulk and separate it into 1 lb sections.  Freeze in freezer bags.
• Do a major cleanout of your fridge and cupboards a week or two ahead of time, so there’s room for leftovers.
• Make sure you know about any allergies and other dietary restrictions of your guests.
• Use whole wheat flour for baking.  It’s healthier, tastes better and bakes better.
• Make sure to accept offers for guests to bring dishes.
• Using generic brands is an okay thing.  It saves money and most of them taste the same as name brands.
• Frozen veggies and fruits are an excellent alternative to the fresh varieties.  They last longer, are cheaper and taste just the same.

Miscellaneous:

• Cut up and hemmed flannel shirts make excellent washable napkins.
• Use masking tape to put dates on leftovers you plan on freezing.  It’s easy to remove so you won’t have to cross it out on the Tupperware.
• Ground turkey is a lighter and usually cheaper alternative to ground beef.  The taste difference is not noticeable.
• Use different colored disposable cups for alcoholic versus non-alcoholic drinks.

Make sure to do something special for your Master! Something like a food dish that has special meaning to just you and Him could be subtle but still have meaning.

In the end, the holidays are about family.  And they’re going to understand that things can’t be perfect.  So if you have to put a pile of magazines behind the chair in the living room or use paper plates or if you don’t dust the top of the book cases, family is family and they will understand.

Skylerpet is a 24/7 submissive pup in her late 20’s. She has been into pet play since she discovered the D/s lifestyle and can be reached at: requiemskye@yahoo.com for emails and also YIM chat.

photo by mysza831

Online Finds

The items listed below are books and worksheets produced by others that I have found across the internet. This list is always changing as things come and go on the internet. I can not guarantee that these items will always be available so download your copy now!

• Butler’s Book Template – .doc by a slave of Iron Rose
• The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana
• Power Dynamics in BDSM Couples – Dissertation by Bert Cutler, 2003
• Fall Cleaning Lists - Domestic Servitude Blog
  • Bathroom
  • Bedroom
  • Closets and Laundry Room
  • Basement, Attic and Garage
  • Living Area
  • Outside
  • Kitchen
  • Dining Room

5 Ways to Express Your Gratitude to Your Dominant

With Thanksgiving (USA) just around the corner I thought it would be fitting to write about gratitude, and how to express your gratitude to the one you serve. Sure you can say thank you. That’s standard. I really hope you take every opportunity to say thank  you, but what if you want a few more creative ways to show how appreciative you are to your Dominant?

Being thankful can take on many forms, and each time we feel that sensation of gratitude well up we can use a different display of appreciation. For example, thanking your Dominant for giving you an orgasm will be treated differently than if you are grateful that hold the power in your life. Orgasm gratitude is usually expressed immediately after while you may take awhile to express your feelings for the later.

Take a moment and come up with some things you are grateful in your life that you may not have had before you were in a relationship with your Dominant. How important are they to your development and your overall happiness? When was the last time you showed your appreciation for these things? Is it about time you did?

So, what ideas do you have for expressing yourself? They can be simple or elaborate, as long as they are your own. Make it honest and full of your service.

Offer

The first idea is to offer a service that you don’t normally do. It can be anything. Give a massage, bathe their feet, sexual service that you don’t pine after (for me that’s analingus). Be a foot stool, be their tax preparer. Anything that would just make their day and surprises them would fit the bill. Just remember to make it a part of yourself. Offering to pay for them to attend a salon is not the same thing, as offering yourself for a day of pampering.

Create

This idea isn’t about making something, but setting a mood. If you know your Dominant is going to coming home from a stressful day, it would be as simple as soft lights and maybe candles to help them relax and shed the outside world. Making sure the home is picked up and inviting can bring a lot of emotion attached to it. It not only shows that you care for the household possessions, but also how it makes people feel when they enter.

You can also create an atmosphere appropriate for whatever may be planned. If play is on the menu, then neatly prepare your play space. If dinner is the order of the day, setting the table as if you are in a fine restaurant can show your appreciation for a number of things.

Do

Take an idea from online for a ritual that you don’t do. Perhaps it can be kneeling and then lowering your face cheek to cheek to the floor in submission or kneeling when you bring their drink. Adding that bit of focused attention is a pleasant surprise to a Dominant and shows them that you care for how you present your submission. There is any number of things you can do in this vein. From a specific way you adopt to disrobe, to how you reply to requests in a set format. It’s not just up to the Dominant to add ritual and intensity to the relationship. Volunteering these simple steps will tell them that you thank them for the opportunity to serve them.

Make

Sure it’s quite easy to go to the store and purchase something for them, but when was the last time you made something for them? You don’t have to learn anything or have specific skills. Make a special dinner or dessert, write a card or poem, put together a photo album or mosaic. Something homemade has more meaning than a purchased item.

Coming up next week I’ll share ideas of what to give a Dominant, until then use your imagination!

Rededicate

Ultimately, this should only be done if you are really ready to deepen your relationship or there has been a lapse in the dynamic that you wish to try to repair. Again, the ritual that this involves can be simple to elaborate so let your mind develop what would work for you. Even just setting aside time to talk about how you wish to submit and offering that over voluntarily expresses how you love the relationship and what they do for you. Again, you don’t have to wait for the Dominant to tell you to create a ritual or process for doing something. I’ve gained so many rituals just by starting it and having him say he really likes it.

If you have gotten lazy in your rules, start really digging in and doing them before you get in trouble. Don’t let their distraction sway you. You want to serve, that’s why you are in this relationship so serve. Your submission just might deepen their Dominance and the rededication can you an exchange, just as it should be.

Lastly, remember to say thank you when you do these things. Make it about them. We take too much for granted anymore. Don’t let your relationship become one of those things. Relationships build because we work at them, show how much you appreciate everything they do and you will also reap the rewards.

How do you show your gratitude to your Dominant?

photo by FernR

Chat Night Transcript From Sub Space and Sub Drop Talk

<~luna[KM]> Now I’d like to hear from everyone… have you experienced subspace? If you don’t know if you have, it’s okay.
<selene1123> i’m pretty new…so i think i have but am not sure
<slavelauren> i have
<radiogirl> I most definitely have
<pet_rain> i’m not sure  i think i would like a clear definition i’v heard different people desribe it differently
<selene1123> thank you pet_rain!  i am confused about some of the contradicting definitions
* ~luna[KM] smiles
<radiogirl> I think subspace would happen differently for each individual
<~luna[KM]> we will definitely be covering that
<slavelauren> i agree with that radiogirl
<~luna[KM]> I have experienced subspace as well, just so you all know where I’m coming from.
<pet_rain> yes everyone experiences everything differently
<~luna[KM]> welcome littlemiss96
<pet_rain> hi
<selene1123> hello
<slavelauren> hi littlemiss96
<littlemiss96> thanks…hi all
<~luna[KM]> we’ve just started talking about subspace and subdrop so jump right in when you feel comfortable.
<radiogirl> For me, subspace is also what I call my “happy place”
<~luna[KM]> are there other words for it?
<slavelauren> same for me
<~luna[KM]> euphoria?
<selene1123> i think that’s a good word for it
<radiogirl> yes, it is a euphoric place
<littlemiss96> i’m still really new to all this, but I think I got there last week…euphoria
<selene1123> like feeling the need to purr, lol
<~luna[KM]> it can also be a primal place
<radiogirl> but its where I am comfortable, secure in myself and my Master’s love
<~luna[KM]> one where you retreat to animal instincts
<radiogirl> yes
<radiogirl> that too
<radiogirl> :)
<slavelauren> so true
<~luna[KM]> So, as you can see sub space is a number of different things, but we can agree that it’s a happy euphoric sensation or ‘place’
<pet_rain> right like youve been redused down to your core and where you feel most content like there is nothing wrong in the world
<slavelauren> yes
<radiogirl> exactly
<selene1123> that perfect feeling
<slavelauren> oh yeah i like that
<pet_rain> okay then i’v experianced that i’v heard it defined very differently though
<radiogirl> so I have a question for you guys
<radiogirl> How do YOU get there?
<~luna[KM]> It’s different each and every time we play
<~luna[KM]> and I don’t get there everytime
<littlemiss96> sometimes its deeper than others
<selene1123> for me, it is through serving Master….even something as simple as dinner or desert
<radiogirl> yes of course littlemiss
<slavelauren> for me its the sound of Masters voice it doesnt matter if we are “playing” or not
<~luna[KM]> exactly, these are called triggers
<selene1123> i agree with you slavelauren
<selene1123> it is in or out of a schece
<slavelauren> we could be driving in His car
<selene1123> *scene
<radiogirl> it can be either for some people
<radiogirl> doesnt take a scene to put me in subspace
<pet_rain> when i’m laying in His lap or at his feet infrount of the couch or its after Hes played with me or used me, sometimes its after i’m punished sometimes just the looks He gives me
<slavelauren> We have a kinda trigger phase that puts me right under
<slavelauren> phrase sorry
<pet_rain> whats that?
<~luna[KM]> slavelauren, is the phrase something you can share with us?
<slavelauren> the simple words of To Serve Him is the greatest gift in Life
<slavelauren> sorry i had to ask
<pet_rain> dont be sorry
* ~luna[KM] smiles, that’s okay and I assumed so
<selene1123> understood
<slavelauren> thanks
<radiogirl> thank you slavelauren
<slavelauren> your welcome
<slavelauren> He says that and im under fast
<~luna[KM]> alright, so how would you describe YOUR subspace to someone who has never experienced it?
<selene1123> my subspace is a state of perfect harmony between Master and i
<slavelauren> wow thats hard, for me its like im there but not there.kinda outside looking in
<slavelauren> not feeling except ectasy
<~luna[KM]> For me, it is a sense of complete peace and happiness, but also a separation from my physical body (the pain if if it play) and a sort of spiritual connection to my Master.
<littlemiss96> the place where nothing else matters but my Master and me
<radiogirl> for me, its when I open myself totally to my Master
<selene1123> i have never felt a physical separation
<radiogirl> communion of souls
<selene1123> the opposite actually – i become very aware of my body and the sensations i feel
<radiogirl> some call the physical separation “flying”
<~luna[KM]> oh I have felt that way as well selene1123
<pet_rain> the only thing thats real is Him, His dominance is a weight i can really FEEL on me it engulfs me surrounds me consumes me and W/we are perfect there is no higher happieness there is nothing else that is real
<~luna[KM]> very beautiful pet_rain, lovely description
<slavelauren> im aware of the sensations but if it is pain or anything negative it does not hurt
<radiogirl> very nicely put pet
<slavelauren> wow pet thats awesome
<selene1123> i love the way you put that pet
<pet_rain> RIGHT i cant feel pain
<pet_rain> thanks
<littlemiss96>are all of you in 24/7 relationships?
<slavelauren> sometimes it gets me through some serious “play” Master is a bit heavy handed lol
<~luna[KM]> I generally can feel the pain, but it’s not painful.
<slavelauren> i am
<selene1123> yes littlemiss
<radiogirl> I am not
<littlemiss96> ok, thanks. i am not either
<~luna[KM]> You are LDR aren’t you radiogirl?
<pet_rain> i think the reason i can’t feel pain is because its negitive and to feel anything negitive would be selfish and i am incapable of being selfish there is only His pleasure
<radiogirl> for me its like…… I am so immersed in the pain that it ceases to exist…
* ~luna[KM] thinks pet_rain is a poet :)
<slavelauren> yes she is
<pet_rain> no i’m not
<pet_rain> (blushes)
<radiogirl> and I know that He immerses himself in it to
<slavelauren> well you are excellent with your words
<pet_rain> thank you
<selene1123> you have a gift for putting feelings into the perfect words
<radiogirl> yes I am in  a LDR, Luna
<slavelauren> radiogirl that is exactly the way Master describes His feelings when we talk about how He feels
<~luna[KM]> Did anyone read the optional pre-reading for tonight?
<radiogirl> yes
<slavelauren> i am sorry i did not
<pet_rain> i read some of it but most of it woulnd’t come up
<littlemiss96> i did
<radiogirl> i always do my homework Luna
<radiogirl> LOL
* ~luna[KM] winks… that’s why it is optional
<selene1123> i skimmed through it during work
<pet_rain> i only got to read about sub drop
<~luna[KM]> In the Mistress Steel essay, she talks about different levels of subspace
<~luna[KM]> and that you can move through the levels smoothly, like climbing a ladder
<pet_rain> yeah i would like to read that
<slavelauren> i have read it before and i its very well put for me
<~luna[KM]> well I can send you a copy pet_rain to your email if it won’t open. Just shoot me a message via the contact page when we are done here to remind me and give me your email.
<~luna[KM]> So, how important is sub space for you?
<selene1123> it is essential for me
<slavelauren> same for me
<radiogirl> same here
<selene1123> if i do not feel that space then i feel like i am not in harmony with Master
<~luna[KM]> I could actually take it or leave it. I love it when I experience it, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not important to my relationship or connection with Master.
<selene1123> and that is simply not an option for me
<slavelauren> very true
<littlemiss96> after hearing from all of you, i think my definition may have been too narrow
<slavelauren> what do you mean littlemiss96
<littlemiss96> well, i think i was thinking that subspace was only that detached euphoria, but listening to you guys, I am realizing that i go there whenever i talk to Master, whether in person, phone, or even text
<selene1123> that’s how i feel
<slavelauren> i can acheive it any time anywhere no matter what the form of communication is
<selene1123> or even when i am not with Master but doing something i know will please him in the future
<~luna[KM]> Not everyone you meet will agree with the definition that it’s a broader definition.
<slavelauren> very true luna
<~luna[KM]> Some will say that the non-play sub space isn’t sub space
<~luna[KM]> It’s more a slave space that is a focus for some relationships
<selene1123> that’s one of the reasons i was confused
<littlemiss96> ehhh..to each his/her own, i think
<slavelauren> for me it is slave space always
<~luna[KM]> Sure, the hope is that you will be able to develop your own definition.
<~luna[KM]> wb pet_rain
<pet_rain> oh i’m sorry it kicked me off
<pet_rain> my Master’s here now
<~luna[KM]> welcome pet_rain’s Master
<slavelauren> welcome Sir
<pet_rain> He’s reading along
<pet_rain> He said thanks
<radiogirl> Welcome Sir
<radiogirl> nice to have you with us
<selene1123> good evening
<~luna[KM]> Let’s focus now on play time
<~luna[KM]> how important is sub space to play time?
<slavelauren> pretty important for me
<selene1123> it depends on what kind of play for me
<selene1123> if it is physical/involves pain, very important
<slavelauren> very true
<littlemiss96> i dont think its possible for me to separate
<pet_rain> i think its very importain because i think i can please Him better while i’m in subspace
<radiogirl> I agree selene
<slavelauren> being in subspace expands my limits alot
<~luna[KM]> I agree with pet_rain that I’m more pliable when in subspace, Master can get me to do things that I would normally hesitate to do when I’m in subspace.
<selene1123> definitely
<radiogirl> Oh yes slavelauren
<radiogirl> thats when you learn how strong you actually are
<~luna[KM]> So, what if you can’t get to subspace? Are there alternatives to experiencing that ‘high’?
<slavelauren> well i dont know about everyone else but i am a slave so i dont have safewords or limits but subspace makes it easier sometimes
<pet_rain> right me too
<radiogirl> well, endorphins come
<radiogirl> and thats my High if i am not in subspace
<slavelauren> i always acheive subspace so i cant answer that
<littlemiss96> i think i do too, slavelauren
<~luna[KM]> I think a pretty darned good orgasm is a great alternative *grins*
<radiogirl> oh yeah luna
<littlemiss96> lol for sure
<selene1123> ditto, luna!
<slavelauren> true
<pet_rain> well… sometimes it doens’t come during sometimes i just feel used, but after its done i guess that feeling of being used and knowing that i made Him happy brings me to sub space
<~luna[KM]> how about emotional release. I know that sometimes when I play I feel emotions just pour out of me and that’s a healing process.
<slavelauren> one little problem with that luna i can only orgasm on command
<slavelauren> so if i dont have permission then that doesnt work for me
<~luna[KM]> sure, then that alternative isn’t good for you.
<slavelauren> for me its all about an emotional release
<pet_rain> i dont think i have emotional releases during play
<selene1123> it has almost nothing to do with physical release for me
<~luna[KM]> Does any of you cry during play/space?
<pet_rain> there is a emotional connetion sometimes
<pet_rain> yes
<pet_rain> i do
<pet_rain>  alot
<selene1123> i haven’t….yet
<radiogirl> oh yes
<littlemiss96> i haven’t yet, but I know I will
<~luna[KM]> How about laugh?
<selene1123> all the time….my Master loves “playful” play
<littlemiss96> oh yes…
<littlemiss96> we laugh togther a lot…and I’ve laughed in orgasm too
<slavelauren> i do both
<~luna[KM]> When I’ve entered space and the pain intensifies I tend to laugh when it hurts
<pet_rain> i’v laughed dureing play but when i’m in space i dont, i’ll smile alot but thats about it
<radiogirl> slavelauren, may I ask a question
<pet_rain> well sometimes i’ll like half laugh half cry its wierd
<littlemiss96> me too, pet_rain
<slavelauren> of course anything?
<radiogirl> how long have you been with your Master?
<radiogirl> im curious about the “come on command”
<slavelauren> over 5 years now
<slavelauren> cumming on command takes alot of practice and patience
<slavelauren> and trial and error
<pet_rain> i’m not allowed to cum without permission but i have trouble cumming on command
<radiogirl> I would like to talk with you about that sometime
<slavelauren> of course when we are finished i will give you my email and yahoo nic i am on alot
<radiogirl> I sent you a PM
<~luna[KM]> Are we ready to move on to Sub Drop?
<radiogirl> with my email
<slavelauren> i am allowed to talk to anyone
<pet_rain> yes
<selene1123> i think i experienced sub drop very badly this weekend
<~luna[KM]> wanna talk about it selene1123?
<littlemiss96> i had my first experience with it last week…awful
<~luna[KM]> I’d like to hear your experiences if you are willing to share them.
<slavelauren> got it radiogirl
<pet_rain> can someone define that for me?
<selene1123> to me, subspace is almost 24/7, but this weekend I completely threw out my neck….could not move, sit up, or talk…much less serve Master
<selene1123> all i wanted to do was cry
<~luna[KM]> Sub Drop is when the endorphins and euphoria leave your body and you feel what I call a crash in mood
<~luna[KM]> For some people this can be very severe and traumatic.
<selene1123> Master had to take care of me and i felt so….useless
<slavelauren> when i experience it is very traumatic
<pet_rain> okay like when you feel like yesterday you were His perfect little tng but today you feel frustrated and all wrong like that?
<~luna[KM]> I have felt that way too selene1123, when I’m sick.
<littlemiss96> i had a really rough time
<slavelauren> have you talk to Him about it?
<littlemiss96> combined with PMS…
<~luna[KM]> When I’m out of commission, he tells me that it’s his turn to take care of his property… his job ya know.
<selene1123> luna, that’s what my Master says….but i still feel so lost
<slavelauren> because Master has never experience subspace or sub drop He has asked me to discuss with Him the feeling that go with each one sub drop more bc He sees subspace in me most of the time
<slavelauren> smae here luna
<~luna[KM]> Did you know that sub drop happens more in committed relationships than in casual or long distance ones?
<selene1123> i can see that
<~luna[KM]> I did a non-academic study with the munch groups I attend and it was overwhelming
<slavelauren> i would have to agree with that
<pet_rain> i can deffently see how
<~luna[KM]> I know what I think as the reason, but why do you think that is the case?
<slavelauren> i think that is more of an emotional attachment in committed relationships
<selene1123> i think it is the level of devotion
<littlemiss96> i think that’s what partially caused mine…i’m realizing my heart is getting involved in this along with my mind and body
<pet_rain> because you are more emotionally connected with them everythings more real in your face everyday
<slavelauren> very tue luna
<slavelauren> true sorry
<~luna[KM]> I think that more casual or separate-lives relationships have less sub drop because of a defense mechanism to protect the person’s emotional state. When in a live-in relationship, you let your guard down more often, allowing for drop.
<littlemiss96> since my relationship is new, I kind of discounted that I would go through sub drop…i was totally unprepared for it
<slavelauren> very true luna
<~luna[KM]> Drop is the same though, the emotional distress, feelings of inadequacy or disbelief that you just went through play activity x, y and z. Or even shock from injuries received, and thoughts on how you can enjoy something like ‘that’.
<radiogirl> Its impossible to be prepared for subdrop
<littlemiss96> Master also had some personal stuff that kept him away from me for a couple of days, and I didn’t know why…in my fragile state, I began to have abandonment issues
<~luna[KM]> What forms of aftercare are available to you when you do drop?
<~luna[KM]> that can totally happen littlemiss96
<slavelauren> yes it can littlemiss
<selene1123> i feel the same way sometimes littlemiss
<littlemiss96> plus I was PMSing…so it was the perfect storm…lol
<slavelauren> Master is really big on aftercare
<radiogirl> lol
<littlemiss96> I talked to Master about it, and he apologized, and has promised to be there for more aftercare
<selene1123> i use my slave journal as aftercare; writing helps me “balance” myself out
<selene1123> plus i’m writing for Master so i feel connected to him
<slavelauren> when i first came to live with Master fulltime i already knew that He leaves every week Monday through Wednesday to see His sub about an hour from here but that first month was horrible abandonment issues galore
<littlemiss96> so do I selene1123…and I send it to Master
<slavelauren> i journal alot
<littlemiss96> i do ok as long as I know what’s going on and why he’s gone…when he says, “talk to you this afternoon” and then he doesn’t…that’s when I freak out
<~luna[KM]> I tend to find that taking a long hot bath or shower helps
<~luna[KM]> and chocolate, lots of chocolate
<littlemiss96> lol chocolate always works
<~luna[KM]> I’ve got some music I like to listen to as well when I’m dropping
<littlemiss96> or I love a day at the beach
<slavelauren> chocolate works very well
<~luna[KM]> Anything else you’d like to talk about related to sub drop?
<slavelauren> i have a meditaion cd that works really well bc it is all about sub drop and it guides you through getting out of it most of the time it works
<~luna[KM]> where did you get a CD like that slavelauren?
<littlemiss96> do y’all find it worse in connection to your cycle?
<selene1123> i’m interested too
<radiogirl> me 2
<littlemiss96> me too
<slavelauren> at a convention i attended a few years ago, i will true to download to mp3 and send it to everyone who would like it
<slavelauren> i have alot of them all different ones
<~luna[KM]> ooooh, that would be way cool! Can you legally share them?
<slavelauren> they help me alot
<radiogirl> I would love that
<slavelauren> i dont see why not
<selene1123> that would be great, slavelauren
<slavelauren> they are not copyrighted
<slavelauren> i just looked
<littlemiss96> should be legal then
<slavelauren> i like helping out anyone who asks especially if it helps them serve their Master better
<radiogirl> I appreciate that
<littlemiss96> thanks so much…should we pm you our email addresses?
<selene1123> thank you

The Safety Disguise of Safewords

I’ve always believed that safewords are only good if you know how to use them. Good ole communication is great for things like numb limbs, an itch you can’t reach or a bathroom break.  Submissive Guide is here for novices and it’s always good to teach about safewords and recommend that you have one.

In every beginning BDSM book you will find information on safewords. On this site I have an essay on safewords. What I’ve read recently from Emma is some very obvious news about safewords that most people don’t pick up on their own and never share with others. Well, I’m going to share it with you.

Protect Your Safety

In a play situation you need to establish trust with your play partner. If you choose to play with a relative stranger you are putting yourself in danger of not having your safeword respected. Safewords can not protect you from someone who intends to do you harm. No matter how many times you shout ‘red’ in a dangerous situation a predator will not heed. Just like a stop sign, it only works if drivers obey the law and actually stop. The trust that is needed in a relationship is what makes a safe word really work for you.

Don’t ever expect your safeword to protect you. I’ve read horror stories where a submissive said she thought her safeword was all she needed to stay safe. A lot of the BDSM play we engage in is inherently dangerous and risky (even if you believe in Safe, Sane and Consensual). A verbalized stop word is not going to make you any safer.

It Starts With Trust

You can not have safewords without trust. As you’ve read and hopefully understand now a safeword is a false blanket of security. Building trust with your partner is all about open, honest communication and respect. How do you build trust?

The answer is acceptance.

Once you accept your partner for who they are then your trust will come right along with it. Sure that means you need to accept yourself first and we are always hearing about that, but in this article we are building trust in our partner so that if we choose to use safewords they will work.

Negotiate, Negotiate, Negotiate

Every relationship starts somewhere, even the quick and casual play partners are relationships. I can’t stress enough that you need to communicate and share your needs and desires in order to get them. Doing this also includes requesting and agreeing on a safeword if works for you. Even if a Dominant doesn’t believe in safewords, a negotiation where a safeword is requested should be honored.

Say ‘No’

In the worst situation imaginable where your safeword is being ignored, begin screaming ‘no’. Unfortunately this won’t necessarily make the person stop but it will give you some legal leverage later. Not all legal authorities understand or respect stop words, our safewords. They will ask if you said ‘no’.

Wrapping It Up

It’s not my intention to scare you or convince you that you shouldn’t have a safeword. I’m hoping that what you’ve learned is that you need to have more than a word to protect you if you plan to play.

Do you have any other advice about safewords that you’d like to pass on?

Another 7 Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Submission

A few months ago I started a list of things you can do to improve your submission immediately. If you want to see what’s in that list, you can find that post in the archives. I’d like to continue to add to that list because there are always things you can do but may not see as something that would enhance what you already do for your Dominant or for yourself.

1. Learn how to not fidget. Fidgeting is annoying and a sign that you are not focusing on something. If you can quiet your motions and your mind you will appear graceful and ready to take direction or just politely waiting for your Dominant. This can be expecially hard when you are excited or afraid, so practice it before it becomes necessary to do so.

2. Read and learn about something your Dominant is interested in. Part of your service is most likely to provide companionship. A partner that is knowledgable about their favorite sport or book genre for example can show a deep interest in the person and make it enjoyable to carry conversations with them. This doesn’t mean that you have to be as passionate about the subject but it will make it easier to understand what they are talking about when the topic comes up.

3. Drink plenty of water. Sure, that seems like an odd one but the benefits of water not only apply to weight management but healthy skin, radiance, blemishes, urinary health, cardiovascular health and so much more. It is a basic need for everyone and many of us don’t get enough. So stop reading right now and get yourself a glass of water; then come back here of course!

4. Surprise them! Prepare and serve His or Her favorite meal naked. Set up a bath just for them and then bathe them. Just because you have done it before doesn’t mean you can’t do it again. Be exciting and flirty. Do something you know will excite them tonight and the rewards will be worth all the wonderful effort. Keep him wondering what other special things you have up your sleeve. Pull out the surpises often.

5. Be Flexible. This one came from the comments on the last post. If your Dominant wants to do something and it requires you to drop what you are doing; then do it and don’t get in a huff about it. Things won’t always go exactly as planned and you need to be able to roll with the punches.

6. Share a fantasy with them. It is very hard to get your fantasies fullfilled if they never know what they are. If you’ve had some hot dreams lately or masturbation fantasies let them know about them. Your Dominant will appreciate the sexuality of it and the opennes of it. It could even lead to making that fantasy come true for you. I never said you couldn’t get anything out of improving yourself!

7. Practice kneeling and getting up from the floor using the tips given in May from the Submissive Positions series. It’s always good to have a few graceful kneeling and rising poses under your belt. You never know when you can whip one out and show them respect and submission in that way; or just to reach that stubborn spill on the kitchen floor. ;)

Can you think of any others? Does this list need an 8, 9 and 10? Talk it out in the comments!

photo by worak

How to Give a Romantic Bath

Romance gets lost in the rush of work, family, kids and obligations but a romantic bath is not only relaxing, it can create intimacy between you and your partner. In Ancient Rome and Egypt, bathing in scented oils was a prelude to lovemaking. Giving a bath to someone else is not only romantic, but a powerful service that can show devotion and commitment if done correctly.

Here are five very important tips to make sure you start out on the right foot.

1. Prepare the scene.

Clean your bathroom! There is nothing romantic about soap scum, hair in the drain or grit on the floor. Make the bathroom a priority when cleaning the day of the romantic bath and he or she will certainly notice. Make sure you have clean fluffy towels, all the soaps and oils and lotions you plan to use and the washing mitts or scrubbers are close at hand.

2. Set the mood.

Light candles incense if you like it and play soft romantic music. Provide champagne or other beverage. Shut the overhead light off, and keep the noisy vent off too.  Present yourself to your lover in a rope or other attire that you don’t mind getting wet. Make sure the phone isn’t going to interrupt you. Send the kids to stay with a babysitter for the evening.

3. Have the materials close at hand.

As mentioned before, it’s tacky to have to get up and get something you have forgotten and will break the mood you are trying to set up. Have a basket or other area where you have gathered everything you may need to lovingly bathe your partner. I recommend a bath mitt, some luxurious bath bubbles, scented oil or sea salts.

4. Learn romantic bathing rituals.

I found these rituals on Mental Foreplay.com and found them to be wonderful! You should definitely take a look.

1. The Texas Rose Bath
2. The Silky Milky Soak
3. The Zen Waters Bath
4. Lavender Lovers
5. Hawaiian Hot Tub
6. Champagne Shower
7. Ultimate Passion UP
8. Sacred Salt Soak
9. Chocolate Martini
10. Foreplay Music Bath

5. Continue service after the bath.

Once you have bathed your partner, help them out of the tub and offer to towel them off, apply lotion to dry areas, give them a pedicure or manicure. If further romance is on the menu, guide them to the bedroom and continue your sensual play there. Allow your mind and heart to guide you in your service and you will be rewarded.

photo by Alice J-T

Finding Your Spirituality In Service

A recent journal prompt I came across really inspired me to write about it.  It is spirituality. A lot of what I hear about spirituality is related to religion, but BDSM can be spiritual too and I’d like to explore that with you.

What is the relationship between spirituality and religion? Is BDSM spiritual? –Submissive Journal Prompts

Religion and spirituality have a connection but they don’t have to be connected. When you believe in a structured religion it generally means you have a spirituality about it. But when you are spiritual, that doesn’t mean you are connected to religion. Does that make sense?

BDSM can be spiritual if you feel connected to it in a similar way as you would religion. The whole idea of BDSM is an overpowering idea of all things sexual, sensual and relationship related that involve our entire being, life and identity. This isn’t about being kinky in the bedroom; anyone can do that. This is about living and breathing an alternative lifestyle that embraces BDSM in its core.

When you are serving, do you feel focused on the service and the power that you receive from your partner? Does it give you a floaty feeling or a sense of being that reminds you of inner peace and acceptance of your life? You could be experiencing service as spiritual.

My experiences with spiritual BDSM are limited, but the moments I felt at complete peace with myself I felt transcended into happiness and wholeness that I’ve never experienced any other way than when I was praying as a teen, looking for divine intervention in my sad life. The feeling that what I was doing at the time was just right, almost perfect and exactly what I should be doing gave me a strong sense of my spiritual self.

How To Connect

If you wish to grow closer to your submission and bring a spirituality in your service, you can look no further than your own religious exposure, whether you own or someone’s stories.

• Find a quote, mantra or mediation that means a lot to you and your service. Memorize it and say it often.
• Practice mediation techniques so that you can find your inner peace easier.
• Find a way to worship your owner. This can be by ritual bathing, foot worship, or other body part service. It can also be learning new skills to enhance your service with your owner in mind. Massage is one that I think of.
• Perform your service with focused slow steps. Develop your grace. Do every step with purpose and meaning.

Each of these ideas can help you connect with the spirituality of your service and will provide you with a new way to be intimate with your Dominant.

Spirituality is not required as a part of your service. It is just a way to enhance what you already do. If you are a bedroom submissive, these ideas can be applied to sexual service as well. Imagine a spiritual blow job or a ritual massage as a part of foreplay. Spirituality can be a part of anything you do.

Don’t let the idea of spirituality or religion overwhelm you. Make your part in BDSM whatever you want to make it. If spirituality is what you’d like to try, please embrace some of the ideas here, or share some in the comments. What ideas do you have for bringing out your spirituality in service?

Your Thoughts

darkpaladin on twitter gave me his thoughts on spirituality. Here’s what he had to say.

BDSM is very close to a religion for me – to me it is about lifting people up and showing them their internal energy and power. A dom acts a guide and submissive acts as the vessel of energy. The sacraments are time, trust and orgasms when a sub gives certain power away they awaken to their own inner strength and deification. We are all deities. The dom leads on the sub’s journey and the sub shows the dom in similar ways.

Do you have any thoughts to share?

photo by tapperboy

Balancing Depression and Submission

Everyone has gone though bouts of depression at one time or another. For some, it’s practically debilitating and others can handle it in stride without much of a bat of the eyelashes. I recently recovered from a long time depression with the help of medications and my Dominant’s caring. It’s never an easy process, but being reminded that your submission is still desired can help.

When I was depressed, I didn’t find joy in doing the things I normally did for my Dominant. It was hard getting up everyday to make his coffee and care for him as usual. Some days he allowed me to ’sit this one out’, but usually he just took me under his patient wing and nudged me back into submitting to him.

Finding your way back out of the darkness isn’t always easy. There are a lot of inner thoughts telling you to stay there, in the void of no comfort, dark peace and sadness. I’ve been there too many times to count. It is possible though to continue your submission at some degree and still be depressed. It may even be your window out.

Keep the Routine

The last thing you want to do is keep a routine going when you feel like your world is at an impasse, but I highly recommend trying to keep your daily routine intact as much as possible. Reminding yourself that this is the way you were happy and will continue to be happy might just resolve some of those depressive feelings. Even when I was depressed, I still made his coffee and cooked his meals (although less fancy).  I still called him by his title and followed most of my rules. He did relax a few of them but reminded me that if I continued to do them that he would be pleased.

Get Out of Bed

Feeling bad for yourself always displays outwardly as not getting out of bed, not bathing or not bathing frequently and a lack of self-care for how you look. Force yourself to continue to take care of your body even if you don’t feel like it. Dressing how you feel doesn’t encourage a change in your mood, but drives you deeper. Falling into the comfort of your bed and not getting moving within a decent time can worsen your depression. Your dominant is still looking to you to be a companion and one they want to be around. Remember the saying that a submissive is a reflection on the dominant? Keep the illusion up even if you feel horrible inside. Your dominant will thank you for it.

Ask for Help

Wallowing in your sadness is okay for awhile. No one can go through life without feeling depression for a short time, but know that you should ask for help if it gets to the point that you don’t have any good feelings anymore. Going to friends to talk if you don’t think professional help is necessary is a good first step. Let them help you revive the happiness that is in there. If you notice your friends trying to get you out of the house and moving again, listen to them. They can see your changes and are worried about you.

Get professional help if your depression lasts longer than 2 weeks.

photo credit Esther_G

Simply Service

A once-a-month newsletter/e-zine written for service oriented people, by service oriented people in M/s, D/s or Leather relationships.

Current contributors are all slave or submissive identified, and in real time relationships where obedience and service are necessary, valued skills, achieved over time. I have been fortunate enough to meet these lovely people all over the country, and have delighted in great conversations, where we sometimes agree, and sometimes disagree, but are bound by a mutual respect of each other’s choices. Occasionally, words from the “other side” might be included as well, as many perspectives will be represented.

Many current contributors are active in their own local leather communities, as well as maintaining relationships, homes, jobs and more. We know it can be a balancing act. We know it isn’t pretty all the time. We’ll be sharing our stories, tricks, tips, lessons learned (easy and hard), mistakes, and human foibles.

Every possible relationship combination will be represented, as this is about service, and can transcend gender and role orientations. Contributors are encouraged to write about issues they are currently facing, and as such each issue may go in a number of directions. The thought of “theming” issues has arisen, and is on hold at this time to allow for freedom of expression and creativity as this project finds a niche of its own. Philosophy, skill training, methods, and more may be examined.

Simply Service Groups on the Web

Yahoo Group: Simply Service
FetLife Group: Simply Service

Contributions will be accepted and reviewed on a per submission basis for addition into a future issue. Please include a bio, and any references you have and send submissions to msolympusleather2003@cox.net.

To view these newsletters you must have the free Adobe Reader or another PDF reader.  Here’s where you can get it! Download Adobe Reader

Archives

Holiday 2008 Download Now!	The Matriarch of Merriment by Sazmira Holiday Tips and Ideas by Danae Holiday Traditions by Whipmaster Bob Clark The Great Christmas Tree Adventure by BootPig Gift Wrap Like a PorkChop by PorkChop Making Croissants for the Holidays by Wildfluers Also Tons of Holiday Recipe Cards!

Unconventional Service by Dusk Peterson Making House Guests Comfortable and Welcome by Danae Carson Not Trustworthy, Risk Worthy SWJ2 Media Release	August 2008 Download Now!

June 2008 Download Now!	Rolling with the Punches by Joy C. On Pigs by Whipmaster Bob Clark Working Backwards by kate maripose

Is Slavery Real? by Darren Productivity Tools Training Outside of the Box by Bootpig porkchops Rules of Bedding: Inside Info from a Retail Whore	May 2008 Download Now!

November 2006 Download Now!

The Path of Service, a Primer Part 1: The Mental, Physical, and Spiritual Disciplines of Service and Surrender by Mercedes White Socks by Jamie Nemitz Personal Responsibility in BDSM by ZooDirt and Kyphi Community Service by Kassie Nine Fold Path Seminars This Month in NC and GA The Role of Slavery in Modern Society by mair A Dominant’s View of Service by Mermaid Master A Series: The Glorified Bottom by Kathryn_Tact For Pig by BootPig

When You Say Nothing At All – Nonverbal Communication in the Scene by seri My Little Sister Wants a Slave by Mistress Grace Hope’s journal Ritual of the Pipe by izzy Service in Daddy Moments by Sean-Michael Traveling with Master by Elegant Brighten your World? Clean your Windows! by sweetkahi Our Readers Write!	February 2006 Download Now!

November 2005 Download Now!	My Journey by slavedebbie Community Unity by Master Kalan Declutter 101 by Tante Jen Metamorphosis by slave a Naturally Polyamourous by Mistress Pamela Essay by E Missy Hall Intimate Partner Abuse in the BDSM Lifestyle by sequi

Ledgerbook Service by Jezzie, property of Anton Eulogy for O by slave a Pantheon of Leather Nominations From the Editor and Letters Humidity and Leather Toys – Flirting with Danger by Elegant Time Management by Mistress Grace Politely Encouraging Departure or “Go Home, Please” by sazmira Reader’s Write! August Responses and September’s Question Are you Experienced? by Kassie Humility by sweetkahi	September 2005 Download Now

August 2005 Download Now!	Grace in Service by Linda ‘BootPig’ Hall Being Transparent for Daddy by slaveboi carlie Aromatherapy Uses in Service by Tante Jen Working with Speech Protocols by slave a Rule of St Benedict Notes for use in Master/slave or service relationships by slave jean Our Readers Write! Consideration 101 by sazmira

Service does not always mean Serious by morgana From the Editor and GWNN Bash Announcement Southwest Leather Conference Announcement – Looking for PR reps Luxury in the Bath with Tante Jen Aftercare starts with Negotiations by Lady Wyllo hope’s Journal The Pitfalls of Excellence by slave a A Life without Rules by Tante Jen	July 2005 Download Now!

June 2005 Download Now!

The Reality of Reliance by ZD, one of our rare offerings from the Top perspective Hiding in Plain Sight by wonderwoman. Balancing your service relationship with functioning the real world. Children, jobs, and more Psycho-Hostess: Tamed? slave jean Are you a Psycho-Hostess? A humorous, but real, look at how obsessive the service-minded can be, and how to reel that in and make it graceful. Deconstruction of Bootblacking by Steven Hagen, 2005 Southwest Bootblack and IMBB First Runner-Up 2005 hope

Ritualizing the Ordinary by slave jean Discovering Leather Care as Service by Sean Michael Part II of the The Write Stuff: Written Communication in Service by morgana Part II of the Mental Orgasm: The Phenomenon of Brain Sex series by Wyllo Hand Signals as a tool of communication by BootPig	May 2005 Download Now!

April 2005 Download Now!	slave a is back with an introspective look at Presumption in Service From the Editor The Art of the Interview

From the Editor –Linda Service Oriented and Protocols If He told you to jump off a bridge… Submission from Strength New Studies Show Diamonds Cause Irritation in Slaves Working Outside the Home A Feminist Perspective of BDSM Ritual Routine Recommitment Head space, slave space, sub space and other places we travel	March 2005 Download Now!

February 2005 Download Now!	Living Authentically Serving While Sick A is for Alpha The Symbology of Ritual Earned Respect of Proper Manners Bed Linens Primer

Welcome from Linda ‘Bootpig’ Hall Catherine Gross. Servants Retreat 2005 How does your service rank? Using the hospitality industry as a reference. Obedience. A slave examines the development of obedience. The Basics of Resistance Management The differences between submissives and slaves. Is one deeper than the other or are they just different?? Master/slave is not another form of marriage Beginning to serve tea

January 2005 Download Now!

Caring for Yourself After a Scene: Self-Aftercare

Aftercare is an important part of recovery from play for many people. It is most common to experience a drop in emotions and energy after play from within hours to even days later. All too often it becomes a necessity to take care of yourself after a play session because your top was just visiting or the play party is over. Even after a few days you may need to carry out some aftercare. Knowing what to do can prevent physical and emotional struggles.

Physically it may seem obvious that you have marks; bruising, cuts, sore muscles, etc that need continued first aid. If you haven’t taken first aid training, you should have a basic medical primer at home. I have one that is a Home Medical Care Manual given to my by my father. It’s come in handy for diagnosing general illnesses and in deciding if a visit to the doctor was necessary.

First Aid for Marks

Knowing basic first aid for bruises, cuts and abrasions is important to caring for your skin and muscle tissues after intense play. There are many schools of thought on bruise care but the best I’ve heard about is Arnica cream sold in the pharmacy area. Cool compresses will help cut down swelling. Treat cuts and abrasions with anti-bacterial and bandages. Scar reduction cremes may also be helpful if you are afraid of marks lasting longer than you’d like.

What is Sub Drop?

Sub Drop is when the endorphins you experienced during play suddenly leave your body and it goes into withdrawals. This can be described as similar to drug addiction recovery. Your body goes through a crash period and is personal to each person. From crying and uncontrollable emotional outbursts, to sadness, depression and anxiety. You could also experience moments of guilt or doubt about your play session and what you enjoyed. Drop can come at your within hours or even days later. It is typically more common with submissives in long term or committed relationships than with casual partners.

Guarding Against Sub Drop

Another issue is the emotional and psychological trauma you may have experienced during play. This can catch up with you shortly after play to days later when you least expect it. To guard against it, drink water before, during and after play. Make sure you do not play while hungry or even slightly ill. Listen to your body and if it’s giving you signs to stop, you should. The only limits you should try to break are emotional and non-physical ones. Your body tells you things for a reason; listen! Drink something with simple sugars after play. Orange juice works wonders.

Creating a Drop Kit

A drop kit can be helpful for Dominants and submissives that experience moderate to severe drop after play sessions. Drop can be associated with feelings of loneliness, mental and physical exhaustion, confusion, insecurity, tremors and many other physical symptoms. It is important to take care of yourself during times of drop. This kit will put all the things necessary at your fingertips.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, please feel free to add your own personal selections.

• Warm blanket
• First Aid Kit
• First Aid Manual
• Bath salts
• Bubble bath
• Scented candles
• Incense
• Favorite book
• Prepaid calling card
• Hard candy
• Favorite beverages
• Lotion
• Journal
• Relaxing music
• Letter from your partner
• Stuffed animals
• Coloring books/crayons
• Gift card to favorite restaurant
• Vitamin E
• Favorite movie

Do you have any personal items you’d add to your own Drop Kit?

photo credit Meredith_Farme

Creating a Daily Cleaning Routine

Maintaining a clean home can take on a life of its own. There is only a small number of submissives that can live the dream of being an at home submissive. Most of us have outside jobs and families and commitments that leave the housework low on the priority list. My goal for you today is to pick up an easy to do, low time commitment way to keep your house clean and looking good.

It doesn’t have to be a headache every time you arrive home and see the house in disarray. With these easy to implement steps you can keep the house maintained in just a few minutes each day. These may seem obvious, or common sense ideas but they really do work and with just a few minutes each day can free your time to meet the other demands of your day.

Sure you can continue to say you don’t have time everyday and then stress when you have to spend 2 hours or more every weekend cleaning what could have already been maintained all week long. Make the point to change your thinking. Start small and it will make a difference. Develop the habit. Even if you are great at home care, these ideas could help cut down the amount of time you take cleaning your house each day.

To do lists

To do lists are a great way to get started in a cleaning routine. Plan out your day when you have five minutes in the morning by writing down five things you need to do around the house that day. Then when you have a few minutes when you get home from work or picking up the kids take a look at your list and try to accomplish one of the items on your list. Feel great when you can cross it off. Try to do three of the things on your list that day. Each day you can come up with three new things to add to your existing list. The idea is to not put off items more than two days.

15 min blast

The 15 minute blast is more like a game. You need to have a kitchen timer. The microwave timer works in a pinch. Set the timer in a room you need to clean and do as much as you can for the 15 minutes that you have before the timer goes off.

For me I then go do something I want to do for the next hour or so, then play the ‘game’ again. I can get the whole room clean in about 3 timed sessions. It makes me feel good and I’ve enjoyed the free time too. You can play the game whenever you have a few minutes.

Involve the kids

Yes we usually give the kids chores and I know when I was growing up I had to do them in order to get allowance each week. But I admit I put it off as long as possible. If we give the kids the same timer game that we play each day, they could help you keep the house clean and get the allowance they are looking forward to.

If we make cleaning fun and part of our daily activities with kids then it could instill a desire to keep things picked up. Picking things up as we go along is a very valuable trait that you family could nurture in children. This would ultimately cut down on the amount of cleaning that needs to be done. I wish I had picked up that trait; instead of letting things get as bad as they do here before having to do the 15 min blast or a to do list.

Home Control and Management Journal

A Home Control Journal is an organizational tool used in many households to keep things clean, organized and a home running smoothly. You can put cleaning lists, meal plans, finances and so much more inside a binder that is your go to guide for everything to do with your home. The link will take you to google search if you want more information on how to make on, or stay tuned. I plan to share what I have in mine and how I developed it.

If you still have a mess to deal with before friends are visiting, here’s a fantastic article to help you out.

THE 10-MINUTE RESCUE by Mrs. Mary Hunt

(If you know where I can find the original source of this article, please let me know, thanks)

The phone rings. Surprise! Long lost friends will be at your front door in 10 minutes. You have no time to clean the house. What you need is a 10-minute rescue. This is a terrific technique you should learn right now, and then keep tucked away for that time when despite your best efforts, you’re caught in a jam. So, are you ready? Go!

1. Set a small pan of water over medium heat. Dump in spices like cinnamon, allspice and cloves and leave it to heat.
2. Grab a box or grocery bag. Move through the house starting in the kitchen clearing counters, coffee tables, end tables and all other flat surfaces of clutter. Just scoop everything into the container and stash it in a closet.
3. Gather all bathroom clutter including towels, stuff lining the walls and ledges of the tub and shower, toys, and all the stuff on the vanity and deposit it in the tub or shower. Draw the curtain.
4. Clean all the flat surfaces you have just cleared using furniture polish or all-purpose cleaner as appropriate.
5. Empty the kitchen sink of dishes, pots and so on using the stash methods described above if necessary. The oven and dishwasher are handy hiding places. Scrub the sink, rinse quickly and perform a quick polish.
6. Starting at the front door vacuum the visible areas.
7. Light the candles and the fireplace.
8. Switch on the stereo and turn down the lights.

Whew! You made it. The house looks great. Smells good, too. Enjoy your company and when they are gone, take a few more minutes to go through the box in the closet, the pile in the tub and, above all, anything you stashed in the oven!

Final Thoughts

Routines take time to develop. What you should try to do is take the smaller steps pointed out here until it becomes habit. Habits become the routines that you don’t even have to think about; just like the order of your morning tasks or how you prepare for bed. Cleaning can become easy and stress free.

Do you have any tips to pass on? I’d love to hear them!

Your Bathing Regime

You may have been bathing yourself since you were 5 or 6, but if you haven’t changed your bathing routine since then, you may want to consider growing up and learning an adult way to bathe. Each person may have cleaning preferences and this is to be just a guideline and recommendation for bathing and grooming. Preparing your body for your dominant partner is a basic requirement that will amaze and delight them, besides a clean body makes you feel good too.

How frequently you bathe is as important as what you do in the bathroom to groom yourself. If you are like me, I bathe more in the summer than the winter, but you should be able to bathe at least once every day. Your body sweats, sloughs off skin and develops body oils that we can’t see. We should wash them off and reset our pheromones. Any area the generates waste needs to be cleaned at least daily. If you have sex you should bathe afterward. It’s amazing how many people don’t bathe everyday. If you don’t live in a 3rd world country then you should have no problem bathing every single day. Water is easily accessible.

Supplies

Having the right soaps and cleaning supplies will also make your bathing experience enjoyable and you’ll leave feeling clean, refreshed and hydrated.

Soap:

Most low quality soaps will strip your natural oils from your skin and you will end up with dry skin. Select a higher quality moisturizing soap in a scent that won’t conflict with any perfumes or other scents you may wear.

Shampoo and Conditioner:

Hydration and damage repair are good for highly stylized hair. Find one that is meant for your hair type, don’t go cheap when it comes to hair care, or it will show in dull, damaged or dry, brittle hair.

Moisturizer:

Finding a body lotion can be very important. Use one with a light scent that won’t conflict with your perfume or other scents you may wear. Apply it after your bath to lock in moisture and keep you glowing all day.

Facial cleansers:

These are a personal decision. I’ve been blessed with pretty blemish-free skin, so I choose not to cleanse my face daily, but every other day it gets a cleaning so that the oils that have collected don’t start to shine. I do remove my make-up every night, however.

Preparation

Take the time you need to clean yourself correctly. Do not rush through your bathing routine. Remember that you are caring for your owner’s property, or your future owner’s property. How would you like it to be treated? Start now. Make sure you have the time to do it right and don’t skip a step. Make sure you bathe in the hottest water you can stand to open up your pores.

Completion

A clean body is a healthy body. Remember that you are learning to not only care for yourself in the most basic manner, but you will be able to later extend that experience to bathing others, if you are so required to. Enjoy your fresh, clean and healthy skin. You will begin to notice a difference and so will the others around you.

The Meaning Behind Service and Serving

When someone becomes a submissive for the first time and finds a dominant the first words I generally hear them say is that they like being of service or they like serving. When asked what it is about service that they enjoy it tends to boil down to sex and play. There is far more to service than the play, and believe me, there are submissives that don’t even play but find fulfillment in service.

Service is any activity or function that you fill to make your dominant partner’s life easier. This could be as simple as preparing their coffee, laying out their clothes for them or performing domestic chores. Yes, it does include the play and sex aspects of some relationships, but not all of them are wired this way.

Take for example a domestic submissive. What calls them to serve is completely different than a service submissive (more on this term later). Each of them gains happiness and fulfillment out of the services they provide their dominant partner, but the service they provide can be very different. Many times a domestic submissive will have minimal or no sexual interaction with their owner. I’ve even been propositioned by a few male domestics that all they want to do is come and clean my house. It’s the pleasure of cleaning for someone that they want to enjoy.

So, what does it mean to be of service to your dominant? Does it mean you will be doing the chores around the house, caring for family or pets, perhaps paying the bills and running errands? Could it mean you are a personal assistant and keep your partner in check, organized and prepared for everything the day may throw at them? Or are you the sex object that fills every fantasy and whim without a moment’s hesitation? All of these things are service. Some other things that can service items can include:

• cooking
• cleaning
• grooming
• health
• personal trainer
• pet care
• home repair
• car repair
• organization
• event planning
• child care
• chauffeur
• scheduling
• secretarial
• intellectual conversationalist

Discover Your Purpose in Service

Finding your meaning in service isn’t always easy. You have to start with what you want and need out of a relationship. I’ve written a whole series about Wants and Needs that you can refer to if you need help figuring these things out. Once you’ve identified what you need, you can develop the services around it that will feed your needs. If you require structure, you could develop a Home Control Journal. If you like to be a hostess and use anticipatory service you could have a Butler’s Book. Perhaps you would like to develop your sexual service skills or your personal assistant skills and learn how to properly bathe and clothe someone. The possibilities are endless.

Service Submissives

There is a type of submissive that seeks only to serve. In this passion there is happiness and joy to be asked to do even menial tasks. They may derive pleasure from things other than sexual connection or play. Service Submissives can become domestics, personal assistants, chauffeurs, and handmaids.

What makes this type of submissive so special is their ability to adapt to whatever service their partner requires of them with little adjustment period. Service Submissives can bring pleasure to their dominant with little effort. It is my opinion that service submissives are rare and unique people. Not everyone can be a service submissive, but if you are one, you are worth your weight in gold and then some. All other submissives most likely look up to you for your ability to serve so smoothly.

Here are some of my ideas of what a service submissive might be.

• Personal secretary; taking calls, answering the door, responding to emails, scheduling and coffee fetching.
• Body servant; bathing, shaving, grooming and overall health care of the dominant.
• Escort; social elitist with the ability to bring attention to your owner, chat about all sorts of world topics and look beautiful on their arm.
• Service Top; when an owner is a masochist it may be requested that the submissive learn play activities to service the top.

Do you have any other ideas of what a service submissive can be? Share them in the comments!

Now that you have a better understanding of what service is, how can you use your talents to create your service resume? What services do you provide your owner? What services would they like you to learn or enhance?