When You Can’t Get Away: Follow Up to Submissive PMS

In a recent video post about Submissive PMS I had someone email me with some questions that I thought deserved a new post. If you haven’t seen the video or attached post, please go to the article and read it first!

Now on to his questions:

1. What’s a subbie to do when, for whatever reason, he or she cannot get away? What about the use of corporal discipline to help put the sub in his or her place?

Sure there will always be times when a submissive is not able to get away to refocus for a number of reasons. In this case, I am a firm believer of a mantra or meditation. It can be said aloud or internally no matter where you are. You may even be able to close your eyes and focus on your breathing to really center yourself. This works wonderfully if you only have a few moments in which to reset your mind and continue.

It will not work all the time; it’s just a matter of being human that sometimes for whatever reason, you are moody or grouchy and inheriently disobedient. When you realize this might be the case; informing your Dominant is the best course of action. Sure it could get you in trouble if you do disobey, but at least they will be equiped with some of the reason behind it.

Another way to try to refocus or at least not snap at your Dominant is the famous count to 5 trick. It really does work. I kinda like to count backward from 10. I feel centered and focused when through that bit of meditation.

About corporal punishment… it’s an okay idea, but then that puts the responsibility into the Dominant’s hand to try to correct your own problem of lack of focus. What is really going on when this happens is the Dominant is facilitating your need to refocus with a meditation or other separation from the event by giving you pain to do so. In essense the Dominant is creating the recentering time you need.  I’d like to focus in this blog about how we can help ourselves become better human beings that happen to be submissive and ‘making’ the Dominant correct our mood is in that vein.

The other concern is that it doesn’t work all the time. What if your mood is just so off kilter that your act worse after the punishment. In this case the Dominants attempt at correction pushed your further away from center and you will most likely find it harder to refocus after that. It becomes a steep downward slope.

2. I have a feeling that, unless they enjoy feminization, male subs might not exactly take ownership of the term submissive PMS. Any ideas on a term for males? It might not be as cute, but something like “sub glitch”?

Oh I’m sure we can come up with a term that male submissives could embrace that means the same thing. So, dear reader, what ideas do you have to replace PMS with something more masculine centric? I’d love to see what you come up with in the comments!

Submissive PMS and How to Deal With It

This video post is about how to deal with a submissive bout of PMS.

It’s not your normal run of the mill PMS. You don’t have cramps or bloating or headaches or chills, but your mood is so out of whack that you are getting in trouble just by opening your mouth. You don’t know where your submissive filter went, all you know is that it’s gone and you’re going to be paying for it with every utterance. This is submissive PMS. I suffer from it often and it’s something I’ve learned a few things from to make it easier to get through. Let’s help you out.

What’s the Big Deal?

I’m pretty certain most of you haven’t heard this term before and that’s because I just made it up. You won’t find submissive PMS in any dictionary (urban, BDSM or otherwise), but if you have been submissive for more than a few minutes you know exactly how I’m going to describe it. It starts with the sudden urge to just tell your Dominant to ‘go get it yourself!’ It can lead to mouthing off, acting pissy when there is no real reason behind and when confronted you can’t explain why you are feeling that way in the first place.

Confront It Dead On

A lot of times it’s obvious that you are entering sub PMS and you can work to stop it before it gets your butt in their sling. The moment you notice the ‘get it yourselfs’ creeping into your head, ask to remove yourself from the room or their presence and go refocus. If this means reading or blogging or meditating then go do it. I tend to get my catharsis from blogging but each person is going to find a different way to refocus. If you can identify an underlying thought or problem that caused the PMS you will want to talk to your Dominant about it. Never harbor feelings from your Dominant, even if you think they are trivial. It will help them help you. Win win in any case.

Apologize

After you have refocused, apologize to your Dominant for your slip in behavior or manners. They may not have even noticed it, but that’s not the purpose. The purpose is to make a mental note for you that you have corrected the behavior and are ready to continue serving. An apology is quite beneficial for that.

Resolve

You can’t prevent submissive PMS, but you can resolve to keep it in check. Make it a task to notice it before anyone else and correct it silently. Everyone has bad moods and off days, but our job as submissives and slaves is to make sure it doesn’t cloud our service. This of course is the hardest part. I’m still not there personally. I can’t recognize it sometimes and leave it to my Master noticing and correcting for me; usually not the way I wish it could be handled. Discipline yourself to make sure you can catch your backsliding and keep your backside from catching it for you.