Review: The Submissive Activity Book

In January I had a poll in the sidebar asking readers like you what books you’d like to see me review for Submissive Guide. The overwhelming response was that you wanted me to review The Submissive Activity Book: Building Blocks To Better Service by Shannon Reilly. I received the 184 page book without expectations of what I would find within its pages. No one has yet reviewed it on Amazon.

Flipping quickly through it’s pages it is first and foremost a workbook. There are pages and pages of forms for you to fill out to improve and learn the skills she puts forth in the book. According to Shannon the book was written for submissives not currently engaged in a D/s relationship that are looking to establish a structure in their lives that a Dominant normally would do. It is built to help the submissive learn and improve skills that a potential Dominant might desire.

The book is broken up into sections with activities towards different goals. From establishing a personal protocol with rewards and punishments, goal-setting, schedule making and planning, learning new skills and furthering education as well as budgeting and learning personal finance. The book’s second half has helpers for the submissive in understanding their wants and needs, how to negotiate and establishing limits.

Before each activity form there is a summary of what the activity is supposed to do for you and how it might help you grow. They are well thought out, but leave a lot to self exploration. The number of copies of each workbook activity are sometimes excessive in my opinion and the author encourages the purchase of her companion book to get more blank copies of the forms. In today’s technology age, I would have rather had one copy of each activity page; I can always make copies if necessary. I don’t think the companion book is really needed at all.

My favorite activity section is the personal protocol. Shannon describes this section as a way to feel accountable for your actions even if you aren’t in a relationship. She walks you through behaviors you would want to encourage and discourage as well as a punishment and reward system that you manage yourself to keep your new behaviors in check.  For those submissives with a real desire to control and change their lives this is a valuable section.

I dislike the wasted pages that are used for a calendar. While I can understand that the section is about planning and scheduling, I would rather encourage the submissive to get a schedule book that is small enough to carry around with them in their handbag or shoulder bag.  This way the activity wouldn’t involve either carrying the book everywhere or tearing out the pages. Again this would be a good place to encourage them to make copies of the pages they desire to use instead of giving them an entire year’s worth of calendar pages.

Honestly though, this book is very much in keeping with the purpose of this website and I’d recommend it for those of you who want to experience structure and start working towards your perfect self without a Dominant. You will then be able to enter into a relationship with more preparedness and your personal value may be higher.

Go get this book today!

Product Details

• luna’s Rating: 8/10
• Paperback: 184 pages
• Publisher: CreateSpace (February 22, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1440470499
• ISBN-13: 978-1440470493
• Product Dimensions: 9.9 x 8 x 0.6 inches

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Up in Flames: The Basics of Fireplay

This is another guest post for the BDSM Play Feature here on SubmissiveGuide. This post about Fire Play is by Gwendolyn. Enjoy!

I have always been a fire bug and am a volunteer fire fighter. So when I became interested in BDSM and heard about fire play it was definitely top of my list of things to try. As soon as I did I was hooked on it. There are many things that can be part of a fire play scene and I will be going over what I have experience in or know a lot about due to research.

Now, there are some things you should know about fire play. Check out the references of the tops offering it. Fire is dangerous. Yea, you may say well.. duh..  But, if you are a submissive like me, you will put all of your trust into your Top/Dom and sometimes not challenge what they doing.  I learned that by not asking about every detail of the fire play aka negotiating out your scene, you are asking to be damaged.  I have scars to prove this point. So if someone brings out a propane torch, end the scene right there.

One of the questions I tend to get often from people who have not tried fire play yet, are how do I handle the pain? Everyone has different techniques, what I have found to be most effective is focus upon your breathing. This works on any kind of play.  Find a focal point and breathe slowly. If part of the safety precaution is to have your head against a support/safety person then close your eyes and still breathe slowly.

If you would like to get in contact with me, please feel free to add me on Fetlife (SehAnru), or email me directly at gwendolynhopping@gmail.com.

Disclaimer: Do Not attempt fire play on yourself, and especially not alone if you are not experienced already. If you do, you are doing so at your own risk, and I, nor Submissive Guide nor anywhere else that this may be posted are to be held responsible for any damages that may occur. Thank you.

Safety Equipment/Precautions: People use varied types of equipment, there are the Nomex hoods used by fire fighters, fire blankets, all the way down to wet wash cloths. As a submissive/bottom don’t be afraid to ask about protective gear. Your safety should always be number one. Make sure your hair is out of the way when doing any kind of flogging or whipping. If you know you will be participating in such a scene, do not use hair spray or perfumes/colognes. Even some lotions have been known to be flammable.

Fire flogging: This is the most common which includes a  flogger made out of Kevlar rope/wicks and some have knots at the end of them not only for the stingy factor but also prevents the ropes from coming unraveled. This I have experienced many times both on my back and upon my front. It is a little more sting than a usual flogger made of leather mostly due to the knots, but the heat is incredible as it isn’t constant, but flashes.  If you have never tried this before, I would recommend just starting out on your back.

Fire Fleshing: This is where designs are made upon your body with the fuel and then set on fire then quickly blown out, wiped out, or smothered with a fire blanket.  The tools used for this vary. Some use drumsticks wrapped in Kevlar, some create pens with a Kevlar wick, and many other creative tools have been made and used. There is more than just Kevlar that can be used, but this is what I am most familiar with. This too I have had experience with both on my back, and front, and even upon my labia. Now, that.. was interesting. Though a note of caution, fire does suck out the moisture in your skin, this includes your sensitive lips, testicles, whatever you may use it on. Have moisturizer with you.. I had shriveled little lips and that was the strangest thing I have ever experienced.

Fire Whipping: Everything with fire is dangerous, but in my opinion this is the most dangerous manner of fire play as it is a single tail whip that is on fire. Some are made with leather and a Kevlar popper at the end, and some also make them completely out of a Kevlar blend then use an aluminum handle, and Kevlar popper. So far I have experienced this once and definitely will be going back for more, but it is not for anyone who does not have a high pain tolerance as it does mark, and can cut the skin.

Fire Cupping: This is an age old medical practice seen most commonly in the Oriental though has been known to pop up all over the world. Some use this as a way of blood letting, while others use it for a manner of reverse acupressure. I have not personally tried this yet, though I have heard many good things about it. Fire cups are relatively inexpensive and can be found in many places online. Always do your research on safety precautions before ever trying something like this.

Flash Paper/cotton: This has had mixed reviews from Fire Master’s and Mistress’s as when it ignites it can cause 3rd degree burns if not placed correctly aka too close together. I would recommend getting: “Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fire Play.” By David Walker and Robert Rubel with a Forward by Jay Wiseman who I have met personally.

Fire Drumming: This is where fire wands are set on fire and they are drummed against the body in rhythmic manner. This is intense as well as relaxing. Odd combination I know, but it’s true.  Think of it as a heavy Florentine flogging. So yummy.

Here is a neat little parlor trick which is cheap and easy to try, Alberto V05 mouse is flammable. Do not put this in your hair and get close to fire, we don’t want a Michael Jackson or Richard Pryor re-enactment. Make a spiral design, or any design of interest and light it. It can barely be felt, but has a very cool effect. Wipe and rinse, and repeat if you would like.

Always play safe!!

~Gwendolyn Hopping Aka SehAnru

Gwendolyn is an old fashioned Irish service oriented slave in Oregon who has been involved in the S&M part of BDSM for a little over a year now and have been involved in the DS portion of BDSM since she was 9 (Had a Domme for a mother.)So she know a lot about service. She also am a stay at home wife who works on our poly farm,  loves to craft, and is working towards writing my first of many novels. She is quite easy to get along with, and is always open to new friendships so feel free to contact her anytime.

Photo by photos8.com

Review: The Surrendered Wife

This month I dived into a book full of controversy with its approach to living intimately with your husband (or partner). I read The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. I didn’t read it to find the reason for the argument between feminists and the author of the book’s ideas. I read it to see what a submissive could gain from its pages.

In this quest I found a part of me that was glaringly obvious as a poor trait in submissives in general and one that I’d have to let go of it I wanted to try anything that was suggested in the best-selling self help book for women seeking intimacy and peace with a man. Master says that I started acting weird when I was reading the book so either he was sensing my shift or I just wasn’t doing it right. Most likely because I was trying to overthink the suggestions in the book.

This book is written, of course, with husband and wife being key, but I think it would work for any gender mix as long as there is a relationship established and the person reading it is ready to make changes.  Reading some of the mixed reviews I can see that a majority of the reviews I read feel that the book solidifies women into very feminine and vulnerable roles that the feminist movement was trying to break the molds of. Unlike other books emphasizing the 1950’s traditions of a man centered household, this book defines the genders and not the tasks they are ’supposed’ to be performing.

In context to submission, I think that this would be a good starter book for anyone who is coming out of a vanilla relationship or preparing to enter a D/s one when they haven’t been in one before. The Surrendered Wife will help you recognize and correct habits that may have been comfortable in your previous relationships but won’t work for a D/s style one.

The book is great in it’s ability to recognize inappropriate control situations and the ideas of how to release that control are spot on. The steps to surrendering that she explains are being respectful, receiving graciously, relinquishing control, being open for sex, expressing gratitude and practicing good self-care. I especially like how she recommends we say, “ouch’ when your partner says something to hurt you instead of taking the bait and biting them back.

Not all of the suggestions would work towards a D/s relationship, but as with everything you read it’s best to take what you can and leave the rest. A book can only be as good as what you get out of it, so for that reason I’d have to give it a relatively low rating in comparison to D/s oriented books as far as helpfulness is concerned.

However, if you are like me, and had a vanilla relationship (in my case a 5 year marriage) it might help to reaffirm your femininity and find that surrendered self that very well could be the key to opening your heart to the submission you wish to give to someone else.

Product Details

• luna’s Rating: 6/10
• Paperback: 285 pages
• Publisher: Fireside (January 8, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0743204441
• ISBN-13: 978-0743204446

Interested in seeing for yourself? Buy The Surrendered Wife from Amazon.com for under $11! (Price at time of post)

Review: Erotic Slavehood

One of the cornerstone books recommended for submissives and Dominants alike has always been Erotic Slavehood by Christina Abernathy. Once two individual books; Miss Abernathy’s Concise Slave Training Manual and Training with Miss Abernathy, this omnibus has everything you could want in a manual about training submissives.

When I first read this book I was in awe of the depth that I could comprehend the training ideas. There were so many places that I found myself nodding my head in agreement to what she had to say. The book is a bit dated as the original books were written in 1998 but the information on it’s pages can be brought to modern times and understood with the same impact.

There is one flaw that is major to me, but may be minor to some. The book is decently put together; if you can get past all of the spelling errors. It’s like there was no editor and it can get quite annoying if you have any temptation to correct other people’s spelling. Of course, ignoring the errors is sloppy and I’m sure just overlooked due to the popularity of the book. I would like to see another updated version come out with spelling corrected some day in the future.

It has everything that even a single submissive could use to improve themselves on their own. I highly recommend the training exercises in the second book; and use them myself to bring about a better understanding of my service to my Dominant partner.

If you are looking for a step by step training manual, this book will certainly provide that. If you are looking for an understanding of training and what it can do for enhancing your relationship, this book offers that as well.

Product Details

• luna’s Rating: 8/10
• Published on: 2007-06-15
• Original language: English
• Binding: Paperback
• 192 pages

Buy your copy of Erotic Slavehood Now!

Bookstore

Winners of Gift Certificates!

All of last month I held a fund raiser for the National Leather Association – International Domestic Violence Project. Everyone that donated $10 was placed in a drawing for a $100 gift certificate to JT’s Stockroom. Thanks to random.org the winner is….

SirTom52

The winner has been contacted by email to set up electronic delivery of the gift certificate. Contrats!

Now, for everyone that let me know they were going to post about the charity event on their website also got placed in a drawing for a $25 gift certificate for Amazon.com. I used random.org for this also. The winner is…

http://jadelioness.com/

Thank you everyone for participating.

If you have an idea for future giveaways and contests please let me know!

Best BDSM Fiction for Hot Steamy Nights

I love reading BDSM fiction, erotica and other service books. I broke my kinky teeth on the Story of O so I can’t ignore it on this list, but it’s not the best of the best. I’d like to offer up the books that I love and enjoy to read; most of which I like to keep on my bedside table. Not at the same time, mind you. Please feel free to recommend your own to this list.

• Story of O
• The Marketplace Series

1. The Marketplace – Currently Unavailable
2. The Slave
3. The Trainer
4. The Academy: Tales of the MarketplaceThe Reunion

• Kushiel’s Legacy – Light kink and suggestive play
  1. Kushiel’s Dart
  2. Kushiel’s Chosen
  3. Kushiel’s Avatar
  4. Kushiel’s Scion
  5. Kushiel’s Justice
  6. Kushiel’s Mercy
• Master/Slave
• Carrie’s Story: An Erotic S/M Novel
• Safe Word: An Erotic S/M Novel
• Breaking the Girl
• The Dark Garden
• The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy
  1. The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty
  2. Beauty’s Punishment
  3. Beauty’s Release

• Exit to Eden
• The Toy (Blue Moon)
• His Perfect Submissive

Authors Recommended in the Comments:

Shayla Black

Laura Reese

Eden Bradley

Lissa Matthews

Claire Thompson

What books do you like to read for their debauchery and kinky erotica?

Review: Protocols: a Variety of Views

If you are looking for a varied account of protocol then this book is perfect! Part of Power Exchange Books’ Resource Series Protocols: a Variety of Views is a collection of essays written by people living a life with protocol in place. You will get every opinion represented here as well as a few book reviews at the end of other protocol related books you might be interested in.

Compiled of 13 well thought out essays from every role imaginable and some well known voices in the alternative community leadership, this book has what it needs and then some. You will learn what people consider protocol, what the difference is between that and ritual as well as ceremony. There are some lovely examples of personal protocols lived out in their relationships and opinions that may align with yours.

I like that the book is short essays, as I admit my attention span is relatively short. I can read one essay at a time and then give it some time to digest before moving on to another. In fact, that’s how I recommend you read this book. I tried reading one essay immediately following another and the differing viewpoints clashed in my brain and I had to reread them.

My favorite essay has to be by slave elizabeth titled, “Development of Protocols in the Order of Discipline and Service.” She shares with us her ‘unusual’ protocols that her Dominant has for the house and to be honest hers is the first I’ve read or heard about to hold these protocols. She and the other slaves that serve have uniforms much like a job would for about any occasion, they wear chains at all times, even while out and I love the idea of having personal cells for time away from serving. I was so interested in it I read the essay twice just to take care of my fascination.

If you are curious about protocol I’d recommend this compilation. It has everything you’d want to know and maybe some you wouldn’t think to learn.

Product Details

• luna’s Rating: 7/10
• Published on: 2008-10-01
• Original language: English
• Binding: Paperback
• 106 pages

Buy Protocols: A Variety of Views: Power Exchange Books’ Resource Series By Robert Rubel PhD

Want To Win $100 Gift Certificate from Stockroom.com?

It’s quite simple really. All you need to do is donate $10 to the National Leather Association-International Domestic Violence Project. The way you do that is go to this page or check out the blue box in on the right side of this site and submit your donation. The money goes directly to the charity; I do not handle it at all.

FOR EVERY $10 YOU SEND THEM, YOU GET ONE ENTRY INTO THE GIVEAWAY!

Once you donate, I use your email address from your donation and place it in a list of contributors. This list will get run through a randomizer and the person at the top on November 4th will win $100. It’s that simple.

Please help me make my goal of $1000. Spread the news about it.

Do you have a blog or website? For every post you make about the charity fundraiser, or if you want to put the widget on your site during the month of October I will submit your name into another drawing for a $25 gift certificate to Amazon.com. Send me an email if you have posted it on your website please (subguide@gmail.com).

I also have banners, if you want to use one of those. You can pick those up on the first post. Please link back to THIS POST.

Do you use Twitter? Every day you tweet about the fundraiser will give you one entrance into the $25 gift certificate giveaway from Amazon.com. Please tweet the following text to be considered.

Donate $10 to NLA-I DVP for chance to win $100 gift certificate to JT’s Stockroom! #nlaidvp http://tinyurl.com/qnu6bf

Top Ten Books on Holiday Preparation

With the holidays right around the corner I wanted to give you some helpful resources to get you started on decorating and planning for family; whether that be meals or traveling.

The following list was gathered from Amazon.com

1. Celebrating Home: Decorating for the Holidays and Seasons (Seasons of Cannon Falls)
2. Country Living Merry & Bright: 301 Festive Ideas for Celebrating Christmas
3. The American Patriot’s Treasury of Thanksgiving Dinner Ideas: Old-World Table Settings, Recipes, Games, Hand Crafts, and Party Ideas for Cultural Enrichment and Pleasure
4. Thanksgiving 101: Celebrate America’s Favorite Holiday with America’s Thanksgiving Expert
5. Christmas (Williams-Sonoma)
6. Christmas: Decorations, Feasts, Gifts, Traditions (1000 Hints, Tips and Ideas)
7. ?
8. ?
9. ?
10. ?

This list is intentionally left incomplete. What are your favorite books for the holiday season to get you prepared and ready to enjoy a low stress season?

Also Recommended

The Simply Service Holiday 2008 edition – pdf

Inside the edition:

• The Matriarch of Merriment by Sazmira
• Holiday Tips and Ideas by Danae
• Holiday Traditions by Whipmaster Bob Clark
• The Great Christmas Tree Adventure by BootPig
• Gift Wrap Like a PorkChop by PorkChop
• Making Croissants for the Holidays by Wildfluers
• Also Tons of Holiday Recipe Cards!

Help Submissive Guide Raise $1000 for NLA-I DVP for National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

It’s important to have a cause you believe in, for me it’s the National Leather Association-International Domestic Violence Project. Their cause to bring awareness of the differences in BDSM and abuse as well to help victims of domestic violence in BDSM-related relationships find assistance and get help really provide a service that you can’t get anywhere else. That’s why I’m setting up this blog as a charity fundraiser for the month of October.

In just a moment I’m going to tell you how you can donate to the NLA-I DVP but let’s first get to know the charity I stand behind and want you to support as well.

• Every year the NLA-I DVP provides workshops for individuals and kink-associated groups on the difference between BDSM and abuse as well as its related topics.
• They provide training, pamphlets, or other NLA-I DVP related materials to domestic violence agencies and services at the state, national, and international levels when it is necessary to improve or educate services and agencies about the BDSM/Kink/Leather communities.
• NLA-I DVP also produces a quarterly newsletter with information on resources, NLA-I DVP updates, and other related domestic violence information.
• Maintains a resource directory for individuals looking for help and assistance as well as agencies that are looking for resources to help them work with the kink community in situations of domestic violence.

Why should you consider donating to NLA-I DVP?

The charity runs on a volunteer basis and without donations by people like you they can not fund the work that they do. If in an unfortunate situation, you have need of their aid, I want to help make sure they can provide that for you.

Now, how can you help me help them?

I’m trying to raise at least $1000 this month for NLA-I DVP. No amount is too small. I will be using ChipIn.com to help manage the money raising. This means that money goes directly to the charity and does not go through me or someone else. I can also track how much money has been raised.

If you want to place a widget on your website like the one below that is connected to the fund raising, click on the COPY tab in the blue widget box to grab the code. Spread the word about this charity event and give to a good cause.

Added Bonuses

If the very cause isn’t enough for you, I’ve got an added bonus. For every $10 donated, I will put your name in a drawing for a $100 gift certificate from JT’s Stockroom. This drawing will take place November 4th. The more you donate, the more chances you have to win.

Can’t Donate but want to help?

Do you have a blog or website? For every post you make about the charity fundraiser, or if you want to put the widget on your site during the month of October I will submit your name into another drawing for a $25 gift certificate to Amazon.com. Send me an email if you have posted it on your website please (subguide@gmail.com).

I also have banners, if you want to use one of those. Please link back to THIS POST.

<a href=”http://www.submissiveguide.com/2009/10/submissive-guide-raise-1000-nlai-dvp-national-domestic-violence-awareness-month/”><img src=”http://www.submissiveguide.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/NLA-I-DVP-Banner-ALTERNATE.jpg” /></a>

<a href=”http://www.submissiveguide.com/2009/10/submissive-guide-raise-1000-nlai-dvp-national-domestic-violence-awareness-month/”><img src=”http://www.submissiveguide.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/NLA-I-DVP-125X125-Banner.jpg” /></a>

Do you use Twitter? Every day you tweet about the fundraiser will give you one entrance into the $25 gift certificate giveaway from Amazon.com. Please tweet the following text to be considered.

Donate $10 to NLA-I DVP for chance to win $100 gift certificate to JT’s Stockroom! #nlaidvp

http://tinyurl.com/qnu6bf

Give to a good cause today!

Donate Now!

What It Means to Be an Owned Kajira

Spread The Word about Submissive Guide

Can you do me a favor? I know this is essentially self-promotion, but if you find this site useful and worth keeping going, could you help me out?

First, you could always donate a bit of spare change to keep me buzzing with hot tea and chocolate. You can send it to me via the donate form on the right.

I also have several options for advertising. If you have a site or business you’d like to advertise here on Submissive Guide, please see my Advertising page.

If you don’t have the cash, but would love to help me anyway I would be thrilled!

Please, just take a moment and spread the word. I’m here, I’m willing to mentor and share my experience, give me an hand and let the world know.

Spread the word about it. Here are a few things you can do to help me out.

1. Subscribe to the RSS feed
2. Get updates in your Email
3. Talk about the site on your own site or blog and make sure you link to it!
4. Share a link in your email
5. Tweet This!
6. Follow me on twitter: subguide
7. Follow me on YouTube: subguide
8. Add it to FriendFeed
9. Add it to Facebook
10. Share it on Myspace
11. Write a note in your FetLife profile
12. Subscribe to the blog via Amazon Kindle

Just let everyone know that you’ve found a great new resource that deserves attention.

If you add a link to your site’s blog list , please let me know. I will link back to your site on the Friends page!

Thank you,

–lunaKM

Review: The New Bottoming Book

This month’s book review is of one of the books I gave away in the July Book Contest. The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy (formerly Lady Green) is a great beginner’s guide to bottoming. According to the authors, this “new version” contains much of the original advice, like “connecting” and negotiation, but also has new and much-needed information.

The book is divided into two sections. The first one is about skills. These chapters help novices make decisions about who they are as a bottom, what checklists are, how to make one, including the way I recommended here not long ago, bridging the gap between fantasy and reality and finding a Top that will give you what you need and want. There is a big section on meeting someone online via chat rooms, mailing lists and/or Internet newsgroups and how to convert from “cyber” to “real-time,” and dealing with the fact that their “reality” may not match yours.

The second section starts describing different “scenes”, their ‘rewards’ and also tips on beginning and ending them Also included are sections on role play, with short subsections about bondage and submission. It has small sections on dressing, public play, sensation play and other thoughts when it comes to actual scenes. I feel these chapters are nice for a very fresh novice, but not necessary when someone has already been exploring somewhat.

All in all I find the book very basic in it’s explaining what bottoming is and how to start on that path. Certainly recommended for the novice this book can help shed the nervousness and dispel the fantasy of play.

Product Details

• luna’s Rating: 6 out of 10
• Paperback: 200 pages
• Publisher: Greenery Press (CA); 2nd edition (December 1, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1890159352
• ISBN-13: 978-1890159351

Buy The New Bottoming Book

Submissive Guide Town Hall Meeting

Submissive Guide is just over 7 months old now and with a decent number of well received posts I’d like to get your feedback as to where Submissive Guide is going. Let me go through what I’ve seen happen on the site and what I’m working on for the future. I want your input too, so please leave me a comment or drop me an email with your thoughts. I’d love to hear them, good or bad.

Growth

Since Submissive Guide began on the 2nd of January this year I have had over 100,000 visits. This is mostly all organic growth. That means you are finding me through search engines the most. I have a lot of blogs linking to me as well and I’m so grateful for your faith in my writing. I don’t pay for advertising anywhere else right now and don’t see a need to do that for future growth. Just spread the word when you can and I will be happy.

As far as the advertising on this site, all of the current banner ads are affiliates. This means that I get a small kickback when you purchase items from them. I have one paying ad as a text link in the right sidebar. If you are interested in purchasing some ad space I’d be happy to talk to you. You can stop by my advertising page and contact me from there.  I have made a small amount of money from Amazon Affiliates and all the income from there has gone to purchasing the books that I do reviews on the site with. I plan to continue doing this with Amazon income for the foreseeable future.

Submissive Guide is an income venture and I do hope to make money from this site at some point. My hope is to provide you with e-books and workbooks to help you improve your submission in some way. These would be economically priced and I will make sure that they are worth the cost to you. My first workbook currently in the works is an expanded version of the Submissive Positions series I posted at the end of April and into May. I’m working with a Yoga instructor to provide you with stretching exercises and alterations to the positions so that you can work into them and improve your flexibility and stamina. There will also be lovely pictures of the positions! Stay tuned as I work on this throughout the summer.

Coaching in the Works

I am also developing a submissive life coach business to co-live with Submissive Guide, the site. I will be personally coaching you to reach your goals through email, chat sessions and phone conferencing. This could also lead to training courses and group classes to help reach your goals and discover the stumbling blocks keeping you from reaching your goals. This is still quite a ways away, as there is a lot of business red tape and personal planning I have to get through to make sure I do things right. I am very excited about being able to get to know you better though coaching!

Features on this Site

I have a few reoccurring features on this site that I’d like to draw your attention to. Every month I have a Roundtable discussion that is meant as a way to teach me about a topic I don’t know a lot about. The past few have been about polyamory and open relationships, and shaving. I love the information we have collected on these topics and am happy with the participation I get. Do you like the Roundtable Discussions? Let me know!

Every month I also have a book review of a book about submission or BDSM. I try to give an honest review of the book as well as referencing it to submission and what may help you improve and empower yourself. What books would you like to see reviewed? Do you like these? Would you like to see more?

The resources area has a lot of wonderful things to explore. I have a BDSM bookshelf, a link to the Submissive Journal Prompts site, links area, submissive groups around the web and the Simply Service newsletter archive. If you have a resource you think should be included I want to know about it!

The frequency of posts may decline as the demand for my time spreads out to other areas. I do intend to not go below 3 times a week and will post more frenquently if I have guest posts to share with you. I never imagined this site would do so well in such a short amount of time, but I’m finding that to be fulfilling as well.

Share Your Experiences

I am always looking for guest posts on a numerous variety of topics. I’d welcome anyone’s essays to share here on Submissive Guide. I have a page that details what I expect from the essay which you can find here. I’m grateful to those that have donated time and writing for this site so far and look forward to working with many more of you in the future.

Here’s some of what I’m looking for:

• How to reprogram yourself to come once the Come on Command relationship is over.
• When you owner controls all of the money, how to adjust, adapt and live that way.
• BDSM with kids around. Anything and everything to do with this topic.
• Sexual submissive topics (great sex tips for example)
• Exerpertise in BDSM activities from the bottom point of view, select one activity per post.
• BDSM fiction and non-fiction book reviews
• Posts from the male submissive point of view; any topics welcome
• Anything else?

Paid Posts

I offer paid posts from people that have qualification and certification in the field they wish to write about. These posts range from $10-50 depending on the helpfulness, depth and other factors to be discussed.

I’m currently looking for:

• Certified and licensed massage therapist to write a series of posts about various massage techniques.
• General Practice Doctor to write about health and medical related issues where BDSM is concerned.
• Established BDSM speakers and presenters to write about various topics. (You must have a website that identifies you as a regional or national BDSM presenter.)
• Ordained pastor or minister to discuss religion, spirituality and it’s connection with submission in all forms.

If you are interested, please contact me.

How to Get Updates

Now, I’m sure many of you get Submissive Guide sent to your email or favorite RSS reader but are you aware there are other ways you can get updates? Submissive Guide has a twitter acount that I post new posts as well as recommended reading, quotes, questions and tips that I’ve collected. If you are on twitter, please follow subguide! If you are on Youtube you can get notices about the video posts one day before they are released here on the blog. I’ve also created a group on FetLife for Submissive Guide so that you can continue the conversation there if you are already active on Fetlife. Lastly, if you have a Kindle you can now get Submissive Guide sent to you that way for only $0.99 a month. I didn’t set the price, Amazon did. If I could, it would be free too. I get a tiny amount of the monthly fee you pay and that will go towards server upkeep.

Let Your Voice Be Heard!

I want you to voice your thoughts on Submissive Guide. What do you like? What don’t you like? Where can I improve? What topics are lacking? Express it all.

photo by rick

Announcing the Winner of the 2 Book Contest

Hi folks! Just a quick post today to announce the winner of the 2 Book Contest! I had a huge response and the list was really long. In the end the randomizer put this name at the top! Congratulations to:

arisl

Please contact me via twitter or email with your mailing address and I’ll get the book shipped out from Amazon.com to your mailbox!

Thank you everyone for participating.

If you enjoyed this giveaway let me know what you’d like to see for the next contest. I’m open to ideas. I will not be giving away sex toys, as that isn’t the purpose of this blog. Please keep that in mind when you give me suggestions!

Submissive Guide 2 Book Contest

In celebration of 6 months of existence and almost 200 posts here on Submissive Guide I’m excited to announce my first contest! Since Submissive Guide is all about enhancing and growing in your submission the first giveaway will be for two books from Amazon.com. The books are Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus by Christina Abernathy and The New Bottoming Book by Janet Hardy. These are both excellent books to develop your submission and now both can be yours!

How to Enter

• Tweet this text: RT @subguide: I’m giving away Erotic Slavehood and The New Bottoming Book! Retweet to enter. Rules: http://is.gd/VVkP .
• You may tweet up to once a day. Each tweet counts as one entry. It’s up to you to decide how much you want to annoy your followers.
• You must be following me on Twitter or leave a comment on this post, so I can contact you if you win.
• I’ll give you an extra entry if you write a post on your blog about this contest. Be sure to send me the link, or reply to this post and let me know.
• The deadline is July 14th, 2009 at 11:59 p.m. CST.
• I will keep a list detailing each entry, and will be picking the winner using the List Randomizer.

Also…

• You must be willing to give me your address.
• Amazon.com ships internationally, so you don’t have to live in the U.S. to enter! Hurrah!

Donate Your Old BDSM Books to Submissive Guide

This week’s video post is a plea for your assistance with books for the review section of this site.

I’m working on bringing you more book reviews more often. In order to do this I would love to have some help from all of you. There are different levels of help and please hear me out before you dismiss this as just a ploy to get materials or money from you.

The book reviews on this site benefit novice and experienced submissives alike. I do them because I know that the wide expanse of information available can be scary. Hopefully with my reviews, submissives (and maybe a few Dominants) can find books that will help them on their journey.

I don’t personally have a lot of books to review. I am able to buy maybe one every few months with the income I get from this website so far. So I’m looking to you for help.

1. Go through your BDSM library and pull out any books you don’t want anymore or never got around to reading. I’d love to have them for the Submissive Guide library here to review. Just contact me via subguide@gmail.com and I will get you my mailing address. If you need postage paid, I will do that as well.(paid through PayPal)
2. Go through your BDSM library and pull out any books you wouldn’t mind lending to me. In this case I would push your book to the top of the reading list and once complete I would mail it back to you. You could be Submissive Guide’s personal librarian. If you need postage paid, I will do that also. (paid through PayPal)
3. Go to Amazon.com and view my wishlist. You could buy any of the books there for me to review. All of the ones listed are ones I’d like to have a review on Submissive Guide for. You can help me that way and decide the amount you want to spend.
4. Go to Amazon.com and give me a gift certificate. You can use the same email address: subguide@gmail.com and send it to me. This way you can help me with some funds to buy books for the reviews. Any gift certificates I receive this way would be used for review books only, you have my  promise.
5. If you can’t help any other way, please just let me know what books you’d like to see reviewed here in the future. I will add them to my wishlist and purchase them when I can. Your help is much appreciated.

Thank you!

–luna

Review: SlaveCraft

Traveling further into your submission is something that most of us strive for. We want to seek the inner wisdom that will make us the best submissives or slaves we can be. Well I think I’ve found a book that will move your surrender further and deeper than it has before. SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude, principles, skills and tools by a grateful slave is a treasure of a read for those a bit further down the path of service than a complete novice.

Written in the form of a series of essays, this book let’s you take of little bits of infomation and digests them in a way that makes them feel personal and inspiring. The way the slave uses metaphors to describe his principles are beyond amazing. I walked away from every essay with new and exciting ideas (some of which have become posts on this blog).

Don’t get me wrong, SlaveCraft is a great book, but not for the novice. The author writes for the submissive or slave who may already have experience and thus understand the skills and tools that will help deepen their surrender. His four principles that he describes in detail are Identity, Obedience, Tranparency and Humility. Each one is artfully discussed so that while you may be walking in his world of surrender you can apply them to your own service quite easily.

If you are a novice you might like the next book that I’m going to review, but for now remember, one day you will be able to touch the deepest surrender with this book.

Product Details

• Paperback: 184 pages
• Publisher: Daedalus Publishing Company (April 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1881943143
• luna’s Rating: 9/10

Buy SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude–Principles, Skills and Tools

Introducing Kink into an Existing Relationship

When you discover that you might be kinky there are a lot of questions surrounding how to accept that. One of those may be trying to explore that kink with your existing partner. But how do you bring up the subject and how do you handle what they may say about the ideas you are entertaining? Learning you may have kinky desires is not uncommon but dealing with the emotional repercussions can be difficult. You should try to stay the course and work through your thoughts slowly so that you don’t overwhelm yourself or enter sub frenzy.

Once you deal with your own emotions and feelings surrounded your new found interests, it may be time to talk to your partner about them. This can be a very nerve wrecking time for you but worth the effort you are going to put into it, right? A lot of partners are willing to try new and adventurous new things if asked. Things like light bondage, spanking or Dominant/submissive role play generally are well received for sex play.  Other activities will require conversations with your partner.

Talk About It

Plan a moment where there won’t be any distraction and talk about your new feelings and desires. Be honest about it and open for positive and negative responses. If you need help, get a book or find a few websites online to help you with your discussion. Don’t give your partner ultimatums, they will need time to understand what you are asking from them and to find out themselves if they are interested. It’s a change in the relationship they may not have expected, but then it could also be very exciting for them. A good book to maybe have laying on the bedside table is When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton. It comes highly recommended on Amazon and is an appropriate read for anyone new and nervous.

Leave Subtle Clues

Like I mentioned above you can leave a book out for your partner to see, but other things work too. Magazines that talk about kinky sex play, bookmark pictures of ads that show someone tied up or blindfolded, start leaving links to sites online to educational kink resources like The Iron Gate or Leather and Roses. Tell your partner your fantasies that involve some kinky things and see how they react. The goal here is to feel things out and see how they may react before talking to them outright.

After the Big Talk

Once you get someone interested in trying something don’t let the ball drop. Experiment, play around, be adventurous. You may find that you both have interests to explore and fun things to do with each other that you never thought possible. I could bring your relationship closer together and engage a level of intimacy that was not possible before. You relationship dynamic could change for the better. Revel in the changes and enjoy yourself.

If Things Go South

Not every situation turns out for the better. Some people just can’t be kinky and don’t want to entertain your fantasies or relationship desires. You may have to make a choice to never entertain your desires or to find someone that will. The hard decisions in life may be ahead for you. For me personally, that meant divorce. I found what I was looking for and while I know I failed at marriage, I know that my decision was the right one. For you it could mean opening your relationship to make room for a Dominant while keeping the existing relationship. It could mean that you become an online submissive and get your emtional and mental desires fed that way.

Don’t give up. Thing have a tendancy to work themselves out.

Additional Reading

How to make your Vanilla Boyfriend Kink Friendly

If you have suggestions for someone trying to introduce kinky play into their relationship, please leave them in the comments.

photo by captain.orange