Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

kallista

kallista
Kallista is an English teacher and author; she and her Dom dated for a year before they made the choice to begin actively exploring the D/s aspects that had begun to take shape in their relationship.

Articles

6 Important Activities to Include in Your Aftercare Routine

6 Important Activities to Include in Your Aftercare Routine

One of the things that I think many practiced people of the BDSM community pride themselves on is their ability to positively follow up sex. We like to throw around the word “after care” like it’s vernacular rather than jargon—the way that we also generally assume having a first aid kit with a pair of [...]

Leave a comment Posted by kallista | Posted in: Play and Sex
Thinking About Financial Dependency in Your D/s Dynamic?

Thinking About Financial Dependency in Your D/s Dynamic?

Due to the traditional components of the Dominant/submissive dynamic, the topic of financial dependency seems to spring up in a lot of discussions. Is being financially dependent integral to being a 27/4 submissive? Does long term submission mean giving up your job? Is it healthy, or does it raise red flags? So forth, etc. Like [...]

Leave a comment Posted by kallista | Posted in: Relationships
Create SMART Goals For Your New Year’s Resolutions and Reach Your Goals This Year!

Create SMART Goals For Your New Year’s Resolutions and Reach Your Goals This Year!

The end of the year looms, and in these darkest of days, all our flaws, our struggles, and our short comings seem to shine brighter for the lack of light. And so our journeys to create new and better versions of ourselves commence. We’ll go to the gym every day. We’ll eat right. We’ll stop [...]

1 comment Posted by kallista | Posted in: Beginner Basics
Submitting While One of You is Sick

Submitting While One of You is Sick

Maintaining your role as a sub in the middle of a scene is pretty easy to do, but the conversion from situational submissive to full-time sub can present a number of fairly interesting challenges as you settle into your full-time role. One of the strangest full time submitting challenges that I’ve found is dealing with [...]

2 comments Posted by kallista | Posted in: Relationships
Bullet Journal: BDSM Scene Reflection Spreads

Bullet Journal: BDSM Scene Reflection Spreads

A month or so ago, I wrote a brief review of the Bullet Journal system, and of how I’ve found it to be really helpful in keeping my household duties and side projects in order. My review focused primarily on the standard ways that you can use the book to get yourself into the habit [...]

Leave a comment Posted by kallista | Posted in: Personal Growth
31 Days of Submissive Journaling – Day 21: Your First Blog Post

31 Days of Submissive Journaling – Day 21: Your First Blog Post

You’ve made the decision that you’re going to keep a blog, you’ve picked your host, you’ve designed your site, and now it comes down to the writing. And then you clean the dishes, and the bathroom. And you take a walk. And you build a condo for the squirrels to live in, and you think [...]

31 Days to Submissive Journaling – Day 14: Finding Your Voice

31 Days to Submissive Journaling – Day 14: Finding Your Voice

When I assign a writing task to my students, the two predominant questions that I receive are “What do I write?” and “How do I write it?” If you’re not familiar with the writing process, the task of writing in a journal or using a blog has probably provoked the same two questions for you; [...]

Submissive Journals: Bullet/Analogue Journal Review

Submissive Journals: Bullet/Analogue Journal Review

My Dom and I have been living together in 3-6 month increments for the last two years now, and over that time, we’ve developed/are developing a bit of a routine which centers predominantly on my taking up a housewife/secretarial role in our relationship. I’m in charge of the majority of domestic tasks, including the organization [...]

2 comments Posted by kallista | Posted in: Beginner Basics
The Art of Apology: Receiving an apology when you don’t think one is necessary

The Art of Apology: Receiving an apology when you don’t think one is necessary

Maybe you know a frequent apologizer, or maybe you’ve been surprised, but at some point in your life, you’ve probably had someone tell you, “Hey, I’m sorry!” and your immediate response was, “What on earth are you apologizing for?” If you’re like me, and you completely lack a brain-to-mouth filter, your reaction probably came tumbling [...]

Leave a comment Posted by kallista | Posted in: Relationships
The Art of Apology: Receiving an Apology

The Art of Apology: Receiving an Apology

Just as it’s important to know how to apologize, it’s important to know how to receive one.  Saying the wrong thing after someone has apologized to you can make the person apologize feel like you’re dismissing their attempt to make things right between the pair of you. Make this mistake often enough, and you’re creating [...]

Leave a comment Posted by kallista | Posted in: Beginner Basics
The Art of Apology: Don’t Over Apologize

The Art of Apology: Don’t Over Apologize

Apologizing is great, of course, but there is such a thing as apologizing too often. I had a biology teacher in high school who wouldn’t accept when his students said, “Sorry,” for mundane transgressions. “Don’t say sorry all the time,” he’d say, “or people are going to start thinking that you’re a sorry individual.” We [...]

Leave a comment Posted by kallista | Posted in: Beginner Basics
The Art of Apology: How to Apologize

The Art of Apology: How to Apologize

Once you know that you owe someone an apology, you’ve got to know how to apologize. Nothing is worse than being on the receiving end of an apology that sounds more like it’s a backhanded wave of secondary attacks, and the last thing that you want to do is turn your apologetic conversation into a [...]

2 comments Posted by kallista | Posted in: Personal Growth
The Art of Apology: Knowing When to Apologize

The Art of Apology: Knowing When to Apologize

This is part two of The Art of Apology. Would you like to read the previous article first? More often than not, we know the moment that we say or do something that our words and actions are going to merit an apology to someone. Most of us have that voice inside our heads that [...]

Leave a comment Posted by kallista | Posted in: Beginner Basics
The Art of Apology: The Importance of Apologizing

The Art of Apology: The Importance of Apologizing

We all know that communicating well with our partners is one of the most important (and often hardest) aspects of keeping a relationship healthy. It’s something that’s talked about a lot in the BDSM community when we talk about meeting our wants and needs, as well as in the vanilla community where we address building [...]

Leave a comment Posted by kallista | Posted in: Beginner Basics
Reacting to Change in D/s Dynamics

Reacting to Change in D/s Dynamics

I just don’t feel very dedicated to being submissive. I uttered the admittance with a growing sense of disappointment in myself. I want to, but I just don’t feel it It was during the Easter holiday, over Skype chat. My Dom was at work, and I knew it was unfair to tell her at that [...]

4 comments Posted by kallista | Posted in: Beginner Basics
Why SSC and RACK Are Both Important Safety Acronyms to Know

Why SSC and RACK Are Both Important Safety Acronyms to Know

One of the biggest challenges that we face in the kinky community is the acceptance of kinks which do not align with our own. A group of individuals can bond over a shared desire to bend over someone over their knees and give him a good spanking, but introduce into that group an individual who [...]

1 comment Posted by kallista | Posted in: Beginner Basics
Ornamental Value: A Reflection on My Submissive Style

Ornamental Value: A Reflection on My Submissive Style

I’ve been a practicing submissive for roughly five years now; most of that time has been in a long distance capacity, but regardless, my role as a sub has played an integral part in shaping my role in my relationship with the person who is not only my Dominant, but (I hope) my life mate. [...]

1 comment Posted by kallista | Posted in: Beginner Basics
Explain It To Me: The Draw of Being Spanked

Explain It To Me: The Draw of Being Spanked

Despite being commonplace in kinky relationships, explaining the appeal of being spanked to someone who is new to the scene or curious about it can be difficult. There is often the immediate assumption that being spanked is enjoyable because the sub is masochistic, and while not entirely untrue, I can’t in good conscience say that [...]

17 comments Posted by kallista | Posted in: Beginner Basics
Self-Esteem/Grooming Series Concludes: Accepting Comments and Compliments

Self-Esteem/Grooming Series Concludes: Accepting Comments and Compliments

At the beginning of the series, I addressed the idea that the final layer of the way we perceive ourselves is a product of how others perceive us. Although the focus of the series technically is building routines around grooming and health to maintain your own self-image, it would be unfair to ignore what I [...]

Leave a comment Posted by kallista | Posted in: Beginner Basics

Self-Esteem Through Grooming Part 4: Diet & Exercise

This was probably the trickiest piece to add to the series. None of this is actually meant to be soapboxing, but because body image is such a hot-button topic, it was difficult to keep this short, effective, and yet general enough that I’m not trying to dictate the way that people should eat and exercise [...]

Leave a comment Posted by kallista | Posted in: Personal Growth
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